So obviously I wanted to do a post S7 fic. I've decided to do this as a sequel to 'Fallback', but for those who haven't read it, the background is that Derek & Emily have had a 'friends with benefits' type relationship for years, which is a secret. But, the truth is, they both have much more feelings for one another than they will admit to. (Fallback is only two chapters, so it may be worth a read first as that summary sucked ;))
It was five weeks since the wedding and things had moved rapidly. Emily had handed her resignation in the day she spoke to Hotch and not wanting to dwell on her decision, she only worked the necessary one month's notice and now she was packed and ready to fly off to London.
Derek tried really hard to remain supportive about her decision and outwardly happy for her, but it had been tough. They'd talked about her new job. Where she'd live. Who she'd be working for. Who'd be working with her….. Everything. They'd spoken about everything…. Apart from one thing…. Them.
There'd been awkward glances across the round table as Garcia joked about how Emily was going to find herself a handsome rich Brit to sweep her off her feet. Awkward silences when they were left alone on occasion on a case and all they both wanted to do was say something about 'them', but neither had the courage. They'd argued as Morgan insisted on taking her to the airport and she said no, because it would just be too hard. She couldn't handle the goodbye.
So as he stood at her front door on the day she was leaving, his heart pounded against his chest. He raised his shaking hand three times before plucking up the courage to tap at the door.
She knew that knock. She knew it was him. She felt a nervousness bubbling in her stomach immediately …. What was he doing here?
Opening the door, she was about to ask him just that, but he started before she had chance.
"Please don't argue with me Emily. I'm taking you to the airport."
She didn't argue. She just moved aside to let him in.
"I've ordered a cab." She informed him as he walked past her and stood in the middle of the apartment that looked no different to normal. He had expected boxes… an empty room, but everything was all still there.
"Cancel the cab…..." He told her, turning to meet her stare. "….And why haven't you packed?"
"I'm not giving the apartment up. They're paying for me to live in London, but I'll have to come back to Interpol offices in the States. I need a base here too. I insisted on it."
"That's good…" He smiled weakly, feeling a little wave of relief flow over him, "….What can I do?"
"There's a couple of bags in my bedroom. You could go and grab them and I'll make us something to eat. I don't need to be at the airport for a few hours and I need to use up some of this food. The rest is going in the bin."
"Ok."
He slowly walked in to the familiar bedroom. Although it had been a few months since he had been there last, everything was the same. The burgundy linen on the bed. Her clothes from the day before hung over the back of the small velvet covered chair in the corner of the room. The familiar mix of scents from her shampoo, perfume and body cream…
That beautiful sweet scent he remembered waking up to on so many occasions. The scent that he would sometimes get a waft of as he passed her in the bull pen or sat next to her on the jet and it would always take his mind right back to this room. The scent that she had left on his pillow so many times and that he would leave washing for a little longer than he should…..
As he looked around, his gaze eventually came to rest upon the two bags on her bad. One holdall and one mid sized suitcase. With a heavy feeling in his chest, he picked them up and began to turn to leave the room, but he halted when something caught his eye that had been hidden under the black holdall.
Setting the bags down, he smiled as he leant over and picked up the gift he had bought her a few years ago… It was the second Christmas he had known her and their 'friends with benefits' relationship had been going for just under a year. The team had a rule of not buying presents for one another at Christmas… but he broke it that year…. And every year ever since.
He had taken the gift with him to Quantico on the day they were supposed to finish for the holidays. He was flying off to Chicago the following day and Emily was grudgingly spending the time with her parents. The inner rebellious teenager that came out in her when she spoke about them made him laugh and was something that he had teased her about on more than one occasion, which usually earned him the 'death stare' from her.
When a case came in during the early afternoon of that day, whilst everyone else tutted and complained, he was sure he saw a look of slight relief on the brunette's face.
It was thirty minutes until they were to fly out to Minnesotta and Morgan entered the bull pen, walking up behind her, where she was packing things from her desk ready for the trip.
"Emily….." He said in a low tone, touching her elbow gently to grab her attention.
"Yes?" She replied with a smile, glancing up at him and then back to what she was doing. The smile only confirmed that she was definitely pleased they had a case and wouldn't be subjected to her parent's company for the next few days.
