Gray
Sometimes, I wake up feeling incomplete.
Like, I need something.
Desperately.
So I turn to you, because you make me feel complete.
I hug you.
I kiss you.
I pinch your cheeks.
And I squeeze your hand.
But I still feel incomplete… until –
You hug me.
You kiss me.
You pinch my cheeks.
You squeeze my hand.
You smile.
And you tell me you love me.
And my stomach feels weird, and my heart just explodes, and my face hurts from smiling.
And I feel like I'm whole.
Like you were the missing part of me.
And you know, I thought this would last.
Last forever.
So as I sat there, watching TV.
I never expected to get that phone call.
It was on of our friends. Frantic.
I couldn't understand what she was saying.
Accident? Car crash? Hospital?
What happened? Where were you?
Why?
You were there, lying in the hospital bed.
Your small, fragile form was surrounded with machines and tubes.
A beeping box kept you alive.
The drunk driver was dead on the scene, but someone saved you from the car.
I don't know who he was, but wherever he is, I thank him.
And I thank him for you, because you can't speak. Can't open your eyes.
Your golden hair is messy, and there's caked blood on some of the strands.
An ugly bruising spreads all across your arms.
Are you alright? What can I do for you?
…
What can I do so you'd wake up?
All our friends visit.
They look hard, at you, and the women cry. The men pat me roughly, because that's the only way they know how to make me feel better.
You know what would make me feel better?
If you woke up.
Please wake up.
I want to hug you.
To kiss you.
To pinch your cheeks.
To squeeze your hand.
I want to smile back.
And to tell you I love you, even if I rarely do.
The heart monitor beats steadily, and your bruises seem to be fading.
You still won't wake up.
The doctors won't tell me anything.
What's going on in your head, I wonder?
Are you in a beautiful place?
Am I there? With you?
You know, your father visited today.
For the first time since you ran away to be with me. Away, because you loved me.
I know he hated me, because I took his daughter away.
But when he came here, he barely noticed me.
He went straight to you.
And even though you kept telling me that the two of you fought all the time – about me, about your mom, everything –
He loved you very much, you know.
He took your fragile, delicate hand.
And he apologized.
He apologized for everything.
Did you hear him?
He apologized for keeping us apart. For trying to force you into things you didn't want. For never talking to you until now.
He called you his baby girl. Did her ever call you that before? Maybe not. But he did, now.
Have you ever seen a grown man cry? I hope you never do. It isn't something that anyone should ever see, or hear.
No one should see a father crying for his daughter.
It was just huge, heartbreaking sobs. Punctured with gasps, because he couldn't breathe very well.
It was hard for me to see, so I turned away.
But I could still hear him.
And you know, your father was a strong man.
He tried to stop crying. So he could tell you just the one thing you always wanted to hear.
He told you he loved you.
…
Did you hear him?
He left, and he apologized to me, too.
I nodded.
I didn't know what to say.
What could I say?
You've been here for a month now.
You look healthy, just… asleep.
Why won't you wake up?
Wake up.
Please.
If not for you, then for me.
If not even for me, then for your father.
For anyone. Anything.
Just please… wake up.
The doctors come in and do a check on you.
They check your vital signs.
Have you ever been as nervous as I was? I don't think so. No one could have been as nervous.
They finish, and they leave without telling me anything.
I'm scared. I'm scared I'll lose you.
I sit down beside your bed and take your hand.
Maybe tomorrow, they'll tell me.
And I'll know.
But…
I know you're just asleep.
That you're probably dreaming of cotton candy right about now.
Would you like that?
If you wake up, I'll buy you all the cotton candy you could possibly eat.
You don't even have to share.
Would that make you happy?
Can you hear me?
I love you. I'll do anything.
So please… just come back to me.
They told me.
Their dark faces grim.
You won't wake up.
You'll never wake up.
The crash did something to your head.
The beeping box was the only thing keeping you here with me now.
And now…
Now, they were asking me if I wanted to turn that machine off.
I didn't understand.
Turn it off?
But that would mean… right?
Letting you die?
You weren't gonna wake up. I'd never get you back. But still…
You know, no one should ever make this kind of decision.
Everyone was gently telling me to turn it off. That keeping hold of you like this was only hurting you.
Am I hurting you?
They aren't you. They can't tell me what to do.
Am I hurting you? Should I turn it off?
Should I let you go?
Letting you go will be hard. I'll never see your face again. Never hear you laugh again, never see you dance again.
