Warnings: slight OOC-ness, major character death, AU... And you might need tissues (_)
Pairing: Kurtbastian
Words: 3,377
This is also unbetaed so be warned
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Don't Let Me Be A Memory
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Memory [mem']; n. 1. Power of remembering 2. Thing remembered 3. Commemoration
Remember ['ber]; v. 1. Think of again in mind
Forget [']; v. 1. Unable to remember 2. Neglect
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"Hey! Hey! You like pictures don't you?"
"Hmm?"
"Pictures! You like to take them right? Why?"
"Because I don't want to forget"
"Eh?"
"I want everything to be a memory, so I can remember"
"A memory? I don't want to be a memory"
"You don't want to be remembered?"
"No, that's not it"
"I'm confused"
"Because, silly, if something is a memory then most likely it will be forgotten"
"Forgotten?"
"Yes! That's why I won't be just be a memory"
"What do you mean?"
"I'll live inside you, in your heart, forever always. That way I'll never be a memory"
"That's just childish"
"No, it's not! I'll never be a memory because I'll always be with you"
"Really?"
"Promise!"
"Forever?"
"Forever and ever"
-(+)-
"Don't go! Please don't go!"
"I'm sorry, I have to"
"Why?!"
"I don't have to tell you!"
"That's not a reason!"
"please don't cry, smile for me so I'll always remember your smiling face"
"Am- am I already just a memory to you?"
"Please, let me take a picture just this once, please"
"no! Answer me! Am I already a memory?"
"I-you… I have to go"
"Why won't you answer me?!"
" I- I'm sorry… yes"
"Why?!"
"Good bye"
"I don't want to be a memory!"
-(+)-
The sun was bright and high in the sky, the wind was cool and birds sang a merrychorus. The city of New York bustled with so much life that the birds song wentunheard by many. But we won't talk about that, our story begins with a boy, well notquite a boy but a man. Now shall I say "once upon a time" and begin?
Once upon a time there lived a man who loved to take pictures. When asked he wouldsay that they were his memories. He was a friendly guy, always out and about. He waspopular among his peers and was always the life of every party. He had brown hair thatstood every which way and eyes like emeralds. Many called him handsome andwondered why he was a photographer and not a model. His name is Sebastian Smythe,twenty one years old, gay and very promiscuous. He worked for a fashion magazine as aphotographer.
But enough about that, now one day Sebastian went to work. It was a chaotic scene, as it usually was, with models running around trying to find their clothes and make expertly through the busy bodies Sebastian carefully placed his Leica cameraon a tabletop before observing his work station. He saw other photographers alreadybeginning their shoot and sighed. Most of the women were annoying, batting theireyelashes at him as if he'd ever spare a minute of his time for them and the men refusedto work for him because he hooked up with them one time or another. He sighed and satdown rubbing his temples in frustration. His editor was near blowing, he was alreadyrunning late for this month's issue and so far he's got nothing to work with.
Leaning back on his chair he stared at the ceiling until white lights began to dancearound his vision and sighed. He can't just sit here and do nothing. Straigthening in hisseat he grabbed his glasses and pushed it up the bridge of his nose before preparing forthe tedious task of cleaning out his camera.
If he can't use anyone here then obviously he had to find someone else. Tidying up hissupplies he stood up and stretched his arms above his head with a groan. He had a lot ofwork to do and very little time to do it.
Looping the strap of his camera around his neck, Sebastian headed to the door with afrown tugging at his lips. Maybe a walk in the park would clear his mind. He needed tothink and he needed at least some semblance of peace to do it.
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Central park, surprisingly enough, was near empty. That in itself was a miracle aschildren never seem to want to leave this place. That is to say that he didn't notappreciate the peace, but he found it eerie.
Sipping at his coffee from his favorite cafe. Sebastian relished the feel of the warm,bitter, liquid sliding down his throat. Sitting down on a bench he threw the cup inside abin and closed his eyes enjoying the warmth of the sun. The sound of chirping enteredhis ears and slowly his eyebrows furrowed before green eyes opened searching, for thesound and there on a tree branch was the most peculiar little bird he had ever seen. Ithad dark feathers nearly black like a raven with white dots littering around its wing. Itwas a beautiful thing.
