Live with an Orange Menace

- - -

Anbu always get revenge

- - -

This isn't about Naruto, at least it isn't directly about him. This also isn't about the main characters, this is about the normal people (or as normal as ninja are ever going to get) and how they have to deal with Naruto. So I hope you can forgive me the heavy use of Original characters, in this story.

- - -

An orange figure slowly crept into the anbu headquarter. Every few steps the figure stopped and looked around carefully. After spotting nobody the figure crept on.

A few minutes later it had managed to reach the locker rooms. A manic grin spread over it's features, as it pulled out a small bag. Carefully opening a locker, it cringed at the creaking and the slight draft that went through the room for a second.

It took a handful of the powder in the bag, and sprinkled it onto the clothes hanging in the locker, repeating the process for all the other lockers. Then the figure retreated, carefully creeping through the empty building.

After a few more minutes the figure emerged into the light, a manic grin on his face, Naruto made good on his escape, barely managing to suppress his giggles.

- - -

As the eight year old boy walked away from the anbu headquarter, the anbu on duty watched him with smirks on their faces, one of them held a small bag in his hand, a bag that looked just like the one Naruto had used to carry his powder in.

"So, when will he notice the itching powder?" One of the anbu asked, curiously watching the retreating boy.

"Right about..." the man with the powder said, as Naruto stopped and started scratching himself, "now."

The anbu sniggered, as they watched the would be prankster scratch himself all over.

"Really should have known better, than to try and prank us." Another anbu shook his head.

"Alright, that's enough." Came the voice of their leader. "We still have to prepare for the mission, breaks over... and good work Crab."

"I aim to please" Crab responded, chuckling.

The anbu disappeared back into the building, while Naruto hurried home to wash the itching powder off.

- - -

Crab hopped from roof to roof, whistling a little ditty. Work was over for the day and he looked forward to a bit of fun with his girlfriend.

A blob of orange stopped him in his tracks. He watched as the orange menace, otherwise known as the sucker, easy target, or Naruto, made his way into one of the market stalls. Crab looked around, there were a few other ninja, though most were genin, he only spotted one other jonin and one chunin. But while the jonin had spotted Naruto the chunin hadn't. He was of course busy, haggling with a merchant, so that was excusable.

Crab looked at the jonin, then at Naruto. The jonin raised an eyebrow, Crab shrugged. The genin were oblivious. Probably fresh from the academy.

Now what either Crab or the jonin were supposed to do was stop Naruto. Of course, that would mean they had to deal with him... yeah no way in hell, that brat was loud enough to rupture an eardrum if you got too close. And he would have to file a report... or he could ignore it and make his way to his girlfriend.

No contest really. Watching the jonin he could see the same thought process going on behind his eyes. They both turned to the chunin, still busy haggling. The jonin smirked, as did Crab, though you couldn't see it behind the mask.

With a wave Crab disappeared. Let the chunin deal with it. Crab had better things to do.

A few seconds later he heard screaming from somewhere behind him. Ah the joys of spotting trouble before it started.

- - -

Makeiro leaned back on his chair, he had just been promoted to jonin. Which was taken as an excuse to party by his new colleagues

"Man what a party." He muttered, lazily watching the room.

Besides him Fu nodded. "Best initiation party I've ever been to. Only party better was the one the orange sucker tried to crash." He sniggered. "Never seen somebody get drunk so fast."

Makeiro blinked. "Orange sucker?"

Nodding Fu took another gulp. "Naruto." He paused, then continued grinning. "Tried to sneak in, we caught him almost immediately. Of course, we didn't let him know that."

"Huh? But why?" Makeiro asked.

"Cause watching him try to be stealthy is just way too hilarious. Seriously the kids a comedic goldmine." Fu laughed loudly. "Especially if you get him drunk." He looked Makeiro, cheeks flushed with alcohol and laughter. "And the best thing? He doesn't remember a thing the next morning."

Makeiro nodded, then frowned. "You know, not that I care... but isn't giving a kid alcohol dangerous?"

