Everyone has a dark side, but no one would have expected a shadow to emerge from an unlikely individual. As corruption takes over his mind, he will have to face every impossible and unthinkable condition to get to where he wants to be, and become what he has only dreamed of.
Blinded by Love
Chapter 1
It Starts Here
Today is another day.
Just another day.
I stretched out my arms and looked around. It was dawn, seeing the sun peek out from behind the low clouds up ahead through the opened window.
I quickly rose from my sleeping position and over my team.
Syaoran-kun was still sleeping, meaning that I had woken up quite early for being myself.
Sakura-chan was snuggled up next to Syaoran-kun, and was sleeping away happily.
Mokona was sleeping away from the others, though it looked content just the way it was.
And lastly, I looked over to Kurogane.
My heart started beating slightly faster, and I smirked at myself. He was sleeping on his side, and though he appeared to be in a deep sleep, he slept lightly, waking to any sound or movement.
Standing up, and headed to the kitchen to begin making breakfast. As I turned the stove on, Kurogane arose from his makeshift bed. I decided to strike up a conversation with him, just for fun.
"Why, good morning, Ku-kun!" I cheerfully started.
"What the h-ll is with your nicknames?!" Kurogane growled. I ignored his comment and continued on.
"What would you like for breakfast?"
"Uh...just give me some miso soup and a second bowl of-"
"Kuro-tan, sorry, but I don't know how to make that." I hopelessly replied.
Kurogane's expression turned from thoughtful to ever so slightly disappointed.
"Okay, then just give me whatever."
"Then pancakes it is!" I quickly shifted moods to make the morning more upbeat. Anyways, who wants a gloomy start to a great day? Kurogane sighed and walked over to the table, where he was waiting for me to finish. His head was supported by his arm, propped up against the table. I was focused on not burning the pancakes, but my mind always wandered over to Kurogane.
He was there; right there, maybe I could tell him about...but maybe...I...he...
"Hey, Fai? I...I've been meaning to this for a while...I think now is the right time." Kurogane sighed and turned to me. I almost forgot to turn the stove off from the sudden statement before setting the table and placing the food in front of him.
"Yes?" I looked directly into his crimson eyes, so red, I felt completely safe staring into them...
"I...I've already told Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun, but...now I should tell you."
"J-Just...go ahead." I couldn't believe what was happening. Maybe...maybe this was the day. Maybe this would be the day that-
"I'm engaged to Tomoyo. You know, Princess Tomoyo? The girl with long black hair, and-"
"Yeah, yeah, I know."
Oh, I knew her alright. The barriers around my mind collapsed instantly. The forces, defenses, everything, just shut down. Kurogane, my Kurogane, was just stolen away from Tomoyo-chan, without warning or notice before. I knew Kurogane was already interested in Tomoyo-chan before we had ever met, but I...I thought that he had given up on her, because he would most probably never ever see her ever again, and he would...
He would be with me. That's what I wanted. For Kurogane to be with me forever. With no one else.
"But, no worries, we'll still be friends. Best friends. And you can visit often, and all of us can meet together, once a year, to have our feather-collecting reunion, and..." I tuned down the rest of Kurogane's words, as much as I loved hearing his voice, to consider what just happened about fifteen seconds ago. Okay, so first Kurogane is engaged to Tomoyo-chan. Okay, second...
I couldn't think straight anymore. My throat was choking at me, and my eyes went cloudy. This can't be happening. Not now. Not yet. Not...not to me.
"...and after our reunion- ...F-Fai? Are you with me?" Kurogane looked worried, which is what I wanted him to feel. Worried about me. I sniffled before I began.
"Y-Yeah, I'm fine..." Misery engulfed the space around me. Kurogane looked directly up into my eyes. He stood up, but his eyes were still locked with mine. He pulled me closer to his body, and held me.
"I'm sorry." I looked up at him, and stared into his eyes once more. This would be the last time I would see his eyes. His calm, crimson eyes.
I pulled away from him, and sat myself down for breakfast. He looked uneasy, because of my...distant emotions to him.
