DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee, nor am I associated with it or RIB. Actually, I just don't own anything - none of the songs or tv shows mentioned in this fic. There we go.
I Love You Came Too Late
By: xSlythStratasfaction
Pairings: slight Klaine/Kadam/Seblaine
Warning: This story contains some harsh language and mentions of sexual situations. SPOILER ALERT for episodes after 4x15 (some parts based on rumored spoilers as well.) Title is based on a song by Joey McIntyre. TRIGGER WARNING for mentions of a school shooting.
Kurt doesn't know what he's thinking the night he logs onto Skype and calls Blaine, but never in a million years does he imagine saying what he does, especially when he just isn't ready to break the news yet. Nonetheless, it ends up spilling out like a cup of tipped over milk, slipping from his lips like it's nothing.
"Adam and I have decided to be exclusive."
It takes him a moment, but then Blaine's looking up from his homework and from what Kurt could see over his blurred computer screen, Blaine frowns for just a second before he brings his attention back to Kurt and plasters the fakest smile Kurt has ever seen onto his face. "Really? Well, that's great. I'm happy for you."
You're lying, Kurt thinks to himself, trying his hardest to decipher the strange look on his ex's face. However, knowing that Blaine isn't telling the truth and is probably about to have a mental breakdown didn't stop the rest of the word vomit from forming and coming out. Without warning, Kurt begins talking, finding himself without the power to stop. "Are you really happy for me, Blaine? Seriously?" God, Kurt, shut up.
"Yeah. I am. You deserve to be happy, Kurt."
I was happy with you. "Well, I am. Adam's a great guy."
"I bet he is," Blaine says softly, suddenly busying himself with something below the computer screen. Kurt struggles to catch what Blaine's doing, but then he hears a voice on the other end of the call.
It's a woman - Blaine's mother... yelling for Blaine.
"Coming, mom!" Blaine yells back, looking back up at Kurt for a quick second, his face softening in regret. "I uh- I have to go. It's dinnertime and all and-"
"You can't talk any longer?" Kurt asks sadly, immediately hating himself for blurting out what he did. He knows that his confession is the reason Blaine's leaving; it's just so blatantly obvious, like there's a big glowing sign flicking on and off on his ex's forehead. "We haven't spoken in weeks and-"
"Yeah well... umm I've been busy and so have you, so- I've really got to go, Kurt."
"When can we chat again? Something crazy happened in class today and I wanted-"
Blaine sighs, running a hand over his face. "Sometime later, I'm sure. I just- I have to go. I'll talk to you later, alright?"
"Okay, well good-" Kurt says, his voice breathy. He's unable to finish his sentence though. Blaine's disconnected before the rest of the words can even form on his lips.
That's when Kurt realizes that maybe he's made a big mistake in telling Blaine about Adam.
A big, big mistake.
::
Several weeks go by and Blaine hasn't been on Skype once. Nor has he answered any of Kurt's texts or calls or anything.
To get any sort of news at all about his ex or his old friends, Kurt has to go to his roommates for info. From the McKinley rumor mill, Kurt finds out that Blaine's rejoined the Cheerios and sang a few questionable songs in glee club ("I'm telling you, ladyface, they've got to be about you!"), but other than that, there hasn't been a word of contact between him or his ex.
And Kurt hates it.
He hates that Blaine's essentially run away from him. He hates that somehow Blaine is upset with him over trying things out with Adam. But most of all, he's kind of angry that Blaine even has the audacity to get upset over him dating again, especially after what he did.
But, despite his anger and disgust at the whole situation, then there's this little birdy on his shoulder (who looks a lot like Pavarotti – may he rest in peace) that loves to remind him that he went to Ohio during the week of Valentine's and pounded the hell out of Blaine's ass (and vice versa) in a hotel room (and at his house and Blaine's house and in Blaine's car and so on and so forth) under the guise that they were just friends helping out friends... knowing damn well that Blaine's still head over heels in love with him.
And, of course, that Kurt's still in love with him, but Blaine doesn't need to know that.
It's only a few days after Kurt's told by Rachel about Blaine's strange choice in songs in glee club that Santana accosts him in the kitchen.
"You do realize he's ignoring you because of Doctor Who, right?"