Fu shrugged. "Yeah but we are careful not to give him too much. He's a total lightweight anyways. One cup of sake and he dances on the table." His gaze went to one of the jonin doing just that, to the catcalls of several kunoichi. "Juuuuust like that..." as the clothes came of he quickly returned his eyes to Makeiro." Without the stripping obviously...."

Makeiro nodded. "Ahh that's good, wouldn't want to explain to the hokage why the brat keeled over."

Fu shrugged. "Eh, I suppose."

"I just hope I won't have to deal with him anymore, hunting the brat down is such a drag." Makeiro said.

Fu blinked in confusion. "Hunt him down? Kid, you're a jonin now. If the brat is causing trouble you ignore him." Fu nodded, the very picture of authority. "As if we would waste our time with a prankster. Hah!"

Makeiro blinked. Looked at his glass and blinked again. "Are you telling me, that if a jonin saw Naruto prepare a prank, say on a shopkeeper, and a chunin was busy haggling those bloodsuckers down to reasonable prices, the jonin would then ignore Naruto and let the chunin, who let's say hadn't eaten anything in quite a while, deal with the aftermath?"

Fu looked up, the look in Makeiro's eyes were strained, just like his voice. Fu gulped.

"Err..." He thought back a few days, he had seen the brat... as had that anbu... and they did leave a chunin to deal with the fallout... he gulped again. Those questions were a wee bit specific.

"That chunin wouldn't happen to be you?" He asked, almost afraid.

Makeiro smiled. "Why whatever gave you that idea?" Fu let go of the breath he didn't notice holding in. He had been worried there for a second. He took another sip of sake... he didn't know how many he had, but it was clear he didn't have enough.

"Yeah, let the poor sap deal with it." He nodded, then blinked... wait why did he just say that? He looked at the alcohol again, then carefully up at the cheerfully smiling Makeiro. Scratch not having enough he had far, far too much alcohol.

Fu tensed, this would require all the coordination he had left.

Makeiro slowly shifted his chair back, his eyes never leaving Fu's.

There was almost no warning. The slightest twitch in Makeiro's eye, but it was enough.

"You bastard left me to deal with all those irate shopkeepers!" Makeiro shouted, as he threw the first kunai. Fu barely dodged it. "Do you know when I managed to get home? Three hours later!"

More kunai flew past his head and Fu decided that it was past time to get home himself. Stumbling backwards, he was stopped for a second by something soft. However his momentum carried him and whatever he ran into to the ground. Two more kunai just missing his head.

"Oof!" He gasped, hitting the ground. The soft something made approximately the same sound. Though it did break his fall somewhat. He blinked, his thoughts moving at the speed of snail on glue.

Oh! He fell on somebody. That made sense... and the kunai had stopped flying. That was good wasn't it?

He looked for Makeiro, but the kid was gone, strange, he thought he would have to dodge kunai till he was safely back home.

"Ohh a volunteer." A voice giggled drunkenly behind, no under him. Two arms circled his waist. "Hmm nice muscles too." The same voice. He turned around. And suddenly his thoughts sped up to normal again, as pure terror flushed his system of alcohol. Anko Miterashi smiled lazily at him. "You are veeeery pretty you know that?" She slurred. Fu's eyes widened. And he tried to jump up.

Anko giggled. "Nooo you mushtend leave. We are going to have soo much fun!" She giggled. And Fu did the only thing he could. He screamed in terror.

- - -

Makeiro watched from a table over, a broad smile on his face. Revenge was served, and it was served well.

- - -

Crab groaned once again. Though his groan turned into a yawn halfway through.

He hurt, he hurt all over. Stupid mission, stupid forest, stupid wolves and stupid teammates. He whimpered. All he wanted was his bed, his bed and a week of sleep.

Dragging himself through the streets of Konoha he briefly wondered how many anbu had to deal with overgrown wolves enraged by stupid teammates. But the train of thought slipped, like every other thought he had that didn't involve his bed.

