A/N: This is another songfic for Tetharwen. I fell in love with this song and it's all your fault! Thank you soooooo much for drawing the Evenstar and the Lorien brooch for me, your amazing!
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Legolas watched her as they entered Edoras. She must be a noblewoman, to be standing so proudly upon Meduseld's steps. But when he looked at her, a chill crept over him. He longed to warm her, to touch her, to kiss her. This, cold white lady.
Cause I know that you feel me somehow.
He imagined how her frozen ice blue gaze would melt, and the warmth of the blue skies would impart.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
He lost himself in fathomless blue and Valinor and paradise lost their meaning. Surely no place save her arms would be eternally blissful.
And I don't want to go home right now.
Had he actually thought about going back to Mirkwood if he survived this war? This thought seemed irrational now. How could he let her leave his sight? She was like a fragile flower, white and pure and whole. He could never bear to see such beauty marred. Yet he made no move, no sign he cared more for her than any other. He could not. He would not. He did not trust himself. And all I can taste is this moment
If that was so, then why was he kissing her now, in the shadows of Helm's Deep? How come she gasped his name and breathed raggedly beneath his ministrations?
And all I can breathe is your life
She was so alive. So fiery and passionate and, he admitted to himself, dangerous. He wondered if that was what attracted him. He was so impassive, so dead, emotionless. He needed her like he needed air. She was his addiction, his brand of drug.
And sooner or later it's over
He held her in his arms for what could be the last time. He breathed in her unique scent, gardenia and lavender. It was a lovely combination. He would miss that…
I just don't want to miss you tonight.
For the billionth time that night, he cursed himself for his elven-insomnia. He allowed his thoughts to wander unguarded, and inevitably they fell upon his mortal flower.
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.
She didn't know him. She didn't know his quirks and traits. Bad habits. But of course to her, he was the immortal elven prince. He was perfect. How he resented that. How he hated to disappoint her… And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
It nearly broke him to see the tears in her eyes as she pleaded with Aragorn to stay. For his sake. Legolas knew the truth now. Oh no, she cared little for him. She cared for Aragorn.
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.
It stung, but what had he expected? She was mortal, their feelings changed like the wind. He knew now, that her feelings for him had been lust. For what? So she could say she had had the fair elven prince in her bed? He laughed bitterly at the thought. He hoped he died. But he owed to Aragorn to at least try to stay alive…
When everything feels like the movies
For Legolas, the witch-king's mace swung in slow motion. His heart screamed when it impacted, shattering his love's arm.
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.
He lingered in the shadows of the healing houses' gardens. He watched her. And his elven-heart tore anew. For the young steward did what he could not, and melted the snow maiden's heart.
And I don't want the world to see me
Before he could be discovered, he had left silently. There was not a sound as his leather-clad feet stepped lightly into the growing darkness.
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
If he had been found the mortals would look at him with distrust in their eyes, as most already did. He had found Elrohir crying over it the other day. Some idiot guard had called him a spirit of Sauron. He shook his head, if Elrohir was Sauron's servant, then Galadriel was a Balrog.
When everything's made to be broken
He had lost hope. Why were they fighting this war? Everything here in Arda was broken, including him.
I just want you to know who I am.
He vowed to guard her. As he perched in the tree outside her quarters in Ithilien, the stars bloomed over his head, casting his beautiful profile into sharp relief.And I don't want the world to see me
He watched Elboron grow into a young child. He admitted he had hated the child in the beginning. But the child's innocent nature and his mother's features soon melted Legolas' heart.
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
"Leggy, why do you look at me with a sad look in your eyes sometimes?" asked the eight-year-old. Legolas sighed, "I wish I had a son just like you." he answered. The little boy beamed at the compliment.
When everything's made to be broken
Out of nowhere the assassins leapt at Elboron. Legolas was faster. He gasped when the knife was buried deep within his stomach. He pulled it out roughly and threw it at another assassin's back, killing him instantly. He drew his white knives and slashed another's throat before gutting yet another.
I just want you to know who I am.
He knew his wound was fatal. Blood poured from it. A small trickle came out from between his parted lips. Heaving breaths wracked his body. He slumped against the wall. Guards and Faramir ran into the courtyard. The Lady followed soon after. Her sky-blue gaze swept the scene, coming to rest on him. She walked towards him, reaching out her hands to touch him.
And I don't want the world to see me
Legolas flinched away, gasping at the pain. She reached out again. Now everyone watched them. "Do not touch me." he said weakly. Still she reached towards him.
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
Confusion was in the eyes of all the mortals present, save hers. They had widened in horror. "It is too late for me." he gasped. It was too late for her to take back the hurt she had caused him. It was too late for his life to be saved, whether by fading or by this wound, he would die. Better sooner than later. He slid farther down the wall to sit at its base.
When everything's made to be broken
She sank down to sit near him. He shied from her touch. Elboron cuddled up next to him, hiding his tears in Legolas' blond hair. Legolas knew it would be over soon. He slipped into broken Sindarin unconsciously. "Protect her ion nin. Protect nin vana fir lothiel." he whispered. "The hurt is to grievous now. Aiya…" his breathing slowed, and finally, stopped altogether. Light burst forth and spent itself in the growing twilight, and the fea of Legolas Thranduilion departed to the halls of Mandos. Where his scarred soul could begin to heal.
I just want you to know who I am.
Eowyn gave an agonized cry and cradled his body in her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. "Legolas." she sobbed over and over. Faramir gently pulled her away from the body. "Dearest, I had no idea you were close with Legolas." he murmured. Eowyn cried harder. "He loved me Faramir. He used to tell me so every day. I hurt him. I hurt him so badly. He would not even suffer my touch." she choked out raggedly. "I didn't know him, and he used to tell me that too. I can not be one to claim his friendship even, and yet he died to save my son." she finished heaving shuddering breaths.
I just want you to know who I am.
Faramir reeled with this new information of the deceased elf. He remembered all the times he had jokingly prodded the elf for being un-married. He winced internally. If only he had known… Elboron tugged on his tunic, his swimming eyes sad. "He said he wished he had a son just like me, did you know that?" the boy declared, his voice cracking. Faramir now knew how true that must have been. He admired the elf even more for not hating him and his son, but being genuinely friendly.
I just want you to know who I am.
He wondered how much more about the elf he didn't know, and regretted not getting to know the reclusive elf better…
I just want you to know who I am.
Ion nin: my son
Nin vana fir lothiel: my beautiful mortal flower