Title: When the Morning Comes
Rating: PG for slash and dramatic situations
Summary: Estel feels anxious about entering into a new life leaving behind an old lifestyle, old desires, and an old…love? Can Legolas change his mind?
Warnings: Slashy. Nothing outrageous! It's PG for crying out loud!
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"Hi." The soft-spoken greeting startled the dark haired man sitting against the tree facing the river. Though he was clearly distracted, he knew that was not the reaon he had not heard the approach of his sudden companion. He had not heard the approach because the being was an elf, and an elf's approach could only be detected if the elf wanted another to know.
The man smiled in greeting at the blonde elf as the latter came closer. "Hi," the man returned pulling himself to his feet. He dusted off his ragged clothing and stood to his full height. The elf was still several feet away when he stopped.
"Your note said to meet you here?" The elf made this statement into a question imploring the man in front of him to explain why in the middle of the night they were meeting in the gardens of Minas Tirith. The gardens were fashioned to appear as though one was in the one of the beautiful realms of the elves, and so the pair stood in one of the fashioned clearings.
"Aye," the man replied, but said nothing else, dropping his gaze to the ground, moving the dirt around with the toe of his boot.
The blonde elf frowned and his brow furrowed in concern as he moved closer to the man, but not close enough to crowd him. "Estel? What is wrong?" The elf asked the man.
The man, "Estel", took a deep breath before raising grey eyes to meet the brilliant blue of the elf in front of him. The elf's breath was momentarily stolen from him by the amount of emotion that was playing in the depths of those stormy grey eyes The elf gasped audibly before taking a tiny step forward.
Estel swallowed thickly. "Legolas. . ." he choked out quietly, "everything is wrong. . . and everything is changing. Though I fear not for the better." Legolas remained quiet, slightly raising his brows in a silent urge for Estel to continue. Estel sighed. "Everything was perfect Legolas. My life was unpredictable, but far less complicated." Here Estel paused.
"How so?" Legolas inquired gently.
"I had freedom Legolas. I roamed where I pleased and did what I wanted. I had a few great and loyal friends. . .and mostly I had love that most can never even dream to find."
"And now?" Legolas urged.
Estel sighed in frustration. "Now? When the morning comes, I am expected to take on the duty to be the saving grace of a race that I have had few dealings with. I am to lead the race of men to a brighter future. I can no longer do as I wish, talk with whom I wish. My day will be planned for me. . .behind these walls of course. Legolas, my life will be so. . ."
Estel stopped here and Legolas quirked an elegant brow at Estel in amusement. "Safe?" the elf supplied.
Estel raised his eyes to meet those of the elf's with the intention of rebuking his friend for his ill placed humor. Upon meeting the gaze of the elf, the man forgot what he was going to say and instead finished his earlier sentence. "Empty. My life will be empty."
"Empty?" Legolas echoed in confusion, "How so? You just said that you will have plenty of responsibilities, plenty of new tasks. You are the hope of mankind Estel. .Am I missing something here? For I see that as a life of fulfillment, not emptiness."
"I am missing the most important part of this equation. The love I had," Estel murmured.
"Love? You have the undying love of another Estel," the elf replied somewhat guarded. "The lady Arwen has given up her immortality for the sake of your love. If that is not the love you seek, then I cannot possibly understand what more you could possibly need."
"I know. She has given me much. And do not misunderstand me Legolas. I love Arwen. She is most dear to me, and definitely has a special place in my heart. . .but she cannot fulfill this empty yearning I have."
"Then tell me! What more could you ask for? What is wrong with the lady's love?" Legolas inquired somewhat annoyed.
"She is not you!"
The loud declaration made for an awkward and tense pause. Finally, Legolas sighed and lowered his head in sadness. "Estel. . ." he began.
"I know. We discussed this when we embarked upon our relationship long ago, after I had found out about my destiny. We knew that no matter how much we loved each other, that I have a duty to fulfill. That I would one day find the most beautiful maiden and marry her. But most of all, that no matter how burning my love is for you-"
"And mine for you," Legolas cut in softly.
"And you for me," Estel agreed with a small smile, "that you and I could never produce heirs, and therefore the line of men would end with me. At this Legolas nodded twice and remained silent as Estel continued. "I know what we said Legolas, and I know that this is true. And yet, I cannot make my heart understand it melethron! I do not think that I can do this!"
Legolas sighed shakily and stepped so that Estel and he were mere inches apart. Legolas reached out a slender hand and tipped Estel's chin so their eyes met. "Estel," he said quietly, "you can do this. You must. You are the strongest man I know. That is a large part of why I am drawn to you meleth nin. You will be able to do this task."
"So I am to live a lie? Do a job that my heart is not in?"
"Yes," Legolas replied flatly.
"And what of Arwen? Am I to let her live a lie a well?"
"You said yourself that Arwen is dear to you. In time, perhaps that will develop into something more," Legolas choked, "You have a duty to fulfill Estel, as well as a destiny. It is your birthright."
"But I love you more than all that Legolas," Estel replied impassioned, "I would gladly give up everything I am to have if only to be with you. You have only but to ask!"
"I cannot do that Estel. You have your destiny and I have my own. You are to be the king of men. You are their hope, their light. You cannot abandon them. This is your duty!" Legolas explained gently.
