My world of black
Dark clouds and black rain.
It pours on me like little, sharp stitches.
They are piercing into my skin, into my veins.
Black blood is flowing through my veins.
Blood mixed with black rain.
Suddenly the time stops and everything around me is turning completely black.
I hear a voice from the distance.
It shouts at me again and again.
It asks me angry an furious if it can help.
Just what is this voice thinking, I ask myself. How can I accept help from a voice, filled with hatred and anger?
And then it gets quiet and I see again dark clouds and black rain.
Immediately the nausea comes back up in me.
Pictures and desperate memories flow through my head.
Then black, hot tears are leaving their traces on my cheeks, stealing away my breath.
I want to scream but I can't.
Just silent tears, not one sob.
Is there any other way?
'Yes, there is' I hear my fear, tears, grief, pain, so to speak, my subconscious telling me.
It sais 'come to me and everything will be alright'.
But I know, nothing is going to be alright.
My body starts shaking.
Although it's warm in my room and my skin feels warm, there is a coldness inside me.
And it really is cold as ice.
The silent tears stopped but I can feel my eyes burning.
In my heart, deep inside, something is being crushed and it forces me to cry again, black tears across all of my face.
What have I done wrong, I ask myself.
Was I ever bad to him?
Did I ever break a rule and have to be punished now?
If so, it wasn't my intention, but I am not sorry.
And if not, tell me what I ever did wrong for you to break me so badly?
My heart got broken so often.
With every word I read, every look I felt on me, every move I perceived, the faster more and more parts of my heart crumbled away.
Something was eating me from the inside.
And if someone could look there now, they would see that there is nothing left.
Again I feel salty tears, trying to track their way on my face.
Nothing is important for me now.
Everything is over for me now.
Nothing will be the same as it used to be anymore.
Only burned ashes are left over of my heart. Burnt ashes, which the black rain carries to dirty sewers.
Then I see red blood, getting more and more, and very slowly everything starts to be good again. I hear the blood rush through my ears, everything around me black.
And then I hear the noise of something wet. It drops. Drops of blood are falling. Drops of my blood are falling onto the ground and they don't stop.
And now it's too late, too late to undone. I have always done what you have commanded me to do, I have always obeyed you. I always danced to your tune, I could never do what I really wanted to do. But my strenght is no more, I am only human. You may even say after my death how cowardly I have been.
But, no.
I've managed to prevent this and you're probably as dying as I am now. I've cursed you. I used black magic. You will die just like me. I feel you suffering.
And even if you don't exist now, I will not be happy in this world. I forgot how to be happy. I forgot how to love, how to accept myself.
You took me everything I had.
You took me away my pride.
My friends.
You took my mother from me.
And you took away her…
Yes, she had been my sanity. She had always comforted me when I needed help and showed me how to get better. She has been able to teach me how to love after such a long time. She gave me everything I needed and didn't ask for anything in return. She was the person I loved and needed to survive in this black world of mine, she being the only light I had.
But you have tortured her in front of my eyes. You tortured her. In front of me you abused her.
She was my source of life and you killed her.
And I will never forgive you that.
Like her, you will be tortured under the curse that I put on you. You will bleed and you will scream. You will suffer and you won't ever be happy. You will become worse than the Lord.
And you will die.
You will miserably die.
You will become dirtier than dirt, I've already taken care of that and I feel just great.
And now, finally, I am going to her. I see her smile and outstrechted arms that want to help me. Enough I have suffered, finally it's over.
Finally I am happy.
There is a grin on my face as I die in my own pool of blood.
I finally did it. Finally I have what I wanted. Finally you are dead.
You are dead and will never capture me again.
Capture me in this world of black.
Hi there,
I hope you liked it. I usually don't write any dark or character death fanfics. This was something I wrote more than ten years ago when I was a teenager and was very depressive at that time.
Please review me, I love to read them and would very appreciate it.
Thank you.
Leah