Author's Notes: So, this came to me while washing dishes on day. It had the quality of making my straight friend write a yaoi fic, while also being one of the works of writing I have actually liked. It took me a few hours to write out, and was lots of fun to write. So...enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Cloud, or Leon. They all belong to someone else. This was just for pure fun and enjoyment.
He was drowning.
He could feel it in his being.
He could feel it in his body.
Tangible threads of what could and could not be flew out of his reach, always an inch away.
He could grasp onto those threads anymore. They moved too fast, and he was too slow.
Life moved too fast, and he was stuck.
Stuck mentally, as the world flew by him physically…because time waited for no man…
Opportunities were missed.
Hope seemed far away.
He was drowning…drowning in his own misery.
Cloud stared blankly into the lukewarm water, his hands frozen. In one hand, he had a glass. In the other, a wet, soapy cloth that was slung lazily over the glass he was washing.
Tuesday was his night to do dishes. It was always his night to do dishes.
Leon was supposed to dry. He dried today, and Cloud dried on Thursdays.
Thursdays were Leon's night with the lukewarm, soapy water.
But Leon was in the other room, because Cloud took too long.
He was still too slow.
What took others minutes seemed to take him hours.
It wasn't his fault.
Not really.
The blame really lay with those thoughts were always at the edge of his consciousness, ready to spring into action the minute the blonde's mind wandered too far.
Which, sadly, happened a lot…
That's why Leon was in the other room.
He would wait till Cloud was done washing the dishes (hours from now), and then he'd come back in.
Cloud was alone till then.
Alone with his thoughts…
And those thoughts were drowning him.
"He's in frozen mode again." Yuffie sighed, and even Leon had the insight that the girl, for once in her life, held no hidden meaning behind her words.
No laughter.
No jokes.
Just the simple, hard truth…
She was serious for once, finding no silver lining in the situation (as she often did)…
And it was killing him.
He wanted to touch.
To grab…
To drag the blonde back into the land of the living.
He had seen the horrors he was sure the other was now seeing.
He had been close to the edge once before.
He had looked into the dark abyss of darkness and despair.
He knew the situation, and yet…
He couldn't, for the life of him, figure out how even he, the ice prince, had been broken of his depressing thoughts.
Dishes again, but the roles reversed.
Leon washed. Cloud dried.
Yet, when the dishes were starting to pile up on the drying rack, Leon quirked an eyebrow at the timid blonde, and sighed.
Cloud, once again, was back into "frozen" mode (as Yuffie had dubbed it weeks ago, though, it had once been with laughter). A glass was held in his hands (the same one from before?), but a towel (that was on the glass) was dry, instead of wet..
Running a wet hand through his brown locks (and scowling at himself at finding his hair damp), he flicked the offending droplets of water back into the lukewarm water, before turning and gently…
So gentle, Leon didn't think he had it in him to be so gentle with hands that used to kill…
He took the glass and cloth out of Clouds hands, and started drying the dishes himself.
Cloud blinked, startled out of his thoughts.
Startled!
He hadn't thought it possible (before that moment) that the train of thoughts could be interrupted before they were done torturing him.
He had thought they were some cruel device thought up by his mind, to forever be endured until his he had decided that it was enough punishment for the day.
Enough punishment to last till tomorrow…
Where he was sure those thoughts would haunt him again, for they always should…
Right?
He had done horrible things. Killed and maimed (even if it had been in the name of justice).
He had tainted hands!
Surely his mind would always berate him for it?
Those voices would always taunt him with guilty jokes and cruel words.
Just like…
Just like those back home, who (might've) just seen what he would become, and shunned him.
As they should've.
He was tainted.
Tainted with deeds he was sure he should feel guilty over, but didn't.
Yet…
Yet!
He had been startled.
Startled!
By something touching his hands!
His tainted ones!
No one touched him anymore.
Not after he yelled.
Not after he pushed away, saying he didn't like to touch things.
Not after he had decided that everything was too good for him to touch.
Except the dishes, because those were just as dirty as he was.
He could clean those, make them better.
But nothing could clean him. Nothing.
Cloud stared up at Leon, who had taken the dishes.
Leon stared back, a little more than unnerved at the pure anguish in the other's eyes. He hadn't seen them like that in a long time.
And to think, they always missed that look. The blonde may look completely listless on the outside, but those eyes.
They told Leon everything, and nothing.
They stole his breath away.
Leon had to look away, afraid he'd get lost as well.
How would he help Cloud if he got lost as well?
Lost in the thoughts those eyes threatened to spill.
Lost in the pure blue-green orbs that reminded Leon of the vast ocean.
