Author's Note: Don't get mad at me, but I have changed a lot of details about the destroy ending…well, maybe 'changed' isn't the right word. More like came up with explanations to instantly fix the cons of it— because damn it, I like my Reapers dead, my Mass Effect Relays working, and my EDIs unharmed!

GOD BLESS THE POWER OF FANFICTION!

And on another note: I had looked all over the internet to see if Vega had a name for Kaidan and could only come across a post in a forum that had a good idea.

Anyway, enough rambling, please enjoy!

Chapter 1: Old War Wounds

It had been a year since the Reaper War ended, Earth was rebuilding itself on top of the ruins that had felt like graveyards. There was months of looking for bodies…of funerals…of mourning.

However, the Citadel was a different matter, though it was being put back together, people seemed more reluctant to come back after all that had happened to it over the years. First there was the Geth attack, then Cerberus, and then finally the Reapers. It was still up for debate whether or not it would ever be the same…though the rest can be asked of the whole galaxy.

Yet, there is good news. The Relays, which everyone had thought completely destroyed, were repaired very quickly now that scientists had full access to Reaper parts. The Reaper bodies had littered themselves everywhere after Commander Genesis Shepard had triggered the Crucible to destroy them all, a decision that had costed her life.

The commander's death had hit everyone hard, but not as hard as it did for Kaidan Alenko who left the Normandy a few months after the incident, feeling too 'haunted' in that ship. He went to the only place he could stand, and that was helping rebuild the only thing Shepard loved more than him, Earth. There he felt haunted in a good way, he could feel her everywhere even despite the fact that she had rarely seen the place.

Genesis had brought the beginning of a bright future.

He had to remind himself of that every morning he woke up alone, went to the bar that gave him free coffee and breakfast for 'being a hero', lined up the day's commands for workers from his omni-tool, and watched the news. Today the news cast rendered a bad taste in his mouth that ruined his meal. They just had to say her name.

"The finishing touches are being put on the Commander Shepard memorial just in time for the anniversary of her sacrifice she made for the galaxy. Not only that, but the final preparations for her funeral have been made, put off for so long due to the busy schedule of the council and Alliance command who commented that they did not want to rush her send off a year ago."

Kaidan grunted as he sipped his coffee and tried to ignore the screen. He had seen that memorial a few times in London. It was a white statue half the size of Big Ben that depicted her standing heroically in her N7 armor with a rifle in hand.

She had looked like some Greek goddess the way they built gardens, water falls, and white stoned plazas around her. These things were accompanied by a museum and of course a gift shop which contents made Kaiden scoff. Her face had become merchandise.

But though the statue was white, Kaidan saw her in color each time: her black hair that was always tied back, that soft, ivory skin, and those almost illuminating eyes that you could never figure out if they were green or blue.

Those eyes…he remembers each time he would look into them…so determined, strong, and focused. He both envied and loved those traits, it was a wonder how she could do it. But he guesses that N7 demanded nothing less.

But when near the end, she seemed more distracted and sometimes looked like she was about to fall on her knees and give up. He had wondered if she did break down when she was finally alone in her cabin at the end of the day. That last night they spent together, well, he was glad to see her released from that, even if it was for a little while. But her stress woke her from that, making her sit at the end of the bed, beside herself.

Are we going to make it, Kaidan?

"Hey Dann, can you turn that off?" he asked the bartender he had now come to get acquainted with.

"What's eating you?" he slightly twists toward him from the inside of the counter while drying a mug. Then, glancing at the screen that had just become white noise for him, it had finally clicked what they were saying in the background. He set down the mug and leaned closer to the last human specter to cautiously whisper. "Shepard eh?"

Now he couldn't help but vent his frustration. "They waited a whole year to give her a funeral because 'they were too busy'. Shepard got that line from them all the time— why should that change when she's dead right?"

Dann had nothing to say to that, though he tried to think of something as he stood in silence, awkwardly drying another mug.

Kaidan sighed "Sorry Dann, just old war wounds…" he apologized in hopes to get away from talking about her.

Dann hummed understandably, returning to his work for a few moments while Kaidan ate before asking him another question over his shoulder. "So are going to that thing?"

That caught Kaidan off guard, opening his mouth only to have nothing come out. But it was almost like an act of god saved him through an urgent message on his omni-tool and he didn't have to answer that. Clearing his throat, he quickly chugged down the rest of his coffee and left the rest of his meal as he said goodbye to Dann and rushed out the door.

The message turned out to be a Reaper body that had stiffened in a standing position against a skyscraper had finally collapsed through a freeway, opening an old subway. He had helped clear the remains, but when checking out the subway tunnel, his heart sank. To his misfortune he discovered a sea of bodies of people who had tried to hide here from the Reapers a year ago. Seeing his men carry out about thirty children along with fifth-teen infants and watching them being put into body bags was enough for him to call it a day.