Kurt sighs and sets his cup of coffee down on the counter. Based on Santana's tone of voice, he's about to listen to a lecture and he's really not into it, having been completely wiped out at dance class earlier, but he'll listen to her crazy ranting and humor her before he flees to his bedroom for a well-deserved nap. "I think I figured that out a while ago, Satan. Thank you for reminding me."
"I'm not here to try to piece your relationship back together, fancypants. I'm just trying to let you know that you're just pushing him away and it'll only be a matter of time before he's gonna stop waiting around for you."
Kurt narrows his eyes, staring at his roommate with questionable eyes, "What in the world are you talking about?"
Santana scowls, "You and Bowties McGee fucked at the wedding. You know that and I know that. However, the entire time you were in Lima, you were riding that ass into the ground with your 'this is just friends helping friends' crap and Blaine was eating it up like a lovesick puppy dog because he still loves you."
"And your point is?"
"My point is that I think that the only reason Anderson was even going along with your plan was because he thought that maybe you'd change your mind and go running back into his open arms like they do in those stupid movies you two like to watch."
"Blaine knew how I felt that day. He knew from the get-go and from the second I landed in Lima that we were just going to be together as friends and nothing more."
"Yeah, and then you started taking him out to the movies and to dinner and bowling and all that stuff boyfriends do and then you two'd have sex and make out and oh my god, it was like you were a couple again... and for you, maybe it was a hookup, but I'm pretty sure for him, it was looking like you were coming back."
"Well, then he was wrong," Kurt mumbles to himself, wrapping his hands tightly around his mug to give himself something else to focus on other than the memories of Blaine writhing beneath him, "Blaine knew what he was getting into."
"I'm sure he did. I also thought I was sure that you were going to hop a plane back to Lima after you bawled your way through Moulin Rouge, but I was wrong about that."
"That was a minor setback. I have Adam now."
"Sure you do... and one day, you'll wake up and realize that maybe you made a mistake and you'll go running back to Lima to win Hairgel back and you'll find that it's too late."
"Santana-"
"I'm just letting you know. Let's say I know from personal experience." That's all Santana says after that. She hops off the kitchen counter and waltzes out of the room, leaving a speechless Kurt behind her. He knows exactly what she's talking about, her still strong feelings for Brittany are written plain as day across her face and once she's out of his sight, his mind begins racing with the thoughts that maybe she's right and maybe one day he'll realize how much he still loves Blaine... and Blaine will be gone.
But, he just can't entertain those thoughts right now. I'm with Adam now, he tells himself over and over again as he sips his coffee. Adam's a great guy and I deserve this. I can find love with Adam. I can.
It just may take some time.
::
Kurt's just coming in the door following a lunch date with Adam when Rachel slams into him full force and wraps her arms around his torso.
"Rachel, what-"
"There was a shooting at McKinley! It's on the news!"
All thoughts of Adam and his coffee flavored kisses go flying right out of the window when the words shooting and McKinley spill out of Rachel's mouth and Kurt's thoughts immediately rewire to thoughts of Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine Blaine.
"But Blaine-"
"I tried to call him, b-but I didn't get an answer. I tried Sam and Tina and Artie, but n-no one answered. I-" Rachel continues rambling, her words becoming jumbled with each choke of her breath. Kurt pushes past her and falls to his knees in front of the tv, eyes glued on the screen as they show helicopter footage of students being evacuated from the building, the words Gunshots Heard at School in Lima, OH scrolling at the bottom of the screen.
His stomach is churning and he feels faint, but he pushes the feelings down in order to pull his phone from his back pocket. It's like he's running on auto-pilot as he dials one of the few numbers he knows by heart and waits for someone, anyone to just answering the fucking phone.
"Hi, you've reached the phone of Blaine Anderson. I'm not here to take your call right now, but please leave a message after the beep! Thanks!"
He hangs up and dials again.
"Hi, you've reached-"
And again.
"Hi, you've-"
Once more.
"Hi-"
With a choked back scream, Kurt flings his phone across the room and pulls his knees to his chest. He can't breathe, he can't see, he can't even fucking hear anything, he's so worked up, and all he can think about is what Santana said to him just days before about Blaine not being there anymore.
Except this is so much different.
