The alley loomed before him, the darkness taunted his senses. He cautiously moved forward, tensed, ready for a fight. His ears perked up at any sound, his eyes zigzagged, searching for any sudden movement. His heart was silent.
A car passed behind him, its headlights running over his figure and the alley. His bleach-blonde hair shone bright, his dark eyes glistened. As the light passed, he glanced around in the blackness once more. Seeing nothing, hearing less… he went home.
*
"Dawnie, I'll pick you up at five, okay?" Willow spoke into her cellular phone. "Wedding plans and then dinner at Anya and Xander's, alright?"
"Five sounds good." Dawn's voice sounded through the static. "I just have some math homework to do."
"Good girl, see you later." Willow hung up, and put her phone away.
On the other end, Dawn hung up the receiver. She glanced at the clock, which read 4:02, and at her math textbook in front of her.
"I'll do it later." She promised herself.
"You'll do it now." Said the British accent that had just entered the room. Dawn spun around, giving a defiant glare.
"Giles, I don't have time! Willow's going to be here with Tara in ten minutes." Dawn fibbed.
"Or, rather, 57 minutes," Giles countered. "I'm not bloody deaf, you know."
"I'll do half now, half at Anya's." Dawn bargained. Giles took of his glasses to give Dawn a better look at his skeptical face.
"Yes, amidst all of the fluttery wedding merriment, young Dawn will be sitting in a corner, doing long division." He said, his voice dripping with its usual sarcasm. Dawn rolled her eyes.
"Giles, we learned long division in grade four." She pointed out, if only to spite him. "Now we're doing algebra."
"Even so, you'll do it now." Giles insisted. More like Buffy every day, he added silently. Even a fleeting thought of the former Slayer still conjured a painful lump in Giles' throat. She had been gone not three months, having sacrificed her life so that Dawn, her sister and the Key, could live.
The Hellmouth had remained placid all summer. Even the usual vampires had sensed a change, and had ceased their torment of the Sunnydale locals for the time being. Perhaps, after so long, the demon populous had learnt to respect the Slayer, and everything she had meant to them.
Giles sighed, leaving Dawn to her own devices in the kitchen. It was unlikely. Still, though, a quiet summer had been quite useful in the rehabilitation of Buffy's friends. True to his word, Xander had proposed to Anya. Wedding plans were well on their way for an October marriage.
Giles, who, at his mature age, was somewhat excluded from the planning, still had the Magic Shoppe to look after. Despite the absence of evil in Sunnydale, he still had his regular customers: the tourists, the pimpled high school students, and of course, Willow and Tara. Business was doing so well that Giles had turned the old gym - Buffy's training room - into a tea room. It had been a hard choice, but Giles and the old Scooby Gang had decided it was the best way to move on.
Giles was pulled from his thoughts when Paz, Dawn's new kitten, attacked his foot. The cat, whose name meant "peace ", had been a gift from him to Dawn after Buffy had died. While he knew it didn't replace the girl's sister, it offered a companionship that he couldn't as her guardian.
"Honestly, I couldn't have picked a stupider animal." Giles pried the blonde kitten from his ankle, and held it gingerly. He looked down into the cat's blue eyes, and for a moment, they reminded him of Buffy's.
"Come off it, Rupert," he scolded himself. "She's gone."
*
He sat in the dank crypt. He had been offered a place at Buffy's home, but the memory was still too raw, too real. He felt more comfortable, if that was even possible, in the stone building, away from light, away from everyone.
"It's bloody cold in here." He muttered. Shadows flickered over his face, cast from the candle burning on top of the stone tomb. A scar now decorated his right cheek. At first he didn't understand it. He couldn't scar, his face always healed. But then, it was from that night. Falling from the tower, not being able to protect Dawn, and Buffy dying because of it.
