Edit: a/n - I just wanted to explain this a little bit as I realise it may not be obvious in the first chapter or so. This will be extracts from Jess's diary starting with chapter one - ages 6 to 10. Initially there will be big jumps in age.

Chapter One - 1988-1993 (aged 6 - 10)

November 11, 1988

Today I asked my mommy if I could have a kitten. Cece has a kitten. Its name is Cricket. I want a kitten so I can cuddle it and feed it and play with it. My mommy is mean and said no. She said I am too little to take care of a kitten. I hate my mommy.

November 15, 1988

Daddy came home today and guess what? He bought me a KITTEN! It's black and fluffy and cuddly. Its name is Midnight. I called it Midnight because it is black and midnight is black too. I don't think mommy was happy. I heard her shouting at daddy when I went to bed. Mommy is mean. I love my daddy.

January 17, 1989

Midnight is GONE! I was playing in the yard and mommy called me inside to have a glass of milk. I forgot to close the door and she ran outside. I cried and I cried. I am so sad. Daddy has gone to look for her but mommy says it's a waste of time. She kept telling daddy, 'I told you so'. I wish Midnight would come home. I wish mommy and daddy wouldn't fight so much.

January 18, 1989

Daddy woke me up real early today. He had found Midnight. I was so happy I hugged him and squeezed him. Midnight purred when she saw me.

January 19, 1989

Midnight is gone again. Mommy gave her to the Adams next door. They have a girl called Leslie who is in sixth grade. Mommy gave me a hug and said I wasn't big enough to look after a pet yet. Daddy didn't say anything. I miss Midnight.

September 2, 1993

Today was my first day in the sixth grade - mom bought me a new backpack (it's hot pink and has stars on it - so awesome) and she finally let me take the bus to school. Cece and I got to sit at the back of the bus because we are the biggest kids in school now!

My new home room teacher is Miss White - she has crazy curly hair and she wears the best earrings - today she had little tropical parrot ones that were bright green and red. Miss White assigned us out seats and I have to sit next to this new kid. His name is Glen Ealy and he smells like laundry detergent and bananas. I don't think I like him.

Mom let me have pizza tonight for dinner - so yummy!

I love sixth grade!

September 12, 1993

Today was the worst! First I missed the bus so dad had to drive me - he insisted on taking me right to the front gate and sat there watching while I went in. I'm sure everyone saw. He is sooo embarrassing!

Then in science class we were assigned lab partners for the year and guess what? I am the only girl who has to work with a boy! It's so not fair. I tried to stand next to Cece but Mr. Gibbons paired her with stupid Melissa Kennedy.

To make things worse I was put with that weird new kid, Glen. I don't know how I'm going to pass science this year. The kid never speaks! Even in home room he just mumbles during roll call.

I hate sixth grade.

October 3, 1993

Today Cece kissed another boy. She's already kissed two! This time it was David Reynolds - he lives across the street from her (and he is a whole year older than us). Oh man he's so hot.

I'm beginning to think I will never get kissed. Which means I will never get married and never have kids. Maybe I'll become a nun - then no one would think I'm weird. I just wish they didn't wear so much black.

October 10, 1993

The science fair is in two weeks and Glen and I have not even started our project. He barely speaks to me. I'm still not sure if he is just shy or being rude. Today I dropped my pencil case on the floor in the science lab and we both leant down to pick it up at the same time and bumped heads. It hurt - his head is really hard. He turned bright red like a tomato - it made his blonde hair look even whiter. I've never seen someone go that red. Boys are weird.

October 15, 1993

Today I went to Glenn's house to work on our science project. He lives on the other side of town and he even has his own pool. His mom was real nice - she made us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and let us have chocolate milk (mom wont let me have chocolate milk - she says it's a conspiracy by the dairy companies to hook kids on sugar).

When we went up to his room he seemed kinda nervous - he kept ruffling his hair and every other word was 'um'. He reminds of that kid Pedro who had a crush on Cece last year - he could never talk to me either!

Anyway, turns out Glen is a bit of a science whizz and he had already started our project - he's making an alarm that sounds if someone opens your locker - such a cool idea! My role will be presentation and marketing. He is coming over to my house soon so we can work on it some more.

October 17, 1993

Glen sat beside me at lunch. Today, he didn't smell like bananas, instead he smelled like mint toothpaste. He didn't say much but I'm getting used to it. I've also decided I like his hair - it's blonde and curly and kinda reminds me of a shaggy dog's coat.

I spoke to Cece on the bus home and she thinks he has a crush on me. Please - boys never like me. I mean ever. Boys like Cece, she just doesn't get that.

October 20, 1993

We worked again on the project today. Glen came over after school and I started making the poster for our booth. My mom made such a fuss - she kept nudging me when we were in the kitchen eating cookies. It's not like he is my boyfriend!

We worked in the den because it's bigger than my room - he helped me with the painting. I got mad when he splashed me with blue paint (he said it was an accident) and we ended up having a water fight. Dad came in and he was so angry! We had to scrub the hardwood floor so the paint wouldn't stain. Glen actually made me laugh. He has a nice smile.

October 24, 1993

I think I am going to DIE of embarrassment. Seriously, my life is over. I may as well pack my bags and get on a boat for Timbuktu.

Today was the science fair. I got there early with Glen to set up - we were actually the first ones there. We were done really quickly so we sat on the booth and waited. It felt really weird, sitting next to a boy so close. Weird but nice.

Anyway, we stared talking and he actually was being really sweet. He said he liked my glasses. I told him I liked his hair. Then, he just - he just kissed me! Full on, straight on the lips (no tongue - that's so gross!).

Now, I've practiced kissing on my hand before and Cece has described what it feels like but it was nothing like I expected. It was really soft and squishy and he put a hand on my shoulder while we did it, I felt all squiggly inside.

But to the embarrassing part - guess who chose that exact moment to walk in? My dad! I'd left one of my posters at home and he had brought it back for me. He just stared at first. Then he started turning this purpley-grey color - I seriously thought he was going to explode. Glen ran away. Dad shouted. It was awful.

It was really awkward the rest of the fair - I could feel dad's eyes on my the whole time. I tried to keep as far away from Glen as I could but it's hard when you are meant to be working together! Mom asked what was wrong and she laughed when I told her. Gee, thanks mom. My parents are so embarrassing.

October 26, 1993

I thought things couldn't get worse but I was wrong. I just found out that dad and some of his friends from the club went and tried to scare Glen yesterday! He will not talk to me or even make eye contact! He had Miss White switch his home room seat. I could die. I think I'm in love. He is so cute. And now he hates me. My dad sucks!

October 27,1993

I talked to mom again about Glen today. This time she didn't laugh. I cried because I was so sad - he was my first kiss and I decided I really liked him and now he won't talk to me and its all dad's fault. How am I ever supposed to get a boyfriend if my dad behaves like a crazy person?

Mom gave me a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream and we watched some re-runs of I Love Lucy together. We sat together wrapped up in an old blanket on the couch and she stroked my hair. She said dad only did what he did because he loves me and cares about me. She said, sometimes people who love each other show it in strange ways.

Boy, grown ups confuse me sometimes.