(A/N: Hey, people! Sorry it's been a while...As I've mentioned in some other one-shot, probably, this is another one of those OOOLD ideas that's been sitting around in the doc manager forever and I've had to repeatedly tell myself "hey...don't you think you should work on that one now? At least a little? no?" You know the one. Oh wait, nah, you haven't read it yet. Well go do that, silly billy!)

"EVERYONE GET TO THE DANCE FLOOR, IT'S TIME FOR THE CHA-CHA SLIIIDE!"

"Again?" groaned Dib.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Agent Tunaghost approached him. "Judging by your lack of costume and deep bluish-green aura, I'm guessing you aren't enjoying the party very much."

"It's just...when I suggested the Swollen Eyeball Network appeal to a younger demographic, I didn't mean to throw a grade school costume party. I've been having traumatic flashbacks all evening!"

"Psh. Well, I'm having fun." Tunaghost sipped her watery punch. "Enjoy your youth while you have it, Mothman."

"I TRY. Is there even anyone here who's my age?"

"I think I saw some kids over there talking about 'Mystical Myths'...?"

Dib perked up. "Mysterious Mysteries?"

"Yeah, that. They're from the next county over."

"..." Dib looked where she was pointing and saw 3 kids conversing with each other. "I don't wanna get my hopes up, but they've gotta be more fun than the Cha-Cha Slide. I'll check them out."

"Good, your aura looks bluer already." Tunaghost waved after him. "Slide to left. Slide to right. Reverse, reverse..."

Dib thought of what to say on his way over to the kids. The trio was comprised of a bright-eyed boy with somewhat wavy brown hair, a thin girl with stringy red hair, and a chubby boy with spiky blond hair. They were dressed up as a devil, a witch and a skeleton respectively. Dangit, Dib wasted so much time describing them in his head, he was right by them and hadn't thought of a greeting. Well, he could always use a classic.

"Uh, hi."

"Hiii!"

Dib was kinda startled by the warm welcome. "Never seen you guys around before. I was starting to think I was the only kid in whole network."

"Yeah, we're in the minority," quipped the energetic boy. "Name's Luke."

"I'm Sherry," said the girl.

"And I'm Billiam!" said the other boy.

"Uh, I thought we were supposed to use our code names..." Dib reminded them.

"Huh. Oh yeah." Luke shrugged. "Agent Snaplock."

"Agent Crackleshock."

"And Agent Popbarrel!"

"I picked all the names," smirked Luke. "I'm just clever like that."

"Ignore him, he always says that," sighed Sherry. "It took him weeks to think those up. So what's your name?"

"It's Agent Mothman." Dib noticed their expectant faces. "...but you can just call me Dib. I heard you guys were into Mysterious Mysteries or somethi—"

"MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES?!" the group echoed.

"Y-Yeah...?"

"It's only our favorite show in the world!"
"We've seen ALL the episodes!"
"That show raised me more than my actual parents!"

"Okay, okay!" Dib tried to adjust to their reactions. "Not to brag, but uh, I've actually been on the show."

"No way!" Billiam's hair somehow spiked more. "I thought you looked familiar."

"Psh, I bet you're full of it," uttered Luke. "It's impossible to get on—OW!"

Sherry had punched his arm. "Don't be a jerk!"

"Eh, I'm pretty used to people not believing me," mumbled Dib. "About anything..."

"Oh, us too!" the girl nodded. "I think it's because we're kids. I swear my neighbor's a vampire, but I'm the only one who cares."

"SAME," Luke and Billiam chorused.

"Y'know, you guys seem pretty cool." Dib folded his hands. "Um...I don't seem even slightly cool to you, do I?"

"Oh, sure you do! Just look at your hair! You should hang out with us sometime, Dib!"

"Yeah!"

The only one not voicing their approval was Luke, who had his arms crossed his arms. Dib eyed him anxiously. "...!"

