Author's Note: So I have never posted any of my work before. I have been really self-conscious about my fictional writing abilities. But it is something I am trying to approve upon both in confidence and ability. I appreciate any feedback you have whether content or stylistic. Please just let in be constructive criticism :)

Chapter 1: Damn all the distractions

I thought senior year was suppose to be the fun and easy one, yet here I am drifting through another day of high school. I leave my AP Calculus class and head to lunch. I appreciate leaving the class as I already know most of the material and so I end up helping all the people who sit around me because the teacher is just horrible and I'm too nice. It also probably doesn't help that most of the students do not put in half the effort I do into my studies and sometimes are just plain stupid. Honestly, I hate it here. It's like waking up every morning just to go to hell or jail semi-willingly.

I walk out not really paying attention to anyone in particular. As soon as I have a free minute I start thinking again. I feel like I am just floating through life. I am doing everything I can just to survive. I eat, I go to school, I do homework, and I hang out with friends. But nothing makes me feel excited or alive. I stay distracted. Ever since… ugh I can't even say her name... I have just felt empty like this huge hole has been left in the middle of my chest right where my heart used to be. On autopilot, I walk out of my class, down the hall, up the stairs, and to my locker. My friend Hanna is already waiting for me.

"Hey Hanna." I smile as we make eye contact.

"Hey Emily. How was calc?" I continue to grab my stuff from my locker as we talk.

"As boring as ever." I roll my eyes and sigh with relief to be out of there. "How was Bio?"

"Awful as usual. Like Em, when am I ever going to need to know how DNA replicates itself. It is literally a huge waste of time. I could be spending that time reading People magazine and get more out of that then I do that class. Or I could be looking at the latest-"

"Oh shit." I say in shock interrupting her normal tirade.
Hanna immediately seems worried. "What? What is it?"

"I forgot about the test!" I can feel my heart pounding (at least I know it's still there). This can't be happening. I have to do well academically in order to get into a good school, especially with swimming no longer being an option. There is so much more pressure for me to perform academically now that swimming is not going to pay my way through college.

I obviously immediately go into full panic mode. Hanna obviously recognizes this and trys to soothe me. "You are going to be fine. You always do well on tests." I just look at her. She obviously notices my continued anxiety about the test. She gives me a hug and says "Emily. It is going to be fine. We still have lunch and I'll help you review. Ok?" She pulls back to look at me. All I can do is nod. I shakily take in a deep breathe and hope she is right.

We speed walk to the cafeteria. I didn't bother buying food as waiting in the line would waste time and I wouldn't end up eating it anyway. Hanna and I usually got to the cafeteria first so we took our respective seats. Unlike the rest of the group, we didn't spend our time flirting with people in the hallway. Spencer has Toby. Aria secretly has Ezra. Hanna was dating Sean, but they broke up. Something she and I have in common. We haven't really talked about it yet. And Alison… well Ali was Ali. She always had someone to flirt with, usually a new guy almost every week, if not more frequently and if not more than one guy. She would always have her "suitors" meet her just outside the cafeteria. There is a big glass wall that allows perfect view of her and whoever she is with in the corner where the wall juts out. It's right in my line of sight… I swear she does it on purpose.

Of course some days I can't help but watch just out of appreciation of her. She always does these cute little things when she is flirting like twill one strand of her hair or cross her legs a certain way. Others I find it too hard to look. I had tried to shut down my feelings for her. Keep them contained for the sake of friendship. I had done so successfully since my slip up when we were kids. And when I say successfully, I mean that I rein in my physical desires and mostly contain the emotional portion. Enough so to be able to have relationships with other people. Well at least for a time...

Ali has never let me live it down that I kissed her… She will do little things to try to get a reaction out of me. Unfortunately, she does usually get me to blush, but other than that I have been good despite her blatant teasing. The flirting in my line of sight is just another example. She knows I am the possessive and jealous type whether that be a friend or more than friend thing. But it has obviously always been worse with Ali and everyone knows it.

But today, I had to stay focused. Today, I could not pay attention to those little things and get all distracted by jealousy. I was completely focused on my notes and Hanna was trying her best to remember what was on the test so as to help me focus in on which material to memorize. About 5 minutes into lunch Spencer and Aria joined us. Spencer being the brainiac immediately jumped in to help me.

15 minutes passed and Ali was still outside flirting. At 20 minutes, she finally joined us. Aria piped up first. "Ali, what took you so long?" Spencer quickly followed up with "Yea, nice of you to join us." I continued to study with Hanna who was helping me focus. I'm pretty sure she thought that now I was not just distraught about the test. She discretely squeezed my knee under the table for support. I was ok so it took me a second to realize why. I was too freaked out about the test to notice Ali had been gone. And in all honesty, I was still nursing a broken heart. Ali and I had been just friends for years now so I had become used to her little games. Ali ignored both of them and zeroed in on me. In a snide tone she said "Em you seem so focused this afternoon. What's so important?"

"Forgot about a test." I didn't even look up, which obviously annoyed her. And the question indicated she was also upset her little game of the day had not fazed me. Ali always wanted the attention and the control. She had it pretty much 100% of the time. But I knew it was all a facade. I didn't just pay attention to the cute things, I also noticed the little chinks in her armor and slips that showed the true Ali. All of the demeaning remarks, flirting, games, etc. were all just hiding that she is deeply insecure, afraid of abandonment and trusting others, and pretty depressed on top of that.

She ignored my answer and began talking to Aria about the "conversation" with the guy she was flirting with outside. Today, it was Noel. That one seemed to pop in and out the most. I hated him. She knew he bothered me the most and so she tried to distract me with the details. He had her attention, at least on the surface. It hurt every time I saw her with him or anyone for that matter. I wanted all of her. I wanted all of her attention. I wanted her to love me. But I guess that was just too good to be true… or at least that's what I wanted before (right?).