Let It Be Our Secret

A/N: Written in response to the Chelsie Anon on Tumblr

"Mrs. Hughes?" He found her standing in the darkness, staring out as the rain lashed against the library windows. He worried, she had been winding herself tighter and tighter over the past week or so, ever since that first visit from Sergeant Willis. Stepping up behind her, careful to keep his voice low and calm, "I'm on your side…" His hand hovered near her shoulder, almost afraid to touch her for fear she would shatter into a thousand pieces at his feet. What happens next?

C*E*C*E*C*E*C*E

A solitary tear slipped down her cheek, mirroring the raindrops landing against the large windows in front of her. His voice was tender, calming, reassuring. She could feel the waves of compassion and earnest pleas for understanding radiating from him like heat from a fire in the fireplace. She bit her lip, a little harder than she had intended, drawing a small amount of blood, the metallic taste invading her mouth.

He stood behind her motionless, still unable to touch her. Looking beyond her rigid body, he could make out her expression faintly as a reflection in the window. She was in pain, in misery. She was tormented by demons he did not yet understand. Seeing her like this grieved him beyond anything he'd experienced in his life. Taking a steadying breath, he reached down and gently brushed his hand against hers which was hanging limply by her side. "You can always hold my hand if you need to feel steady," he reminded her as his hand closed over hers tenderly.

That act of kindness was her undoing. Before Charles had a moment to think of his next move, his next word, Elsie had turned around and looked up into his face as tears streamed down her cheeks. "It's all so much to bear," she whispered softly, dropping her gaze to his chest, avoiding his piercing eyes so filled with worry. "So many secrets, so many promises, secrets and lies," she replied, dropping her head down further and staring resolutely at their shoes. "It's too much to bear. I don't know if I can do it much longer, though I cannot betray any of them." Her shoulders slumped but she gripped his hand a little tighter, as if drawing strength from him.

Charles Carson stepped out his role as butler and into his role as the best friend Elsie Hughes had ever had. Without thinking of propriety or rules, he wrapped his arms around her and drew her into his embrace, rubbing soothing circles on her back as she cried in earnest once more. He held her like that for several moments, letting her cry, letting her release her frustrations and worries. His cheek rested on the top of her head, offering her his strength and understanding, hoping she would allow him to lighten her burden. "Won't you tell me what's troubling you so much, Mrs. Hughes? I promise not to get upset or speak with anyone about what we discuss. Please?"

She slipped her arms around his middle and hugged him to her, almost as if she was afraid he would run away from her or once again express his disappointment in her. It was something she knew she would not be able to bear again, not now at least. "They're not my secrets to tell."

"No, but they're also not worth making yourself sick, worrying so much that you're as tense as you are now. Something has to give sooner or later, and I'd rather it not be your health." There was no reproach in his tone of voice, no judgment in his words … only a pleading for her to open up and share some of her troubles with him. "You know, if the shoe were on the other foot, you wouldn't let me rest until I'd told you what was troubling me. Why not let me return the favor?"

Elsie had ceased her crying and her breaths had evened out as she listened intently to his words as they rumbled through his chest and into her body. "I don't know where to start, which secret to share. It would be a betrayal to share any of them."

"Not a betrayal, no. The people you're protecting … if they knew how upset you were, how concerned you are for their safety and well-being, I'm sure they'd not begrudge you a confidante. You have my word, I won't say a thing to anyone else. Let me share your burden."

Elsie pulled out of his embrace and hastily dried her eyes with her fingertips. She didn't dare look into his face for fear of what she might find in his eyes. "Wouldn't you think less of me for sharing the secrets of another or for discussing matters of the family? If they were your secrets, would you want me to share them with someone else just so I could lighten my own mind?"

"Honestly, if I knew any secret of mine was causing you this much distress, I would beg you to tell someone. As it is, you are carrying the weight of the entire household on your shoulders and there's not a soul under this roof more willing to listen to you and to offer a supportive shoulder than me." He dared to reach out and take her hand in his once more. "Why don't we go downstairs to your sitting room? We can drink a glass of wine and you can mull over my offer while we talk of mundane things. Then, if and when you're ready, you can share whatever you'd like with me … big or small, somewhere in between. It doesn't matter. We will talk it through together. Who knows? Maybe I will be able to offer some advice or suggestion for the overall problem. Either way, your troubles will be lessened and you'll have someone in which you can confide."