"...yyyeah, I GUESS you seem slightly cool," he divulged in a joking tone. "Let's make a group chat."

"Uh, what's that?"

"You don't know what a group chat is?"

"Well, no. I don't really text anybody, because I don't have friends or anyone who remotely enjoys talking to me...please just...show me."

They did so, and thus the friendship was forged. In the weeks following the party, Dib grew accustomed to having people to talk to. They would make trips to each other's houses to exchange info on their latest paranormal discoveries and Mysterious Mysteries episodes. He actually felt happy about his life for once.

One day, all four of them had an inscribed paper on the floor of Dib's room.

"Oh, great Homework Spirit," Billiam began. "If you can hear us and are willing to share your wisdom with us, please give us a sign. Preferably the answer to #6."

They were all watching the paper in anticipation when a heavy shudder ran through Dib's body.

"What? Is the Homework Spirit possessing you?"

"Ask it the answer to #6!"

"No, it's not that..." Dib said dramatically as he stood. "My Zim senses are tingling."

"Zim?" Sherry thought for a moment. "The alien you told us about?"

"Yeah." Dib darted to the window, where he could see some mayhem happening in the city. "He's up to something! And I'm gonna go stop that something!"

"Wait, you're going over there?"

"I have to! I have a sworn duty to protect humanity, no matter how stupid it is! Sorry to ditch you guys like this, but—"

"Ditch us? Dude, what're you talking about?" Luke clenched his fist. "We wanna help!"

"Yeah, we've never fought an actual alien!"

"I brought peanut butter cups and my anti-alien trap net!"

"Wow!" A grin spread across Dib's face. "Come on, grab some weapons and let's hurry!"

So, Dib, Luke, Sherry and Billiam hurried into the city and continued hurrying until they caught up to Zim, who was driving a gigantic mechanical beaver tank. Eh, he'd had stranger plans. They observed his path of destruction from an alleyway. Townspeople were scurrying every which way to avoid the mech and a couple futilely tried throwing things at it.

"Oh no!" Dib gasped. "He's headed for the city dam!"

"Since when did this city have a dam?" muttered Billiam.

"Plan time! You three hurry to the dam and hold Zim off, I'll sneak into the back of that...THING and try to take it down from the inside. If Zim catches onto me, come in after me!"

"Right!" The trio nodded and made their way up the sidewalk. As the beaver mech continued its slow progress up the road, so Dib slipped in under its metal tail and got to work wrecking its engine and other innards.

"Nyahaha!" Zim cackled. "The beaver may not be quite as swift as I'd hoped, but it's nearly made it to the dam! And no sign of—!"

"Stop right there, in the name of the Earth!"

"Ah, Dib!" Zim opened the mech's windshield. "Just as I—heh? Who are you?!"

"Wow, he's a lot tinier than I thought he'd be," Luke remarked.

Sherry elbowed him and raised her blaster. "We're here to stop you, alien!"

The trio didn't give Zim time to respond before they opened fire on him. He was forced to put up a shield and return his own fire; artificial beavers. His combatants ran and tumbled along the top of the dam to dodge them. In the meantime, Dib dismantled as much of the beaver tank as he could. He dug through tearing and smashing until finally...

"What?!" Zim pressed his attack button repeatedly. "I can't be out of beavers yet!"

"Dib did it!" Luke said in relief. Let's skedaddle!"

As he, Sherry and Billiam passed Dib on their way off the dam, they each high-fived him. He simply blew Zim a raspberry, then left.

Zim's eye twitched. "...WHAT JUST HAPPENED?"

And for the following few weeks, Dib remained on top of the world.
Zim tried terrorizing the nation's coasts with a perilous weather machine, but Dib and his squad hacked into it and cleaned up all the damage.
Zim tried infesting the mailing system with timebombs, but Dib and his squad infiltrated the post office and disarmed them all.
Zim tried opening a restaurant with mind-controlling kids' meals, but Dib and his squad gave it tons of bad internet reviews until he was forced to shut it down.
They were on a roll and Zim's losing streak was only getting...streakier.