He laughed and shook his head at her strange ways.
"What are you laughing at?" She asked with a look of confusion.
"Nothing." He uttered with a slight shake of the head, unable to subdue his smirk.
With annoyance written all over her face she continued, "What did you want anyway?"
"Oh yeah, um, can I have a word….. In private." He asked, nodding his head towards the door that led out of the bull pen.
"Sure."
He led her to one of the vacant interview rooms.
"Morgan, what's going on?" She asked, turning to face him after he had signalled for her to enter before him.
"I got you something." He told her.
She looked at his hands which were empty, "Well where is it?"
He smiled and then began to pull his T-shirt out of his jeans waistband.
"Whoa, what are you doing….?" She exclaimed, "…. We are not doing this here." She told him firmly.
Morgan rolled his eyes and chuckled, "You really think I'm going to get naked here Emily?"
She shrugged with a smirk, "So what is it then?"
She watched him reach around his back and pull something out of his waistband. He revealed a package, wrapped in dark red paper, with a fine black ribbon tied around it.
"Happy Christmas Emily." He muttered, holding the gift out to her, his eyes suddenly serious.
Her mouth fell open just a little and then smiled warmly, letting her head lean to the side just a little, "But we said we weren't going to buy presents."
He shrugged, "Rules are there to be broken Emily. You know that." He winked.
She chuckled and then took the gift slowly and delicately off him as if it were made of fine glass. As soon as she held it and felt the weight, she knew it was a book.
"Go on then. Open it." He encouraged.
"But it's not Christmas Day yet." She said, not really wanting to wait. Just confirming her permission to open it.
"I don't care… plus, lord only knows what we'll be doing on Christmas day. Examining dead bodies? Chasing unsubs?"
"True." She agreed, but rather than get to work on the gift, she just kept her stare on him without making a move.
He placed his fingers gently underneath the parcel and raised it a little toward her, "Go on then."
She opened the small card that was stuck onto the paper and read it to herself, 'To Emily. Happy Christmas. I'll miss you. All my love, Derek x'.
She suddenly felt guilty for her glee that their Christmas had been cancelled. Looking up to him, she smiled sadly, "Sorry you're not going to get to see your family."
He shrugged, "Oh well. There are some advantages to that," He said with a quick raise of the eyebrows, "…open it then." He continued a little impatiently.
Laughing inwardly at his excitement, she gently pulled the end of the ribbon, which easily unravelled, and then peeled the paper open. She smiled upon seeing the familiar dust jacket artwork.
"Slaughterhouse five?" She said.
"Yes…." He answered, gently opening the front cover to reveal the yellowing pages, "…But not just any Slaughterhouse five. It's the 1969 first edition. I wanted to get you a signed copy but….."
"No…" She said hastily, waving him away, "… This is amazing. It's a really generous of you. I don't know what to say."
She knew from her own research how much this kind of thing cost… a signed copy would have cost the price of a small car.
"You deserve much more…" He uttered, with a contemplative smile.
She reached out her hand and lightly touched his arm, "Thank you Derek. But I feel so bad I didn't get you anything. I don't know how to make it up to you."
Then she saw that mischievous grin creep across his face as he took a step forward and snaked his hands around her waist and under her suit jacket, "I do." He whispered.
She raised a brow in an attempt to protest, but she quickly succumbed to his touch. She leant in and let their lips meet, but only for a brief moment, "This…" She began, closing the gap once again and pecking his lips, then pulling away just a fraction, "…. will have to…." This kiss lasted a little longer, "….. wait buddy…." And she gave another kiss, contradicting her own words, "…We have serial killers to catch."
He scrunched his face up in disappointment, and pulled her in a little tighter, "Ok. If we must." He sighed mockingly in defeat.
She let her hand wonder up his back and rest upon the nape of his neck, "Thank you though. It is lovely." She whispered, before leaning in for one last kiss before they parted.
He perched on the edge of the bed and let the novel fall open in the palm of his hand. After this one he'd bought her two more first editions, 'Utopia 14' which was Vonnegut's first ever novel published in 1954 and 'Mother Night', for which he'd managed to get a signed copy.