"I do not WANT it, if it means losing you!" Estel cried.
Legolas snorted. "That is certainly not a response I expected from such a noble man Estel. How can you be so selfish? Your people need you."
"But I need YOU!" Estel returned desperately.
"It's not about me, or you Estel. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few," Legolas snapped.
Estel remained silent as he knew Legolas was right. Finally, he raised his eyes and the elf could see the resignation there. "I know you are right, but I could not bare losing you completely. Will you still be near? So that I may be near you if needed?"
Legolas swallowed thickly and lowered his gaze. "I do not think that is wise Estel," Legolas whispered hoarsely.
"But. . .why Legolas?!" Estel gasped in horror, "surely we may still be friends if not companions or lovers as before?"
"No Estel. My heart can not bear that," Legolas replied clenching his eyes shut in pain.
The silence was deafening to both parties as Estel came to a dreadful conclusion. Pale faced, Estel felt a lump rising in his throat. "Then you will. . .sail?"
The heavy silence continued as Legolas elicited a shaky breath. Finally, Legolas uttered the anwer Estel dreaded, "Yes."
Estel's eyes clenched shut as pain wracked through his body and his heart shattered. "You. . .you are abandoning me then." Legolas remained silent as this was not a question but a statement. "After all we have been through, after every intimate moment, every promise. . .that's it? You will leave me?"
"Estel, please understand that I love you so. . .and I would rather die than hurt you, but seeing you with another, knowing that it was once me, and that I wish it to be so now. . .it's nauseating to even think about," The elf implored.
Estel's eyes narrowed in anger. "So you have made up your mind. You will leave. When I need you the most you leave me. . ." Estel choked angrily, balling his hands into fists.
"I will stay until you become accustomed to your new duties and then yes. . .I will leave." Legolas informed the distraught man. Estel's angry countenance spun from Legolas as another silence reigned this one far more intense than the last. Legolas sighed as he saw Estel's shoulders begin to shake. Thinking his lover was in tears Legolas closed the distance between them placing a gentle hand on the man's shoulder. "Estel," he whispered intending to soothe the man.
Estel shrugged the hand from his shoulder and turned around, rage burning in his eyes. "You LIED to me," Estel snarled.
"Excuse me?" Legolas asked genuinely confused.
"You LIED to me. You PROMISED to never leave me as long as I needed you by my side. You promised to never hurt me. Well that's a lie if you will sail," came Estel's angry tirade. "Tell me ELF," Estel spat, "was everything a lie then. Were your words true when you said you loved me, trusted me, would die for me? Well? were all of those promises illusions? Things you said to a young impressionable boy knowing full well that you would never hold true to anything you said?!"
"Estel," Legolas gasped in horror grasping the young man by the shoulders, "you know that is not true, please meleth nin don't say such things!"
Estel slapped Legolas's hands away from his shoulders and stepped back. "Until this night, I would have thought you were right. But now I see. . . you never loved me at all. And definitely not as much as I loved you. For if you loved me as you said, there would be no way you would leave me here."
"Estel, I-"
"Go Legolas," Estel ordered flatly turning from his former lover, "do not bother with me anymore. If the you feel that the sea is calling you so, then by all means heed its call and do not let me stand in your way. But do me a favor MELLON NIN. . .and do not tick around for any part of my new life, for I do not wish you to be a part of it."
The words spoken in hurt wounded Legolas to his very soul and he felt tears spring to his eyes. "Estel please. . ." Legolas begged choking back a sob as he implored the man to take back his angry words.
"Goodnight Legolas, and Namarie as well. For I shall not see you again," Estel whispered, tears evident in his voice.
Lightheaded, Legolas released a shaky breath knowing he had lost the love of his life forever. Straightening, Legolas raised himself to his full height. "Namarie Estel. . ." Legolas returned softly, tears now running down his fair face, "I leave my heart with you."
"That I all well and good, for then I will have a substitute for the one I no longer have. . .for the sake of my people right?" Estel shot back nastily.
Legolas sighed in defeat, tears falling from his eyes. "As you wish it Estel, I shall leave in two fortnights. Amin Mela lle Elessar, please remember that." Legolas whispered turning and swiftly abandoning the clearing.
Once Estel felt he was alone, he let loose a loud choked sob. And there were none there to bare witness to the tears and quiet sobbing of a broken man that sunk to his knees in his utter despair. None but a lone dark haired elf who had witnessed the entire exchange and felt her heart breaking in two at the sheer helplessness of the situation. Her heart bleeding for herself as well, Arwen allowed tears to run down her face as she stepped back into the shadows and returned to Minas Tirith to leave her future husband to grieve as needed for the love he had lost forever.
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Finis…((??)) perhaps if this gets enough rave reviews I shall continue. I have ideas for this story but I don't' want to make promises. Let me know if you liked it though! This just popped into my head and I could not keep it away! I know I have other stories to finish but this jump started my creative juices to start writing again! But if you let me know that you liked it, then I would be happy to make this a project!!!! ((I'm shameless for reviews!
Translations:
Melethron: lover
meleth nin: my love
Namarie: Goodbye/Farewell
Amin Mela Lle: I love you