XXXXXXXWITHZIMXXXXXXX

"Thia can't BE!" Zim paced around in his living room whilst GIR ate pistachio ice cream on the couch. "Dib and his little friendship army have brought each and every one of my plans to a screeching halt! When, where, and above all, HOW did he even get friends?!"

"Maybe he's been workin' on himself," GIR suggested.

"Whatever! Even when I retaliate against Dib, his ffFRIENDS are always there as backup! He's using numbers against me! A spineless tactic, but it's got me in a pickle."

"Mmm...spineless..."

"If that pitiful human wants to use the power of friendship against me, then surely I can use it against him! GIR, do you have any friends I could borrow?"

"What about your friends, Master?"

"OHHH, you mean the ones I don't have?" Zim replied sourly.

"Sure you dooo!" The SIR unit licked his lips. "There's me, and Moose, your mom and pop, and the happy basement boy!"

"You, Minimoose, the roboparents, and...Nick..." Zim counted on his fingers. "That'd make it 6 against 4. We need another! Someone eternally loyal to me with enough common sense to manage the forces, but enough lunacy to stay under my thumb...I never thought I'd find myself turning to him, but desperate times call for desperate measures!"

Skoodge popped out of the trashcan. "Finally, my time has come!"

"NOT THAT DESPERATE!"

"Oh..." Skoodge slid back down.

"No. I'm referring to another 'friend' of mine..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DING-DONG!

The door creaked open. "Zim! My bestest friend!"

"Hello, Keef. My..." Zim gulped heavily before holding his arms out. "...bestest friend."

Which he instantly regretted because Keef pulled him into a tight hug.

"ENOUGH!" Zim pried him off. "You are going to assist me with a crucial plan! But as you do so, ask me NO questions, understand?"

"Of course!" Keef beamed. "What else are bestest friends for?"

"I SAID NO QUESTIONS!"

And so, Zim had his dream team assembled for one big showdown.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Knock-knock!

"...ehhh, come in!"

Luke, Sherry and Billiam reluctantly opened Dib's bedroom door to find him sitting at his desk surrounded by a multitude of computer monitors. He had notes and journals scattered all over the place and he looked like about as much of a mess as the room. His hair was unkempt, his eyes were baggy, and his trench coat was barely on his shoulders.

"Hey, Dib," the trio greeted boredly. They'd grown too used to this sight.

"We figured you missed the new Mysterious Mysteries last night, so I recorded it." Billiam held up a tape. "Wanna watch it with us?"

"There was a new one last night?" Dib scratched his chin with a ruler. "Well, I hope you didn't spend too much time with that. Remember those modifications I told you guys to make? And that liquefying serum? And—"

"Yeah, we did all that, chief." Luke rolled his eyes. "And it wasn't super easy, y'know."

"Of course saving the world isn't easy. But nothing worth doing ever is. That's a famous quote from someone," Dib said with an air of smugness.

"Right. So, do you wanna watch it or not?"

"You guys seriously came over just to watch Mysterious Mysteries? Take a look at all this research I've been doing on Zim! Don't you think I'm a little busy for that?"

"YOU'RE busy?" grumbled Sherry. "We're the ones who've been working like sweatshop employees."

"Come on, man, it feels like forever since we watched together," Billiam pled.

"...MAYBE. Maybe, if we have time after we piece together what Zim is doing—"

"Okay, that does it!" snapped Luke. "Be honest! Zim is, like, the only reason you ever want us around anymore! You contact us just to say 'hey, get ready to sneak into Zim's base tomorrow', 'hey, Zim's going to the junkyard tomorrow', 'hey, here's some instructions to make your plasma ray powerful enough to pierce Zim's machines'—which, I'm not gonna lie, were really helpful—but I've had enough!"

