Title: The 355th DAy

Author: Diana Forester ( dianaforester@hotmail.com )

Rating: G

Disclaimer: These Characters are not mine

Spoilers: Scorpion

Category: J/C

Summery: eventually change comes to us all

Authors Notes: beta-d it myself, so all errors are mine.

Kathryn Janeway stood in her quarters, staring out into the endless expanse of space before her. The area of space through which they'd been travelling had been fraught with perils, black holes, neutron stars and a strange species that would appear suddenly, fire upon Voyager, and then disappear just as quickly. It had left her ship battered and her crew drained. Tension had gripped Voyager, and her captain was just one more casualty in an unending list of strained necks, headaches and knotted muscles.

The last few days had provided something of a reprieve; the celestial waters had been calm and anomaly free. Their nameless antagonists had stayed away. Unfortunately, the extra time had only given the crew a chance to see just how badly their ship had been damaged by the past few months.

Every so slowly, Kathryn Janeway let her shoulders roll forward, abandoning at least for a moment her command persona. It was only when her chin finally dropped to her chest that she let out a long breath and admitted her fatigue.

The chime to her door sounded, and she sighed. Any other day she'd straighten up and school her features. Today, she felt like Atlas; the weight of the world pressing her down. Today she left her mask off her face. Today she would meet a member of her crew emotionally stripped for the first time.

"Come in." She heard the doors open and close. Someone was watching her, and she didn't care. Or perhaps they'd seen her and left. Either way, it made no difference to her.

*

Standing just inside the doorway, Chakotay stopped to observe his captain. Something strange was happening, and he hesitated, grasping at the threads of energy that permeated the room. What had changed? There was a stillness he'd never felt from her before. Brow knitting with concentration, he searched her for a sign.

Understanding dawned on him. She was bowed, struggling under the weight of her responsibilities. He'd seen something like this in her before, when she'd woken up in sickbay after their first encounter with the Borg. They'd disagreed over what to do and it had weighed heavily on them both. It had seemed to be an impasse, until she'd brought them back into agreement. Once more they'd travelled the same road together, each lightening the other's load.

Now the weight was back and she couldn't see a way to lift it. Having finally found the problem, Chakotay wasted no time trying to resolve it. Moving silently across the room, his hands found her shoulders, gently massaging away the stress and tension.

After a few minutes, he broke the silence, "B'Elanna's got the engines back up to 95% and our scans show nothing unusual in our path for at least the next week."

"Thank goodness. I don't know what caused our reprieve, but it couldn't have come at a better time."

"The Halcyons must be nesting nearby."

"Hmm?" Chakotay had moved onto her back, slowly releasing the knots between her shoulder blades.

"Kingfishers. When they nest, the seas are calmed."

"Do you think we can find some and bring them with us? I could use calm waters for the next couple of decades."

Chakotay laughed lightly, enjoying her returned sense of humour. As long as she could still banter with him, he knew she'd be okay. "No such luck I'm afraid, they only nest around the winter solstice."

Finally she turned to face him. "Do you mean to tell me you actually know what day it is on Earth?" She was surprised; keeping track of the stardate was hard enough, but some archaic calendar was another matter.

"Of course. The winter solstice has been celebrated since ancient times. Actually it's tonight."

Shaking her head she turned back to the window. "What else do you have to say about this ancient holiday of yours?"

Carefully sliding his arm around her shoulders, he pulled her close. "It's a time of change Kathryn, a transition from death back into life."

She thought about that for a moment; searching her feelings. Somehow on this night she believed him, she could feel something long dead deep within herself reanimating, growing stronger every moment. What was it, this unnamed feeling?

And then something snapped. The awakening emotion seemed to reach up and grab her by the scruff of her neck, screaming wordlessly at her. But she already knew what it was saying: the cost is too high. Kathryn Janeway had been ripped from her home and sent spinning off into the other side of the galaxy with only a thin metal hull separating her from the horrors that awaited her. She had been thrust into a command she'd never expected and the power of a hundred people's trust in her stifled her soul. She had let her mission consume her wholly.

No longer. She would get her people home, if she had to get out and push Voyager back across the galaxy; that much she had vowed. But Kathryn Janeway would also have an existence outside of her Captaincy.

Snaking her own arm around his waist, Kathryn Janeway pulled herself tightly against Chakotay's body. "I think you're right, Chakotay. Maybe a change is coming."

He reached his hand over, stroking her hair. "It's the 355th day, Kathryn, anything's possible."

Smiling she leaned her head against his shoulder and peered out into space. Idly she wondered if the kingfishers were there, just out of sight, holding the waters still on this longest of nights.