Chapter 1

Belle yawned and rolled over in bed to look at the clock over her left shoulder. 3:44AM. He was still awake. Another sleepless night, she thought sadly, and frowned to herself. She considered going back to sleep, but something told her she ought to try again. But she tried every night, and she never got anywhere. Tonight, though, something told her it would be different.

As she laid there considering what to do, she listened to the rain as it plinked on the rooftop, willing herself to bring back the dream she'd been having. What had woken up? She considered that as she drew the fluffy sheets up to her chin, wondering if she had somehow known that tonight was the night she would get her answers. If, perhaps, she woke up for a reason.

As soon as she considered that, though, she dispelled that hope from her mind. You won't get anywhere, she told herself. You'll just be disappointed again. Your bed is warm, dawn is still far away. Go back to sleep.

Now that her thoughts were rolling, however, she knew she couldn't go back to sleep. Not after the dream she'd been having. Why do we always wake up from the good dreams? She couldn't banish that thought from her mind, but knew also that she'd not be able to return to that peaceful dreamland. Her dream had been of a life she'd held once, long ago. A life whose memories she cherished, but a life that was lost to her now, replaced by one more mysterious and challenging, but one she wouldn't give up for the world.

Well, might as well try, what have I got to lose? She thought as she rolled back over to face her husband, knowing what to expect, but hoping against hope she was wrong.

"You're awake, aren't you?" She didn't get an answer right away. "Rumple, you didn't sleep any last night either. Please tell me what's bothering you."

Again, she didn't get her answer, just a heavy sigh from the other side of the bed. When she was about ready to give up and say something, she was surprised by the sound of his familiar voice. "It's nothing darling, please go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you."

Belle tried not to be disappointed in his lack of an answer, telling herself she hadn't really expected him to confide in her. At least he said something, she thought, attempting to be optimistic. All she could think to say was "you didn't wake me."

"No?" he said, faintly amused. "Then what did?" Whether he was amused with himself or her, she couldn't be sure.

Gathering her courage, Belle sat up and looked him in the eyes. "I'm not sure, but we need to talk. Maybe I woke up because we need to have a serious conversation." As she talked, her confidence grew, and she sat up straighter, ignoring the chill of the dark room.

"Oh Belle," he sighed, "it's almost 4AM. Can't we do this later? Go back to sleep darling." He tried to smile at her, but the smile came out looking sad. He upset that he was distressing her. She was always so perceptive, knowing when something was wrong. But telling her what he felt, that wouldn't make it better. That wouldn't bring back his son. He'd much rather suffer in silence.

Belle saw the sadness in his eyes when he tried to smile, and for the first time she realized just how cold she was. Without knowing she was doing it, she pulled the covers up to her chin, blinking back tears, but never taking her eyes from his face.

"No, Rumple, we're going to do this now. I know something is bothering you, and I want you to know that I'm here for you. We're a family now Rumpelstiltskin, and you have to let me in. I know it's hard for you to talk about your feelings, and I know you don't tell me things because you think it will keep me safe. But it won't. Secrets only hurt people Rumple, you should know that better than anyone." She hadn't realized she was going to say that much until the words were already out of her mouth.

Rumple stared at her, surprised she's been so outright. The look on her face told him she was surprised by her words as well, and she finally looked away, glancing down toward the end of the bed.

After a long pause, he muttered "you're right."

She looked back up at him then, her face a mixture of stunned surprise and muted happiness. "I am?" She spouted without thinking, and he smiled. This time, the smile was closer to genuine. "I mean, I know I'm right. Just tell me what's bothering you, and let me help you." At that, he smiled even more, and put his arm around her shoulders, hugging her to him as he thought about what to say.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear as he gently kissed her head.

Belle knew he was stalling, and was determined to get an answer out of him, but she couldn't help smiling and blushing a little despite herself. Will I ever get used to this married thing?

She shook her head slightly, forcing herself not to be distracted, and brought her thoughts back to the problem at hand. Focus, she thought, focus. She wasn't going to fall for his delay tactics.

"If you love me, tell me what's wrong. Why haven't you been sleeping?"

"Oh, that's not a fair play," he complained.

She grinned, happy that she knew how to get to him. She pulled herself away a little bit so she could look straight in his eyes, knowing she didn't need any more words. She gave him one of her infamous "I'm not falling for this" look, and he laughed.

"I know that look," he smiled, then said "I'm not getting out of this am I?" He sighed as she shook her head, her brown hair swinging back and forth, the look on her face looking for all the world like a parent chastising a child.

"I just….. I just miss him, Belle." He hadn't really meant to say that, it just came out. Embarrassed, he couldn't bring himself to keep holding her gaze, and so he looked away.

She knew what that meant. She whispered, "Neal", trying to hold back tears of her own. Trying, and failing.

He nodded slowly. "Bae. I spent so many years trying to find him, so many years of my life trying to get back to him. And just when I finally think I have him back, he falls through a portal and I lose him again. Then, I find out he's alive, and we make amends. I finally think I have my son back for good, and that witch takes him away from me."

