Into the Meadows

Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry for not updating in a while. Just haven't had any good ideas lately. Any who, time to start my newest fan-fic of Conker's Bad Fur Day. The game was released in 2001 and made by RareWare. Despite being so popular, it didn't sell very well due to being released near the end of the Nintendo 64's lifetime. Due to the game's content, Nintendo refused to even review the game until Nintendo Power issue 231 where they did a playback section on it. It tells of Conker the Squirrel who after having one too many drinks ends up on an adventure. Meanwhile, the Panther King (the game's villain) has other uses for Conker; his coffee table broke, making his milk spill, so he wants to use Conker as the missing leg. Now that all that background info's out of the way, let's get started!

Chapter 1: The Grass is Always Greener

Conker left the Cock and Plucker bar in a wreck. Everything had happened at such incredible speed he didn't know how it all happened. It started when he found Don Weaso and after ruining his business with the cavemen, he had to rob the Feral Reserve Bank for him alongside his girlfriend Berri. After getting to the main vault, up above sat the fabled Panther King on his throne. After giving Weaso his reward, he shot down Berri with a Tommy Gun. The very thought of Berri's murder had infected his mind with nightmares, even in the day. Soon after, Von Kripplespac appeared to the king's side after he was having heart problems. In a flash of blood, an alien burst out of the panther's chest, killing him instantaneously. The "vault" soon led to a battle above Earth's orbit. After speaking to some game programmers and using a battle suit, Conker became the new king and had defeated his "enemy".

But for what? Berri was still dead, and Conker had to become the ruler of a bunch of people he despised with a passion. The leaned on the door side, trying to stay standing. He started at his hand, then gripped it; he couldn't even look at himself anymore. "Ugh...what was this all for?" He thought to himself aloud. All he wanted to worry about was a hangover the next morning, have Berri at his side to comfort him, and just be Conker the Squirrel again. Conker the King he thought...sure it has a nice ring to it, but what really is a king. He stared at his reflection thanks to a nearby puddle. His face showed sadness and depression. Is this what a king is really like? Always sad, always depressed? His brow fell down in anger and threw his crown at the reflection. He panted as the rain fell harder, pounding off his grounded crown. "No...I won't be that king..." he stated. He picked up his crown and knocked it so that it sat at an angle on his head. His looks of anger and grief flew away like pigeons from an angry shopkeeper. "From this day forward" he proclaimed, "I shall serve as a righteous and fair ruler of the land!" . I'm doing this for Berri...for my parents...for the people who I don't hate, he thought.

A few days later:

Conker sat at his throne, drinking some milk from the nearby coffee table.

"Damn milk...can't get me buzzed." he sighed with disappointment.

At the hearing of this, his weasel bodyguards ran into the throne room.

"Sire! Are you alright?" the two said in unison.

Conker slammed his milk down onto the table in anger. "Alright you two!" he shouted angrily, "As your king, I demand you two to stop calling me 'Sire'! Call me 'Conker'! Can you handle that?"

There was a small silence before Conker spoke, "I'm sorry for my outburst...I've just haven't been having the best of days...please just call me Conker. I hate it when people call me their king. Sure I like being a part of royalty, but I still want to be acknowledged by my real name."

"Quite alright." the first guard spoke. "We can understand. Would you like some more milk?"

"Nah, I'm fine. Any news of sorts?" Conker inquired.

"Well Sire-I mean Conker" the second stated, corrected himself mid sentence, "The Bee-Wasp Wars haven't been going at their best. Sending in more soldiers to assist in the cause would seem...in Layton's terms, stupid."

"How so?", Conker asked to the guard's statement.

"Conker, you already sent forces to the remains of the Tedi stronghold to search for any signs of resurfacing. As you sent a small group there however, we already have about 400 soldiers in assistance.", the first guard added.

"So? How many are still remaining and how many are able to be called in for service?" Conker asked.

"Considering General Rodent was put in charge..." the second guard began, "we have about 100 left alive. The recent shortage in titanium armor, which was an upgrade to Rodent's previous armor is mostly to blame. It also might be Rodent's reluctance for calling assistance from Gregg and other forces we have."

Conker sighed. It seemed that all news was horrible; the wasps were going to win and Rodent is making his men die trying to prove himself to him.

"Any good news?" Conker sighed with little excitement.

"Two good things; a recent shipment of titanium armor and weaponry is being sent to Rodent's forces in the next day or so. The second tidbit is that we've found what makes...well, what makes the Tediz tick." the guard said with a bit of hope in his statement.

"What makes the Tediz tick? Tell me more. Maybe if we find this out and the Tediz are somehow reanimated that we can get them to fight for us." Conker considered.

"Surprisingly, it appears to be...well, according to the scientists, pure hatred nullified into a solid form." the second guard spoke.

"Which means..." Conker asked, confused.

"Basically, they run on pure hatred that's been turned into, well an energy source if you will." a voice spoke from the front of the room. The guards turned to see one of the scientists standing at the door, holding a clipboard and pen in hand. "I apologize in advance Conker if I disturbed your conversation."

"Don't worry about it. You're fine." Conker assured him. "So if we can find out how to turn good into some energy source, then we could make our own Tediz forces?"

"Precisely!" the scientist exclaimed. "To test it however, we're going to need someone who is extremely happy."

Conker glared at the scientist when he said, "someone who is extremely happy". "Who do you expect to find that are constantly happy?"

"The ticklish bees, quite possibly?" the scientist proposed.

"Hm...if you can find someone who has enough happiness to harness as an energy supply, then please tell me immediately." Conker ended. "Now, off with you if you mind."

"As you wish." the scientist said as he walked off, before bowing his head in respect to Conker.

Meanwhile, elsewhere...

"That damned squirrel!" a voice echoed through the depths of space. It was none other than Professor Von Kripplesac. Due to his misadventures through the vacuum called "space", he has been reduced to nothing more than a head, a torso, and a robotic arm. "The deztroyed my Tediz and has taken the role I so certainly deserved!". He clenched his hand into a fist and raised it above him, shouting, "When I come back to Earth, you're dead squirrel! Dead!". Soon, the reaches of space left him at the Earth's atmosphere. "Yes! Just a bit...more!" The decrepit professor squealed with anticipation. A little, but worthwhile moment later, he entered the atmosphere and was burning up at the head like a rocket! As he spiraled towards the ground below him, he muttered, "Tediz...time to rise up...and initiate Operation: 'Kill Conker!'.

The Tediz Base

At that exact same moment, the thought-to-be destroyed base burst with light. The once destroyed stuffed animal killers started reattaching themselves limb by limb. In a matter of hours, their forces shall be upon Conker and his kingdom. Their mission: dethroning him and reviving Von Kripplesac to "full power" by using Conker's body as a...vessel if you will. The merciless assailants will stop at nothing to achieve their goal...nothing.

Windy

"Conker! Come quickly!" Rodent called as he ran into the throne room. Conker was enjoying some milk, but the shock and terror in Rodent's voice shocked our hero, smashing his milk on the table. "Conker! I'm-"

"Never mind with the freaking milk now! What?" Conker shouted with concern in his voice.

"You gotta listen to this..." Rodent ran off has handed Conker a cell phone.

"Sarge? What's going on?", Conker questioned.

"Tediz...revived...and killing us...", Sarge said panting. In the background, bullets rained down like heavy rain. "Taking our boats...and traveling to the kingdom...". The line cut off.