Operation Otter Heart
Chapter One: The Hostage
It was a quiet day at the Central Park Zoo. In the penguin habitat, a stout flat-topped penguin activated a tape recorder with his fin and leaned against the rectangular contraption as his sapphire-blue eyes scanned the interior of the underwater sanctum to ensure his solitude.
"Skipper's log," he said in his tough masculine voice, "The Penguins of Madagascar television series and the movies Madagascar and Madagascar 2: Escape to Africa are the properties of Nickelodeon and Dreamworks Animation, Viacom, CBS and a bunch of other guys. Barbie is owned by Mattel. This story has been written for the purpose of entertainment only. Any attempt to use this document for profit is strictly forbidden."
A short tubby penguin approached the flat-topped penguin and spoke in a high-pitched, slightly effeminate British accent. "Skippah, who are you talking to?"
"That information is need to know, Private!" the Skipper growled. "Have you and the others fixed that hole in the wall yet?"
"Almost Skippah," the Private assured him. "Nearly done."
"Good, then we can get on to business," Skipper nodded. "Okay, men!" he announced. "Today's exercise is hostage rescue! Rico!"
"Ahuh?" A penguin with a scar on the left side of his beak and a Mohawk style arrangement of feathers on his head acknowledged the Skipper.
"Who do we have to play the hostage?" Skipper asked. "Any volunteers?"
With a nauseating gagging sound, Rico spit up a stick. Tied to the stick was a golden mouse lemur who was somewhat moist from being inside a penguin's digestive tract.
"I like being a hostage!" it squeaked cheerfully.
"Good to have you on board, Mort," Private smiled encouragingly.
"Okay, Kowalski, run us through the exercise," Skipper turned and pointed his flipper at the tallest and slimmest penguin in the habitat.
The somewhat bowling pin shaped bird was manipulating an abacus with his flippers. He spoke in a deep voice that conveyed both calm and concern, perfect for a newscaster. "The hostage will be placed near the obelisk in Central Park and guarded by nine ninjas. Rico will place a time bomb on the hostage with a timer in order to facilitate appropriate chronological limits to the exercise. The device will be incendiary in nature, so when the time elapses it will spontaneously combust covering the hostage in a flammable napalm like substance subjecting him to a fiery death that no sentient being should have to suffer."
"Death?" Mort squeaked. "I don't like dying!"
"Not to worry, Sadeyes," Skipper purred. "We are an elite force. Just because we're using live ammunition on this exercise doesn't mean you're in any danger."
"Unless we don't free you in time," Private added. "Then you'll be subject to the most painful and horrible death imaginable!"
The yellow mouse lemur's golden yellow eyes bulged in fear as he struggled and chewed on the string that that tied him to the stick.
As the penguins waddled away from their habitat, Private and Rico carried the struggling Mort on a stick like hunters with a fresh kill. When they passed by the otter habitat, a female chirpy voice greeted them. "Hey guys! What's up?"
"I'm afraid that is need to know, Marlene," Skipper replied to the golden brown otter staring over the wall at them.
"Ah-huh," the otter nodded skeptically. "So why is Mort tied up?"
"I don't like dying!" Mort whined.
"We're on a training exercise," Private's high-pitched voice piped up. "Hostage rescue. Mort is the hostage."
"Right…" Marlene's large hazel eyes narrowed in disgust as she hopped out of her habitat to join the penguins on the zoo grounds. "Did you ask Mort's permission before taking him hostage?"
"He seemed willing enough," Kowalski shrugged guiltily.
"Well it looks like he's changed his mind," the otter said as she untied the struggling lemur. "Go home, Mort. If someone has to take advantage of you, let King Julian do it."
"I like being taken advantage of!" Mort announced happily before he ran off.
"Marlene!" Skipper frowned. "You just freed our hostage! Where are we going to find another one?"
"I don't suppose you'd be willing to volunteer?" Private asked hopefully.
"That depends," Marlene crossed her arms as her large eyes became narrow slits. "What do I gotta do to be a hostage?"
"You will be outside the zoo in Central Park, tied to an explosive incendiary device," Kowalski smiled hopefully.
"Ooh, love to be tied to a firebomb, guys, but I uh… gotta stay home and wash my fur," the otter said sarcastically before she hoped over the wall to return to her habitat.
