Cole's Orphanage stood dull, grey and unremarkable against the soft morning sky.
Tom gave it a slow inspection, letting his eyes make out every window and every crack in the brickwork.
"Do you want to get a closer look?" Harry asked idly.
"No!" Tom said, more forcefully than he had intended. "I mean… no thanks, not yet."
Harry didn't comment, only nodded, which relived Tom. He couldn't explain his little outburst.
Tom had always known that he had been born in an orphanage and that his mother had died in one. Harry had been an acquaintance of his mother's and had felt that Tom would be better off living with him in his little home Godric's Hollow, rather than at the orphanage, something Tom decided to be grateful for.
The place looked rather dreary. He tried to imagine what sort of person he might have been had Harry not taken him in. He just couldn't imagine life without Harry's old friend Ms. Prewitt, Mary from next door, Jack who walked with Tom to school (even though Jack was a year older) and that Mrs. Robin who was an "Unspeakable" (but could speak just fine and did something Top Secret) and Harry. Mr. Dumbledore, too. It was going to be hard calling him "Professor" next year…
But Harry most of all was the person Tom couldn't imagine life without. He supposed Harry was a bit like an uncle or something. A relative that had custody of him. However, the idea of saying "Uncle Harry" was silly. Harry was more like a father to him. Tom didn't know much about his real father, but he felt certain that Harry was better. Still, the idea calling Harry "Dad" was worse than uncle.
Even if it was true, it made Tom squirm just thinking it. All wrong. Tom didn't even know why. Harry was probably the best parent he could have asked for. Was that bad?
Its very lucky that I live with Harry, Tom realised, surveying the building before him with distaste.
Without Harry he would have grown up in there. He wouldn't have known about magic until Mr. Dumbledore would give him his Hogwarts letter and take him to Diagon Alley like he did for Muggleborns.
The building gave Tom a strange feeling. This is where I started out, on a old winter night almost ten years ago. This is where I would have spent my summers. I would have had lessons here, not at my school back home.
A whole army of Might-Have-Been-s marched up to greet Tom, hurling images of summers spent on these grounds, wandering the streets, walking past Harry on the street, but only seeing a stranger….
"Alright, Tom?"
The Might-Have-Been-s started to crawl all over him. They slowly slithered up and around him replacing the early morning warm/coolness with a strange feeling that Tom didn't like. It was a sort of not-feeling (like a place it he heart that should have been there, but wasn't) that rose up all around him from the very dust on the ground. Tom breathed the not-feeling in and choked.
Maybe it is just ordinary dust. Maybe he was just thinking of Might-Have-Been-s, not swallowing them.
"I'm fine, Harry. We can go now," Tom said calmly, but he couldn't tear his eyes away
The non-feeling doesn't leave as Tom follows Harry down the street. It tastes of dust and saltwater and emptiness. If feels of another boy, not unlike Tom, but he lived in this orphanage, was picked on, hit and slapped, called "freak" everyday until he wanted revenge, only he was scarier than all the other children and he could do things, make things move without touching them, hurt other children whenever he wanted. It feels of a place Tom would not care for. Tom wouldn't have liked himself or anything or anyone there….
And he grew up to kill thousands.
"Tom?" Harry's hand was on his shoulder.
That boy was worlds away in a cloud of Might-Have-Been dust. But Tom was here, in this world. The Tom-that-lives-with-Harry was a Really-Happened, not a Might-Have-Been, right?
Tom spun around to face his not-father. "I might have lived there! If you hadn't come…"
The last time Tom was here his mother died.
Harry knelt down to look him in the eye. "What's wrong?"
The last time Tom was here…
"…You're not going to leave me here, are you?"
This time Tom was here and he swallowed a Might-Have-Been. Not a very nice one, at that.
Harry laughed, but choked on something. Maybe he wasn't the only one thinking of Might-Have-Been-s.
"Never," Harry answered.
Tom knew that. He really really did. Tom was smart. Smarter than all the Muggle kids in his school and probably smarter than most children at Hogwarts. So he did not cry or throw his arms around Harry with too much strength.
Honest. He didn't. Instead, he gave Harry a quick ten-year-old-boy-hug which is much more subdued and proper and grown up. He wasn't little anymore. He was ready for Hogwarts! Well, next year anyways.
"Ready to go?" Harry asked, guiding him down the street with his hand on the back of Tom's neck.
"Yes."
Tom didn't try to peer around to corner to get one last look. He didn't care about that old place.
"Tom…" Harry began, sounding unsure. "Why did you want to see that place?"
"No reason. Well, mostly I wanted see the place my mum last was," Tom lies easily.
He won't tell Harry about that awful Muggle boy in school who says that Harry thinks Tom is "charity." No, he won't, because he used magic on him and Harry always get sad… no, disappointed with Tom whenever he uses magic on his classmates.
It won't matter that William Olsen is …not very nice. Harry insists that Tom get along with everyone, even Muggles. Even stupid people. Even William-Olsens-who-are-petty-and-mean. Olsen picks on everyone, but hates Tom particularly. He never cares about what is right or what is wrong, something Harry says is Very Important.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Tyre swings," Tom lies, but then really thinks about tyre swings so it isn't a lie anymore.
"Tyre swings?" Harry repeats, puzzled.
Yes! One point for Tom. It is almost impossible to make Harry lose his composure, unless Tom gets hurt. Then Harry doesn't have much composure at all. It rather funny, sometimes, if it doesn't hurt too much.
"Tyre swings," Tom repeated. "Cole's didn't have one. I like the swing in our backyard."
Tom would not like a place without a tyre swing. He isn't sure where he'll find one at Hogwarts, but he knows he's going to like Hogwarts. Maybe he'll make one with some friends. Maybe he'll make some friends...
"I bet Cole's doesn't have ice cream or lemonade, either," Harry grins. "Why don't we go home?"