But…
If it's hurting you…
Then maybe I should.
It's going to be hard.
I don't know if I can take it.
If I can be alone.
Why did this have to happen?
I love you. What did I do wrong?
You don't deserve this.
The beeping box is constantly sounding. It's just sitting there, doing its job.
Keeping you alive.
Alive, but not alive.
Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
I…
What do I…
I told them I'd let you go.
I'm letting you go.
I called your father. He seemed to agree with me, but asked to see you one more time.
That time, he didn't cry.
He just wished you luck and kissed you on your forehead.
And he told you he loved you, again.
He clapped me on the shoulder and wished me all the best.
Maybe you two could have been closer.
Maybe you could have worked things out.
It's too late, anyway.
Pointless.
I told the doctors I wanted to be the one to pull the plug.
I suppose if we had been reversed, I'd have wanted you to turn it off.
I wish we had been reserved.
I wish I was dying, instead of you.
You look so peaceful on the bed. Someone combed out your hair. And the bruises are all but gone.
You look beautiful.
I stare at the machine for a long time.
Then I went to you. Carefully.
He hugs her.
He kisses her.
He pinches her cheeks.
He squeezes her hand.
He smiles…
And he tells her that he loves her.
I watched numbly as they lowered your coffin to the ground.
Your father came with lilies. He put them around you and threw some onto the lid once you were in the ground.
All our friends were there. They cried, every single one of them.
I couldn't.
It was some consolation to me that you were buried with your wedding ring. Like, no matter where you end up, the people you meet will all know that you belonged to me.
Still belong to me.
They erect the gravestone and I read the inscription underneath your name.
She gives her love eternally.
You do.
You do.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for everything.
I'm sorry I wasn't a better husband, that I wasn't good enough for your father, that I took you away from your home.
I'm sorry I couldn't help you.
I'm sorry a stranger had to save you.
I'm sorry I'm still alive, here, without you.
I'm sorry I'm not there with you.
But I love you.
And I'll do anything for you.
And now, I may not be able to see you –
Touch you, kiss you, hold your hand.
But I can do something.
I can love you.
I'll love you.
Forever.
Always.
I love you.
So, sleep tight, Lucy.
And sweet dreams.
Lucy
I've always felt restless.
Like I should be doing something, be with someone.
But Father always held me back. He refused to let me see anyone.
So when I saw you then, throwing pebbles at my window, I was so happy.
You were that boy from school. The one I kept staring at, when I thought you didn't notice.
You knew, didn't you?
You knew that I fell for you?
I was ecstatic when you proposed. I thought nothing of leaving my home. As long as I was with you.
I didn't even care what Father would say. What could he say? We left out hometown and traveled two states away.
How would he reach us?
I wanted to follow you. To be with you.
So I did.
I loved that I got to live with you. Wake up next to you in the mornings.
I got to hug you.
To kiss you.
To pinch your cheeks.
To squeeze your hand.
To smile at you.
And to tell you, every day, that I love you.
How many times have I told you I love you?
How many more times will I get to say it?
You know, you've only told me that you love me three times in all.
Once when I went down from the balcony, falling into your arms.
Once when you proposed.
Once when we got married.
I'm the one who tells you I love you, all the time. I never minded. I loved you first.
I just wish… I wish you said it more.
You know, this is all my fault.
The truck driver was drunk. He was sloppy. I should have avoided that road.
But I was in a rush. I wanted to get home, to see you after a long day.
…I'm glad you don't know this.
You'd blame yourself, wouldn't you?
You would.
I don't want you to be guilty.
I don't want you to be hurt because of me.
When I opened my eyes, I wasn't anywhere I knew or had been to before.
It was a hospital.
I called for you.
Where are you? Why aren't you here with me? How did I get here?
There was a bed beside me. I looked.
I got the shock of my life when I saw myself, hooked up to machines.
Bloody. Disheveled.
Did I… die?
I didn't want you to see me. But they called you, of course.
I saw you walk in and go straight to me. Not me…
You went to the body on the bed.
I realized I was dead.
Dead.
You couldn't see me. Maybe if you had, you wouldn't have cried like that.
It was heartbreaking. It hurt me so much to see you so hurt.
But I'm glad I was crying over you crying. I'm glad I was the one who got hit.
Because if it had been you who was dying…
I…
I realized I was still alive, if only barely. That beeping box was keeping me tethered.
But for what? So that I could walk the earth, a ghost, forever?