"No!" Spike screamed, jumping up, pounding his fists into the empty space in front of him. "I fell, I… I… she should have let Dawn…"
Spike's eyes flashed with anger. Anger at himself, anger that Buffy was too damned loyal, too damned brave. He would never be that brave, and he would never feel her strength. Not even a shadow of it. Too damned beautiful.
Spike cried. The pain was like none he had felt. He imagined a stake through the heart would be easier, even by Buffy's hand, if only she were alive.
*
"I don't like that color." Anya insisted, scowling at the yards of white fabric draped around her shoulders. "It's ugly, and it makes my face look fat."
"Anya, it's tradition for the bride to wear white." Tara offered helpfully. Anya made a face.
"It was tradition for Anyanka to boil her lover after the wedding, too." She retorted. The was a short silence. "But we don't adhere to that nowadays, do we?"
"Forget it Anya, you're wearing white." Willow insisted. Anya paused for a moment, trying to think of another excuse.
"What if… what if demons attack the church? I can't fight in this dress!" she declared.
"Anya, there won't be any demons." Dawn countered.
"Yeah," Tara agreed. "There haven't been any demons around since…"
"Since Glory left." Willow cut in, saving everyone from mention of Buffy's name. "And Tara and I can always do a protection spell."
"You people love to see me pout, don't you?" Anya complained, earning herself a few laughs.
After another half-hour of being fitted, the quartet left the dress shop just as the sun dipped below the horizon. A year before, that would have been cause for worry. Now they simply walked down the sidewalk, chatting, headed to the magic shop.
"So, Willow was doing this reversal spell, and she sort of singed my eyebrows." Dawn concluded a rather lengthy anecdote. "It was really cool. I still don't see why Giles won't let me do magic yet."
"He's just being careful." Willow said wisely. "He wouldn't appreciate his charge being turned into a rat."
"Oh, that only happens on TV." Dawn protested. Willow faltered a little as she thought of Amy.
"Still, though," Willow trailed off. They walked silently for a moment before being interrupted by a clatter in an alley nearby.
"What was that?" Anya asked.
"Tara, stay with Dawn." Willow said as she and Anya raced toward the source of the noise. The turned the corner past the coffee shop, and all but knocked over Spike.
"Bleeding Christ!" Spiked cursed, more shocked than hurt. "What are you birds doing, running around in the dark, scaring a bloke to death."
"You are dead, Spike." Anya reminded him.
"What are you doing out here?" Willow was curious. They hadn't seen hide nor hair of Spike in weeks.
"Looking to scare up some action." Spike was obviously lying.
"Nice try, Spike." Dawn rolled her eyes. Spike glared at her, allowing his vamp face to slip out of hiding for a moment. He retracted it after a sharp look from Willow.
"Spike, what are you carrying?" Anya tried to peek around his back. Spike quickly hid the large paper bag from sight.
"N-Nothing…" he stammered. "Shut up."
"Spike went grocery shopping." Tara giggled. Spike turned in a huff, and began to walk away.
"Why don't you lot find something more entertaining to do than pester demons for once, what say?" he called over his shoulder. "A fellow can't even get a bit of privacy."
"We didn't invite him to my wedding, did we?" Anya asked nervously. They all watched the vampire retreat into the shadows, and then continued on their way.
*
"Giles!" Dawn screamed when she saw the wreckage at her feet. Willow, Tara, and Anya appeared behind her.
"Giles, what happened?" Willow asked as Dawn flew to the man, who was laying in a pile of rubble in front of the counter.
"Spike." Giles choked out, fumbling for his glasses. "He broke in, took some things. I didn't see what."
"Spike? We just saw him." Anya reminded the group. "He was weird, and he had groceries."
"Not groceries, Anya," Willow said. "Magic stuff."
"But why would he break in?" Dawn questioned. "He's good now. He can't do stuff like that."
"Well, not necessarily." Willow spoke. "He can't hurt humans, but that doesn't mean he's good."