Sighing he fished for his keys. Nearly there, he had nearly reached nirvana.

The door creaked open, and he sleepily stumbled into his apartment, hopped over the tripwire installed just behind the door and pulsed his chakra for a second, deactivating the more complicated traps.

He blinked for a second, there was something missing? Shaking his head he closed the door, he was too tired. Whatever it was could wait till morning. He needed sleep, he didn't have any since four days ago. Stupid bugs.

He didn't bother turning on the light, he simply stumbled into his bedroom and fell into his bed, boots, armor and mask still on. Sleep, sweet beautiful sleep. Sweet soft bed, with an uncomfortable lump in it.

Lump?

He opened his eyes again and pushed himself up. Slowly he lifted the blanket. Beneath was a ball, the size of a fist, he had seen one of those before, but where. His brain slowly came online again, as adrenalin flooded through his body.

"That joke shop..." Was his last thought before the ball exploded, generously coating his bedroom and him in sticky fluid.

Crab stood still, he couldn't make out what it was that hit him, but judging by the smell it was some sort of paint.

Slowly he made his way to the light switch.

Orange, his entire bedroom was covered in orange.

He stared for a second, then looked into his living room, most of the traps in there were triggered. Nodding to himself he switched the light off again and stumbled back to bed, it was too late to deal with this.

As he fell into bed again he snorted. He had to give it to the brat, he was persistent. To keep going after the flamethrower and the shock tag? Persistent, very persistent.

Still, he would have his revenge, oh yes he would have his revenge.

After laundry and repainting his bedroom and the repairs from his traps. He suppressed a whimper, this would take a while.

His last thought, as he drifted off to dreams of hunting down a blond jinchuriku, were of setting his stupid teammates and the stupid wolves and the stupid bugs and the stupid forest against the brat, that would teach em.

- - -

Crab whistled, as he walked to Konoha's market. It was a good day, no missions, the sun was shining, he had a date and he got paid today. Overall it didn't get much better than this.

He lazily watched the streets, he still hadn't managed to get revenge on the brat for his bedroom, but he was willing to let bygones be bygones. The brat had earned that prank by making it through his traps. Besides he was too lazy to hunt him down. He paused.

Well, speak of the devil. Maybe he would get his revenge after all.

Naruto walked down the street, well stalked down the street really. Hiding behind dumpsters, houses and civilians, whatever the eight year old could find.

Crab frowned, who was the target, he could inform them of their stalker if they didn't already know.

Hmm, a bunch of civilians, Gai talking to Asuma, both aware of the brat, but he wasn't watching them, Anko skipping down the street, dango sticks in hand, more civilians, an academy brat. Wait. Anko skipping down the street?

He looked at Naruto, followed his gaze. Yes there was no doubt, the brat's target was definitely Anko. He nodded to himself, so he would go to her and tell her...

The idiot was stalking who?

Crabs eyes widened when he saw Naruto rear back a paint bomb in hand. Was the kid insane? If Anko wasn't so focused on her dango she would have... well he didn't know what she would have done, but it wouldn't have been pleasant!

He barely registered that he had started running, why was he doing this? Why was he protecting the brat from himself?

He looked at Anko, oh, right.

He managed to catch the paint bomb before it hit Anko, however his momentum carried him on and into an alley, where he hit a wall, hard.

He looked at the bomb, good, it didn't go off.

He turned around, Anko looked around, searching for whatever had caught her attention, shrugged and went back to munching her dango. Crab exhaled, close call that.

He looked at Naruto, barely visible from the alley. He stared confusedly from his hiding spot, probably wondering why Anko wasn't painted orange. A frown slowly spreading across his face.

Crab groaned, as he saw Naruto pull out another sphere, this time itching powder.

Crab briefly wondered what it said about him that he considered the joke shop a valid supplier of ninja equipment, before he once again jumped to intercept the projectile.

Really, nobody deserved the wrath of Anko. He thought, as he caught the bomb. And crashed into another alley.