The whole morning routine went as follows, with Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan thankfully not noticing, or knowing what had gone on between Kurogane and me. Mokona seemed troubled by the change, but it played along as if nothing happened. It assumed that the dispute would be over in a day, nothing more than maybe "Kurogane yelling at me, and me getting upset" or something aiming towards that scenario.
As the day went by, each hour a little closer to my plan, I really thought it through in detail. Each step, each part, would be carried out with precision, and only then would my work be successful.
Night began to fall, blanketing the sky with shadows. Kurogane insisted that he cook dinner, so I took a break and started to pack up my belongings, little by little, so no one would notice.
"Fai-san, would to care to play a game of cards with Sakura and I?" Syaoran-kun asked me. I was a bit shaken from my deep concentration.
"Okay, sure." I replied without feeling.
Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan looked at each other, exchanging startled glances, and proceeded on to shuffle the cards. We played for a while, until Kurogane called us to the table for dinner.
He had prepared food from his country, so I decided to try it. After all, he...he is Kurogane...and I've only tried his food a few times. He had the whole table set out, which is unusual for him, since before, he would just place the food down, and if you asked where the utensils were, he would say, 'go get it yourself'. There was rice, some...miso soup, boiled vegetables, raw fish, and...pickles. I sat myself down, and everyone else was already eating with chopsticks. I looked down at my plate and mentally gasped.
There were Western utensils. Like, a fork, a spoon, and a knife, neatly rolled up in a napkin. I revealed a small smile, and unrolled the napkin to begin the meal. There was some writing on the napkin, in Japanese, but...strangely, I could understand it.
残念に思う。
愛しています。
私の兄。
Sorry.
I love you.
My brother.
He...he said...
I looked up at him, at the other side of the table, but he avoided my eyes. Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan had no idea of what was going on. They didn't know about what Kurogane wrote. But...at the end...he added "My brother"...so...
He didn't have the same feelings that I had for him. He only considered me as a brother. Only a brother...
"Fai-san, you haven't even started your dinner. Are you alright?" Sakura-chan questioned me.
"Yes," I began,
"I am perfectly fine." Kurogane looked up at me, expressionless. I quickly began to wolf down my meal, concentrating only on finishing.
After that, I swiftly folded the napkin and placed in into a hidden pocket in my fluffy white coat from Seresu. The sky darkened quickly, like black water dripping onto an azure sky, instantly staining it with ink. The dark...I love the dark. The darkness reminds me so much of...of myself. Of my past...I wish my brother could be alive, and see what has happened to me, what I've become. I've become a wild lover to Kurogane, a liar, a-
"Fai-san, what's the matter?" Syaoran-kun asked me.
"Nothing. Nothing is wrong-"
"This is something about Kurogane-san, isn't it?" I paused, and waited to see what he would say.
"Fai-san, is it or is this not about Kurogane-san?" Syaoran-kun asked more firmly. Now I had to answer.
"Yes, Syaoran-kun, it is." I replied blankly. "You shouldn't be feeling bad, Fai-san."
"I am not feeling bad that Kurogane is engaged to Tomoyo-chan."
Well, that gave it away.
"Fai-san...Kurogane-san didn't want to tell you because he knew you would be upset about it. You can still like him, just not..."
"Not the way I am right now."
"Right."
I...I can't. I can't give up on Kurogane. I can't forget him, put him in the past, because nothing that enters the past is forgotten. I...I love him too much to not love him. I wish...I wish that I could just change, so that he could love me, and not that moon princess. I love Kurogane...I love Kurogane so much...
"Fai, c'mon, time to go to sleep, and then we'll start packing for the leave tomorrow. Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun are headed back to Clow, and I'm going-"
"Going to Nihon."
"Yeah, to go-"
"To go see Tomoyo-chan. And then you'll meet up with her and hug her and kiss her and carry her in your arms and you'll tell her that you love her."
"...What makes you say all of that?"
"Because I know, Kurogane, I know that you love her, and...and..." I paused, and thought.