Slowly, he approached the creature, his hands reaching for his camera to take hold of ths opportunity. When he found a pleasing angle he leveled the camera to his eyes focusing the lens and stepped closer. Leaning forward he pressed his finger on the button and snapped the picture just as he stepped on a twig, in fright the bird flew away just as the camera's light flashed and he cursed, hands lowering to search for the bird. Turning in place he froze as he found where the elusive creature was.
The bird was perched on a finger, the finger belonging to a man with chestnut tinted hair coiffed to perfection with blonde streaks running through the front, pale skin and wide glasz eyes with one of the finest ass Sebastian has ever seen. He watched silently as the man brought the bird to his face and smiled gently. Unconsciously his fingers moved and before he knew it, light flashed and for a second time the bird took flight but this time leaving a wide eyed beauty in its wake.
Putting down his camera and looking quite sheepish, Sebastian approached the boy with a smirk on his lips "Forgive me I didn't mean to scare you"
"Do you make it a habit to take photos of strangers?" The boy replied snarkily, a single eyebrow raised in question.
Sebastian was taken aback by the boy's teasing question and shook his head amused "just the cute ones"
The boy laughed, his small hands hiding his smile as he stared into the others eyes. "I was joking" he muttered.
"I wasn't" Sebastian grinned at the boy. Eyes alight with humor.
Staring at the strange guy, the glasz eyed boy tilted his head lightly, a small smile still playing at his lips."You must get into a lot of trouble then" he spoke cheekily "taking pictures of people you dont even know"
"The bird, I was trying to take a photo of it actually" he answered back lips set into a charming smile "just my luck, you were standing there"
"Ah! I see. It was a rather beautiful thing" The boy smiled at him, cheeks flushed and eyes wide.
"Yes it was" Sebastian was not quite sure whether he meant the bird or the boy.
"Well it seems like this is quite a fortunate accident then!" The boy exclaimed,surprising him "I'd like to see that photo when it is developed"
"I can try and send it to you" Sebastian suggested hoping to get a number out of him.
"Oh, will you please?"
"Sure thing...?"
"Oh! how rude of me, I'm Kurt" He introduced himself hand outstretched, head partially tilted to the side in question.
"Sebastian" He intoned helpfully "Sebastian Smythe" taking the others hand into his own, raised the limb to his lips and gave it a peck. Inwardly admiring the softness of the other's skin
Kurt flushed, eyes wide as he stared into green eyes. Fingers spasming against the others hand "pleasure"
Grinning at the red faced boy, Sebastian released the hand and stepped closer "would you like to have lunch with me?"
Lips pursing in thought Kurt nodded. Sebastian grinned and inwardly cheered maybe he can sway Kurt into modeling for him, he would work perfectly with his article about unorthodox beauty. And maybe even something more, for later that night.
"anything in particular, you want to eat?" Sebastian asked
"bagels!" Kurt answered "I've always wanted to try New York bagels"
"why bagels?" Sebastian asked, eyebrows raised in question.
"well you know" Kurt turned away lips settled into a pout "like breakfast at tiffany's!"Kurt paused lips pursing as he stared at Sebastian with wide eyes "well you know,except for the breakfast part "Kurt paused and looked away "and the Tiffany's part"
Sebastian laughed and turned to Kurt his smirk widening "So basically" he drawled out "its just bagels"
Kurt flushed, huffing and walking faster "I really like New York Bagels okay!"
Still laughing Sebastian grinned and replied "whatever you say princess"
Kurt pouted and crossed his arms "now that's just rude"
walking faster he stopped at a bench and sat down crossing his legs with an exaggerated huff.
"awweee, don't be mad" Sebastian came to a stop before Kurt and looked down at him"what about lunch?"
"you get it" Kurt muttered, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips "I'll wait for you here"
"bossy, bossy" Sebastian raised his arms in surrender and walked backwards "alright then princess"
"I want to take you somewhere" Kurt smiled at him "now shoo!"
Sebastian grinned lascivously at him and called back "really now?"
Flushing Kurt pouted "Not like that you perv!"
Laughing Sebastian walked towards his favorite coffe shop, Kurt's voice following behind him. He might just get lucky tonight after all.
-(+)-
Getting the food took longer than expected and he had to run back to their bench in the park. Faintly he heard Kurt's distinct voice singing and cant help but comment.
