Going back to work was much harder than she had expected, but had predicted it was going to be. Giving a teary smile, she remembered leaning against the door, Charlie's mouth going slack, the almost hurt and conformation that came with it when she gravely held back tears and emotions, and then he realized maybe he wasn't suppose to know.
"If I only could Charlie…" She had avoided the look on Don's face and proceeded with the case that had turned for the worse. For now, that's all she felt like she could do. Definitely she had to explain, but right now like she had told Larry, she wasn't exactly ready to spill everything she had been through in the last month. Now she sat with her back to the wall, tears spilling.
So just how do you tell someone these things could have changed you for the worse? Tore you apart when you didn't want them to, but they did still. Yet afterwards you had to come back and live your life like nothing happened in the first place, no matter if you wanted to or not.
That very fact frustrated her. Right now she felt unneeded and could back up her reasons for not wanting to do this anymore. As she stood up, she felt like they could do this without her. She didn't know if she would ever feel ready to ever explain things she had never wanted to see. No matter what Don, Charlie, David, or even Colby had been through she never wanted to expose the things she had been through.
As a child she had always wished she had wings, and use them for those moments you could just escape from, such as now. Closing the door behind her, she walked the few necessary steps to her bedroom and closed that door without another thought, immediately enclosing herself in darkness.
Letting her sink down into the mattress, she lay over her comforter, pulling a blanket around her that had fallen to the floor earlier yesterday, she finally fell asleep.
It was however not a peaceful sleep, more of what if's and situations that had yet to arise and to come.