The Carlos Santana Operation
Note: Delta Farce fanfiction. Unhappy with the recent bad-wrap that has followed the arrest and rehabilitation of one Carlos Santana in Mexico, the guitar player seeks to distinguish himself from the bandit, even if it means enacting a lawsuit. The bandit becomes upset and sends his goons to bind and gag the guitarist and think of ways to deal with him. Hearing about Santana's plot, Carne Asada (Everett) calls in his friends Larry and Bill from the "good old days in the Army" to come and help him, and even Sergeant Kilgore pops back in to throw his weight around, I mean…help them out.
Chapter 1—I Seek the Man Who Disgraced My Name
The bandit who had terrorized La Miranda so many years ago was still performing on stage with The Incredible Mr. Mike's dummy "Mr. Chile". He was enjoying himself though his ventriloquism was abysmal as well as his wretched singing. He was singing a song by the man who had been mistaken for him, which had resulted in a plummet in record sales. Needless to say, Mr. Santana's agents weren't happy. The only way he could earn his money back is if he sued the other Santana for his money and demanded a duel to regain his honor (as well as his machismo).
Santana the Bandit was being cheered rigorously by his dull goons (who wouldn't know a great song if it bit them in the rear) until the sound of spurs were heard clinking against the concrete floor. Suddenly, there was a creak coming from the saloon doors. Without a sound, the guitarist Carlos Santana stepped in. Only the ding of his spurs could be heard as they rattled.
"I seek the man who disgraced my name.", the guitarist said, venomously.
"What you talkin' bout, man ?", the bandit questioned through the mouth of Mr. Chile.
"I demand a DUEL.", the guitarist stated, gesturing him to come forward and face him like a man.
"And what if I don't ?", the bandit replied, with bravado.
"I'll sue you for dragging my name through the mud ! Do you know how many fans I've lost thanks to the fact that you happen to have the same name I do ?", the guitarist stated in fury.
"You are so estupido. Did you forget I have henchmen ? I know I'll be sent back to prison again, but you've left me a wide-open avenue, and hombre, I plan on making use of it.", Santana said, and with a mighty whistle, his goons surrounded the guitar-player.
"Caray.", was all that managed to slip out of his mouth before the muscled men tied him up and held him for ransom. If their demands weren't made, Carlos would face the worst kind of punishment, forced marriage to the Bandit's homosexual cousin, Victor.
Chapter 2—Operation "Carlos Santana, the Bandit", Begins
The guitarist was given the liberty of having one phone call to anyone he wished. Remembering the Delta Force of three brave men who had come accidentally into Miranda City so long ago, he decided to call one of the most famous and well paid luchadors of all time, Carne Asada. The group suddenly became more leery once Carne's name was said and once he started speaking to him.
"Your days are numbered now, muchachoes !", the guitarist said before he was gagged once again.
"You know, for a guy who never sings, you certainly have a loose tongue.", the bandit stated with disgust. At least now the guitarist was quiet, but inwardly there rose a fear within him that was uncontrollable. He wasn't certain when Carne Asada and his friends would be attacking, but he wasn't looking forward to it. But, then the bandit realized that he had brute force in his favor. Since the incident in La Miranda, "Big Bertha", the Sherman Tank that had been damaged during the last attack it received from Sergeant Kilgore and his small onslaught, the bandits had time to repair the damage and improve Bertha's design. Suddenly, he didn't fear the coming troop, and simply decided to wait it out to "bring out the big guns".
Chapter 3—Outnumbered, Out-Gunned, But Not Defeated
Larry didn't have to travel far from his restaurant with Maria to get involved in "Operation Carlos Santana (the guitarist)", but Maria was worried for his safety.
"I thought those morons would've gotten the message the last time you put them in their place. It seems Mr. Santana cannot learn his lesson.", Maria said with hatred in her voice. Larry kissed her tenderly and patted her growing stomach.
"Apparently so, but we'll git-r-done this time, chiquitita. Take care of little Marcos.", Larry said before he approached the Army helicopter in back and saw his old friend Bill waiting for him.
"I will, and I hope you return before he is ready to be born.", Maria's mind said, her hand over her heart. Her eyes became wet with tears as she saw him lift off, but she had a good feeling that God and His angels would assist them.