Belle looked at her husband's face, and saw in his eyes an expression she never thought she'd see on him: vulnerability. She hoped he'd keep talking, but then she realized why he had stopped. He didn't want her to see him cry.

Belle leaned over and wrapped her arms around his chest, trying to be as much of a comfort as she could, knowing it wouldn't be enough. He hugged her back, wanting to take comfort in her, but afraid of giving away too much. Afraid of letting her too far in.

After several long minutes, Rumple sighed again, and looked at the girl he held in his arms. He decided he'd have to be honest with her, it was the only way they could make this work. She'd said we're a family now, Rumpelstiltskin. That made him happier than he could every say, but it scared him, too. He'd lost everything he'd ever loved, and he couldn't bear to lose her too.

"Searching for Bae, it gave my life a purpose. It gave me something to fight for, something to look forward to. I knew I'd see him again one day, I had hope. Whenever I gave into the darkness, gave into the power, I could tell myself that I was doing it for Baelfire. I was doing it for my son. But now…"

He trailed off, and a lone tear fell down his face as Belle looked up at him. She smiled a sad, knowing smile, and wiped the tear off his cheek with the sleeve of her cotton nightshirt. "Now you have something else to fight for."

"And what is that?" he asked, thinking he already knew the answer.

She surprised him by saying "yourself". Seeing the look of confusion on his face, she wiped away her own tears and sat up straighter. "All Baelfire wanted was for you to be a better man. The man you were before you were the Dark One. He knew as well as I do that there is a man behind the monster, and he wanted to see you embrace that side of you.

"So honor his memory Rumple. Become the man you know you can be, the man he'd want you to be. The man I know you can be. Do it for yourself, do it for me, but most of all, do it for Baelfire."

Looking into her imploring blue eyes, Rumple didn't want to disappoint her. But he couldn't bring himself to lie to her, either, so he settled for somewhere in the middle.

"I don't know if I can do that, Belle. I don't know if I can let go."

"Of course you can. You said it yourself, you don't have anything left to fight for. So what do you need power for? You can let go of the power, let go of the hold it has on you. Trust me, you'll be glad you did."

"It's not that easy, Belle. If I give up the power, I give up myself. My power has become a part of me, and I don't know what I'd be without it."

He looked so earnest, and Belle took heart from that. It meant he was willing to listen to her, willing to try to change. "I know what you'd be," she smiled, "my husband."

He laughed, and this time it was a true laugh, accompanied by a smile that lit up his eyes. "Look who's toying with words now," he teased, and she laughed, wiping away the last of her tears and hugging him tighter.

"Don't you feel better now?" she implored, smiling as she rested her head against his shoulder.

He didn't answer, because he didn't know how he felt. He was glad that he told her, she had a right to know how he felt. But saying it out loud, he hadn't realized until he said it, but it made it all too real. Telling Belle that he had nothing left to fight for made him realize that he really had lost his son, and that he would never see Baelfire again.

"Rumple, you're still thinking." It wasn't a question. How could she see so easily into his soul? "I know you're sad, but we'll get through it. We'll find a way, it will be okay, I promise." She paused to make sure he was really listening to her. When she glanced up at his face, the look in his eyes told her all of his focus was on her, and, satisfied, she continued. "You know what? I'll make you a deal."

"Be careful dearie," he said with a little smile, "don't get yourself into a deal you won't want to break."

"Oh, I won't," she promised, "I know what deals mean to you. And I'll make you one. We will find a way for you to honor Baelfire and put the past behind you, or I'll make you breakfast in bed every morning," she said with a carefree laugh that reminded him of better days.

"That's no deal," he protested, "you do that anyway!"

Her eyes lit up as she smiled up at him and said, "yes, but only because we just got married. How long do you think that novelty will last?"

His grin widened as he marveled at this girl that was now his, the only one to truly bring such light into his life. "You have to work in the morning," he said, changing the subject, "go back to sleep, Mrs. Gold."

Belle sat up again, looking into her husband's eyes, wondering if he knew how much she loved to hear him call her that.

Rumple looked into her beautiful blue eyes, trying to hold back his tears as he realized, not for the first time, that he'd found something truly special in this girl. This time, his tears were happy ones.

She felt heat rising into her cheeks, she never could help blushing when he looked at her like that. The same expression he'd had when they got married, one of pure joy and love. One that, sadly, he hadn't worn very many times in his life. One that showed her there really was a man behind the monster, a man she wished everyone could see, wished everyone knew him as she did.

"Good night, Rumpelstiltskin," she murmured, as she leaned it to give him a kiss.

She kissed him slowly, letting her mind linger on the turns her life had taken since she'd first met the Dark One.

He kissed her back, putting his hand on her cheek, and marveling that he could still feel so protective of someone, realizing that he might just have someone to fight for after all.

As Belle laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, Rumple made a promise to her. It was a promise he should have made long ago, one he should be willing to tell her every day. But he wasn't. He didn't have the courage to say it out loud, for he couldn't risk disappointing himself by letting her down. He would never forgive himself if he disappointed the most important person in his life. I will be a better man, Belle. I'll do it for Baelfire, I'll do it for myself, but most of all, I'll do it for you. I promise.