No one understands the pain. I guess that's why I don't talk. I would talk if someone understood but I've talked a bit before and no one understood. Yeah, some people might have an idea of what it's like so I'll tell them a little. The thing is, only one man really knows what it's like. And I'll talk to him, even if it kills me. If he won't listen, so what? I'll make him. I'll draw the blade and hold it level. Level with my arm. Then I'll bring it down and move it around telling him he can make it stop. And only when he'll listen I'll stop.
Ianto felt pain; loss, anger, neglect, reject. That's why he didn't talk. He'd talked to councillors but they didn't understand. They pretended to know but they didn't. He'd gone to little support groups and talked to some people at those. They understood pain. Just not his pain. He needed to talk to Jack Harkness. Jack wouldn't listen. No matter what Ianto did Jack wouldn't. Ianto walked into Jack's office and drew the blade. He held it level. Level with his arm. He drew it down and moved it around telling Jack he can make it stop. Only then did Jack listen.
Jack's bedroom played host. Jack was leaning against the headboard, sat up with Ianto lying in his arms. Used tissues covered the bed. Jack in his trousers and white undershirt, massive army boots lying on the floor. Ianto, no tie, trousers, top buttons on his shirt undone. Jack cuddled Ianto, deep in thought. Blind. Blind because he was every time he looked at Ianto, he thought he was fine but underneath Ianto was hurting, painfully. He couldn't believe it took self-harm to make him realise what Ianto really felt. How broken his heart really was. Ianto's voice was shaky, from crying and the pain. Jack let Ianto speak. In his own time in his own way. Jack never knew what the young man had gone through, he never could have guessed. But he could relate to it. He'd lost people; Rose, Doctor, Gray… all of Ianto's word stung Jack. Like a string ray jabbing his heart every couple of seconds. Jack just wanted to hold Ianto tight and never let him go. They'd heal each other. With time. Ianto talked and cried till he could do no more. Ianto fell asleep in Jack's arms and only when Ianto was asleep did Jack let his own tears fall. Tears of pain for Ianto, tears of anger for himself, tears of hate for everyone who didn't help and himself, tears of thank for Ianto. He shared his heart with Jack. He gave his heart to Jack as a plea for help. Jack knew he needed to care for Ianto. If he didn't, they'd both break – he couldn't break Ianto. Not after what Ianto had done for him.