"...and that you'll forget me, you'll forget Fai D. Flowright, because you'll be too caught up with her, because you'll be too caught up in the present, that you'll never remember your...your past. You'll never look back and take the time to remember the journey you took, with Syaoran-kun, Sakura-chan, Mokona, but most of all...me. You won't remember me, just because you'll be enjoying the present, you will never enjoy the past." My voice choked. Kurogane was silent.
His silence was calming, seeing him think about me, and what I had said.
"Fai, I won't need to worry about the past, because you'll be with me in the present."
"No." Kurogane was startled.
"You won't have it all, Kurogane. You'll have Tomoyo-chan, everyone else, everything your heart could wish for, but the one thing you won't have is me."
"What if my heart wished for you?" Kurogane's comment dazed me, but I shook it off.
"You would never do such a thing."
"Why are you the one to be saying that?"
"Because you don't love me. All this time, every day with you, I would think, 'This is the day. The day Kurogane will tell me.' And as each day passed, I would keep my hopes up, hoping for my love to be returned...but today, my hope was cracked. My dream, now my broken dream."
"...Your broken dream..." Kurogane seemed to be lingering on that phrase.
"I know I'll see you again, so stop saying that I won't."
"This will be the last time you see me, because I'm not going to come back. Not ever. You'll only see me in the past, and unless you remember your past, this is the last of me. It won't matter how much you want me, because I'll never be with you." I faced away from Kurogane and started picking up my belongings, but Kurogane tapped my shoulder.
I turned around unhurriedly and he leaned into me and softly kissed my lips. I closed my eyes and kissed him back, though my heart ached to, since this would be the last time anything like this would ever happen. He was holding my cheeks with his hands, and I clutched his shoulders. We both slowly pulled away, and Kurogane still had no expression.
"I hope you'll remember that when I'm not there for you."
"I hope I will too." I stepped outside of the building that we were staying in, and I gripped my staff that was returned to me by Yuko-san. I also had my markings, though they were ruined, since...since Ashura-o was killed. They have no effect on my body, but I keep them to remind me of Ashura-o.
I had gotten everything...except for Kurogane's heart. No...I have to forget him...for now, in order for my world-traveling magic to work. I closed my eyes and started writing out the magic in Seresu script. The magic read, "take me away to another world"- ...that...wasn't that the song that was...at the Clover bar...in Oto...?
The magic started circling me and I kneeled down and let the magic engulf me.
A new life, starting over, to change for the better. I know that my choice is the right choice, and this world that I'm going to will teach me everything I need to know to...to...
To become what I've never become before. To become stronger, to endure this pain. This pain that will forever ache in my heart, choke at my throat, and consume my mind.
I'm going to Kanashimi.
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HAHAHA KUROFAI EPICNESS
Okay, enough of my fangirl ranting (I have obsessions too), here are translation notes-
Syaoran's lack of use of honorific with Sakura and viceversa-
Okay, they're close enough, since Yuko decided to give everything back that she stole- I mean, took, from everyone, so Sakura got her dumb memories back. (Sorry, I'm not that much of a SyaoSaku fan. In my opinion, it's waay too stereo-typical.)
Fai and Kurogane's lack of use of honorific-
Okay, same story, they're close (SQUEE) and they don't use honorifics.
Screw my Japanese, I'm not so great, so tell me if I'm wrong with Kanashimi, all Japanese whizzes, because I think it means heartbroken. Tell me if I'm wrong, and I'll edit it.
And I know half the Japanese symbols got messed up. It reads exactly what the translation is. I hope.
Okay, now to my comments-
I just love love scenes. Don't you love love scenes? Sorry if I'm creeping you guys out, but...
KuroFai, KuroTomo, and who does Kuro-chan choose? Tomoyo, the moon princess, over the dark- ahem, bright mage. Fai Fai, poor Fai, what shall we do with him...? Everyone who comments gets to give Fai a hug to make him feel better about Kuro-wanko. Nah, I'm kidding, comment at your wish.
Oh, btw, Ku-kun is copehright meh. Ya wanna use it, you're gonna have to ask me. Kay?
Err, I think that's it, and don't forget, KuroFai is one step around the corner to canon! I wish...