He rises from the floor and storms past Rachel to head into his room. He starts throwing things into a duffle bag, carelessly tossing mismatched items in there while he debates on how he's going to get home because he just has to know if Blaine's okay. He's about two seconds away from zipping up his bag when he hears the beautiful sounds of Pink's Fucking Perfect trickle across the apartment and he's sprinting into the living room, diving to the floor to grab up his forgotten phone.
A picture of Blaine, smiling and beautiful and alive, stares back at him and he almost forgets to answer, only being snapped from his reverie when Rachel kicks at him. "Answer it!"
"Hello?! Blaine?!"
"Kurt-"
Blaine's voice is shaky and wet and god, he's been crying and he's probably scared and god, Kurt feels like the worst person on the earth right now because something could have happened to Blaine and the last memory Kurt would've had with him would've been their little spat over the phone and- oh shit. "Blaine? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Blaine chokes out, sniffling loudly. Kurt can imagine him wiping at his eyes with the hankerchief he keeps tucked in his shirt pocket. "I'm okay. We're all okay. No one was hurt."
"Did they catch the shooter?"
"He's been captured. He- they don't think he was shooting at anyone. They aren't too sure what he was doing actually, b-but me and the gang are sitting in the courtyard right now. We're all okay. I didn't get your calls earlier b-because I was on the phone with your dad, so I'm sorry but-"
Kurt checks out for the rest of the conversation. All he can think about is that Blaine's okay and somehow he was talking to Burt earlier and Kurt's unsure of what that even means, but all that matters right now is that Blaine's safe and that he's alright.
"I'm glad you're okay."
"I am too." Blaine says softly. There's silence for several seconds and Kurt thinks about letting Rachel know everyone's alright, but he's too focused on the sound of Blaine's breathing. "Thank you for calling me."
"I needed to know if you were okay. You're my best friend."
Blaine does that little squeaky laugh he always does when something excites him or surprises him and Kurt's heart melts. It's not supposed to. You're with Adam now, his mind supplies, but he ignores the chastizing and continues to let Blaine talk about what happened.
They talk for hours, long after Blaine is able to go home and after Santana comes bursting into the apartment, demanding to know if Brittany's okay. Kurt sings Blaine to sleep because Blaine's a little scared after the whole ordeal, no matter how composed he seemed on the outside to everybody else, and after Kurt hears the soft, sniffly snores of his ex on the other side of the line, he begrudgingly hangs up and cries himself into his own restless slumber.
::
One would think that after a scare such as that, Kurt would have sorted out his feelings, but to be honest, he didn't.
::
For days after the shooting, despite the fact that he and Blaine are talking once again, Kurt still continues to go out with Adam. He ignores the strange looks shot at him by Santana when they pass each other in the halls as he's leaving for a dinner date with Adam and he especially ignores the comments she makes while he and Adam are snuggled up on the couch watching movies and enjoying each other's company.
::
It's a full two weeks after the shooting that Kurt drags Adam into his bedroom, pulls the partition closed, and allows his boyfriend to blow him into oblivion.
It's a full ten minutes after Adam leaves that Kurt curls up into a ball and bawls over the guilt he feels in his belly after it's all over.
::
At the end of April, Kurt goes home to be with his dad while Burt has more tests done over the state of his prostate cancer. When he arrives, he's welcomed home with hugs and kisses and the first night he sleeps in his old room, he imagines every single spot he and Blaine have ever had sex on in that room. The next morning when he drives his dad to Columbus for his tests, he's surprised to find Blaine standing there in the parking lot, hands tucked into the pockets of his light spring jacket.
Burt seems incredibly happy to see him and Kurt can't deny the swoop he feels in his stomach when Blaine looks up at him and they lock eyes for the first time since Valentine's Day (well, the first time not behind a computer screen.)
Neither boy speaks while Burt's having his testing done and even though the silence is uncomfortable to Blaine, Kurt finds it soothing, especially when he has all the time in the world to admire the fact that his best friend and ex-lover has been nothing but the perfect person to be there in Kurt's stead when Burt needed help. Afterwards, when Burt's tests are all done and he offers to take the boys to breakfast, Kurt wraps Blaine up in his arms and whispers his thanks into Blaine's hair, smiling when Blaine hugs him back just as tight and says, "I promised you."