"you like the beatles?"
Kurt looked up at Sebastian and smiled but didn't answer. Standing up Kurt took one of the bags from his hands before taking hold of it and interlacing their fingers. Sebastian stumbled at the sudden pull, before he found his balance and followed after him.
They kept a comfortable silence as they walked, Kurt humming blackbird under his breath. Sebastian's brow furrowed as they neared the more woodsy part of the park and tugged at Kurt's arm.
"Where are you taking me?" He asked
"You'll see! Im sure you'd enjoy this" smiling Kurt walked faster, near dragging the other as he navigated them through the woods.
They walked a few distance further and Sebastian was sorely tempted to ask again when finally they broke through the trees into a clearing. Raising a hand to shield his eyes from the sudden glare of light, He blinked quickly and gaped at the sight before him.
It looked like something out of a fairy tale. A small pond glistened with crystal blue water as the sun reflected light from its surface, water lilies lazily floated across its surface and butterflies fluttered close to the flowers that grew near the water but what captivated him the most was Kurt.
He had released his hand after they entered the clearing and was now currently squatting beside the pond, fingers gliding over the surface of the water. His white scarf fluttered lazily with the wind while his red dress shirt clung to his well defined chest. His pants were like second skin clinging to his ass perfectly, accenting its fullness. Quickly Sebastian held up his camera and focused taking the picture as Kurt turned to face him a wide smile on his face.
"Sebastian! No more pictures!" he scolded playfully.
"Sorry, I couldn't resist" He called back waving his camera.
Pouting he lifted a hand fingers curling in a beckoning motion "come here, sit by me"
Approaching the boy, Sebastian kneeled beside him and looked down into the water and smiled softly before taking another picture. He had been so occupied with his photography that he missed the sad smile that stretched across Kurt's lips as he watched him.
"Sebastian, let's eat"
Turning to the boy, Sebastian lowered his camera before accepting the food with a small "thank you" and began eating in comfortable silence.
Sebastian observed him as he ate and felt a wave of nostalgia. He felt like crying for a moment, as if a blanket covered his heart and began suffocating it. It was odd.
"is there something on my face?" Blinking in surprise Sebastian shook his head.
"No I was thinking" he answered
"Oh? About what?"
"Have-" he paused eyes narrowing behind his glasses "we met before?" he asked carefully and watched as the othersmiled mysteriously.
"Who knows, maybe" winking at him Kurt grinned "Maybe not"
"That's not an answer" Sebastian said frowning.
"Am I obliged to answer Mr. Smythe?" Kurt asked with a raised eyebrow
Laughing lightly Sebastian shook his head "no"
"Smile more honestly" Kurt intoned quietly "you look so much better"
"Is that an insult or compliment?" He asked
"It depends on you" grinning wider. Kurt stood patting the dirt from his pants.
Sebastian stood as well before turning to the boy and taking his hand in his. "Will you model for me?" he asked
"Model?" Kurt asked back
"Yeah for my magazine"
Tilting his head Kurt contemplated the idea before nodding in agreement, a cheeky smile on his lips
"Okay, but only for today!" he answered happily
"That's more than enough" Sebastian smirked.
-(+)-
The day seemed to blur as Sebastian shot photo after photo. The forest was enough aback ground to amplify the Kurt's elf-like charm and he was sure the photos would come out splendidly. At the moment though they sat together, resting after the day's work enjoying the little sun that was left.
Watching the sun set sent another wave of nostalgia over him and absent mindedly he lifted his camera to take a picture of the red dyed sky, the stray branches of the canopy creating an artful effect. Beside him Kurt hummed blackbird again and he smiled. By the time the sun gave way to night Sebastian and Kurt had already began their trek back towards the rest of civilization in comfortable silence.
"You like pictures don't you?" Kurt asked as he walked with his hands at the small of his back
"Hmm?"
"Pictures! You like to take them right? Why?" Looking up Kurt stared into Sebastian's eyes, a near desperate light entering them
"Because I don't want to forget, I want everything to be a memory" Sebastian felt odd,his breath caught in his throat as he spoke. He didn't know why but he felt a sense of déjà vu.