"But if Buffy-" Dawn broke off in midsentence. "He wouldn't have done that if Buffy were here."
"Or perhaps he's done it because she isn't." Giles offered. "Reverted to his old self?"
"He seemed a little jumpy, and big with the British swearing." Willow recalled, ignoring Giles' displeasure at her remark.
"Better call Xander." Anya suggested.
"Right, he can help figure this out." Dawn agreed. Anya looked confused.
"I just wanted to tell him about my dress."
*
Spike looked at the assorted items sitting on the floor in front of him. Everything he needed was there. The orb, the herbs, the sacred circle. He went to the corner, and removed a loose brick in the wall. There, in the dust, lay the last thing he needed. The translation of the curse.
Spike removed the worn paper from its nest, and moved to stand in the circle.
"Not dead nor not of the living… spirits of the Interregnum, I call."
*
"Best place to look, as far as I can figure, is the old crypt." Xander reasoned. "Spike never was one for the big flashy endings of the world."
"Best we go, then," Giles stood, having mostly recovered from Spike's attack. He led the troops out the door, but not before handing out the most effective weapons of his arsenal.
*
"Gods bind me…" Spike struggled to keep his composure. He could feel strong magic coursing through him. "Cast my heart from the evil realm."
"Spike!" Buffy screamed. No, it couldn't be Buffy. No. It was Dawn. Dawn and the others. Giles, Xander, Willow, the two other girls. No Buffy. Spike felt a wave of power rush over him.
"Te implor, Doamne, nu ignora aceasta rugaminte!" he screamed, no longer in control of his own voice. He barely heard Willow over the roar in his ears.
"It's the reversal spell!" she cried. "He's trying to get his soul back."
"Nici mort, nici al finite. Lasa orbita sa fei vasul care-i va transporta, sufletul la el. Asa sa fei! Asa sa fei! Acum!" Spike was overwhelmed by the waves of magic, and his knees crumbled beneath him. "Acum!"
"Stop!" Willow cried. Suddenly, instead of disappearing, the glowing Orb of Thesula exploded, sending millions of blackened shards flying in each direction.
Everyone hit the deck, shielding their eyes from the enchanted glass. After a moment, when it seemed everything was back to normal, Willow stood, and looked around.
There was no trace of the sacred circle, no trace of the orb, or the other ingredients. All she saw was Spike, trembling in the corner, alone.
"Spike-" she approached cautiously.
"I tried to be good for her, Willow." He whispered, shaking, and crying. "Angel was good, and Riley was good. I was going to be good."
"It's okay Spike." Willow assured him.
"If I was good, too, she'd come back. She'd come back, and she wouldn't even have to love me. She'd just… just see that I'm good now. I have a soul. I do."
"Oh, Spike." Willow felt tears fall over her cheeks as she stared at the broken man before her.
"But it didn't work." Spike continued. "I can't have a soul, and she… she can't ever come back. It hurts, it hurts like a bloody stake through the heart."
"I know." Willow reached a hand to him. Spike jumped up, glaring.
"You don't know!" he screamed. "You don't know how much it hurt to love her! How much it hurt to help, to fail. You don't know how much it hurts now! How much I hurt now!"
"Spike," Willow backed up warily. Spike remained rooted in place.
"She always planned ahead." He said sadly. "In case something went wrong. Gave the little duck to the Watcher. Made sure you lot could still save the world."
"Spike," Willow repeated.
"I planned ahead, too." Spike smiled. "A little contingency plan, in case old Thesula didn't work."
"No," Willow watched in horror as Spike pulled a stake from his pocket. Mr. Pointy, no less.
"Spike, no!" Dawn screamed rushing forward. Spike thrust the stake at her to hold her at bay.
"You're no better!" He cried. "You didn't have to come here. Make her love you more than her own life."
"I-" Dawn burst into tears.
"See? You know how it feels." Spike said. "You know I have to do this."
