AUTHOR: Hello, valued reader(s?). Today I am going to write my first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
fanfic. Unlike some of my other first attempts, this will NOT BE AT ALL SERIOUS. Also, I do not own
the turtles, and I am not sure who does. It's just not me. Thank you.
NARRATOR: Ah, yes. Leave the summary to me then? Very well. Let's give Raphael a cape and a
lasso, then set him loose in the Paris Opera House during that nasty Phantom incident. Now, let's sit back
and watch the fun.
AUTHOR: Um… I'm back. I just wanted to say that for purposes of this story, Raph either speaks perfect
French, or the French all speak perfect English. Take yer pick. And nobody is really in character in this
so… Oh well. Oh yeah, Phantom of the Opera isn't mine either. Now, may I present to you…
The Turtle of the Opera
RAPH: It's about time we got to the title.
AUTHOR: Quiet, you.
NARRATOR: Our story begins on the stage of an unusually quiet Opera House. There is a flash of light,
then a turtle wearing a white mask, a black cape, and holding a lasso appears. (Looks at Author then says,
sarcastically…) A flash of light? How original.
AUTHOR: Shaddup.
(Raph looks around in confusion.)
RAPH: Uh… Hello?
(The ballet girls run in, led by Meg.)
MEG: AAAAAHHHH!!!! He's here! The Phantom of the Opera!!!
ALL BALLET GIRLS: AAAAAHHHH!!! He's here! The Phantom of the Opera!!!
RAPH (Who cannot hear because of the screaming): What?
(Enter the Managers, Firmin and Andre.)
MANAGERS: AAAAHHHH!!!! He's here! The Phantom of the Opera!!!
(Now all the opera staff is running around screaming.)
RAPH (Can now hear but is very confused): Huh? Where? (Looks at himself.) Oh. Um…
BWAHAHAHAHA!!! It is I- The TURTLE OF THE OPERA!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! (He then starts
to cough, as he is unaccustomed to evil laughter.)
MEG: The… What?
RAPH: Um… The Turtle of the Opera?
MEG: You're… Not the Phantom?
RAPH: No.
MEG: Oh… HEY EVERYBODY!!!! IT'S NOT THE PHANTOM, JUST SOME TURTLE!!!!!
(They stop running and screaming.)
ANDRE: Well, that's all right then.
(They go about their business.)
NARRATOR: Then Raph decided to go and look on the roof, as it was no longer interesting on the stage.
(Raph is suddenly on the roof. Confused, he looks around, as he didn't climb any stairs to get here. He
sees the author. She waves.)
AUTHOR: Hi!
(Raph chooses to ignore her, as she is insane and does not deserve his attention. The author then feels
upset that he is being so rude.)
NARRATOR: Then, several cans of whipped cream sprayed Raph. He did not look so menacing anymore.
RAPH: Eeewww!! I'm all sticky!
(Christine and Raoul then notice him.)
CHRISTINE: Oh, Raoul! It's him! It's him! Don't let him near me or else he'll take me to his creepy
underground lair and you'll never see me again!
(Raoul considers letting Raph take her away.)
CHRISTINE (All whiny-like): Raaaooouuulll!!!!!
(Raoul looks at Christine, then at whipped cream covered Raph, then at Christine, then at Raph, then at…
Raoul feels dizzy. He pulls out a sword (No, I don't know how it got there either) and gets into a silly
fighting stance, showing just how silly and wimpy, etc, that he is.)
RAOUL: I have at ye, knave!
(Raph flings a handful of whipped cream at him.)
RAOUL: EEEEE!!!! Christine, he absolutely RUINED my silk vest!!! (Raoul starts to cry.)
CHRISTINE: You horrid, horrid turtle!
(Christine proceeds to beat Raphael with a spatula- weapon of champions.)
NARRATOR: Raphael was then horribly defeated by a tiny French girl who has never fought in her life,
and has only a spatula for a weapon.
RAPH: OW! Owowowowowowowowow! Oooooowwwwww!!!!!
(Leo, Mike, and Donny all laugh at poor Raphael.)
AUTHOR: Wasn't that odd?
THE END!!!!!
Or is it…?
NARRATOR: Raphael, now all fresh and clean, came into the computer room and hit the author with the
spatula he eventually wrestled away from Christine.
RAPH: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Now it's THE END!!!!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have frightened myself with my own weirdness.