::
"So how are things with you and Adam?" Blaine asks, crossing his arms behind his head.
He and Kurt are relaxing in Kurt's room, laying side by side on the bed, a movie playing listlessly in the background that neither of them are paying any attention to. Kurt is laying on his side and staring at his best friend, admiring the way Blaine's eyelashes flutter when he talks or the way his pink, full lips purse together when they're dry, right before his tongue peeks out to wet them a little.
Down below, Kurt's pants get a little tighter and he mentally wills himself to calm down. You have a boyfriend. Blaine's your friend.
Your friend that you're still madly in love with.
He rolls onto his stomach and rests his head on his hands, closing his eyes as he answers Blaine's question, "We're doing pretty good, I think. We've been trying out these different restaurants on this food crawl thing Adam's been all about over the last few weeks. Plus he's been taking me to see different Broadway shows and movies. It's fun."
"Sounds like a good guy," Blaine says quietly. Kurt doesn't have to open his eyes to know what kind of look is passing across his ex's face.
"He is. I like him."
"Are you guys pretty serious?"
That's a dangerous question and they both know it. A tiny burst of anger burns in Kurt's stomach when he hears it because how dare Blaine ask that! That's none of his business. And maybe it's out of spite that Kurt says it, but he blurts out, "If you count amazing blowjobs as serious, then I guess you could say yes."
Beside him, Blaine stiffens and his breath stutters loudly. Kurt's eyes pop open as he realizes what he just said and he pushes himself up on his elbows at the same moment Blaine does, immediately trying to backtrack what he said, "I didn't-"
"No, no. It's cool. You two are dating and that's to be expected, right?" Blaine turns away from him for a moment and then turns back, that fucking fake smile painted on. Kurt just wants to slap it off.
That or kiss it away.
"Blaine-"
"Kurt, no, don't. I ruined us and it was bound to happen that you'd meet someone amazing in New York, someone who would sweep you off your feet and give you all the things I couldn't and-"
"Blaine, no, that's not-"
Blaine completely disregards Kurt's protests and stands up, continuing his speech as he edges to the door. "-there's no reason for you to have to explain it to me. I understand and I'm happy for you. You deserve all the best in the world, Kurt, and I hope you realize that. If Adam makes you happy, then I'm glad. I'm really glad."
Kurt throws himself over the side of the bed and rushes over to catch Blaine before the other boy can leave, but then he just stops, freezes there in the doorway as Blaine runs down the stairs and out the door, not even bothering to say goodbye to Kurt or Burt or Carole. He just leaves. As the front door slams, Burt peers around the corner and looks up at Kurt, frowning when he sees the tear tracks on his son's face.
"Are you okay, bud?"
"No," Kurt cries, dropping his head into his hands as he bawls.
That's the last time he sees Blaine while he's in Lima.
::
Before he knows it, the end of May is right around the corner and there's a box full of graduation announcements sitting in the middle of the table at the apartment. Adam is quietly reading through all of the announcements, looking at the pictures enclosed, trying to get a better look at the people who went to school with his boyfriend and new friends.
"Ahh, so this is the infamous Blaine," he states, setting a picture of a smiling snazzy looking Blaine on the table. Kurt looks away from his sudoku puzzle to stare down at the photo and when he looks closely at it, it's like his heart cracks right down the middle because there's that fucking smile again. That stupid, fake fucking I'm hurt but I'm acting like I'm okay smile that Kurt hates so much and he turns away from the photo, eyes welling up over the fact that he hasn't spoken to Blaine in almost a month.
"Sweetheart, are you okay?" Adam asks thoughtfully, placing a hand on top of Kurt's. It takes everything in Kurt's power to not yank his hand away – not because he doesn't like Adam, but because he feels like a complete dick every time Adam does this, does something nice, and he can't find any sort of feeling in his heart that indicates that he cares for Adam as much as Adam cares for him.
"I'm fine," he lies, slowly manuevering his hand away to wipe at his eyes. Adam goes silent across from him and Kurt bites his lip. "I'm not fine."
"I didn't think so. You're not a very good liar, Kurt."
Kurt's unsure of how to react to that, so he stays quiet and allows Adam to talk.