"I love her too, Spike, but I'm not going to-" Dawn was cut off again.
"You couldn't. That would make big sis awful angry with me, right?" he said bitterly. "Nope, got to get this over with." Spike paused. "I was good, for awhile."
Willow cupped a hand over Dawn's eyes as Spike turned the stake on himself, thrusting it into his own chest. Screams from him, from the others, echoed through the crypt a split second before he burst into dust. Nothing more than dust.
"Let's go." Giles spoke up after a moment. The somber group exited the crypt, and walked through the silent cemetery.
*
Spike was lost. But, he couldn't be lost, not when there wasn't anyplace to be lost in. It was just empty. Bare. Black.
"So, this is where she kept trying to send me." Spike muttered, only to find that he didn't have a voice. After a moment of, well, nothing, Spike thought he heard something.
"Spike?"
"Buffy?" he cried out, whipping his head around to look. There was nothing to see. She was inside him, and all around him.
"What are you doing here, Spike?"
"Looking for you, pet." Spike felt tears brim in his eyes. He smiled. "Looks like I found you."
"You should have stayed." Buffy's voice was a screaming whisper. Too quiet to hear, but too loud not to.
"I couldn't." Spike replied. "I tried, but I couldn't. It was my fault."
"It was my choice!" Buffy cried. Suddenly, she was there. Spike couldn't help himself, and fell into her embrace.
"We could have done it together, you didn't have to die." Spike exclaimed. "We could have done it together."
"You didn't have to die, Spike. My friends could have helped you. You could have done it together." Buffy held him at arm's length.
"No, they need you. I need you." Spike protested.
"It's too late for me." Buffy smiled softly. "I can't go back, but you still can. Come on Spike, I never was able to kill you. Don't tell me all it took was a stake through the heart to get you here."
"I'm not going back. If I'm not dead, your friends will kill me anyway. I hurt your Watcher." Spike told her.
"So, what else is new?" Buffy joked. "Spike, you are my friend. You said you loved me. If you do, then don't put me through the pain of being responsible for your death."
"Like I'm responsible for yours?" Spike challenged. Buffy looked down upon him with sorrow. He could tell she would feel as he had felt. He didn't wish that pain on anyone, not even Angel.
"Go, Spike." Buffy demanded. "They'll help you."
"Buffy," Spike began. He was silenced by her kiss. Their first real kiss. The first that meant something.
"Go."
"Buffy!" Spike cried, but she was gone. Spike closed his eyes, knowing that the tears would return. After a moment, he opened them, and was in a room. Buffy's room. In bed.
"Spike," Dawn's face came into focus. "That was the stupidest thing you've ever done. Do you know how hard it was for Willow and Tara to bring your dusty ass back?"
"I said we should just leave you." Xander spoke up. "But the sentimental girly-types vetoed me."
"I'll calculate the damages on my shop." Giles said wearily. "You can work them off once you're back to your old self."
"If you want, you can come to the wedding." Anya offered reluctantly. Spike was overwhelmed by what he was hearing. He sat up, and felt an excruciating pain in the back of his head.
"Oh yeah, we have a present for you." Willow said. She held out her palm for Spike to examine the small object that lay there.
"It's not…" Spike trailed off.
"Your chip." Tara told him. "Courtesy of a simple removal spell."
"You are good, Spike." Willow said, smiling. "You got your soul back a long time ago. That's why the spell didn't work."
"You mean…"
"A soul is the embodiment of love." Giles explained. "Your love for Buffy, for Dawn, and even for the rest of us, gave you back the soul you lost."
"You're bloody kidding me." Spike was almost speechless.
"Did you see her?" Dawn asked quietly, slowly. Spike nodded.
"Same as always, telling me what to do." He smiled. Dawn gave a weak grin. "She says you'd better be good. And she says don't let me get out of line again. All of you."