The bandit threw knives idly into a bulls-eye from the stage. Karaoke hour had ended, and there were no more songs to sing. The guys had just had their fill of Corona as well as other fine Mexican cervesas and were tipsy, but not drunk. Even if they were drunk, the battle that awaited them could be won even if they were slightly buzzed. But the bandit never expected that Larry was going to have help. Unlike starting out with just himself, Everett and Bill, this time, he had a cavalry. Sergeant Kilgore waited to bark out the orders and the siege began.
Although the Delta Force was outnumbered and outgunned, they knew they could use the guns from the helicopters to attack the Sherman Tank first.
"We should've scrapped that the first time we were here ! What did I tell you ! Them Mexicans are innovative !", Everett screamed at the top of his lungs, his voice warping into a high-pitched whine.
"I'm the one who gives the orders, private. Just keep blowing the hell out of that Sherman Tank. Then, I'll give the command once we are clear to land.", Kilgore shouted over the flapping of the helicopter's blades.
Time after time, the turrets fired until the gas tank of the Sherman was hit. Everett couldn't hit the broad side of a barn until he had been trained in combat.
"Whoo-wee ! That's some fancy shootin' right there. Hold on, I got a present for those Mexicans…", Bill said, throwing in a grenade. Soon, the grenade exploded and nothing had been left behind from the tank itself. Scared almost to the point of wetting himself, the bandit and his band stood in the barrio, waiting for the cavalry to attack.
Chapter 4—Delta Force Does It Again
Unlike the last time Larry and the gang had come into La Miranda, there were no guns needed in this fight. The guitarist had managed to bounce the chair he had been bound to into the city and was far enough away to see the battle from a safe distance. The fist fight was like something out of Monday Night Raw gone bad. There were teeth lying everywhere, and there was enough blood to make one feel faint. But as soon as the scuffling had stopped, Kilgore had one question he wanted answered.
"So, numb-nuts ! Do you feel like surrendering yet ?", Kilgore questioned as the panting bandit looked at him deploringly as he held his jaw from the searing pain.
"Yes. I believe I have learned my lesson this time. Never again shall I try to cause trouble here, or kidnap a celebrity. My days of crime are over.", the bandit said. With that, the army troop whooped and hollered in victory.
"Who wants QUESADILLAS ?!", Everett exclaimed over the hoopla. Larry knew one place where the food was always exquisite.
"I believe I can have that arranged.", he said, with a gleaming smile.
Epilogue
After the police dealt with the bandit and his band, Carlos was untied and treated to dinner as well. He wasn't expecting it, but he had learned just how kind Larry and his friends were. He had forgotten all about the lawsuit, but had specified it wasn't him who had caused all of the events, but the bandit that had terrorized La Miranda for so many years. Thankfully, the bandit was no longer a bandit. With good behavior, he would be out of jail in about 5 years. He had finally learned his lesson.
Back at the cantina, Maria, despite being pregnant, was more than happy to serve everyone with her servers. Her mariachi band serenaded the guests and everyone was quite pleased with her twist on traditional Mexican dishes. Feeling inspired, Carlos sang a bit for them himself and wrote a song simply titled "Amigos" expressing his gratefulness. Fairly soon, he was taken from Cabo San Lucas back home to California where his family waited for him with open arms and thousands of kisses.
Even after the operation was successful and Larry and his friends were awarded for their courage in combat, Larry and the others accepted their medals in humility. They were relieved it was finally over and they wouldn't have to deal with that bandit and his thugs ever again. Now La Miranda was protected, and police made certain it was.
In a few more months, Maria finally gave birth to little Marcos. He resembled his dad once born, because he was rather corpulent, but had his mother's hair. He was the most beautiful baby boy that Larry had ever seen.
"Hola nino !", Larry said, receiving his baby boy for the first time. Little Carlos cried, but no sooner had he arrived into the arms of his loving father had he calmed down. Maria sang a sweet, soft song in Spanish to soothe the little one.
"Ain't this a purty picture ? Mom, dad, and baby…all together.", Larry said, his blue eyes becoming slightly teary.
"That it is, my love.", Maria said, kissing him and the baby once Larry handed him over to her. The two new parents grinned at each other and smiled at Marcos, wondering what the future brought. That wasn't known as of yet, and they would have to take each day moment by moment. Every second would be a new experience that they would share together, but no matter what occurred, they were there for each other, and for little Marcos as well.
The End