"I haven't really said anything because I do really like you, Kurt, but the last few weeks, you just seem... off. I thought that maybe if we spent more time together, you'd start to feel the same way I do, but like I told you before, I can't compete with a fantasy and now, part of me thinks that maybe you don't want it to be a fantasy anymore. You want the real thing."
As soon as the words leave Adam's mouth, Kurt drops his head into his hands and cries, faintly nodding, giving just enough of an answer to Adam to let his boyfriend know that, yes, he was still in love with Blaine, and yes, he had tried to fall out of love, but it didn't work. Adam reaches out and takes Kurt's hand again, smiling sadly at him.
"You have to tell him, Kurt. You're only hurting yourself in the long run by not saying anything."
"I never wanted to hurt you, Adam," Kurt cries, taking both of Adam's hands into his own. "I wanted to love you, I did. I care about you a lot, but I couldn't- I couldn't stop loving Blaine. Blaine hurt me so bad and I wanted to hate him, but I know Blaine, I know that's not the person he is."
"And that's why you still love him."
"Yes. Despite what he did, I think I forgave him a long time ago. I just think I needed time to come to terms with that."
"And you did."
"I did."
Adam laughs, squeezing Kurt's hands tight within his own. "Well then, this Blaine bloke is a lucky guy to have you."
"Any guy would be lucky to have you, Adam. You've been the best boyfriend."
"Why thank you," Adam says with a blush, gently letting go of Kurt's hands to stand up from the table. "It's been a pleasure being your boyfriend."
Kurt chuckles wetly and stands as well, latching onto Adam and hugging him tight. "Why are you making this so easy? Break-ups are supposed to be harder than this."
"Well, I think it was when I saw you after you came home from your visit last month – you looked so confused and heartbroken and I knew I didn't have a chance... I just wanted to make sure though, but I knew not to get my hopes up."
"I'm sorry-"
"Don't be. You can't force yourself to love someone. You love who you love. And you," He pauses, pulling away to poke Kurt in the chest, "love Blaine."
Kurt nods and looks down, swallowing a sob when Adam finally pulls away and kisses his forehead. "I'm sorry, Adam."
"I told you: don't be. It's been fun, Kurt. I'll see you at Apples rehearsal, yeah?"
"Of course."
Taking that as a final answer, Adam leaves apartment and Kurt collapses to his knees, feeling terrible that he doesn't feel all that guilty over the fact that he just broke up with an amazing man.
::
Graduation for the McKinley High Class of 2013 is a lot like the Class of 2012's graduation.
Kurt, Rachel, Santana, and the families of all the graduates (including the Hudmel family) sit in the bleachers and watch as the students go up and get their dipolmas. Kurt's chest swells with pride when Blaine gets his dipolma and Figgins announces him as the class' valedictorian – it's to be expected though, Blaine was a Dalton man, and a smart guy overall. After everyone else gets their dipolmas, the New Directions (with the seniors on leads) sing an emotional version of Vitamin C's Graduation (Friends Forever) and then the group tosses their caps into the air, yells and cheers of jubilation filling the air.
As soon as everyone grabs their caps from the ground, graduates rush into the stands, bright-eyed and excited to see their families after such a big event in their life. Kurt stands off to the side and watches as Blaine bumrushes his brother Cooper and then receives hugs from both of his parents. The Anderson family takes a few pictures together and then of Blaine and his fellow grads (mainly Tina, Brittany, Artie, and Sam) and, finally, after they're done, Kurt moves forward to give his favorite graduate a hug...
And that's when he sees him...
Sebastian Smythe, just hovering there in the background, stylishly dressed, CW hair coiffed to perfection... and looking at Blaine like he's the most important person in the room.
Oh.
"Congrats, killer," Sebastian purrs as he wraps an arm around Blaine's shoulders and tugs the shorter boy to his chest. Blaine laughs – and oh god, his laugh – as he hugs Sebastian back and Kurt's heart shatters into a million pieces all over again.
He's moved on.
Kurt can't move. He sees Santana give him the most pitiful look before she turns away to congratulate Brittany and he can see Sam and Tina wearily watching Blaine and Sebastian out of the corner of his eye, but it doesn't matter. Blaine's moved on. Biting back his tears, Kurt waits until Blaine spots him standing there among the sea of people and he almost loses it when Blaine plasters that awful smile on his face and steps forward to gather him into his arms.