RAPH: I said "THE END!"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Right, right. Sorry.
fanfic. Unlike some of my other first attempts, this will NOT BE AT ALL SERIOUS. Also, I do not own
the turtles, and I am not sure who does. It's just not me. Thank you.
NARRATOR: Ah, yes. Leave the summary to me then? Very well. Let's give Raphael a cape and a
lasso, then set him loose in the Paris Opera House during that nasty Phantom incident. Now, let's sit back
and watch the fun.
AUTHOR: Um… I'm back. I just wanted to say that for purposes of this story, Raph either speaks perfect
French, or the French all speak perfect English. Take yer pick. And nobody is really in character in this
so… Oh well. Oh yeah, Phantom of the Opera isn't mine either. Now, may I present to you…
The Turtle of the Opera
RAPH: It's about time we got to the title.
AUTHOR: Quiet, you.
NARRATOR: Our story begins on the stage of an unusually quiet Opera House. There is a flash of light,
then a turtle wearing a white mask, a black cape, and holding a lasso appears. (Looks at Author then says,
sarcastically…) A flash of light? How original.
AUTHOR: Shaddup.
(Raph looks around in confusion.)
RAPH: Uh… Hello?
(The ballet girls run in, led by Meg.)
MEG: AAAAAHHHH!!!! He's here! The Phantom of the Opera!!!
ALL BALLET GIRLS: AAAAAHHHH!!! He's here! The Phantom of the Opera!!!
RAPH (Who cannot hear because of the screaming): What?
(Enter the Managers, Firmin and Andre.)
MANAGERS: AAAAHHHH!!!! He's here! The Phantom of the Opera!!!
(Now all the opera staff is running around screaming.)
RAPH (Can now hear but is very confused): Huh? Where? (Looks at himself.) Oh. Um…
BWAHAHAHAHA!!! It is I- The TURTLE OF THE OPERA!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! (He then starts
to cough, as he is unaccustomed to evil laughter.)
MEG: The… What?
RAPH: Um… The Turtle of the Opera?
MEG: You're… Not the Phantom?
RAPH: No.
MEG: Oh… HEY EVERYBODY!!!! IT'S NOT THE PHANTOM, JUST SOME TURTLE!!!!!
(They stop running and screaming.)
ANDRE: Well, that's all right then.
(They go about their business.)
NARRATOR: Then Raph decided to go and look on the roof, as it was no longer interesting on the stage.
(Raph is suddenly on the roof. Confused, he looks around, as he didn't climb any stairs to get here. He
sees the author. She waves.)
AUTHOR: Hi!
(Raph chooses to ignore her, as she is insane and does not deserve his attention. The author then feels
upset that he is being so rude.)
NARRATOR: Then, several cans of whipped cream sprayed Raph. He did not look so menacing anymore.
RAPH: Eeewww!! I'm all sticky!
(Christine and Raoul then notice him.)
CHRISTINE: Oh, Raoul! It's him! It's him! Don't let him near me or else he'll take me to his creepy
underground lair and you'll never see me again!
(Raoul considers letting Raph take her away.)
CHRISTINE (All whiny-like): Raaaooouuulll!!!!!
(Raoul looks at Christine, then at whipped cream covered Raph, then at Christine, then at Raph, then at…
Raoul feels dizzy. He pulls out a sword (No, I don't know how it got there either) and gets into a silly
fighting stance, showing just how silly and wimpy, etc, that he is.)
RAOUL: I have at ye, knave!
(Raph flings a handful of whipped cream at him.)
RAOUL: EEEEE!!!! Christine, he absolutely RUINED my silk vest!!! (Raoul starts to cry.)
CHRISTINE: You horrid, horrid turtle!
(Christine proceeds to beat Raphael with a spatula- weapon of champions.)
NARRATOR: Raphael was then horribly defeated by a tiny French girl who has never fought in her life,
and has only a spatula for a weapon.
RAPH: OW! Owowowowowowowowow! Oooooowwwwww!!!!!
(Leo, Mike, and Donny all laugh at poor Raphael.)
AUTHOR: Wasn't that odd?
THE END!!!!!
Or is it…?
NARRATOR: Raphael, now all fresh and clean, came into the computer room and hit the author with the
spatula he eventually wrestled away from Christine.
RAPH: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Now it's THE END!!!!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I have frightened myself with my own weirdness.
RAPH: I said "THE END!"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Right, right. Sorry.