Chapter 1 Epiphany

Bella stretched, feeling the tension in her shoulders. She glanced at the clock and winced – late for dinner again. Mike would not be happy. She quickly tidied her desk, before heading downstairs to the hotel foyer. A brief glance reassured her that all was well in her hotel. She stopped at the Concierge to check on VIP bookings for the night and to wince slightly at the full house the hotel was carrying. The shareholders loved a full house, but it was murder on the staff.

-j-

She was greeted by a scowl as she walked through the door of the apartment, and felt her heart sink. 'Sorry I'm late, honey. We have a full house at the hotel, which means general frenzy for everyone. '

Mike continued to scowl, but remained silent. Great. The silent treatment. Resentment flashed through her at his juvenile behaviour and the now familiar frustration at his refusal to accept the exigencies of being the General Manager of a leading boutique hotel in London. Being a major shareholder could be useful when decisions had to be made, but it also added considerably to her workload.

He slammed the plate down in front of her, making the spaghetti and sauce slide into her lap. She stared down at the mess in her lap for a second before anger ripped through her. "What the hell? Do you have any idea how much this suit cost me? And you ruin it because you're sulking?"

Mike exploded. "I am not sulking! I have the right to be pissed with you! Do you know what today is? Did you even remember? It's our bloody anniversary, Bella! We've been together 4 years today!" His rage and frustration boiled over. "Are you ever going to set a date for the wedding? Do you still want to marry me? Do you actually want to be with me? I am tired of being last on your list of priorities, Bella. Decide now, once and for all – is it me or that fucking hotel? In fact, your friends - your fucking car - are more important to you than I am! I'm done trying! Either you rearrange your priorities or get the hell out!" He was towering over her, hands clenched into fists, face puce.

Bella flinched and pushed away from the table, anger and guilt warring for dominance, each word making her cringe. She turned her back on Mike, making her way around the table to the bathroom.

"We'll discuss this after I've cleaned up," she threw over her shoulder.

"Oh, no. We discuss it now! You will not walk away again!" He lunged at her, fingers closing around her wrist. Knocked off balance, she tripped. Mike's grip on her tightened, bending her wrist back on itself. The breath left her body at the searing pain, and she screamed.

Mike let her go, staring at his hands in horror, staring at Bella, collapsed on the floor in front of him, cradling her wrist. "Oh God, Bella, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you! What should I do?" Tears poured down as his face contorted.

Bella looked up at him, pain warring with anger and guilt. Guilt won as she looked at his horrified face. "This is what I've done – I've caused a good man to hurt me. A good man is looking at me with anguish and guilt because of my actions. Because I can't commit. Because I have stayed with him because it's safe and convenient." She opened her mouth to tell him, but backed down again.

"I'm fine Mike. Just leave me be."

Mike looked at her, rage again filling his face. "Fine," he spat, "I'm going to bed – sort yourself out since you won't allow me to help. This is what you always do, Bella. You don't allow me in. I thought that over time, you would, that you would allow me to take care of you. I do not want to continue like this. The ball is now firmly in your court. Either you commit fully, marry me and make me a priority in your life, or we're through." He stormed up the stairs, slamming the bedroom door behind him.

Bella looked at her wrist, which was swelling alarmingly. She grabbed her keys to drive herself to the ER. She drove to the hospital on autopilot, the confrontation with Mike running over and over through her mind. Even the joy of driving her MX5 couldn't distract her. She grimaced, recalling Mike's accusation that the car was more important than him.

The ER visit went slowly. Her mind was going round and round the fight with Mike. By the time her wrist had been X-rayed and verified as a sprain and taped, the weight of the guilt was too heavy to bear, dragging her through the rain, back home. The apartment was in darkness and silent as she had a quick bath and climbed into bed.

Bella looked at the man lying next to her, sorting through the feelings welling inside her heart. She twisted the engagement ring, sighing. Mike had been pushing her for a date for over a year, and so far, she'd managed to avoid the issue. Did she love him? She shied away from the answer, but it came through just the same – the plain bald truth that she was no longer in love with him. How she had fallen out of love was easier to answer – she loved her job more. The hotel would always mean more to her than the man in her bed.

She couldn't wait a minute longer. She climbed out of bed and wrote a letter to Mike, ashamed of her cowardice, but unable to face him directly. A Dear John letter – how awful could she possibly be?

Dear Mike

Please know that I have never meant to hurt you. You deserve better than this, but it seems I am a coward.

I cannot marry you. I am not ready to commit to you. No, that's not accurate – I am not able to commit at all. I will never be able to be what you want of me – a wife, partner and lover. I have stayed with you for the worst of reasons – because it is comfortable. I owe you so much for standing by me through my fight for sobriety, but I cannot stay from a sense of obligation. You deserve so much more.

I have left our cheque book on the kitchen counter. There is more than enough money in our joint account for you to find yourself another apartment, and to furnish it. Please take whatever you want to from this apartment. I want you to be comfortable in your new home, and it will lessen my guilt to know that you are secure.

I will stay at the hotel for a week, which should give you time to sort out your new living arrangements.

The engagement ring is in the envelope. It wouldn't be right to keep it.

Love

Bella

She hastily packed a suitcase, and walked away from the last 4 years of her life.

Appalled by the callousness of her epiphany and ashamed of the letter, she did what she always did when unwilling to face emotion – she went to work.