"Kurt! I wasn't expecting you here! Thanks for coming!"
He's moved on. He can't even smile for you anymore. You took too long, Kurt. Santana was right; Blaine wasn't going to wait forever and he didn't. He didn't wait and it's all your fault.
Blaine hugs him tightly and then pulls away, blinking up at Kurt, "Hey, you're crying. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Kurt lies, trying not to shy away when Blaine begins to wipe away the tears on his cheeks. "I'm just really proud of you, that's all."
Blaine's facial expression softens and he pulls Kurt into his arms again, sighing when they embrace once more. "Thank you, Kurt. That really means a lot to me." He pulls away again and smiles, this time a real one, "I really appreciate you being here today. Thank you."
"What are friends for," Kurt says softly, trying to keep it all together when Blaine nods and then steps back. The two stare at each other for several moments before Blaine gets sucked away by the crowd of celebrating people and as soon as he's gone, Santana sidles up to Kurt and wraps an arm around his waist.
"For what it's worth. I don't think Blaine and Fievel Mousekewitz will last very long at all."
"You were right. You were right all along and I didn't listen to you and I lost him. I lost him to the fucking guy who almost blinded him last year and I don't know how."
Santana tightens her grip on Kurt's waist and leads him from the gymnasium, away from the crowds of noisy people, and out into the parking lot. It's quiet, the springtime sunshine fading away as the wind whips around them. It's probably going to rain soon. Fitting, Kurt thinks to himself, considering how much he wants to bawl his eyes out. Rain will make it easier to hide the tears. Beside him, Santana sighs and Kurt watches as Sam and Brittany come running into the parking lot, hands locked together as they laugh and goof off. Behind them come Artie and Tina who are talking to some of the newer members of New Directions, and behind that group are Blaine and Sebastian, who are walking a little too close for comfort.
Kurt's chest tightens and his throat locks up as he watches Sebastian place a hand on the small of Blaine's back. "I was going to tell him I still love him today. I was going to surprise him. I didn't think this was going to happen."
"Well, you did tell him you and the British Boy Wonder were bumping uglies. What were you expecting?"
"I thought he'd wait."
"You were stupid to think so."
"I know," Kurt wipes away some more tears and watches Blaine playfully shove Sebastian away. It's only then that he notices a few of the other Warblers walking with him and he wonders to himself when that happened – when did Blaine and the Warbler guys become friends again? "I think I just realized how much I missed in his life."
Santana raises an eyebrow, her lips pursing together in question. "What in the world are you babbling about?"
"Blaine... so much has happened in his life and I had no idea. Other than what you and Rachel have told me, I didn't even know most of the other stuff. But he knew about me. We always talked about my life and I don't think we ever really talked about his."
"And I care about this how?"
"You don't. I was just thinking to myself." Thinking to myself that maybe I wasn't that great of a boyfriend either. Thinking to myself that maybe I hurt Blaine as much as he hurt me. Sniffling, Kurt shies away from Santana and turns away from the scene before him, his heart aching way too much to be watching Blaine look at Sebastian like that. "Do you really think they'll last very long?"
"Well, I heard they went to prom together. But... nah, I give it a week or two tops." Santana says, but with her tone of voice, Kurt wonders if maybe she's lying to herself as well. He ignores it.
"Well he'd better not hurt him," he whispers, walking away from everybody to head to his dad's truck. He knows Santana's staring at him, he knows his dad is probably looking for him and is most likely worried about him, and he's sure Rachel is thinking to herself that they should have stayed in New York for their own sanities, but as he walks, feeling the light splats of cold rain on his face, he resigns himself to the fact that he was too late, that he missed his chance.
He moved on.
As he walks away, he doesn't catch Blaine watching him from a distance, the hazel eyes that once glimmered with so much hope slowly dimming the farther away Kurt goes.
A/N: This story has been stuck in my head for weeks and it just had to be written (sorry for those of you who have been waiting for updates of my other stuff - my muse isn't working for anything else right now even though I've tried, I swear.) It didn't come out the way I wanted it to, but this'll do. I hope you liked it. Let me know what you thought!