He blinked, the wall was pretty damn hard, but his previous thought wasn't entirely correct was it? Plenty of people deserved the wrath of Anko, her previous teacher for one.

He stashed the itching powder bomb.

Though he supposed, most people who deserved her wrath, weren't eight years old. And while the demon fox might deserve it, he knew enough about sealing, to know that the brat wasn't the demon. Probably. So no need to let him suffer under it.

On the other hand, the brat was preparing another throw! Didn't he ever give up?

Crab didn't jump this time, he simply stepped in front of the brat and caught the projectile, a simple water balloon this time and put it to with the others.

Naruto's eyes widened. "Err you might not want to do that." He said.

Crab frowned, why wouldn't?

The balloon exploded, blinding him and throwing him on his back. Painfully. Luckily he stashed the bomb in his armored west, otherwise this would have been even worse, the water dripped from his face.

Crab paused, water? He slowly wiped away the paint he was now coated in, his left eye twitched. The paint and the itching powder too.

Oh god, it already started to work.

"Wow, that sucks." Anko said, leaning over him. "But why did you catch that? Wasn't for you was it?"

He slowly shook his head, clearing it form cobwebs. "No." He muttered.

"Hmm, who was the brat aiming for then?" She asked.

Behind his mask crab smiled, his eyes narrowed as he looked at Naruto. "Doesn't matter, he'll deal with me now."

Naruto gulped. "Err I tried to warn you old man?" He said, weakly.

Crab slowly got up, eyes twitching. A lesser man would have broken down begging for mercy. He was itching all over, even his face was demanding attention. But he. Would. Not. Break!

"Yes," he ground out, "but I still owe you for last week anyways. And so you get to suffer for this too."

Naruto's eyes widened fearfully. "Ahhh you are that masked guy with all those traps in his house! You are insane!" he screamed.

"Not yet." Crab hissed. Though if he didn't get a shower and soon he would be. Oh god he wanted to scratch himself all over.

Naruto looked left and right, scratching the back of his head. "Ehehe uhh would it help to say I'm sorry old man?"

Crab shook his head. He noticed Anko had disappeared, that was good. He would have the brat all to himself. "No it won't."

Naruto shrugged, "Well... and old man like you will never catch me anyways!" he shouted, turned around and ran.

Crab snorted, if he had been a chunin the brat might have given him trouble, thanks to the itching powder.

Must not scratch!

But he was an Anbu, the elite. Not some idiotic little brat with too much energy and too little brain.

Crab jumped on the wall, and ran after the brat, horizontally to the ground. Easily avoiding the masses the brat used to hide in.

Naruto shot a look behind him and stopped, apparently confused, at his pursuers disappearance. "Where is the old man?" He asked himself.

"Right here brat." Crab said, grabbing Naruto by the neck. "And you and me, are going to become fast friends now." He smirked.

Naruto gulped, as he was carried away.

- - -

Crab hummed happily, as he prepared the ramen. Revenge was sweet indeed.

He saw his captain coming in, searching for something. When he spotted Crab he walked over.

"Say, any idea why Uzumaki is in one of our cells, running in circles?" He asked.

Crab shrugged. "Probably because he hasn't eaten for four hours and is seeing a floating bowl of ramen."

The captain nodded. "And why is he in our cell, being tortured?" He continued patiently.

Again Crab shrugged. "He hit me with itching powder, paint and water."

"Alright I see why he must be punished, but isn't that just a bit cruel?"

Crab glared at the captain. "No it isn't, this is also for my bedroom last week. And besides. This? This is nothing."

The captain raised an eyebrow. "Nothing?"

Crab nodded calmly. "He was trying to hit Anko."

His captain stared, opened his mouth, stared some more, opened his mouth again, he paled.

"I see, carry on then." He finally said. "Oh and sorry for doubting you."

Crab smiled and waved, as the captain left the kitchen. He was hungry, the noddles where nearly done and he had a prisoner to taunt. Life was good.