"You were falling behind. Simply helping." Leon states lamely, trying to ease his awkwardness.
Cloud didn't need awkwardness. He needed…needed…
Needed to stop falling behind the others.
Needed to catch up.
Needed to stop drowning in the ocean of thoughts and doubts that were as deep and dark as the color the blonde's eyes were.
He needed to catch up with his friends, who were above the surface, reaching out to him, and only being inches out of his reach.
Yet…
Yet!
…How?
Cloud simply nodded, his hands falling to the side, his eyes averted as well, as Leon dried the dishes.
The dishes he was supposed to be drying, but couldn't.
Because he was too slow.
The blonde's hands grasped at nothing, and he clenched and unclenched then, suddenly aware that he had nothing in them. Nothing to do.
With nothing to do, those thoughts would resurface.
They would!
In a rush of panic, Cloud let out a small noise that could be compared to the whine of a dog as he drastically turned and immediately started washing the dishes Leon had left off, working with an abandon the likes of which Leon had never seen.
And Cloud continued to rush, suddenly afraid of those thoughts.
Something had changed.
Those thoughts could be stopped.
Leon had stopped them!
And now…
Cloud didn't want them back.
It was Leon's turn to pause in drying at Cloud made a whining noise.
A whining noise?
He could count the number of noises Cloud made in a week on one hand.
Yet…
The blonde had whinned.
And he was still whining as he furiously scrubbed at a dish with more passion then Leon had seen in months from the precious blonde.
It was as if the world would collapse if those dishes didn't get washed.
But dishes were being broken in the process.
Cloud was working too fast, his actions taking a more clumsy approach.
A glass broke, and the blonde looked at it with dismay as if it were a loved one that had just been killed.
Then…
Then!
Cloud was off again, shaking his head as he made more noises, picking up more dishes, but finding his hands shaking from his panic.
And another dish went.
And yet the blonde didn't stop, only increasing his effort tenfold.
And his speed too.
Leon, in shock, reached out a hand, to try to stop the blonde. To tell him to slow down.
At this rate, they wouldn't have any more dishes to wash (which was a good and bad thing).
Then…
CRASH!
The glass Leon had been holding shattered on the ground.
Cloud had felt his panic rising with every dish that broke.
'It won't work!' The inner voice cried, in despair.
And Cloud found himself wanting to agree more and more, as his panic rose.
This was new territory.
Fighting against the thoughts was a new concept.
One he hadn't thought up until then.
Yet, each broken dish seemed to symbolize, to him, how weak his barriers were against the thoughts.
They would win!
He couldn't possibly stop thinking about those thoughts altogether.
To not drown.
He was supposed to drown, forever more.
Yet, that only spurred on his drive to not drown, as he kept picking up dish after dish.
Then.
SMASH!
The cycle was broken again.
Leon, with a sense of dread, looked down at the shattered pieces of glass. Millions of fragments littered the ground.
Cloud froze again, realizing that the smashed dish hadn't come from him.
Panic forgotten, and with cautious dread, Cloud turned his head towards the only other person in the room, and found him staring at the ground.
Following the line of sight, Cloud promptly burst into tears.
Leon glanced up in alarm at hearing the hysterical sobs.
His mind was screaming Yuffie. She was back over to visit him and Cloud at their house again (because he and Cloud shared the house from way back when, because the girls decided that with Cloud's coming and goings, Leon could deal with the blonde for the few days that he stuck around Hallow Bastion. Just, this time, Cloud had no reason to leave. His quarrel with Sephiroth was done).
But, no…it was not Yuffie.
It was Cloud.
Cloud, who was Mr. Emotionless.
Cloud, who hardly smiled.
Cloud, who only frowned and ducked his head when sad instead of crying.
Cloud. Was. Crying!
Staring at the other, Leon felt his heart start to hammer faster as he felt for the other man. Seeing Cloud cry was killing him.
But, he realized with a sense of relief…
It killed him less then when Cloud was a stone.
Smiling, despite the frustrated and relieved tears that sprung to his own eyes, he laughed bitterly.
Cloud had curled in on himself. The blonde was crouched over so he was sitting on his haunches. His hands were wrapped around his knees (except for when a stray hand would reach and move the glass bits around on the floor). His face…
Oh gods, his face.
Tear-streaked as he continued to sob, staring at the glass as if it was his only friend.
And Leon….
Leon!
Could only think Cloud was the most beautiful creature the worlds had ever graced him with.
This was Cloud without any walls.
Without any barriers.
Without those thoughts.