"Me too!" declared Sherry.

"Me three!" declared Billiam.

"Welcome to my world!" Gaz shouted from down the hall.

"Are you kidding me?" Dib stared at them in shock. "We're getting SO close to stopping Zim for good! You're just giving up on our longtime goal because you're TIRED?"

"No, we're giving up on YOUR longtime goal!" Sherry clarified. "Zim has always been your arch nemesis, for you to take down."

"Yeah, we didn't mind helping you out against him at first," Billiam went on. "But now we feel more like your alien-fighting brigade than your friends. I mean, we never got you to help us fight the ghosts and sasquatches and whatever else we found!"

"Because THIS is serious!" Dib said in annoyance. "You can't honestly say possessive-yet-friendly ghosts and sissy origami-making sasquatches are comparable to an alien who frequently tries to destroy our planet!"

"We're not." Luke narrowed his eyes. "We're just spelling things out for you."

"...why'd you wait until NOW of all times to tell me this?"

"Because until now, we were trying to be good friends! But if you won't try, why should we? We're out. PEACE!"

The trio dumped their alien-fighting gizmos on the floor and promptly stormed off.

Before Dib could react, an alarm sounded from one of his monitors. "A video thingy? Uh, open!"

"Dib!" Keef appeared on the screen. "Oh, thank goodness you answered!"

"Who're you?"

"Wha—Dib, it's me! Keef!"

"..."

"From Ms. Bitters's class?"

"Uh..."

"Anywhosies, Zim captured me and has been experimenting on me here in his base! I managed to sneak away, but I'm still lost here in his lab!" Keef explained frantically. "I'm sorry I never believed you about Zim being an alien, but now I know I can count on you to save me! Please help, before he finds me!"

"O-Okay, Keith! I'll be there as soon as I can!"

"It's Keef. And hurry!"

And Keef hung up.

"Guys, we gotta go—oh yeah, they left...whatever!" Dib smacked his face a couple times to pep himself up. "I can complete a rescue mission all on my own! And after this, Kevin'll probably be my new friend! Provided he isn't deceased and/or horribly mutated when I find him. Yeah...yeah! I should probably stop talking to myself and get going before that can happen!"

"PLEASE DO!" Gaz shouted once more.

"IF IT DOES HAPPEN, LEAVE THE BODY THIS TIME!" added Professor Membrane.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Running as fast as his legs could carry him, plus all the abandoned tech from his friends, Dib made it to Zim's neighborhood. An ominous fog surrounded his already ominous house. He approached with caution, only to stop in his tracks in the middle of the cul-de-sac when he picked up on the sound of Zim's wicked laughter. Dib looked around, unable to tell where it was coming from.

"Dang it..." he gulped. "I'm walking right into a trap, aren't I?"

"Diiib!" came Keef's voice. "Dib, help me!"

"You can drop the act!" Zim initially sounded annoyed, but he was wearing a wide grin when he stepped out of the fog. "Our guest of honor has arrived...and by 'honor', I mean the opposite. You're the guest of dishonor. I was being facetious. Ha-ha."

"Should've guessed that was where he was," Dib murmured to himself. "Where's Kenan, Zim?!"

"It's still Keef. And I'm back here working the fog machine!" Coughing, Keef joined Zim on the sidewalk. "My bestest friend and I played a trick on youuu!"

Zim took a small step away from him. "I'll admit I was desperate."

"Wait, 'friend'?" Dib echoed. "Y...You know he's an alien, don't you? You've GOT to know that. Why would you be friends with him?!"

"Zim is not an alien! He just has a skin condition and a fancy house and a talking dog!" the redhead explained.

"B-But you know you're helping him destroy me, right?! Murder?!"

Keef shrugged. "Anything for my bestest friend. Also, I'm not allowed to ask him questions."

"UGH. Well, whatever you two have in store for me, it's not gonna be enough! Just look at all this equipment I brought...!" Dib struggled to hold them all.

