A/N: This is my first SOA fiction and my first M/M slash. The first few chapters of this story were taken, added to, and altered a little from the wonderful author BookJunk. I have her full blessing to use her chapters and change it to fit a longer story, but if you want to see the original head over to her profile.
Chibs/Juice
Juice hadn't thought that he could discover something about himself that was worse than who his father had been. To even think like that made him feel slightly disgusted with himself, because what was wrong with being black? But there were rules and traditions and the club stuck to them. Chibs might have treated the news about his father's race with a nonchalance that had been sincere, but this was different, this was so different that Juice didn't know what to do. So instead he was struggling to convince himself that this was a choice.
Not like his roots at all, this was inside him, a switch he could flip and it would be gone so no own would ever find out. It was a choice and he would simply decide to be… not that then everything would be fine.
This year had done a number on him and he deserved some peace of mind; between Potter, Roosevelt, Miles, and every other stupid decision he had made he was ready for a break. A good one to balance out the bad ones, so he had decided that yes, this was a choice.
Except it fucking wasn't and he knew it. He could feel it in every bone of his body, the way his skin prickled with sweat, the way he ached and he wasn't supposed to ache for anything; especially this. For the billionth time he wondered why it couldn't have been Jax, Jax was objectively handsome at least then he'd be able to pretend it was just physical. But even that was bad enough in itself, not much of a reassurance.
He had dreamed about Jax once, it had been met with only a small amount of embarrassment in the morning, he had also dreamed about Tara and Gemma plus several porn stars he had no interest in at all. When that happened, you just chuckled and moved on with your life because dreams meant nothing.
However, the night after Jax had taken his place as the head of the table as president, Juice had woken up clutching the sheets with his body covered in sweat. It was the same nightmare he's been having since he'd killed Miles, the vividness was so real that he swore he could feel the blood spatters on his face. He checked the time more for something to do to get his mind from the nightmare than because he really cared. 2 am. He lay back down with his heart racing when the thought popped into his head, quick and inexplicable, I wish Chibs were here.
It had felt natural like cleaning out your apartment and finding something you'd lost, the unexpectedness couldn't disguise the fact that the feeling had been there for God knows how long and when he thought about it, even though he didn't want to, Juice discovered that it wasn't all that sudden or surprising at all. That feeling filled him with shame, he honestly didn't think he could do the hiding, the secrets, the lying; it had almost been too much before, he had almost killed himself before. The murder of Miles had started it, but the fact of his birth father had only made it worse accompanied with the RICO case shit.
Juice spent the rest of the night thinking, wondering if he was cut out for this life not that he was thinking about drastic measures yet but it was definitely an option. This was the only life he knew and the only family he had, what would he do without them? He tried to find a solution over a sandwich that he didn't eat, simply stared at the bread with a frown on his face. His biggest problem was that he was a horrible liar, even more so when it came to his damned crushes. Every girl he had ever liked had immediately figured it out, his jokes became clumsier, his looks longer and more intense; it wasn't hard to spot when he practically telegraphed every emotion he felt.
A few short raps on the door startled him from his thoughts and he hesitantly got up to answer the door to find Chibs on the other side. "You ready, Juicy-boy?"
Juice shrugged absently and grabbed his cut; he pulled it on as he attempted to mask the newfound shame attached to his nickname. When he turned around he almost collided with Chibs who stood blocking the doorway. The smile had fallen from Chib's face to be replaced by a serious expression as the older Scotsman surveyed Juice.
"You look like shite lad, everythin' alrigh'?" Chibs asked his voice laced with concern.
Juice thought 'no I simply know now that I want you' but instead of answering with the truth he mumbled about not getting enough sleep.
"Aye, I know what you mean." Chibs expression softened but Juice noticed it didn't lose its wariness. Artificially chipper, Juice slipped past him and though there was no contact their proximity was enough to make Juice feel flushed and hot. He wasn't in any shape to fool anyone, least of all Chibs. This was going to be a very long day Juice thought as he straddled his bike and followed Chibs to the clubhouse.
Chibs still suspected something was wrong but Juice got through the day okay. With a bit of luck Juice would get lost in the shuffled. Jax's earlier days as president were not lacking in problems. Tig's stupid stunt had Laroy on the hunt for them and with Clay still in the hospital the real IRA and cartel deal was on hold. Opie was still MIA and everybody was fucking tense, so hopefully Chibs had enough to worry about on his plate and Juice's odd behavior would be forgotten.
Nonetheless, his nerves were frayed, he needed to do something to take the edge off and usually he went to Ruby when he wanted to blow off steam. The other's teased him about her because he seemed to be permanently unable to break things off with her but he was counting on being able to do it now.
Juice left the clubhouse to go over to Ruby's even though Jax had laid down explicit instructions that no Son was to leave. If he was asked later he'd be able to tell the truth and everyone would just think he was dumb to risk it but they thought he was an idiot anyhow so there wouldn't be any change.
The front door was wide open but he knocked demurely only entering when no one answered him. The whole family was fathered into the living room and one of her brother's told him she was up in her room.
"Ruby! Juan Carlos here for you," they shouted up the stairs but instead of staying put with all the men and woman eyed his cut with interest trying to make conversation, Juice started up the stairs. The thought of having sex with Ruby when her entire family was in the house suddenly made him nervous although there had never been a time there hadn't been at least one member of her family at home. The closer he walked towards her room the louder the music grew and the more he feared he wouldn't be attracted to her anymore.