'You are who you pretend to be, so be careful who you pretend to be'. They had never mentioned that since she'd been back from Paris. He had always wondered if the significance of that line had been apparent to her when they had quoted it at each other with such joy all those years ago….. He certainly could never look at that book in the same way.
The pages fell open and revealed a small card, folded in half. He picked it up and opened it, immediately recognising his own handwriting.…. 'I'll miss you. All my love, Derek x'
He shook his head…. Why didn't she get it? Why couldn't she read his mind? Why didn't she realise she'd always had all of his love? They weren't just empty words back then, and now she was leaving…..
"Hey Derek…." She called to him as she walked into the room, "…..What's taking you so lo….."
She paused upon seeing him… the small shake of the head. His shoulders slumped, sat on the edge of her bed. As he noticed her presence, he immediately looked up to her, attempting to mask his sadness with a smile, but it didn't work.
She took a few more steps so she was stood in front of him and removed the book from his hands. Looking at the small card, she smiled, remembering everything about that Christmas.
She traced her thumb over the words, 'I'll miss you. All my love, Derek x'
Gazing down at him, she knew this was her last chance to tell him the same thing. Why was it so hard? It was so hard because it made it reality. The exact same reason she didn't want him to take her to the airport… because seeing his face for the last time as she went through that gate, she knew there would be no turning back. There would be no seeing him at work the next day. No calling him up to come round for dinner or a movie. No turning up at his place late at night when she just needed him. No….
She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, he was taking the book from her grasp and placing it down upon the mattress. Without saying a word, he reached his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him, so she was stood between his legs. She let her body lean against him and her hand fall upon the top of his head, gently tracing down the back, caressing his skin as she did. He held her tight and let his cheek rest against her stomach.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, taking in the feel of her body against him when he suddenly felt her soft lips press against the top of his scull and her arms wrap around his shoulders. He turned and kissed the fabric against her stomach and when she did nothing but hold on a little tighter, he let his hands fall down her sides and then slowly trace up the outside of her thighs and up and under the tight t shirt she was wearing. As the material shifted upwards, he focused his lip's attention on her beautiful, taught skin that was now revealed. The scar did not faze him. It never had. And she no longer gave it a seconds thought when he touched her there.
She had longed for his touch once again for the last few weeks, but more so since the wedding. As she had held on to him whilst they danced, she could feel his heavy heart beat against her palm as he gripped the back of her hand so tight. As they swayed, their cheeks moulded against one another and she had wanted nothing but to stay in those strong arms all night. But as the music stopped and they pulled apart, Garcia came along to whisk her off to say goodbye to JJ and Will. As the techie had dragged her away, he kept hold of her hand for as long as he could and she just saw the sad, hurt look in his eyes as their fingers tips fell apart and she walked away.
A short while later, she found him in Rossi's kitchen on his cell.
"What you doing?" She asked as he hung up.
"Just ordering a cab." He told her, trying to force a smile.
She took a step towards him, closing the gap. "Derek, I'm sorry."
He shook his head, "You shouldn't be sorry Emily. If this is what it takes for you to be happy, then I'm not going to try and talk you out of it, no matter how much I want you to stay."
"I haven't made my mind up yet"
"Yes…." He nodded his head, "… Yes you have." He said as a matter of fact.
She paused and took a deep breath, knowing he was right. Her gaze fell downward, unable to hold his stare... That was until she felt his warm breath against her cheek and his strong hands touching her hips just slightly. Her chest rose heavily as she shifted her face upward and her lips met his. She melted into the kiss and into his arms, but then it hit her... What she was actually going to do. It hit her so hard that she stuttered and broke away from him.
As soon as she did she saw that look.… those dark eyes full of horror, confusion and hurt... A look she'd seen all too often lately.
"Derek..." She bargained.
He shook his head, "I'm sorry Emily."
"No don't be. I…."
He wouldn't let her finish. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."
"But..."
She just caught the glisten of moisture in his eyes before he turned and walked away from her…. Before she could finish her words...
It wasn't meant to go that way. She was supposed to tell him that she would miss him too... She was supposed to tell him that it didn't mean that they had to change ...whatever it was they had... She was supposed to tell him what he meant to her….
