Introduction
Johnny Cade was scared to death when he and Dally were first introduced, and sometimes he isn't sure if that has changed—he loves him, but sometimes he's afraid of him. Not that Dally knows that; it'll kill Dally if he knows that.
Love
Dally
doesn't know if he loves Johnny Cade or not. Sometimes that kid's
just too damn irritating—that damn naiveté and that damn way he
has of looking at him with those big damn puppy eyes. Who the hell is
he kidding?
Light
Before,
back before Dally had saved him, Johnny wouldn't let him touch him
in the light. He still won't, sometimes, as a reflex; when Dally
reaches for him in the sunlight, Johnny pulls away, a reflection of
the days when he'd been terrified of Dally seeing the bruises.
Dark
Johnny
is light, Dallas is dark—not outside, inside. Neither of them know
how this works and neither of them really care all that much; all
they know is that they balance each other out, and that's enough
for them.
Rot
Johnny
is afraid, sometimes, that Dally will simply waste away and rot if he
can't get what he needs—out of Tucson, away from the Socs and the
greasers and the classes. And then Dally pulls him close and mumbles
'I love you' in Johnny's ear, and he forgets completely, which
is just what Dally wants.
Break
"Shit,"
Dally says, looking at the gash across Johnny's cheekbone, "shit,"
and his voice breaks. Johnny has never heard that before, and that
scares him worse than anything.
Heaven
Dallas
knows that he's never going to get into heaven, but he thinks,
laying next to Johnny in the grass in the lot, neither of them
talking, just laying there, that this is good enough.
Away
Johnny
jerks away from Dallas' outstretched hand and the older boy jerks
it back like it's been burned. "Don't do that," he says, and
Johnny's eyes widen. "I—I ain't gonna hurt you."
Cut
"Do
you like it?" Dally asks ruefully, rubbing the back of his neck and
staring into the mirror at his new, brutally short hair cut. A pair
of thin, sinewy arms snake around his waist and he feels lips on the
back of his neck. "It doesn't matter to me," Johnny murmurs,
laying his chin on Dally's shoulder. "I love you no matter what
your damn hair looks like and you know it."
Breathe
"Breathe,"
Dally is whispering, running his hand over Johnny's thin, shaking
back, trying not to hear the boy's violent sobs. "Just breathe,
Johnnycakes, it's alright..."
Memory
"That's
you?"
Dally asks, staring at the tiny picture in Johnny's hand, of a
little bitty dark-skinned baby, the only memory Johnny brought with
him from home. "Yep," Johnny says, blushing, and Dally kisses
him, quick and gentle. "You're cute and you know it."
Insanity
Johnny
hates it when Dally wants to go hunt a rumble or a fistfight with the
Shephard gang; he thinks that insanity runs in that family and he
hates Dallas getting involved. But Dally only ever kisses him and
tells him that he'll be fine—so when Dally comes home with a
broken nose, Johnny is perfectly happy to say 'I told you so'.
Misfortune
Dally
can tell by the look in Johnny's eyes that he's about to get
punched in the mouth: he had the misfortune to lose about a hundred
bucks in a poker game between himself, Two-Bit and Steve.
Smile
Dallas is kissing Johnny, little by little—the corner of his lips, the top, the bottom, the spot just under the bottom: he can tell by the way Johnny's lips feel that he's smiling, and he has to smile himself.
Silence
There is never silence in their little apartment, between music and running water and Dallas's snores and their soft combined moans.
Spit
"Damn
it," Johnny says, dabbing at Dallas's temple with a wet rag;
Dallas spits blood. "Damn it, damn it," he says again, using
anger to mask his fear.
Blood
"I
love you," Dallas whispers, watching Johnny breathe: they are in a
cage made of sunrays on the bed and tangled sheets. His arm is around
his boyfriend's shoulders and he can see a bruise above his elbow
and beads that had been blood above it.
Under
Johnny
sleeps under the sheets, Dally on top, but one of the older man's
arms always manages to find its way around Johnny's skinny
shoulders in the night.
Gray
Dallas is so beautiful when he's asleep, Johnny thinks, looking at him in the sunlight; he is relaxed for once. The only problem is that he can't see those gorgeous blue-gray eyes.
Fortitude
Johnny is so small and timid but he will never be weak, Dally decides one night. There's a word he's never known the meaning of before until he sees Johnny cleaning himself up at the Curtis' house and returning to his own: fortitude. It means courage and strength. And Johnny is nothing if not courageous and strong.