"Oh, it's not just the two of us..." Zim smirked again.

"Wish it was," Keef said under his breath.

Zim stepped a little further from him as GIR, Minimoose, Nick and the roboparents emerged from the fog, munching on Keef's homemade waffles. Rather overcooked, but they seemed to make them more obedient.

Dib's eyes widened. "This is...more packed than I was expecting."

"HA-HA!" Zim crossed his arms. "Where's your army of friends now?!"

"They, uh...left," Dib said sheepishly.

"How unfortunate for you. Now you are no match for the might of my Friendship Force!" Zim snapped his fingers. "Keef, give the command!"

"Minimoose, give the command!" Keef commanded.

"Nyah!" squeaked the robot moose. In his language, this meant "KILL THE BIG-HEADED BOY".

Fueled by waffles and spurned by Minimoose's inspiring words, the Friendship Force (minus Zim and Keef) quickly had said big-headed boy surrounded. Dib tried to duck around them and charge up one of his blasters, only for the robomom to snatch it from him.

"Little boys shouldn't play with weapons like this!" she nagged, tying it into a pretzel knot.

"Nice scolding, honey!" her robohusband complimented.

Dib pushed past them and fired another energy beam at GIR, who was shielded by Minimoose.

"Nyah!" He promptly knocked Dib back with his nubs.

As the human tried to get to his feet, a laser was pressed to his forehead, courtesy of GIR.

"Bye-bye!"

"Aghh!" Dib narrowly rolled out of the way and crawled around the roboparent's legs serpentine style, panicking the whole time. Even worse, Nick had picked up the rest of his gadgetry.

"Golly! This sure is an impressive assortment of tools that could hold the key to Zim's downfall! I'm so HAPPY!"

"Excellent, Nick!" Zim said excitedly. "Bring those to me!"

"As you wish, friend!"

"NO!" Dib leapt and tackled Nick to the ground with a deafening crack. He had a feeling that weaponry wouldn't be so useful anymore...

Dib began hyperventilating now he was completely unarmed. He was shocked by how difficult this brawl turned out to be considering Zim's minions didn't have the best track record. The roboparents seized him by his arms so the rest of the army could get good shots in on him. And boy, did they.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" cackled Zim. "Ahh, I'm almost surprised by the efficiency of this method! Now you have witnessed the true power of friendship, Diiib!"

"Zim! Don't try to deceive me!" Dib spat as his opponents took a waffle break. "These guys aren't your friends! They're either robot slaves or twisted kids!"

"Hey!" went Keef.

"Heh?" Zim uttered in confusion.

"You don't care about them! You're just using them to get what you want!"

"They're loyal followers of mine who obediently comply with my every demand! The very definition of friends!"

"What bonehead taught you that?"

Zim stuck his tongue out. "You, 'bonehead'!"

"That's not true...! I liked my friends and they liked me! ...at least they DID before I screwed it up by treating them like this." The bruised and battered Dib was dropped down onto his knees. "Urgh! My bones...my cartilage...and especially my tissue! I can't beat them on my own! Now I'm gonna DIE, and I never even returned Agent Disembodied Head's trading cards!"

Zim laughed maniacally as his army closed in for the kill.

"I was such a fool..." Dib covered his eyes. "A FOOL! I had actual friends and I used them like pawns! I'm sorry, guys..."

"Alright, we got it, Dib! You finally learned your lesson!"

"Huh?" Dib whirled around to see Luke, Sherry and Billiam. "You...! You three just stood there, watching me get the crud kicked outta me?!"

"For a little bit," Sherry admitted. "But we forgive you, and now we're gonna help!"

Billiam cracked his knuckles. "Your odds look slightly better now, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess they look slightly better." Dib picked himself and put on a smile. "Together, we'll defeat Zim by showing him the REAL super power of friendship!"

"Dude, we just came back. Don't drive us away again with a cheesy speech."