The four penguins looked at each other.
"Her fur looks clean to me," Private muttered.
"Strange," Kowalski shrugged. "Usually she is very helpful when it comes to our various projects."
"I concur," Skipper said suspiciously as he rubbed the bottom of his beak with his flipper. "Any idea why she'd decide to bail on us?"
"Maybe she doesn't want to be tied to a firebomb," Private offered.
"Nonsense, Private," Skipper shook his head. "There has to be some other explanation."
"Hum," Rico grunted as he scratched his head.
"Skipper!" Kowalski blinked in realization. "Do you remember what happened when we invited Marlene to go out with us for snow cones? When outside of the confines of the zoo she regressed to a feral, savage state and kidnapped King Julian!"
"Oh yeah," Skipper nodded. "That's right."
"But Skippah," Private protested. "When we went to the docks to rescue her roommate Rhonda she didn't go feral!"
"That's right," Skipper put the tips of his flippers on the sides of his body, the same way a human would put his hands on his hips. "When we went to the dock she was fine!"
"Yeah!" Rico nodded.
"Hm, it's possible that in the dark and surrounded by artificial structures she lacked the proper stimulus to 'go wild'," Kowalski theorized.
"Well we gotta find out," Skipper decided. "What if there's a fire and we gotta evacuate the zoo? Marlene would run off and we'd never see her again!"
"That's right," Kowalski nodded. "We're running an emergency evac drill next week!"
"Oh my!" Private put his flippers to his beak in horror. "Poor Marlene!"
"Ugh!" gagged a worried Rico.
"Kowalski, I want you to find a way to keep Marlene from going wild," Skipper pointed his flipper at the taller penguin. "There has to be a way for her to leave the zoo if she has to!"
"Yessir, Skipper," Kowalski nodded. "I'll get right on it."
"Skippah," Private asked timidly. "Does this mean that we're canceling the hostage rescue exercise? You said that if we rescued the hostage in time we could go get snowcones."
"Private, I'm surprised that you could even ask a question like that," Skipper frowned.
Later, at the 71-foot tall monument known to many as 'Cleopatra's Needle', Kowalski managed to defuse the bomb tied to Rico's Barbie doll as his teammates used martial arts on bowling pins that had ninja faces painted on them.
"Congratulations men," a smug Skipper smiled in satisfaction. "All enemies have been taken down and the hostage is safe. Snowcones for everyone!"
The other three penguins slapped flippers, cheered and did a little victory dance.
Soon they were back at their headquarters under the concrete island in the center of the penguin habitat. As the others stowed their equipment and enjoyed their snowcones, Kowalski doodled on his notepad and occasionally moved some beads on his abacus.
"Kowalski," Skipper waddled up to the taller penguin while taking a lick from his colorful snowcone. "Any progress on the otter problem?"
"My best conjecture would be that her time in confinement has deprived her of some primal need that all of her kind enjoy," Kowalski licked his snowcone while checking his notes. "Marlene has reported that she spent her entire life in captivity, so it stands to reason that her human captors neglected to provide for a basic liberty that all well balanced otters enjoy."
"Marlene always seemed alright to me," Private chimed in.
"Intriguing," Skipper ignored Private and stoked his lower beak thoughtfully. "What primal need does she not have?"
"When most animals go savage they usually go after food," Kowalski reported. "Yet when Marlene abducted King Julian she did not attempt to devour him."
"No, she didn't," Skipper conceded.
"No, exactly what was it she was trying to do?" Private asked.
The three penguins turned to look at Rico, who was humming happily while combing the hair on his Barbie doll.
"Ahem," Kowalski cleared his throat nervously. "Aside of ingesting food, another basic primal biological instinct must be considered."
"What?" Private asked him. "Poo-poos?"
"Uh, no," Kowalski seemed taken aback by the young penguin's suggestion. "I was thinking of something more… social."
"Like what?" Private asked with youthful innocence. "After eating poo-poos just come naturally."
"I think that Kowalski is referring to the birds and the bees, Private," Skipper said, coming to Kowalski's rescue.
"What about them?" Private asked him. "You said that you'd tell me all about the birds and the bees when you got back from your honeymoon, but you and Lola got a divorce."