And Leon, with the misstep of a heartbeat, couldn't have loved the blonde more than hearing news that darkness had been defeated forever and ever.
He'd take this moment over that even.
Selfish, he knew, but it was true.
Cloud was a mess, to put it lightly.
When he had glanced at the glass, his world had slipped out from underneath him.
That glass had been an outside source.
It had broken without his help.
It had been broken by Leon.
And Leon had broken the thoughts up before.
And Leon, he realized, had broken through.
The brunette had broken through into the water.
His hand was closer than the others.
It was under the water, where the others just skimmed the surface.
His hand might…
Just might.
With a bit more luck…
Reach him.
And Cloud cried for that.
He cried over the broken glass that was like the barrier he had found between himself and his friends.
That dang barrier that stopped their hands from reaching, and the threads from being caught.
That barrier of morbrid and doubtful thoughts that trapped him inside.
And just like that.
The barrier was gone.
Just like the broken glass on the floor was gone, never to be used for its purpose again.
And Cloud cried like he never had cried before, reaching out a hand to mess with the glass as if he was making sure it was not just a dream.
Because he still had a small doubt in the back of his mind that a trick was being played by himself, on himself.
And when he felt a piece of glass puncture his index finger, he still wasn't sure it wasn't just a dream.
Pain was often something he was used to in his dreams.
So, he started to cry over that, doubting himself, and not even hearing Leon's bitter laughter.
However, he did feel when warm arms closed in around him, pulling him close into the warm chest of the brunette. He felt when the hand came to shift through his hair in a soothing matter as he cried into the others shirt, and as the other arm wrapped comfortably around the small of his back, holding him close.
His hands were no longer occupied with the glass on the ground, but with fisting in Leon's shirt before deciding that that wasn't good enough. He wanted to be closer. So, his arms snaked around Leon's neck, as if he were simply nothing other than a necklace to the other man, and clinged there instead as his hands now fisted in the back, grabbing the fluff of Leon's coat as he tried to bury his head further into the brunette's chest.
He was kneeling now, his knees pressing into the broken glass underneath him.
But Cloud could care less. He was too wrapped up in his sobs.
But the persistence of the glass would not go away, as if it was telling him those thoughts were still at bay.
And that earned another sob.
At least, before Leon shifted again, so he could get a better hold on the blonde.
Then, as Cloud moved to readjust himself against Leon, he realized that Leon…
Leon was also kneeling on the glass.
With how it had shattered, there was no way that the other could not be!
Leon was squashing his problems with him, and holding him because he was more important than those problems. Why else would the otherwise no touchy-feely brunette be hugging him right now?
All those fragments.
All those thoughts.
All the problems those thoughts caused.
For once, Cloud didn't doubt that Leon would see them through.
For once, no doubting thought came with that.
And Cloud let out another sob at that, because Leon was causing those barriers to break down and crumble.
Leon was.
And Cloud loved him for it.
Leon didn't really know why he had suddenly had the urge to hug the blonde, but he did so anyway.
He buried his face in the other's shoulder as he hugged the blonde close, crying his own silent tears under the sobs of the other.
And it was a comfort, to finally be able to hug Cloud.
To help Cloud.
And to feel those golden locks shift through his fingers.
And everything else that fell perfectly in with the moment.
Cliché lines and everything.
And the glass under his knees didn't even bother him.
Once the crying had stopped, Cloud breathed heavily against Leon.
All those emotions in the span of time they had been sitting there wore him out, and he grinned lazily as he tilted his head, nuzzling into Leon.
He only smiled more at the chuckle the other one gave.
"Feeling better?" Leon questioned.
"Much." Cloud muttered, tilting his head up to glance at the other brunette since Leon had long since taken his head of Cloud's shoulder.
And then!
Then!
Cloud felt his eyes water up more when he caught the same tear-streak lines he were sure that were on his face on Leon's as well.
And as he shifted to bury his head into Leon's chest again, he could help the sob that erupted out of him when he tried to say: "Oh, Leon!" in a mocking voice.
And Leon simply held him close again as the crying continued, smiling softly the whole time.
Leon had cried for him!
Him, out of anyone!
And for once, Cloud reached for the hand.
For once, he grabbed that piece of thread floating pass him.
Because, for once, both were close enough for him to grab.
And, by gone, he held on for dear life.
And, much to the detestation of those horrendous thoughts, he never let go again.
Never…
Never did he ever freeze in his washing or drying of glasses again (in fact, he even smiled when he held a glass, the memory a good one for him).
Never, did he lose hope again.
Never, did he think life was passing him by.
And never…
Never!
Did he ever drown again.
Leon made sure of it.