"You never did tell me where I should send these pictures Kurt"
"huh?" Looking away Kurt bit his lips before turning back, a sad smile on his face,before handing him a piece of piece of paper "I'm afraid that my address is incapable of being reached by mail, can you come and deliver it yourself?" he asked quietly.
"yeah, of course" Sebastian was confused; he stopped walking and stared at the other man eyebrows furrowed. Why was he so sad?
"I don't want to be a memory" Kurt spoke quietly, his words surprised him "because if something is a memory then most likely it will be forgotten"
Tears burned behind his lids as Kurt faced him before smiling,a sorrowful smile, eyes red and watery "You never did answer my question" His expression was pained as he spoke "Why did you let me become a memory?" staring into Sebastian's eyes his lips quivered as he spoke" You liar, you forgot"
Before Sebastian could answer Kurt turned and ran leaving him wide eyed,as he watched him disappeared through the greenery.
Eyes wide, Sebastian lifted a hand to his mouth; there was only one person that ever asked him that question. Only one.
'it cant be, he cant be…'
Taking in a gasping breath he began to run, begging God to please let him see Kurt,to catch him, to tell him how sorry he was that he forgot him, his memory.
"Because, silly, if something is a memory then most likely it will be forgotten"
His legs ran harder as tears began to gather behind his eyes.
"I don't want to be a memory!"
Stumbling through the woods, Sebastian fell to his knees gasping as his eyes searched everywhere.
'please, God please let me find him!'
Chocking back a sob he clenched his hands on the grass beneath his fingers.
'I'm sorry! I'm sorry! So sorry… please come back, come back Kurt'
"Kurt!"
He called the name out over and over, his throat burned from his chocking sobs and shouts, and his eyes burned from tears that kept falling and falling before finally with a broken cry he pressed his forehead into the grass sobbing into the earth.
'I'm sorry, I let you become a memory'
And quietly a small raven like bird flew away leaving nothing but feathers in its wake.
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The next day Sebastian left the city; in his hands he held the piece of paper Kurt had given him the night before. Belatedly he recognized the address to be in his old home.
Lima, Ohio.
He had left the small town when he was fourteen and he hardly remembered anything from it, he tried to remember his life before the city as he walked down the somewhat familiar yet unfamiliar road.
The trek was not a long one and he was surprised to find himself entering a cemetery, of all things, as he followed the directions. His throat tightened and his heart drummed against his chest as the instructions became fewer and fewer before finally up he saw a man with a cap on his head kneeling before a tomb, humming a Stevie Wonder song that he remembered from his childhood.
The tomb itself was a beautiful thing, the stone used was a deep black that had gold etchings, it stood beside a white marbled tomb, while a small white angel stood over both stones. Vaguely he remembered that Kurt had always loved angels despite his disbelief in God.
Sebastian walked closer before stopping beside the man. The man looked up in surprise as he watched the boy fall to his knees eyes staring blankly at the tomb before them and recognition hit him.
"Se-Sebastian? Is that you boy?" he asked in a rasping voice
"Yes" Sebastian answered breathless "Hi, Uncle Burt"
"my God!" Burt removed his cap, running a hand through his head, before looking away from the boy and staring at the grave of his wife and child "he waited for you" He grunted out "He said that you promised that you'd never forget, so he waited" Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes but none fell, he had cried enough "until the very end he waited"
Chocking back his sobs, Sebastian's shoulders shook as he covered his face with his hands. Tears kept falling and his lungs burned. He waited, he waited for so long. Too long.
"I'm home Kurt"
On the tomb it read:
"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel
Born: 27th of May 1993
Died: 15th October 2014
Forever loved, Forever Remembered,
Be free to fly wherever you wish
Free as a bird in the sky
You will forever live in our hearts"
"I'll live inside you, in your heart, forever always. That way I'll never be memory"
-(+)-
Five days later, the photographs from that day were developed. In every picture a small black bird was found, it wasn't always noticeable but it was there.
As Kurt wished, Sebastian had taken a copy of the pictures to his grave and made sure to clean and replace the flowers.
"This time, I'll never let you be a memory"
And quietly a small black bird flew away.
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FIN
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authors note: Its been a while since I've written anything, so I'm a little rusty but I hope you guys enjoyed this!
I don't know if I'll be updating any of my old fics, since I've completely lost interest in them but one can hope that I find inspiration again.
Remember to R&R