Skipper put his flipper over his beak and cleared his throat noisily. "Ah-heh-hum! Private, I think that Kowalski is trying to say that deep down, Marlene is lonely."
"Oh," Private nodded, but he really didn't understand. "Oh!" he blinked in sudden realization. "Of course. She's lonely. That makes sense!"
"Remember how happy she was when she found out she was getting a new roommate?" Skipper asked him.
"Until she discovered that it was a ton-and-a-half walrus with all of refinement and manners of a drunken dung beetle." Kowalski added. Then his eyes narrowed. "Whom I still suspect stole my invention," he growled.
"That's right," Private squeaked. "She's always hanging around and being friendly." He looked sadly at the floor. "I never realized she might be lonely."
"We need to find her a significant other," Skipper decided. "Kowalski!" he barked as he pointed his flipper at the taller penguin. "Options!"
"There are no other otters in the Central Park Zoo," Kowalski admitted, "but it may be possible to find someone that she would be attracted to."
"Agreed," Skipper snapped as he put the tips of his flippers on the sides of his body. "New York is the great American melting pot. Any ideas?"
"Well, most female mammals are attracted to the dominate male of the herd," Kowalski suggested. "An alpha male as it were."
"Outstanding," Skipper smiled. "How many alpha males does this zoo have?"
"Well, the alpha male would have to be approximately the same body mass as Marlene," Kowalski said as he moved the beads on his abacus. "Should be warm blooded, and relatively affectionate despite his aloof, leadership role…"
"Agreed," Skipper nodded. "Who do we have that fits that criteria?"
"Off the top of my head… two," Kowalski said as he flipped back a page on his notebook.
"Excellante," Skipper smiled. "So who are our two lucky bachelors?"
"Alphabetically, King Julian is the first one," Kowalski said as he consulted his notes. "He is the leader of the lemurs, an authority figure, has nice fur and is a musical artist. In addition, Marlene chose him while in her savage state."
"Ugh," Skipper grunted in disgust. "He's also delusional and a complete narcissist. I'd hate to fix Marlene up with that space case. We'd be getting rid of one psychological problem just to give her another."
"Statistically speaking, many women do fall for complete jerks," Kowalski shrugged apologetically.
"I'd rather not damage Marlene more than she is already," Skipper grunted. "So, what's our alternative? Who's jerk number two?"
"Uh, alphabetically speaking, the second jerk would be you, Skipper," Kowalski admitted ruefully.
"What? Me?" Skipper said incredulously.
"You are a warm-blooded alpha male who is of a similar mass to Marlene," Kowalski explained hesitantly. "And you are more than qualified to protect her from predators."
"That's right!" Private smiled exuberantly. "You're a role-model! You can take responsibility! You can provide for her! When ever something important needs to be done, she always knows that she can count on you!"
"Yeah! Yeah!" A smiling Rico nodded.
"You guys are a bunch of suck-ups!" Skipper proclaimed in disgust.
"True enough, but that doesn't change the veracity of our statements," Kowalski said unflinchingly.
"Gentlemen, I have responsibilities," Skipper announced with arrogant disdain. "I have you men to think of, and nothing can get in the way of the bond between me and my men. When you lead someone in combat, you get closer to them than anyone else, even your mom, your dad, or your wife!"
"Oh," Private squinted up at the ceiling in thought. "Maybe that explains why you're divorced."
Skipper gave the Private a threatening scowl.
"Er uh, but you don't have to marry her," Private stammered as he attempted damage control. "You just have to spend some time with her. Go on a few dates. I'm sure she'd go. You're manly and rugged. If I was female I'd be attracted to you."
Rico leaned in close to Skipper and batted his eyes at his leader.
"Ugh," Skipper pushed the scarred penguin away and frowned at Private. "Private, your beak is so far up my tail you could open my beak and see your face! If I got Marlene interested in me I would only break her heart. That wouldn't help us if we were trying to evacuate her during a crisis would it?"
"No," Private looked down at the floor sadly and clasped his flippers. "I suppose not…"
"Let's try to get Marlene with Julian," Kowalski suggested. "We could save you as 'Plan B'."
"Agreed," Skipper nodded. "Boys, prepare to commence Operation: Otter Heart!"
Next: King Me