Hello everyone , long time no post :P
this is a one-shot i wrote out in about an hour ...its booth and bones centered even though their names aren't really out there. ( there are sublte hints for the avid Bones readers)
ENJOY :)
*Ps: Bones is the property of FOX, i don't own anything.*
The anger rises within me.
The dull ache now becomes a throbbing forceful reminder that the pain is not fading but is becoming more pronounced.
It's unbearable.
The constant feelings of being undertaken is sometimes too much and even the thought of his name, hurts more than it should.
The house is dimly lit and very quiet. Nothing seems appealing anymore as the moon rises and the sun fades away. The darkness creeps in and the light can't get through. The mixture of emotions that swells within me makes me confused about any and every thing.
Why?
The question is the only thing louder in the room and it reverberates throughout. So many possibilities this three letter word had presented me with.
Why did he leave?
Why didn't he choose me?
Why does my heart feel like it's going to be ripped apart every time his name floats to the forefront of my mind?
He used you.
It was the thing he said before he left that made my heart shatter and no one I knew was even considerate enough to pick up the pieces.
Within this metaphorical mess, no one has bothered to come by. They knew.
Maybe they thought I needed time and space but the only thing I needed was the presence of someone who cared.
Someone who felt like he did. Who could make me feel safe.
And most of all someone who could love me instead of torment the emotions of a person every single day for the past 2 years.
He didn't care enough to save your heart.
Maybe that is what hurt the most. The fact that the cruel things he said affected me so deeply because when asked who had my heart, he did.
His name felt from my lips in the tiniest whisper but with the open expanse of the room and the silence, it went from a whisper to a scream.
The realization no longer stuns me but the tears still fall freely and what's left of my heart constricts in a twisted motion.
Love for me is now a distant fairytale.
The man who taught me what it was to love, how to make love and how to use my heart instead of over analyzing everything went back on all of his teachings and left me in the dust.
You can be hurt, you can be lied to, and you can be used and forgotten as soon as the next blond bombshell walks past his eyes.
That was the thing that stupefied me.
His inability to commit after years of pestering me to let go, become a couple to be someone worthy of being on his arm was a complete ploy.
Even though my social skills lacked, the way he had looked at me when he left said it all.
You were never enough, you never cared enough.
And the sad thing was that it was true. I could never be enough for him. How could somebody so damaged and safeguarded ever give themselves completely to another person?
I diluted myself into thinking that everything happens eventually and that there's somebody you're meant to spend the rest of your life with.
Complete and utter lies yet in the moment they were said; they sounded like the truest and greatest words ever spoken.
The hurt, the deceit the mind games they were too much. Everything overwhelmingly consumed me and I felt like I was falling apart.
How could one person knock you down when before no one could make my steps falter?
He took your heart and never let you keep his.
Now as I see the last picture of us together I can't help but believe we were happy.
The way in which we lived together made me feel overjoyed yet the undertone of lies and deception clouded his judgement.
If it had only been once I would have forgiven him. If he was honest about it, I would have taken him back.
But picking up and leaving never saying a word about it when he knew I knew left me breathless.
The one person you trusted left with your heart and crushed it in the palm of their hand to make sure you remembered exactly why it felt like you were dying.
I don't know what's sadder about this whole situation.
The fact that I still love him.
The fact that I keep hoping that he'll walk through the door and tell me he's sorry.
Or the fact that as he left and I called out his name he didn't say a word and drove off without me.
Once again, the sun is rising and a new day is beginning –without him.
As I stand up and make my way over to the window, I overlook the street and it feels different.
Everyone is going on with their lives but it feels like I'm stuck in this moment with these feelings.
In an effort to break through the barrier, I go take a shower and clean up my apartment.
As I know look at the empty drawers and shelves, I fall to my knees.
Nobody wants me.
With this confession of echoing silence, many different emotions run through my mind.
Loneliness.
Regret.
Anger.
Betrayal.
The last one leaves me frustrated.
I find nothing of his left in the apartment. He left everything the way it was before he came here.
I go into my bed and lay there. His scent is faintly smelt on the sheets and another set of tears fall from my eyes.
The pain doesn't subside and the loneliness swallows me whole.
The years pass and my job has no more meaning to it. Get in, do your thing, get out. No extra hours, no after work drinks- routine.
My home life is nothing spectacular, the same thing as before and nothing else.
The only other man who has been in this bed since his departure fills the biological imperative that saves me from the brink of insanity.
As I call out another man's name in pleasure, it takes my breath away.
Six years later and I can't get on with anything. Same routine.
No phone calls – no happily ever after.
He walked out of my life and I knew that after everything done, normality was gone from it.
It wasn't worth living but the pain kept me human and willed me to live.
Life after love... well there isn't any and love after love lost makes everything impossibly difficult to get on with.
Writing saved me from everything as well. Anonymously writing books let me vent my anger and frustration which in turn led me to believe I had done something right after all of it.
It is now that I leave you because the emotions can overflow. With this final writing piece, I conclude my story.
With everything done it is now that I see
That with everything gone, our memories still haunt me.
The moon rises once again
And in the same instant, my eyes fall shut.
His face dances behind my lids
And I feel like I want to give in.
But with all of the emotions that flood my mind,
I can't help wish to go back in time
And see him up close one last time.
One more thing I would ask
A final kiss for the soul
Forever burned into my no longer beating heart.
Liked it? Hated it ? Let me know ;)