When he went back to the small apartment he was given by the Alliance, he sank on the coach, rubbing his tired eyes, his computer monitor sitting on a desk at his side flashed on with James Vega from the neck up hollering at him. "Hey! Elvis! Get off your el culo and come talk to your amigo!"

Kaidan chuckled at that before lifting up from the coach and going to the computer chair.

At first when Vega started calling him that, Kaidan just shrugged it off until curiosity finally made him ask. That led to Vega telling him a big story about his time in Las Vegas with an Elvis impersonator and said that Kaidan, and a little bit of his hair and sideburns, kinda reminded James of him.

"Hey there Vega." he situated himself in the nice black, leather chair. "Long time no see, still the master of cards up on the Normandy?"

"You know it!" he said proudly. "Been working on that poker face?"

"Haha." Kaidan laughed sarcastically. "So what's up?"

"Check it!" Vega said excitedly and Kaidan leaned closer to the screen a little more to watch as he took a few steps back. The major beamed as he saw him standing smugly, showing off his new N7 armor. "Pretty awesome huh?"

"Yes, very nice." Kaidan sniggered. It had been awhile since they video chatted. Since Vega went through his N7 training, they contacted mostly through e-mail. He never thought it would happen, but he and Vega soon became very good friends.

"It looks nice now, but you should see me wear it in the clubs. Ladies love that N7…"

"haha…yeah, I bet." He warmly joked.

"Well that's my news, what about you cleanup crew? Getting bored yet?"

"I've been bored." Kaidan sighed with defeated. "Some days it is heavy lifting, but most days it's me sitting down at my computer writing a thousand messages in order to keep people straight."

"Wanna come back to the Normandy yet?" Vega teased.

"I miss it a lot…" Kaidan dolefully admitted. "But we're making progress down here, I hope the council can say the same." He paused for a moment when coming to a realization. "You know, I'm their spectre, but I haven't heard from them in forever."

Vega scratched his head uncomfortably "Yeah…about that…"

"Vega?"

"Um, Doc had…well I guess demanded them not to bother you as long as you are working on Earth. She said something like 'he needs time before he can assume any responsibilities' or whatever."

"Huh…all this time I thought they had forgotten me. Human specters have always caused them trouble." He lightly jokes.

Vega faintly chuckled, a little unsure whether it was safe to laugh at that or not. When it came around anything that could remotely bring Shepard up, they both tiptoed around that subject and went on to a new one. He could clearly tell that Kaidan had recovered a lot, and he didn't want to break that. But with all that's been reporting lately, it would have to come up.

"Look…" Vega awkwardly started "Thee uh…main reason I called is because Lola's…" he trailed off as he tried to think of the best way to say it.

"Yeah, I heard."

"You've been ignoring everyone's messages about it." He stated.

Not replied to the messages would have been more accurate. How can you ignore messages like that, especially when they fill up pages of your inbox? He didn't need to read them all though, they pretty much said the same things: 'Can you come and say a few words on her behalf?' or 'I think the people would like to hear a speech from you at the Shepard memorial' or the best one 'Can you come in for an interview? The galaxy would like to know more about your final moments with Shepard…'

He just pressed delete on all of them and went back to work.

"Look…" Vega broke the silence. "I know we haven't talked at all about Lola or what happened, but I know you're still in pain. I just like you to know that you're not alone, we are too. The whole Normandy feels empty, even more so when we have pass her name on the wall every day. It doesn't feel right, you know? Her gone…"

"I can't go to that memorial service, Vega." Kaidan stated. "I have already went to one of her funerals to know what it does to me. I…don't think I can handle it…even less having to handle the press trying to rip a story from me or want me to stand before everyone and try to put my feelings into a speech for all to hear."

"I know." Vega sympathized with those feelings. "But you won't be alone. The whole Normandy is coming, all of Lola's team members from her suicide mission, hell, even Hackett. We are going to be there for her and no one else…it would be better if you were there too."

Kaidan sat back, sighing as he dropped his head backwards and stared at the ceiling. Vega stood by on the screen as the major combatted his thoughts. He swore his brain would make his biotics burst or rattle his implant by how hard he fought between two decisions. Then finally, he drew his head back to the screen. "Fine. I'll go. Maybe it would help me to say goodbye."

"Good to hear it." Vega tightly grinned, ready encourage him more before seeing the time. "Well, I gotta get back to it. Take care of Earth for me."

Kaidan said goodbye, turned off the monitor, and lifted himself off the seat with a sore groan. Then, shutting off all the remaining lights, he had dragged himself to his bed and flopped down on it.

This was the first day in a long time that he had felt that she was everywhere, and not in the good way. He turned over on his back with a hand on his chest, feeling it sting. And with the throbbing, her voice spoke to him through one of the memories he had tried to repress.

You mean a lot to me Kaidan…I love you.

Forgive me for the long intro…it's kinda my thing. But, I promise that the best parts are coming soon! Please Review, I NEED love XD.