From those sick and twisted weirdies that brought you Nameless and Bleached Armageddon comes a new tale… sort of. For those of you who read Bleached Armageddon, this is a sort of continuation sort of re-write. For those of you who don't know about Bleached Armageddon, YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ IT TO GET THIS STORY so don't hit the back button yet. Thank you. For you Tales of the Abyss fans, be warned- this story contains mockeries, insults, bad jokes, bad puns and Ion in a dress. I will be splitting the cannon pretty wide open and making people fall in love. So yes. For those of you who are reading this because you love our lovely six protagonists but don't know about Tales of the Abyss, keep on reading, I've written this for people in real life who don't play the game. Hell, I don't play the game, I just watched the anime and conversed often with people who do.

Anyways, rambling aside, let us begin our lovely story…

Abyssal Armageddon

By Inuyoshie

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of the Abyss. Kay? Kay. I don't own Bleach either.

Chapter One: In Which It's All Dist's Fault.

If you want to be brutally honest about it, it's all Dist's fault. It always is.

You see, he was in one of those odd mad scientist moods, and got the brilliant idea of creating a fomicry machine that didn't need data to create replicas. Basically a Deus ex Machina in the most literal term- a God in a machine. In normal terms, a shiny piece of machinery that when you pushed a button spat out people. Such a fitting creation for the genius that is Dist the Rose. Or whatever you wish to call him.

So he built this device, all excited and ready to study whatever came out. Would it be horrendous like that thing that once was the Professor, or would it be a perfectly functioning replica like that fool from Kimlasca? There was no real way to tell beforehand. Dist stood ready, and pushed the button.

---

"Mani! Aja! Nikky!" a cute voice exclaimed over the noisy din that is lunch at Normal High. (Yes, that's its name. Don't ask, you really REALLY don't wanna know) an adorable six year old girl with curly tan hair rushed over to one particular table. At this table were four teens- three girls and a boy.

"Sophie –chan!" a blond girl with rectangular glasses squealed, hugging the child.

"Aja, you're making a scene," a reddish-brown haired girl complained.

"So? Nikky, lighten up," another brunette with round glasses sighed. "It's not every day Sophie's kindergarten class gets to come to high school for a concert," The reddish brown haired girl stuck out her tongue.

"Cookies!" Sophie exclaimed.

"Here, have a cookie," Aja gave Sophie a cookie.

"Don't I get one?" the boy whined. Aja rolled her eyes.

"Here Dakota, here Maddie," she said, giving halves of a cookie to the two brunettes.

"Thanks. OH look, Chloe's coming," Maddie said. A bouncing underclassman with curly copper hair came up to the table.

"Heya!" she greeted.

"How are you?" Maddie asked.

"Doing well thank you. What's that annoying humming?" Chloe asked.

"I dunno," Aja murmured, looking around. Was it just her imagination, or did everything look distorted for a minute. "Whatever. Seen any good anime recently?"

"I'm addicted to Tales of Symphonia," Dakota announced. "And Tales of the Abyss and Tales of Phantasia…"

"Someone likes their tales," Nicole remarked.

"Aren't they based off of video games?" Aja asked.

"Yep" Dakota nodded. Maddie wrinkled her nose.

"Ew," she remarked.

"Come ON, there are cute guys there," Dakota gave Maddie a Look. She shrugged.

"Okay- Ow," Maddie clutched her head. That humming was really annoying. Everything seemed to tilt and spin.

"I feel ill," Chloe complained.

"Mani!" Sophie whined. Maddie grabbed her sister and held her close.

"What's happening?" Nicole exclaimed. The world tilted, whirled, turned inside out and right side in again. Strange music could be heard, and everything flashed white. Our five friends + one toddler were squished together in a little container, completely confused and irritated. Just then, Dakota noticed that he was missing the lower half of his body, due to it being composed of little gold dots. Everyone else was in a similar condition, and panicking ensued. A large amount of energy built up, and everything exploded.

Meanwhile, Dist's God Machine blew up.

"DAMMIT!" Dist screamed. "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS JADE!"

(Yes. Apparently this was Jade's fault. Who knew?)

Meanwhile on the Tartarus, Jade Curtiss sneezed.

Several large flashes of light shot across the sky and conveniently descended on the giant land machine, one of which landing in Jade's quarters, where he happened to be shaving. (Need I say anything here?)

Jade walked over to the glowing light, intrigued. There was an unusual concentration of fonons in it. The light faded, and left behind a small child.

"Hm…" he remarked, crouching down to examine the little girl more closely.

"HI~" the child giggled. She then frowned. "Where's Mani?"

Inuyoshie's After the Chapter Special!

Inu: Hello all, and welcome to the first chapter of AA!

Gin: What the hell are ya doin', stickin' poor defenseless Sophie with… THAT!

Inu: Now now, that's mean.

Gin: *scowls*

Inu: Right. So, I apologize for any confusion, it's just… this is the first chapter. You know how it is.

Aja: You left it off at a cliffhanger!

Inu: Damn straight.

Luke: When am I going to show up? Huh? I'm the main character!

Inu: Later. Now go away. *waves off*

Maddie: That's mean.

Inu: Whatever. He'll live.

Dakota: This is so freaky… Inu, you have problems.

Inu: That I do.

Aja: Why are you speaking every other line? IT's creepy.

Dakota: Yeah, it is.

Inu: Hah. I didn't do it there.

Aja: Whatever. Anyways… please review, even if it sucks balls.

Inu: Which it does.

Aja: *whacks*

Inu: ABUSE! Please stop the abuse by reviewing thank you?