A/N: so this is simply my take on kurt's thoughts with the whole shoulder pat instead of a kiss thing. I added a little bit at the end b/c I definitely think that they would have just saved that kiss for later. I hope you like it. Feel free to let me know, I love to hear your thoughts.
lessthanthree
Katie

The touch of the fingers is as sexy as it gets. It had been a fact for him, a simple fact that he had happily lived his teenaged life by. Admitted now, he knew that it was a coping mechanism, a way to avoid anything sexual so he could prove to the world that his feelings for another boy were not just a desperate, last resort to get off and were instead deeply rooted in the true love that they shared. Sadly it became a way to prove it to himself as well because sometimes, with the world berating you and telling you that you are wrong, you start believing them and stop believing in yourself.

He had engrained it, consciously and subconsciously, into the depths of his mind, his soul, his being for so long that it had been hard to remove. It had been hard to hug Blaine, really hug him, where the length of their bodies pressed and intertwined. It had been hard to kiss Blaine, hard to allow himself to truly relax and enjoy the soft caress of his boyfriend's lips against his own. He did enjoy it though. After a lazy summer of learning from each other and leaning on each other and simply loving each other, Kurt had watched his hold on his life slowly slip away as the lure of Blaine's lips began to overtake his guitar calloused fingers.

It had been gradual with no clear, defining moment of when he went from wanting nothing more than to hold his boyfriend's hand to when the pucker of the perfect, pink, plump, lips won him over. There was just something more that the tentative, chaste press could give that the intertwining fingers couldn't. Kurt still greatly appreciated the touch of Blaine fingers, the strong grasp of his hand. The innocent friendship that formed the foundation for their love was never lost on him, nor would it ever be. Kurt had a suspicion that eventually Blaine's hands would make a triumphant return to the sexiest part of his boyfriend but for now he was content to swoon over the boy's inviting lips and so when they stopped sending Kurt the invitation, it was defeating. In that moment he felt that everything they had worked towards was shattered. He wasn't worth enough for Blaine to pull out the courage. They weren't worth enough.

Later, he understood the reason behind the shoulder pat. It was simply a choice aimed at keeping the peace, a vote for appeasement, a way to preserve what little they had. Blaine's touch hadn't been cold; in fact, it was quite the opposite. The boys had perfected the art of portraying emotion through their fingers over the six months that they had been dating. For a while it had been all they had. Kurt had felt the adoration and awe and relief and pure, untainted love course through from the tips of Blaine's fingers into the blade of his shoulder. It had broken his heart to feel the remorse and regret that came with it. Blaine had wanted to kiss him too and was beating himself up for denying both of them that special connection.

He hadn't though, not really. A kiss was nothing more than the contact of skin without the emotion behind it. A pat on the shoulder was the same. It could be as harmful as when Karofsky slammed him into his locker, as meaningless as when the kid sitting behind him asked for a pencil, as amicable as when Finn said goodnight, or as powerful, and affectionate, and caring, and loving as when Blaine gave him a gentle pat because in that moment, it was the only option. In that moment where the touch of the fingers was as sexy as it could get.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Ummm, my house? That was the idea behind you driving me home after all."

"Well wait a minute; I believe I owe you a kiss."

"Blaine, you don't owe me anything."

"Of course I do. Kurt, you are the most amazing boyfriend. The flowers were by far the sweetest, most thoughtful, caring thing anyone has even done for me. And I know I can tell you all this with words but I'd like to be able to show you too. I should have kissed you today, I'm sorry."

"No. No apologising. You didn't do anything wrong. You were being smart and frankly sometimes it's best to play it safe and keep us to ourselves. The touch of your fingers was more than enough to show me."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Can I kiss you now?"

"Yes you may."