It was a huge relief to see her sprawled in the bed in her tight jeans and tank top humming along to a son he didn't know and felt his dick twitch at the sight. She was oblivious to his presence and it was obvious she hadn't heard her brother calling or him climbing the stairs. Her attention was riveted on her toe nails which she was leisurely painting. Damn, he had forgotten how much he liked her feet.
Her long, black hair almost reached down to her waist, her top exposing a strip of skin on her lower back where a flower tattoo resided. Her arms were slender, her feet delicate and graceful, bottom line; she was hot as hell. As he watched her from the doorway Juice began to relax, everything was fine; he still wanted to fuck her. Eventually sensing that someone was looking at her Ruby turned the radio off and faced him.
"Hi," he mumbled as his eyes flicked over her face.
"Hi," she responded he voice flat, she regarded him with a mixture of pleasure and annoyance that he had never seen anyone else match, it was uniquely her own, it was hard to imagine anyone else being able to capture those two emotions simultaneously like that.
"Come in," she urged, impatiently, Juice obliged her quickly as he crossed the threshold and closed her door behind him. He took his cut and jacket off while she cleared the bed of magazines, nail polish, and clothes. When he laid the clothing over the back of her chair she let out an amused and slightly derisive snort he acted like he didn't hear. She pulled her shirt off to reveal the black bra underneath as Juice reluctantly approached the bed; her skin was smooth and warm under his fingers as he helped her out of her jeans. Her body was perfect regardless of the unforgiving light on the ceiling.
He tried to ignore the feeling in the pit of his stomach as he shed his own clothes then climbed onto the bed with her.
"Condoms?" she asked, "Figures," she commented when he shook his head. This normally did it for him, the harsh comment, the scornful look she gave him; he would let her dominate him and enjoy every minute of his. Her lust was always so close to contempt that it never failed to get his blood boiling; until now. It didn't matter that he was rock hard and she rolled the condom on him, didn't matter that she so damned beautiful; Juice wasn't feeling it. He wanted to fuck her, yes, but in a theoretical way. Like how he thought about buying a fridge sometimes, his old one worked fine and he really had no intention of getting a new one, it was just something he thought about sometimes.
How screwed up was that? He had about as much interest in sex with Ruby as he did in purchasing a new kitchen appliance, so basically: none. He gently pushed her away and pulled the condom off before he started putting his own clothes on.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now? Why'd you come here if you didn't want to?" Ruby asked with an exasperated frown on her face, her voice was angry as she watched him dress.
Juice stayed quiet as he zipped his pants hoping to find an explanation, "I wanted to want it." She was staring at him in disbelief as Juice looked at her in all her naked glory but it did absolutely nothing for him. His dick took interest in the view but emotionally he felt nothing. What the hell was going on? Since when did he want to theoretically fuck women? Since when did emotions have anything to do with getting laid? He shook his head to clear it as he pulled his jacket and cut back on.
"You're so full of shit," She finally said, she sounded angry but also apprehensive, like she had felt the shift too. Maybe she finally realized he had stopped caring about her.
"I wish—" Juice said as Ruby ordered him out of her room, just as well, he wasn't sure he could have finished that sentence anyway. He quietly descended the stairs and rushed out of the house, kicking the kick stand up on his bike and peeling out. He took a detour to his apartment though it probably couldn't be called a detour anymore; he was actively trying not to go home.
Not that long ago he thought he loved Rube, not he couldn't be bothered to sleep with her. What the hell was wrong with him? Was it that he could only feel that way about one person at a time? That was nice, but was Chibs really the new person, of all people?
It was dark when Juice arrived as his apartment, he sat on his bike as he tried to answer these questions like he had been trying all evening but he didn't like a single answer he'd arrived at. How the hell did he want Chibs when he'd never thought about a guy that way, minus the dream about Jax? He sighed as he dismounted his bike, his shoulders stiff as he shook them loose. His stomach growled with hunger and he thought about the frozen pizza in his freezer hoping he hasn't run out of them.
Juice entered the hall, put his helmet on the side table by the door and shrugged out of his cut. He placed in on a coat hanger in the hallway closet then went to the kitchen and flipped of the light. He stared at Chibs sitting at his kitchen table wondering if maybe this was a nightmare or a wish come true, but Chibs took a drag from his cigarette and Juice accepted that he was really there.
"You scared me half to death," Juice admitted with a nervous laugh, he turned away immediately but nothing could erase the images of Chibs sitting at his kitchen table, comfortable to his core as if this was his home. His gun was on the table but he was extraordinarily relaxed, all of the Sons kept their guns and knives close at hand.
"Good, why don't you answer your phone?" Juice kept his back to his friend as he dug his phone out of his pocket and checked it to see six missed called flashing on the lit screen; all from Chibs.
"Sorry, I was with Ruby," he half-lied. "Was it important?"
"Nobody was supposed to go out on his own." 'Nobody was supposed to go out on his own.'
"Yet here you are, you came here alone," Juice pointed out, he felt like a coward but he didn't want to turn around, he was afraid that he would give everything away with just one look. He slowly opened the fridge, more for time to think than him actually being hungry; this situation getting more fucked up by the second. He couldn't even face Chibs, what the hell was he going to do? What would the club do? What—What would Chibs do?
"I covered for your ass, again. Jesus Christ Juice, I was fuckin' worried. Now, you're going to tell me what eating you and why you've been acting off.
Chibs/Juice
A/N: Let me know what you think if you have time please. Thank you.