"Don't worry about that." Xander stepped forward, punching his palm menacingly. Spike glared, causing the boy to leap back a few feet. "Just kidding, just trying to help!"
"I know."
THE END
A car passed behind him, its headlights running over his figure and the alley. His bleach-blonde hair shone bright, his dark eyes glistened. As the light passed, he glanced around in the blackness once more. Seeing nothing, hearing less… he went home.
*
"Dawnie, I'll pick you up at five, okay?" Willow spoke into her cellular phone. "Wedding plans and then dinner at Anya and Xander's, alright?"
"Five sounds good." Dawn's voice sounded through the static. "I just have some math homework to do."
"Good girl, see you later." Willow hung up, and put her phone away.
On the other end, Dawn hung up the receiver. She glanced at the clock, which read 4:02, and at her math textbook in front of her.
"I'll do it later." She promised herself.
"You'll do it now." Said the British accent that had just entered the room. Dawn spun around, giving a defiant glare.
"Giles, I don't have time! Willow's going to be here with Tara in ten minutes." Dawn fibbed.
"Or, rather, 57 minutes," Giles countered. "I'm not bloody deaf, you know."
"I'll do half now, half at Anya's." Dawn bargained. Giles took of his glasses to give Dawn a better look at his skeptical face.
"Yes, amidst all of the fluttery wedding merriment, young Dawn will be sitting in a corner, doing long division." He said, his voice dripping with its usual sarcasm. Dawn rolled her eyes.
"Giles, we learned long division in grade four." She pointed out, if only to spite him. "Now we're doing algebra."
"Even so, you'll do it now." Giles insisted. More like Buffy every day, he added silently. Even a fleeting thought of the former Slayer still conjured a painful lump in Giles' throat. She had been gone not three months, having sacrificed her life so that Dawn, her sister and the Key, could live.
The Hellmouth had remained placid all summer. Even the usual vampires had sensed a change, and had ceased their torment of the Sunnydale locals for the time being. Perhaps, after so long, the demon populous had learnt to respect the Slayer, and everything she had meant to them.
Giles sighed, leaving Dawn to her own devices in the kitchen. It was unlikely. Still, though, a quiet summer had been quite useful in the rehabilitation of Buffy's friends. True to his word, Xander had proposed to Anya. Wedding plans were well on their way for an October marriage.
Giles, who, at his mature age, was somewhat excluded from the planning, still had the Magic Shoppe to look after. Despite the absence of evil in Sunnydale, he still had his regular customers: the tourists, the pimpled high school students, and of course, Willow and Tara. Business was doing so well that Giles had turned the old gym - Buffy's training room - into a tea room. It had been a hard choice, but Giles and the old Scooby Gang had decided it was the best way to move on.
Giles was pulled from his thoughts when Paz, Dawn's new kitten, attacked his foot. The cat, whose name meant "peace ", had been a gift from him to Dawn after Buffy had died. While he knew it didn't replace the girl's sister, it offered a companionship that he couldn't as her guardian.
"Honestly, I couldn't have picked a stupider animal." Giles pried the blonde kitten from his ankle, and held it gingerly. He looked down into the cat's blue eyes, and for a moment, they reminded him of Buffy's.
"Come off it, Rupert," he scolded himself. "She's gone."
*
He sat in the dank crypt. He had been offered a place at Buffy's home, but the memory was still too raw, too real. He felt more comfortable, if that was even possible, in the stone building, away from light, away from everyone.
"It's bloody cold in here." He muttered. Shadows flickered over his face, cast from the candle burning on top of the stone tomb. A scar now decorated his right cheek. At first he didn't understand it. He couldn't scar, his face always healed. But then, it was from that night. Falling from the tower, not being able to protect Dawn, and Buffy dying because of it.
"No!" Spike screamed, jumping up, pounding his fists into the empty space in front of him. "I fell, I… I… she should have let Dawn…"
Spike's eyes flashed with anger. Anger at himself, anger that Buffy was too damned loyal, too damned brave. He would never be that brave, and he would never feel her strength. Not even a shadow of it. Too damned beautiful.