"You make it sound so simple, Mr. Carson. But, part of me is afraid, so very afraid."

Fear gripped his heart. What on earth would this fiery Scottish woman have to fear? "What frightens you so? Surely, you're not in any danger."

"Danger," she scoffed. "Not exactly. But I fear you will be angry with me, more disappointed than you've ever been before or ever will be again, if I tell you some of the things I know."

He tugged on her hand until she took a step towards him, then he began to guide her across the library towards the closed door. "You are a woman of integrity and honor, Elsie Hughes. This house would not run as smoothly or as seamlessly as it does without you at her helm. I may grumble and bluster from time to time, but in all honesty, I have never truly been disappointed in you. I'm more disappointed in myself, if truths were told. Look how long it's taken me to work up the courage to seek you out, to offer you my support, to let you know that you don't have to be alone in this. I meant what I said earlier. I am on your side … always."

She smiled sweetly up at him and gave his hand a squeeze. The sincerity in his voice and the tender way he was guiding her struck a chord in her heart. He was trying, in his own way, to take care of her and she appreciated him so much for that. It had been so long since someone had taken an interest in her, aside from those horrible months when her health had been threatened. It felt wonderful to know that there was someone in this house who had finally noticed the change in her behavior, her moods, and even her mannerisms. Perhaps, sharing a secret, even a small one, might not be so bad.

"A glass of wine, then, and maybe a long chat afterwards?" he offered once more. "You needn't tell me anything you don't wish, but I hope you trust me enough to know that I am concerned for you. I don't like how all this secret keeping is affecting you." He gently placed his hand on the small of her back as he ushered her from the library door and into the small corridor which led to the stairs leading to their domain. "I'd like to think I'm fairly good at keeping my own secrets," he said with a slight chuckle. "Look how long I kept the Cheerful Charlies and the story of Alice and Grigg a secret from you. Surely that must count for something."

Elsie turned and gave him a small smile. "Those were your secrets, Charlie Carson, but you're correct. It did take me decades to get those little morsels out of you."

Suddenly, Charles felt slightly ashamed. He, too, had been guilty of unburdening himself on Elsie Hughes from time to time. Look at all the hours she'd wasted on Grigg, Alice, and all the other moments when he'd needed her. "I won't pressure you any further, but I hope that if and when the time comes, you'll turn to me as your secret keeper. I can promise you complete discretion and my full support. You have my word on it."

The prospect of coming clean, of telling him at least about Edith Crawley and the Drewe's new addition to their family or even about the train ticket she'd found in Mr. Bates pocket suddenly didn't seem so wrong. "Ask me again after a glass of red wine and some quiet conversation in my sitting room, Mr. Carson." She looked into his eyes, willing him to understand that she needed a little time to gather her courage and her thoughts.

He opened the door to her sitting room and led her inside. "Sit down and make yourself comfortable while I go retrieve the wine and glasses. Then, in your own way and your own time, we can discuss whatever it is you have on your mind, even if it's commentary on the stemware we're using or the wine I've chosen." He gave her a small smile and disappeared from the doorway.

Elsie Hughes sat down and closed her eyes, replaying the events of the last half hour. Charles Carson had been so compassionate, so concerned for her well-being. Maybe, just maybe, it was time to open up and trust him completely. If they were to truly forge ahead in this new relationship, it was time to open up and let him into her heart, her mind, and her thoughts.

When he returned a few moments later, carrying a tray laden with wine, glasses, and cheese, he smiled at Elsie and she instantly knew what she had to do.

"Please, make yourself comfortable." She took a steadying breath and held out her hand to him, silently asking him to keep her steady. "There's something I'd like to talk to you about, though it must remain our secret."

The End!

**Thank you for reading the story. Your comments and reviews would be much appreciated. 3