All our friends visited. It's hard watching them cry, too.
I wanted to comfort them, but how could I? None of you could see me.
I wish you could see me.
I wish I could touch you.
I wish I could hug you.
Kiss you.
Pinch your cheeks.
Squeeze your hand.
Smile.
And tell you, over and over again, how much I love you. How much I needed you.
Can you hear me?
Can you feel these hands I'm trying to embrace you with?
Father came to visit.
I… I didn't know what to say.
I quite forgot that no one could see me.
Because even though I saw his face, the face I so ardently despised, along with it came memories of being lifted into the air.
Laughing. Singing. Hugging. Comforting each other when Mother died.
I reached out a hand I forgot would never reach him.
It passed right through.
He went straight to the bed. He didn't even talk to you, and I was surprised.
He took my hand.
And he started crying.
That sound broke my heart all over again. I… I never wanted to see anything like that ever again.
His face was creased in grief, barely able to breathe as he sobbed. He gripped my hand tightly, and for a moment it was as if I could feel it too.
Then he started apologizing.
He apologized for everything, everything and more. Trying to keep us apart, trying to arrange my marriage for me, for ignoring me all these months. He apologized for everything.
You turned away. I understand that. If I could, I would have turned away, too.
Then he called me his baby girl. I can't even remember the last time he called me that. His tears leaked and spilled onto his cheeks.
Stop crying. If you don't, I'll never stop, either.
I want to hug him, but he can't touch me.
Daddy, I love you.
Please don't be sad.
I forgive you.
I'm so happy you told me you love me.
…
He left, and you exchanged a nod with him.
You're crying too, you know.
I'm sorry I can't comfort you.
If I could, I would.
I'd wrap these hands around you.
But they can't reach you now.
I've been in here for a month now.
When are you going to realize?
I'm dead. I can't be brought back…
I love you. It's hell for me to stay here and see you hope for me to be alive.
I'm not coming back.
Please realize that.
Realize it soon, so you can stop hurting.
I don't want you in pain.
I want you to be happy.
I want you to be happy so much, I don't even care if it's without me.
Even if you have to marry someone else to be happy, then do it.
Even if you have to burn all our pictures together and move to another country.
Even if you have to hate me.
I…
I love you.
They finally told you.
I'm gone.
You're only hanging on to me.
This won't make you happy.
It won't make me happy.
Pull the plug.
Turn it off.
Let me go.
You don't want to, do you? You still won't let me go. But it's time to let go. You're making yourself miserable.
I want you to be happy.
I was relieved when you decided to turn it off.
I watch as you approach the machine, but then you change direction and head to the bed instead.
What could you possibly be doing?
…
He hugs her.
He kisses her.
He pinches her cheeks.
He squeezes her hand.
He smiles…
And he tells her that he loves her.
…
Pull it quickly, quickly.
Quickly, so I can leave before I start crying.
Faster.
You're getting blurred.
Come on.
I can't see anything.
Hurry up.
These tears…
Please.
Even though I'm dead, I'm still here for my funeral.
In a way, it's strange to see my body there.
Daddy came with lilies. My favorites. He decorated me with them. I like their smell, their whiteness…
Thank you…
You looked so strong during the service, you know.
All of our friends were crying.
You didn't cry.
You even comforted my dad.
After they put up the grave, I go to inspect it.
And you come over as well.
We're standing face to face now, and it's almost as if you can see me.
Can you see me?
She gives her love eternally.
I do.
I'm leaving my heart with you.
For all of time.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I had to make us leave town just for us to get married. I'm sorry I wasn't a better wife. I'm sorry I'm so pushy.
I'm sorry I had to leave without saying anything.
I'm sorry you're alone.
I'm sorry I can't comfort you.
I'm sorry that I'm died, and that I'm leaving without you.
I'm sorry I'm not there with you.
But I love you.
And I'll do anything for you.
And now, I may not be able to see you –
Touch you, kiss you, hold your hand.
But I can do something.
I can love you.
I'll love you.
Forever.
Always.
I love you.
You've said it four times now, Gray.
I'll keep count forever.
Author's Note: hmmm. I should write a happy fanfic next... (Oh, I am. I am. Just wait for my next fanfic.) I just really like writing sad stories...
History:
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published February 18, 2015
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I don't know where I got this plot... I just imagined a ghost of a wife saying goodbye to her husband.
Disclaimer: fairy tail doesn't deserve the honor of being mine.