Spike cried. The pain was like none he had felt. He imagined a stake through the heart would be easier, even by Buffy's hand, if only she were alive.
*
"I don't like that color." Anya insisted, scowling at the yards of white fabric draped around her shoulders. "It's ugly, and it makes my face look fat."
"Anya, it's tradition for the bride to wear white." Tara offered helpfully. Anya made a face.
"It was tradition for Anyanka to boil her lover after the wedding, too." She retorted. The was a short silence. "But we don't adhere to that nowadays, do we?"
"Forget it Anya, you're wearing white." Willow insisted. Anya paused for a moment, trying to think of another excuse.
"What if… what if demons attack the church? I can't fight in this dress!" she declared.
"Anya, there won't be any demons." Dawn countered.
"Yeah," Tara agreed. "There haven't been any demons around since…"
"Since Glory left." Willow cut in, saving everyone from mention of Buffy's name. "And Tara and I can always do a protection spell."
"You people love to see me pout, don't you?" Anya complained, earning herself a few laughs.
After another half-hour of being fitted, the quartet left the dress shop just as the sun dipped below the horizon. A year before, that would have been cause for worry. Now they simply walked down the sidewalk, chatting, headed to the magic shop.
"So, Willow was doing this reversal spell, and she sort of singed my eyebrows." Dawn concluded a rather lengthy anecdote. "It was really cool. I still don't see why Giles won't let me do magic yet."
"He's just being careful." Willow said wisely. "He wouldn't appreciate his charge being turned into a rat."
"Oh, that only happens on TV." Dawn protested. Willow faltered a little as she thought of Amy.
"Still, though," Willow trailed off. They walked silently for a moment before being interrupted by a clatter in an alley nearby.
"What was that?" Anya asked.
"Tara, stay with Dawn." Willow said as she and Anya raced toward the source of the noise. The turned the corner past the coffee shop, and all but knocked over Spike.
"Bleeding Christ!" Spiked cursed, more shocked than hurt. "What are you birds doing, running around in the dark, scaring a bloke to death."
"You are dead, Spike." Anya reminded him.
"What are you doing out here?" Willow was curious. They hadn't seen hide nor hair of Spike in weeks.
"Looking to scare up some action." Spike was obviously lying.
"Nice try, Spike." Dawn rolled her eyes. Spike glared at her, allowing his vamp face to slip out of hiding for a moment. He retracted it after a sharp look from Willow.
"Spike, what are you carrying?" Anya tried to peek around his back. Spike quickly hid the large paper bag from sight.
"N-Nothing…" he stammered. "Shut up."
"Spike went grocery shopping." Tara giggled. Spike turned in a huff, and began to walk away.
"Why don't you lot find something more entertaining to do than pester demons for once, what say?" he called over his shoulder. "A fellow can't even get a bit of privacy."
"We didn't invite him to my wedding, did we?" Anya asked nervously. They all watched the vampire retreat into the shadows, and then continued on their way.
*
"Giles!" Dawn screamed when she saw the wreckage at her feet. Willow, Tara, and Anya appeared behind her.
"Giles, what happened?" Willow asked as Dawn flew to the man, who was laying in a pile of rubble in front of the counter.
"Spike." Giles choked out, fumbling for his glasses. "He broke in, took some things. I didn't see what."
"Spike? We just saw him." Anya reminded the group. "He was weird, and he had groceries."
"Not groceries, Anya," Willow said. "Magic stuff."
"But why would he break in?" Dawn questioned. "He's good now. He can't do stuff like that."
"Well, not necessarily." Willow spoke. "He can't hurt humans, but that doesn't mean he's good."
"But if Buffy-" Dawn broke off in midsentence. "He wouldn't have done that if Buffy were here."
