THE DEATH OF INNOCENCE
CH.1
I must warn you now!!! This fic contains very bad things!!! I can't tell you everything, because it would take away from the story. But I will tell you it contains Yaoi, rape, violence, misplaced guilt, suicide, and general wrongness!! Don't like, don't read!! This fic's not for the faint of heart!!! that's why it's rated R!!
I have no muses for this because they all ran away screaming when I told them the general idea of it.....Y~Y
disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. If I did.....well, things would be very different in it. No one in their sane mind would put it on t.v. That's why it's a good thing I don't own them.....so thank the fact that I'm poor and Toei's rich. ^-^U
on with the fic!!
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How did this all happen? Innocent......he had seemed so innocent,.....so very....very.....
So, how did this happen? How did it happen like this?
...oh, the tangled webs he weaves......
I try to remember.....clear my head....how did I get here? How? How did I let this happen?
~flashback~
"Takeru!! STOP!!" The cry caught in his throat as he choked on his sobs.
Takeru wasn't listening.
Hands roamed his chest under his shirt. Tears ran down his cheeks, pain in his eyes.
"Takeru....." he whispered "please....don't do this!" he pleaded with the younger boy.
Takeru currently had him pined unceremoniously against a wall....his wall, actually. They were in his bedroom.....alone. His parents were away for the weekend. Takeru had come over, as he often did. They were friends....or, they were....they had been.. ....had been.....until.....
Takeru's hands roamed lower, sheer lust in his eyes. No love....just lust.
He made a grab for Takeru's hands, to stop him. Oh, how he wanted this nightmare to stop! "NO!!" he cried.
Takeru was faster than him.
Next thing he knew, Takeru had his wrists in an iron grip. He was squeezing so hard! Anger and frustration mixing with his lust.
He gasped. "Takeru!! you're hurting me!!" Fear coursed through his vanes. This wasn't happening!! It couldn't!!
It was.
The events that followed were a blur. He remembered the fear. There was definitely fear......and pain. In the distant haze somewhere he heard clothes ripping....and then he felt it....
He jolted out of his daze and back to reality. "Takeru!!! DON'T!!" his voice was laced with pain and fear....
Then the pain....Oh, KAMI-SAMA, [1] how it hurt!! He'd screamed.....Takeru has slapped him across the face and told him to shut up.
In a bazar part of his mind, he vaguely wondered how they'd ended up on the floor....
"STOP!! STOP!! STOP!! OH, KAMI-SAMA!! STOP!!!" he was desperately frantic now....but it HURT!! Takeru hit him again. He sobbed and sobbed, but said nothing more.....
It hurt, it hurt....Kami-Sama, how it hurt!!
~end flashback~
A tear trickles down my cheek.....that was four years ago.
He hasn't stopped.
It's not enough. It's not enough for him. Not any more. It hasn't been for a long time....
My fingers trace over old scares.....
It's not enough for him....he had to take more.....in his frustrated lust, it was never enough....
I was never enough.
I'm his vent. He comes to me so he won't hurt him....because he loves him.....he loves him.....
But the lust....his lust....it hurts.
I'm just the vent..I'm disposable.
We were friends. He was so innocent.....
I hate his lust.
We both did....the one he loves....
And me.
He wouldn't consent. He never did.
Neither did I.
The ironic part? He wanted Takeru too.....lusted back....so why didn't he consent?
Why didn't I?
Because it hurts....
~flashback~
He laid there on the bed....just laid there....bruised, beaten, naked, exposed....
Raped.
He blankly stared at the wall. Blood pooled under him, staining his sheets red. He vaguely noted to dispose of them before anyone could ask questions.
No one could know.
He didn't remember Takeru leaving, but he knew he had. He always did.
It had become routine.
The boy cried silently. Tears no one would hear....and no one could comfort.
~end flashback~
I finger an envelope. I open it. I pull out the card that it contains.....flip it open. The note is simple....just three words.....
Forgive me Koushirou
Takeru hadn't put a question mark. It wasn't a question.
....he knew that I would......I always do....
Always will.....
I put the card back in the envelope. I date it. I don't know why....I always write the date on it...
I toss it into a box full of them....just like it...
If I counted them, I'd know exactly how many times he's raped me....
I don't know why I keep them....
I have every one....with the date written on it...
I don't know why....why I keep them....
I don't know why I want to remember....If I counted them, I'd know exactly how many times....
how many times he's used me.
how many times I've been his vent.
....but I always forgive him..........
Why?
Because no one can know.....
No one can ever know.....
~flashback~
a shove. a thud as he hit the floor. a choked sob.
"I'll tell, Takeru!! I swear!! I'll tell!!" he was desperate for it to stop.
a slap. more tears.
"If you tell, do you know what would happen?"
silence.
He knew. He couldn't say it.
"If you tell.....they'll want to take me away....I won't let them. I'll kill myself Koushirou. I will. If I die....if Yamato loses me....he'll follow me wherever....."
He knew what was implied.
Takeru continued. "If Yamato goes...Taichi will....and, if him...Sora, and Hikari...then Daisuke....Ken....Myako...Iori....Mimi wouldn't be able to handle it....Jou would feel unreliable....guilty...but they'd all be gone.....gone with me...."
a tear.