She was supposed to tell him he didn't need that cab, because she had already booked one for them... But it didn't work out that way.
He moved his palms up her back, the friction of skin on skin causing a burning sensation all over her flesh. He traced the outer edge of her belly button with the tip of his tongue, before placing a solitary kiss on it and looking up to see her beautiful dark orbs staring right down at him as he did. She smiled and bent down cupping his face in her hands, this time letting their lips meet with hunger. She kissed him hard, exploring his warm, familiar mouth whilst he removed his hands from underneath her shirt and reached up for her hair, allowing the dark tresses to slide in between his fingers and teasingly pulling down just a little.
He knew he had missed this... He knew had missed her, but he didn't realise how much until this moment. She was so familiar, yet so mysterious. They knew each other bodies inside out. They had done this so many times, but he still got that small rush of excitement as if it were the first time with her every time. She had an effect on him no woman ever had….
He pulled away, leaving her stood breathless and a little bewildered, but he quickly shifted himself backwards on the bed and grabbed for her wrists, guiding her towards him. He placed his arms around the backs of her thighs and pulled her up until she was straddling his hips.
He retook hold of her hands and smiled before placing a solitary kiss on the back of one of them, glancing up at her as his did.
She tugged at him and guided his long, strong fingers back to her waist and he gripped the base of her shirt, lifting it over her head, tossing it aside quickly once free from her body.
He dropped his lips immediately to the dip between her creamy white breasts and wrapped his arms securely around her back. She caressed the top of his head with her fingertips, feeling the bristle of his one day old stubble. He nipped and kissed through the fabric of her bra then feasted on the plump flesh just above the edge of the lace.
He felt her tug at his shirt, but he would not manoeuvre to allow her to remove it from him... Instead, he pushed her hands to the side, hearing a breathy chuckle escape her lips as he teased her.
He looked up to her shaking his head and grinning at her. Her chuckle soon formed into a big toothy smile as she felt him unclasp her bra. He bought his hands around to the front and pushed the fabric upwards revealing the now pert pink nipples. As he suckled and licked around the darker flesh, he slipped the straps off her shoulders leaving her upper body entirely exposed.
She closed her eyes and let her head fall back, breathing in the feel of the contrast of his fingertips, lightly brushing the skin on her back sending tingles all over, mixed in with his rough, desperate mouth feasting on her breasts.
He looked up and saw her exposed neck. The lines were long and beautiful and he could not resist diverting his attention... He gently kissed her collar bone and then buried his head in the crook of her neck, lapping at the skin with his warm fleshy tongue. She felt his arms lower and rest just under her bottom, so she held onto him tighter, knowing what was to come. He lifted her seemingly effortlessly, twisting around and laying her on the bed.
She reached her hands up towards him and he met her, entangling their fingers. She pulled him down upon her, taking his mouth in hers once again and running her fingers underneath his shirt. The hard, taught ripples she remembered were still there and as she worked her way around his back, she felt his strong muscles contract and expand as he moved around her body. As she brushed his leather belt, she felt his weight leave her body and he hovered above, smiling as he undid the button and then the zipper of her jeans. As he gripped the waistband, he leant down and kissed her chest, then her stomach and then the flat of her skin just above her panties, peeping though the open zipper. He knelt beside the bed and pulled back, taking the jeans and underwear off in one go.
He went to join her again, but stopped... He had to take in the sight before him... It would be a long time before he would see it again... Or would it? Even though their 'relationship' had had its ups and downs, there was always a part of him that had felt they were safe…. That at some point they would be back with each other. But now…. Now she was leaving and all he could feel was a huge sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach…..
He swallowed hard and hoped he'd masked his sudden wave of sadness as he thought about this possibly being the last time he would ever see this... Her beautiful, flawless ivory skin. Her long legs. Her round, inviting breasts. Her plump kissable lips. That smile. That hair. That touch. That giggle... Emily….
"Derek...?" He heard her whisper.
He shook himself out of his trance and focused on her questioning eyes,
"Derek, what's the matter….?" She asked softly as she sat up, taking his sad face in her hands. "…Talk to me."