"Or perhaps he's done it because she isn't." Giles offered. "Reverted to his old self?"
"He seemed a little jumpy, and big with the British swearing." Willow recalled, ignoring Giles' displeasure at her remark.
"Better call Xander." Anya suggested.
"Right, he can help figure this out." Dawn agreed. Anya looked confused.
"I just wanted to tell him about my dress."
*
Spike looked at the assorted items sitting on the floor in front of him. Everything he needed was there. The orb, the herbs, the sacred circle. He went to the corner, and removed a loose brick in the wall. There, in the dust, lay the last thing he needed. The translation of the curse.
Spike removed the worn paper from its nest, and moved to stand in the circle.
"Not dead nor not of the living… spirits of the Interregnum, I call."
*
"Best place to look, as far as I can figure, is the old crypt." Xander reasoned. "Spike never was one for the big flashy endings of the world."
"Best we go, then," Giles stood, having mostly recovered from Spike's attack. He led the troops out the door, but not before handing out the most effective weapons of his arsenal.
*
"Gods bind me…" Spike struggled to keep his composure. He could feel strong magic coursing through him. "Cast my heart from the evil realm."
"Spike!" Buffy screamed. No, it couldn't be Buffy. No. It was Dawn. Dawn and the others. Giles, Xander, Willow, the two other girls. No Buffy. Spike felt a wave of power rush over him.
"Te implor, Doamne, nu ignora aceasta rugaminte!" he screamed, no longer in control of his own voice. He barely heard Willow over the roar in his ears.
"It's the reversal spell!" she cried. "He's trying to get his soul back."
"Nici mort, nici al finite. Lasa orbita sa fei vasul care-i va transporta, sufletul la el. Asa sa fei! Asa sa fei! Acum!" Spike was overwhelmed by the waves of magic, and his knees crumbled beneath him. "Acum!"
"Stop!" Willow cried. Suddenly, instead of disappearing, the glowing Orb of Thesula exploded, sending millions of blackened shards flying in each direction.
Everyone hit the deck, shielding their eyes from the enchanted glass. After a moment, when it seemed everything was back to normal, Willow stood, and looked around.
There was no trace of the sacred circle, no trace of the orb, or the other ingredients. All she saw was Spike, trembling in the corner, alone.
"Spike-" she approached cautiously.
"I tried to be good for her, Willow." He whispered, shaking, and crying. "Angel was good, and Riley was good. I was going to be good."
"It's okay Spike." Willow assured him.
"If I was good, too, she'd come back. She'd come back, and she wouldn't even have to love me. She'd just… just see that I'm good now. I have a soul. I do."
"Oh, Spike." Willow felt tears fall over her cheeks as she stared at the broken man before her.
"But it didn't work." Spike continued. "I can't have a soul, and she… she can't ever come back. It hurts, it hurts like a bloody stake through the heart."
"I know." Willow reached a hand to him. Spike jumped up, glaring.
"You don't know!" he screamed. "You don't know how much it hurt to love her! How much it hurt to help, to fail. You don't know how much it hurts now! How much I hurt now!"
"Spike," Willow backed up warily. Spike remained rooted in place.
"She always planned ahead." He said sadly. "In case something went wrong. Gave the little duck to the Watcher. Made sure you lot could still save the world."
"Spike," Willow repeated.
"I planned ahead, too." Spike smiled. "A little contingency plan, in case old Thesula didn't work."
"No," Willow watched in horror as Spike pulled a stake from his pocket. Mr. Pointy, no less.
"Spike, no!" Dawn screamed rushing forward. Spike thrust the stake at her to hold her at bay.
"You're no better!" He cried. "You didn't have to come here. Make her love you more than her own life."
"I-" Dawn burst into tears.
"See? You know how it feels." Spike said. "You know I have to do this."
"I love her too, Spike, but I'm not going to-" Dawn was cut off again.
