Dark: Ok here we go fanfic numero uno!

Flicka: Pshhh you would make your first published story crack

Dark: Shut it! I worked hard on this!

Flicka: I'm sure you did and by the way you forgot to mention that you don't own YuGiOh

Dark: *shoves Flicka back into her pokeball* I was getting to that! Without further ado the crack begin!

A Conversation on the Matter of Size

Yugi walked into the bar pausing as he saw the lord of darkness, Zorc nursing a pina colada over in the corner. How Zorc even fit through the door, Yugi didn't have a clue. Sauntering over to the creature Yugi couldn't help but stare at the Zorc's unclothed... package that seemed to be staring at him. Sliding away from the four pairs of eyes staring at him, Yugi approached the barkeep and ordered a sex on the beach.

"Pshhhh like you could ever get any with how big you are" muttered the bringer of death Yugi whipped his head around toward Zorc trying not to punch the demon in the face

"Excuse me?" The offended king of games asked, "I hope you weren't talking about me." Zorc swiveled in on his bar stool (how it was holding his weight Yugi had no idea) and glared down at the one who had destroyed him.

He stretched his "snake" out to full length, knocking over two waitresses and a Pacman consol in the process and leaned back against the counter.

"You heard me runt," the slightly tipsy demon snorted out, "I mean look at you; my manhood is larger than your whole body and then some. Yugi puffed up too his full height, feeling the liquid bravery of alcohol swim through him.

"I'll have you know that I get plenty thank you very much Mr. Zorc, and I have done the exact thing that the name of my drink implies!"

Zorc paused at that. His respect for the tiny duelist raised by a hair,

"It matters not weakling, for I doubt that your member is as impressive as mine. Plus as an added bonus it can kill the person after I am through with them" Yugi cringed at the thought, trying to block the mental images from popping up in his head. That was last thing he wanted to see before heading back to his Yami. Yugi cringed. Nope, the next time that he was graced with his darkness' dick he would have that lovely mental picture popping up in his head.

Downing the rest of his drink and then ordering another he gave his full attention to the giant deadly demon that was sitting next to him

"I bet I get more then you do," he stated proudly not missing how the others eyes narrowed. "And I bet I'm better then you are in bed." Now Yugi knew he was drunk, he had just insulted a 3000 year demons ability to get some and was smirking about the fact.

"I'll have you know that all of my partners are screaming for more when I give them the fortune of bedding me"

"Yea I'm suuuuuure that's why they're screaming Mr. Zorc, you keep telling yourself that" Yugi wobbled a bit on his barstool but continued to look Zorc in the eyes... the ones on his face.

Now Zorc was angry. And bad things usually happened when Zorc was angry. Yugi gulped and shifted back on his seat, trying to get as far away from the demon without looking cowardly. What the killer of worlds did next made Yugi wish he hadn't come to the bar in the first place.

He was crying. Zorc, possibly the most evil thing this side of the Milky Way was sobbing into Yugi's shirt, his "other head" sniffling on Yugi's shoulder. Not knowing what to do in this delicate situation Yugi gently laid his hand on the crying Zorc's head and patted him

"There there Mr. Zorc, uhhh... why don't you tell Dr. Yugi what the problem is?" Yugi blinked. Since when was he a doctor? Shrugging it off as an after effect of the alcohol the small duelist turned psychiatrist leaned in to listen to the demons story

"Well," sniff... "It all started back when I left Bakura. He never would let me get farther than 3rd base with him and I wanted more from our relationship"

"Go on," the slightly disturbed Yugi said "what did you do then?"

"I destroyed Pluto and that helped a little." Yugi blinked, so that's why it wasn't a planet anymore

"And that's when I met Gary Stu. He was the love of my life, the apple of my eye, the detonator to my bomb. We fell in love and soon decided we should take our relationship to the next step."

Yugi reached a dilemma. Was he really going to sit there and hear about a deranged demons sex life? Calling the Bartender for another round he decided that he had heard worse from what Joey and Seto did a listened in for the rest of Zorc's story

"We planned out the date. Go to a movie, have dinner, terrorize a village and then head back to my place where the real night would begin. Everything was going so well. I had even showed Gary how to properly disembowel a person!" Yugi choked on his drink at that.

"When we got back to my apartment I could feel my lust for him rising. I wanted to make love to him so badly that my penis was hissing. Then we kissed and planets seemed to explode around me."

Yugi shuddered as he listened how Zorc had pleased his lover to climax and then prepared him using 3 bottles of area numbing lubricant. Yea, Yugi was gonna have nightmares.

"And then it came time for me to take his virginity Yugi, so I did. And it felt like I had destroyed the world a thousand times over. Fabio thought it was nice too" Yugi paused him there "Fabio?" he questioned.

"That's what his name is" Zorc answered pointing to the "snake" on Yugi's shoulder

"Ah..."

"Anyway we made love 5 times that night and afterwards I dropped him off at the hospital cause he had lost as small amount of blood. It was the perfect end to the perfect night. We made love every night after that and I felt as though my world was perfect."

"Soooooooooo what went wrong?" Dr. Yugi asked.

"Well after a while I noticed that Gary wasn't enjoying himself as much as I was so I tried harder to make him happy. One time, I tried doubling up on my thrusts and then..."

"...Then what?" A slightly mortified Yugi asked

"He broke…" The petite duelist cut him off there.

"He... broke?"

"Yes he broke the headboard in his pleasure" Yugi released his held breath, why were his thoughts always so morbid. Of course Zorc hadn't actually "broken" his lover, why would he even think that way?

"Fabio and I were so happy that we both let out a roar of happiness. And then Gary ripped in half and died." The glass Yugi was holding decided to choose that moment to slip out of his hand and smash all over the floor.

"And that's when I came" The head Yugi had, decided to then choose that moment to slam down on the bar top.

"In my ecstasy I did the only thing I could and lat Fabio eat Gary." Yugi was staring at the demon with eyes wider than even the most anime of anime characters. He should run. He should not stay and listen to the end of Zorc's tale. But it seemed the alcohol had stopped his legs from being able to move and he stayed glued to the spot.

"...After that I discovered I got the most pleasure out of having sex with people and then killing them. Fabio enjoyed it too. But it always makes me sad when someone mentions pleasuring a lover because I did once... and he died" The king of games snapped out of his fear induced trance long enough to nod at the demon.

"Thanks for listening. It really helps to get this stuff off my chest."

"Uh huh," Yugi replied, simply nodding his head dumbly. "Anytime."

With that Zorc polished off the rest of his Pina Colada and exited the bar, his penis biting the top off a gumball machine as he went. Then Yugi fainted

...Or at least he though he did, the next thing he knew he was being shaken awake by his lover.

"Yugi wake up you have been mumbling about Zorc and kicking ever since I woke up is something wrong?" Yugi stared blindly at his dark half, taking a second to realize that no, he was not in bed with Zorc

"I'm fine Yami really, just a bad dream" At that his yami smirked devilishly

"Ohhh a bad dream huh, I know something that will make it go away..." Yami purred as he crawled atop his Aibou. "I'll make you forget about it so hard, you'll explode."

Yami was then promptly kicked in the face by his lover and pushed off the bed

The End

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