"Nothing." He muttered unconvincingly.
She knew he was lying... And she knew what was wrong, because she felt it too. But she was determined she wouldn't screw up their last few hours like she had the last few weeks… or if she was honest, the last few years. She was flying to London in five hours and she wanted every last piece of him before she left.
So, she shifted her body forward and wrapped her legs around his waist, opening herself up to him entirely. She stared into his eyes hard, willing him to read them….
There was something about her being completely naked and he being fully clothed that felt like she gave him all the power. He was the only person in her life that she felt safe with, being completely at his mercy. And she wanted him to see that. She wanted him to know what she was willing to give him…. And that was all of her…. He had all of her. She wanted him to take it.
He soon tossed his thoughts aside as he felt her skin wrapped around him and looked into her wanton dark eyes boring into him. He let his lips focus on the upper half of her whilst his hands and fingers took the lower.
As she lay breathless on the bed a short while later from her first climax, he quickly shed his clothing. He saw a wicked smile form across her face in between hard, heavy breaths as he lowered himself on top of her and slid inside slowly, bit by bit, allowing her to adjust to him. A breathy grunt escaped his lips as he felt her velvet walls encircle him and he saw that beautiful face, with that look of slight pain that was giving her so much pleasure.
They were soon in rhythm…. He almost bit down on her neck as he thrusted and felt her nails rake at his back. She felt his chest rubbing against hers as his breaths were getting heavier and deeper. Feeling he had done enough of the work, she placed her hands on both of his shoulders and pushed him sideward's. He grasped her ass so that as she flipped them over she was on top and they never parted.
When she was in control it was usually more frantic… her rhythm was quicker and slightly harder…. That was until she decided she wanted to tease him…. Rising, so only the tip of his length was inside of her. She'd stay there and grin at him as she held both of his hands for support. She could see he was dying to pull her back down, but he wouldn't do it. She watched his eyes shut tight as she lowered herself just the tiniest of amounts and she could see the anticipation in his face. If she was feeling particularly cruel, she would do that several times before giving him the release he desperately craved.
And today was no different….. As soon as she did this, he moved one hand's attention back down, massaging her…. He knew he was close, but he would hold out for her….. Ladies first he thought to himself, chuckling inside….. As she came once again, he let himself go also…..
~~CM~~
They lay a top the burgundy linen, the sunshine beating down on their naked, clammy bodies. They had remained silent for only a few minutes as their breathing calmed and their heartbeats returned to some normality.
He pulled her body into his a little more by squeezing his strong arm that was lain behind her back.
"So this is it then?" He murmured, the finality in his tone unsettling her.
"I'm not gonna be away forever. I am coming back. I'm keeping this place remember?"
"It won't be the same though will it? I can't do this over Skype you know?" He said leaning in closer and gently kissing her forehead.
She smiled onto his chest, "No, but you can come and visit."
"You want me to?" He whispered.
"I'd be pretty pissed if you didn't…." She chuckled and then paused, a little nervous "….You know, things between us don't have to change. I mean this….."
He closed his eyes and let the smallest of smiles creep across his face in relief, "Good. Because I don't want it to Emily."
But the truth was he did want it to change. He wanted much much more. But starting that conversation five hours before her plane was about to leave probably was not the greatest idea he had ever had.
"So. When are you coming home?" He asked.
"Derek, I haven't left yet."
"But once you're settled at your new office and got them all in line you can work from home more right?"
"I don't think that means a few thousand miles away though."
"Three thousand, six hundred and sixty three." He stated.
"What?"
"Three thousand six hundred and sixty three... That's how many miles you'll be away from me."
He felt her warm breath on his chest as she giggled, "Did Reid tell you that?"
"Oi…." He said jabbing her rib playfully, "…..Firstly, I figured that out myself, and secondly, please don't mention that kids name whilst I'm lying butt naked with you."
She chuckled and propped herself up on one elbow to face him, staring into his dark eyes. He watched as the smile faded from hers and suddenly became so serious.
"What…?" He murmured, absently stroking her bare shoulder.
She closed the gap between them and placed a gentle kiss on his inviting lips... "I'll miss you more," She whispered against his mouth.