"You couldn't. That would make big sis awful angry with me, right?" he said bitterly. "Nope, got to get this over with." Spike paused. "I was good, for awhile."
Willow cupped a hand over Dawn's eyes as Spike turned the stake on himself, thrusting it into his own chest. Screams from him, from the others, echoed through the crypt a split second before he burst into dust. Nothing more than dust.
"Let's go." Giles spoke up after a moment. The somber group exited the crypt, and walked through the silent cemetery.
*
Spike was lost. But, he couldn't be lost, not when there wasn't anyplace to be lost in. It was just empty. Bare. Black.
"So, this is where she kept trying to send me." Spike muttered, only to find that he didn't have a voice. After a moment of, well, nothing, Spike thought he heard something.
"Spike?"
"Buffy?" he cried out, whipping his head around to look. There was nothing to see. She was inside him, and all around him.
"What are you doing here, Spike?"
"Looking for you, pet." Spike felt tears brim in his eyes. He smiled. "Looks like I found you."
"You should have stayed." Buffy's voice was a screaming whisper. Too quiet to hear, but too loud not to.
"I couldn't." Spike replied. "I tried, but I couldn't. It was my fault."
"It was my choice!" Buffy cried. Suddenly, she was there. Spike couldn't help himself, and fell into her embrace.
"We could have done it together, you didn't have to die." Spike exclaimed. "We could have done it together."
"You didn't have to die, Spike. My friends could have helped you. You could have done it together." Buffy held him at arm's length.
"No, they need you. I need you." Spike protested.
"It's too late for me." Buffy smiled softly. "I can't go back, but you still can. Come on Spike, I never was able to kill you. Don't tell me all it took was a stake through the heart to get you here."
"I'm not going back. If I'm not dead, your friends will kill me anyway. I hurt your Watcher." Spike told her.
"So, what else is new?" Buffy joked. "Spike, you are my friend. You said you loved me. If you do, then don't put me through the pain of being responsible for your death."
"Like I'm responsible for yours?" Spike challenged. Buffy looked down upon him with sorrow. He could tell she would feel as he had felt. He didn't wish that pain on anyone, not even Angel.
"Go, Spike." Buffy demanded. "They'll help you."
"Buffy," Spike began. He was silenced by her kiss. Their first real kiss. The first that meant something.
"Go."
"Buffy!" Spike cried, but she was gone. Spike closed his eyes, knowing that the tears would return. After a moment, he opened them, and was in a room. Buffy's room. In bed.
"Spike," Dawn's face came into focus. "That was the stupidest thing you've ever done. Do you know how hard it was for Willow and Tara to bring your dusty ass back?"
"I said we should just leave you." Xander spoke up. "But the sentimental girly-types vetoed me."
"I'll calculate the damages on my shop." Giles said wearily. "You can work them off once you're back to your old self."
"If you want, you can come to the wedding." Anya offered reluctantly. Spike was overwhelmed by what he was hearing. He sat up, and felt an excruciating pain in the back of his head.
"Oh yeah, we have a present for you." Willow said. She held out her palm for Spike to examine the small object that lay there.
"It's not…" Spike trailed off.
"Your chip." Tara told him. "Courtesy of a simple removal spell."
"You are good, Spike." Willow said, smiling. "You got your soul back a long time ago. That's why the spell didn't work."
"You mean…"
"A soul is the embodiment of love." Giles explained. "Your love for Buffy, for Dawn, and even for the rest of us, gave you back the soul you lost."
"You're bloody kidding me." Spike was almost speechless.
"Did you see her?" Dawn asked quietly, slowly. Spike nodded.
"Same as always, telling me what to do." He smiled. Dawn gave a weak grin. "She says you'd better be good. And she says don't let me get out of line again. All of you."
"Don't worry about that." Xander stepped forward, punching his palm menacingly. Spike glared, causing the boy to leap back a few feet. "Just kidding, just trying to help!"
"I know."
THE END