"R-Right!"

The newly reassembled team set out darting through Zim's army; with so many more targets to chase around, they became confused. In his frustration, Minimoose fired a flurry of laser from his nubs, severing the robodad's arm with one of them and creating sizable cracks in the road.

"NOOOO, MY SQUEEZING ARM!" Furious, he tore his robowife's head off and flung it at Minimoose. When he shielded himself, it bounced off and hit GIR in the back.

"THE ENEMY!" he exclaimed, flashing into Duty Mode. "Where?!"

"There!" Sherry and Dib pointed at Minimoose, who instantly got his antlers and nubs ripped off by GIR. Dismembered, he fell to the ground.

Luke picked up the inert and surprisingly heavy robot moose and flung him at the robodad, whose squeezing arm had come back for revenge and squeezed GIR until his insides went gushing out of his head.
With the robots taken care of, the quartet of friends faced the amicably waving Nick. They delivered one simultaneous punch to his face and threw him onto the scattered pile of robot parts.

"We did it! We won!"
"We defeated Zim's Friendship Force!"
"LEVEL UP!" they rejoiced.

"Well, not just yet." Dib eyed Zim and Keef. They were staring aghast at the wreckage before them.

After exchanging a grin, Dib, Luke, Sherry and Billiam used all their strength to lift Nick and the robotic remains in one huge wad.

"Heave...HO!" They chucked it at the duo.

"Oh, no…!" Zim gaped the approaching projectile.

"Don't worry!" Keef put his arms out in front of him. "I am your meat shield, bestest frie—!"

KRRRSH!

"...NOW we did it!" Luke declared as Sherry giggled.

"And all it cost was our stuff! ...huh," Billiam turned to their smashed gadgets.

"Oh, yeah..." Dib noticed the trio shooting him nasty looks. "Uh! Guys! I don't like to play this card, but my dad's loaded and has great credit, he could replace all this for you!"

"He better."

With that, the three of them turned and left. Dib was befuddled about their relationship status.

"Hey, Dib?"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna come watch Mysterious Mysteries with us?"

Dib took a breath, ready to follow, when he heard a noise behind him. He glanced back to see the now scuffed-up Zim and Keef gathering up the remains of the Friendship Force. No way could he sit back let them all get rebuilt. But that meant he had to choose between Zim, and his only friends.

"...sorry, guys," he replied dramatically. "We won a battle, but I have a war to fight. And I don't want to drag you into it. Like you said, Zim is my rival, not yours."

"Oh, okay. See you at the next Swollen Eyeball party?"

"Oh, definitely! We'll catch up!"

Sherry beamed. "Call us if you need extra help with Zim!"

"And call me if you wanna summon the Science Fair Demon!"

"Definitely!" The trio waved until they'd disappeared over the sunlit horizon.

Dib figured they thought he was a weirdo, but that was still miles above most everyone else's opinion of him.

"Quickly, Keef, get inside!" Zim ordered, holding his front door open.

"Will do, bestest friend Zim!" Keef struggled to carry the enormous heap of scrap through the doorway.

"Oh no, you don't!"

Reinvigorated for the next battle, Dib dashed in after them. The sounds of the ensuing melee rattled the entire neighborhood.

"AGHHH, TIME OUT! TIME OUT!"

"NO TIME OUTS! RAGH!"

"YOW! ZIM, H-HE BIT ME! I'M BLEEDING!"

"GO BLEED OUTSIDE, I DON'T WANT THAT ON MY FLOOR! DIB, WHAT'RE YOU DOING WITH THAT DIDGERIDOO?! Why do I even have a...? NO! NOOOOO!"

(A/N: Finally, and I mean FINALLY done. The dialogue parts of this were mostly easy, but the stuff between that was pretty hard. Hopefully everything turned out fine and this wasn't a total mess.

That said, I hope you enjoyed. Please review, fave, and check out my profile for more! Au revoir!)