"I'd rather spend my life pretending than to have me forget you for one whole minute"
She never expected this to happen.
Well, then again, who could have possibly predicted that a one thousand year old man in a monk outfit arriving on their doorstep. He offered her the heavens and she knew that it would most evidently end in disaster, but she didn't care. She had one hundred and one places to see (and then some) and he was her best bet on getting out of such a placid and narcotic world and into a hex filled with chaos and adventure.
And they were off in the Galaxy's coliseum and their rude blue box of a chariot raced into and away from miracles and dangers and she loved it. She loved being with him and she loved seeing all that the universe had to offer. It was beautiful and she wasn't expecting the stars who mock her failures to be so welcoming.
He gave her everything she wanted and she noticed; she noticed how kind he was to her. But, she never knew why; she suspected it was because out of sympathy of her outrageously short life compared to his outrageously long one. She shouldn't have minded, but she did. She didn't like how he gave her all of everything out of pity (if it even was pity.) But that feeling of uneasiness and anger as soon diminished because she felt herself doing something that she shouldn't.
She was a falling star and he was her terra; her heart was with him, and she knew that she was more likely than not screwed. She wanted him so bad that she would pretend that he feels the same – so she disguised the pity as tenderness and the touches that seemed as friendly as something more. The gently kisses that he showered her in at random intervals felt more intimate than just heat of the moment things.
She didn't quite grasp that he was so infatuated with her that he would destroy the Universe, or even the TARDIS just to make sure that she was alive and well. So when he admitted to her that he faked the self-destruction of the TARDIS to make sure she was alright, she didn't believe him.
Not soon after as they ran into the center of the beautiful blue ship, he yelled at her; he said he didn't understand why she was still here, with him. He asked her forcefully if she was some sort of trick. She didn't know what he was talking about; he said she had died twice before and he scared her more than ever before.
Now she knew why he was so kind to her; it was because she was a ghost of people that he had lost; he didn't look at her and see Clara Oswald, he saw someone else, someone different, someone not at all her. She didn't know what but that little piece of reality pained her, because let's face it, she was head over heels for this space man and he never even saw her for who she was.
And right there on that cliff in the middle of the TARDIS, she wanted to jump to end all the crazy and heartbreaking occurrences. But, she recalls that he's seen her die twice before and she wonders if she really cannot die – so she doesn't jump. Instead, she masked her sadness into terror and continued to tell him that he was scaring her.
He hugged her and though she wasn't sure why he was, she liked it. He chuckled to himself and kissed her head.
"You're just you," he murmured, "Just Clara." She didn't know what to say to that and he continued to ramble. She didn't really pay attention to what he was saying; she was too focused on how his long arms seemed to wrap seamlessly around her tiny frame.
Then he had the brilliant idea of jumping off the cliff. (Though she had that same idea not ten minutes sooner, so she couldn't really say anything) so they jumped, and surprisingly, they didn't die. Instead, they landed in the middle of a paused explosion. She looked at him and he had an expression of utter sadness on his face. His TARDIS was dying, but she thought it was beautiful – she wasn't sure why, but it was a gorgeous disaster and she has always been drawn to chaos. (Maybe that's why she was attracted to him.)
He grabbed her hand, the one that had been burned earlier, and she winced. He took a look at it and kissed it. He called her beautiful, well the wound on her skin, but she couldn't help but feel special – she so much love from him that she almost couldn't contain herself. Her heart swelled with joy as he gently kisses her hand yet again and it deflates as he let go of her to talk about big friendly buttons.
She didn't pay much attention to what he was talking about, but she was always watching him. He walked up to a crack which poured out a blinding light.
"What is it?" she asked and he replied with some really long explanation about the cracks and how he fixed them or something. He went on to explain that he was going to put the 'big friendly button' through the crack (she wasn't sure where he found the button in the first place.)
She didn't know why she said it; maybe she wanted to know what his reaction would be. She spoke the name that was only known to ancient Time Lord Texts; it was like a sweet melody that was so sad it was beautiful and she never wanted to not know what his name was.
At first, he looked happy to hear someone say his name, it must have been the first time in a while, but then he was angry and stormed over to her. He looked as if he was about to hit her and she braced herself. Instead, he gently place his forehead against hers.
"Clara, My Clara," he whispered, "You shouldn't know that name."
"But, Doctor, it's beautiful." She said sincerely.
"If I bring that button to the exact time that we crashed, you will forget this – what I said to you back, there, my name – everything that we did today."
"But, I don't want to forget." She whimpered.
"I know, Clara, but if I don't do this, we will die; there is no avoiding it. It will be larger than a supernova."
"Will you remember?"
"Most likely… that is if I don't die while going through time."
"Do something that you wouldn't want me to remember right now."
"What do you mean?" he asked her.
"I… I don't know! Tell me you care! Tell me how much or how little you care for me! Tell me I'm just a passer bye on a more infinite road! I just want to feel special instead of feeling like a ghost." She sighed, "I just care too much for you, Doctor, and I feel like I mean more to you know because I know your name, that beautiful song of a name, than I ever will without it."
"Oh, Clara." He chuckled, "How could you possibly not know how much you mean to me." Her heart swelled, but then she remembered that she wouldn't be able to go back to this memory ever again.
"Promise me, Doctor; Promise me that when I don't remember this day and you do that you will show me how much you care – and make it look like it's because you like me and not because you pity me. Promise me because I love you – god damn it, I love you and I won't ever remember telling you this and I don't think I'll ever have the courage to say it again. So make me feel special, Chin Boy. Promise me you'll make me feel special." She finished.
He looked at her with something like shock and happiness in his eyes and he kissed her – it was sweet and explosive and she didn't know what she was feeling because she was so caught up in not ever wanting to forget this. But she knew that this kiss was a promise and she knew that he wouldn't let her down.
"Well, Clara Oswald," he said, "I may be a wise man, but I'm not all that brave so I'm going to tell you that I have seemed to have fallen in love with you, goodness, you're beautiful, Clara; why do you think I can't stop kissing your head and holding your hand! It's become a very difficult problem" she let out a giggle as he murmured something about how pretty she was when she laughed, "And I promise I will make you feel as special as possible."
"Thank you" she said as she kissed him briefly before he turned to go towards the crack. And as he jumped in and she heard his shouts of pain, she whispered his name in hopes that she would remember something of this rollercoaster of a day.
She loves him and he loves her, but she never wants to be like him; he's the man that makes her forget and she never wanted to forget this.
AN: so this happened... I wasn't expecting it to turn out this way; originally it was supposed to go along the lines of the song from Mary Poppins, Anything Can Happen (hence the title).
Please review and favorite (and follow if you must even though this is a one shot...)
-bleuboxes