"And you'd be left holding the bag...."
wide eyes.
"Because it would be your fault."
~end flashback~
my fault....
No one can know.
I never told....
So why didn't he?...the other..why didn't he tell?
Because Takeru owns him.
He loves Takeru so much....would do anything...anything....just to make him happy...anything....except consent.
Why? Why does he does he deny himself that? Why does he deny that.....he wants him....?
He want's Takeru Takeru want's him.....and will take him....whether he's willing...or not. So....why?
Because he's strong.....a tempted angel....who refuses to give in.
because it's wrong.
wrong. This is all so wrong....it was never suppose to be this way. How can it end like this?
.....why? Why did it have to be this way?
Things could have been so different.....
Why didn't he tell??!! why didn't he ever tell??!! why am I the only one to see it...? why do I have to know...? why do I have to keep this secret?
....why didn't I tell?
Why couldn't they see ? Every time Takeru took him....he took a part of him, a part of his soul.
Even angels can break....can be broken....
a broken boy.
.....a broken man.
.....why didn't he ever tell?
......why didn't I?
I play back the news bulletin again.
Police are investigating what appears to be a suicide....the leader of the former Teen Wolves and local pop sensation, Yamato Ishida, was found in his car this morning, after he'd reportedly gone missing early yesterday afternoon.....
a tear.
Why didn't I tell?
Why didn't I stop this? ......stop him........
my fault......
It was never suppose to be like this......
********************************************
~Takeru's POV~
angry sobs. Why? Why didn't he just consent?! He could have been happy!! We could have been!! Why did he have to do this?! Why did he go??!!
more sobs.
It was never suppose to be like this.....
How did this happen?? ......How could I....
a choked cry.
....this is my fault......
Forgive me Onichan [2]
no question. I know he would....he did.
.....Then why does it end like this?
the glimmer of a knife. cold steel.
nothing.
.............I'm sorry.............
***************************************
~Koushirou's POV~
At least he never knew.....Yamato never knew what Takeru did to me.....
He could never know.
He'd feel responsible, and, in a way, he was.
Things could have been so different.
Because Yamato refused to consent, even though he was having a hard time doing so, Takeru became sexually and emotionally frustrated.
And I was his vent.
It was never suppose to be this way.
Why didn't I tell?
***************************************
~Taichi's POV~
"Yamato....." I sob quietly. How? Why? What could have possibly been so bad in your life that there was no way out?
Why didn't you tell me?
Were you mad at me? Was this my fault? Am I to blame?
my fault.
I scream into my pillow. Was this my doing? .....Why didn't I tell you......? K'so [3]. You probably never knew....
I punch my pillow. I'm mad at myself. Now, I'll never get the chance to tell you....
I love you.
Shit. I can't lose you. It can't end like this....I can't live without you........
Suddenly, I know what I have to do.
*****************************************
~Hikari's POV~
I can't believe it......Yamato's gone...
just like that.
It still hasn't quite registered. I can't cry. I'm in shock, numb.
Takeru......oh Takeru-chan.....I wonder if he'll ever be the same....
Will he ever smile again?
My heart aches for him.....
Takeru....dear, sweet, innocent Takeru-chan....
Did you know something was bothering him? have some brotherly insight?
Why didn't you say anything?
.....Why didn't he?
Didn't he know he could count on us? that we'd be there for him?
......I wonder how Taichi's taking it.........
They were best friends. ....like Takeru and I.
.....I can only imagine......
I better go check on him.....see if there's anything I can do.......
****************************************
~Taichi's POV~
funny. I thought it would hurt. It doesn't. All I can think of is Yamato.
"I'm coming, Yama-chan...." I whisper. I feel myself slipping. "Yama....."
I can almost see him. his smiling face. see him happy.....almost.....almost happy. It seemed he was hiding something lately....
Why didn't you tell me?
I'm almost there.....so very close.....
My door opens.
Hikari.
Shit.
Then there's nothing.
****************************************
~Hikari's POV~
I open his door.
blood.
"Taichi!!"
....so much blood....
I run to him. The razor blade lays beside him. I shake him, still screaming his name, begging him to be alright.
but he's not.
He's gone.....I know it....
Suddenly, I think of Takeru No.....he'll never be the same.
My mind whirls as I reach for the razor blade. Suddenly, it hits me. Everything clicks....and I know....I just know.....
Takeru's gone too.....
Reality rushes over me. dead. Yamato, Takeru,.....Taichi....
They're all dead....
And I'm next.
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[1] Kami-Sama: God
[2] Onichan: big brother
[3] K'so: damn it
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well.....what'd ya think?? *looks around expectantly* more worth while than my other fics?? Well, tell me what u think in a review. No flamers allowed. Although, constructive criticism is welcome. Oh, and there is one more ch. And a prologue to this. I will post them ASAP. .......well, as long as I get reviews, that is. I already have them written, just need to type them up. So if you like this, I'll try to update soon. If not, then I'll still update, just for the hell of it, but it will take longer. ........So R &R, and let me know what ya think. ^___^ *mumbles under her breath* I sure hope I get more reviews on this then I did on my other fics.....