So this is an angsty song one shot, enjoy. never written anything like this but yeah.
song: weakness in me Joan armatrading
I'm not the sort of person who falls in and quickly out of love
But to you, I give my affection, right from the start.
This shouldn't be happening; I was perfectly content with Sam. So why was Cameron intruding in my thoughts? I finally felt good enough to be seen in public with Sam and making our relationship known.
Sam was just the sweetest guy I have ever known. He was always doing cute things for me, even though with his families' hardship he always found corky things to do for me. Those little gestures made my heart flutter.
Once school started we had a few new classmates join Glee club, and Cameron was one of them. He had this nerdy personality and wasn't ashamed to show it. It was attractive and refreshing to see someone who was comfortable in their own skin and not be embarrassed by it.
Cameron and I became good friends. I think the reason we bonded so closely was because I saw a little Sam in him. They both were into comics and whatnot, but I didn't think all the time we spent together was a bad thing.
I have a lover who loves me - how could I break such a heart?
Yet still you get my attention.
Everything between Sam and I were becoming difficult, and it was my entire fault. Thoughts of Cameron and us together were heavily flooding my mind. Why was this happening? I love Sam and he loves me, so why does the little voice in my head tell me otherwise?
One look from Cameron and I melt. The way his voice sounds when he talks to me send tingles down my spine. His little cute flirtatious nature was contagious and I couldn't help but not to flirt back.
Why do you come here, when you know I've got trouble enough?
Why do you call me when you know I can't answer the phone?
I couldn't fight the feelings I had for Cameron, it felt wrong but it felt right. But how could I do this to Sam? The first man I ever known to love me and make me feel beautiful. He treated me like a queen and here I was thinking about another guy. How could I do this?
"I need to see you"
"You know I can't, Cam it's all too complicated"
"Please, it won't take no more than ten minutes of your time"
"Fine, I meet you at our regular place"
It didn't take long for the short conversation to turn into something more. Soon his lips were on mines and it felt like sin but mixed with heaven. It was useless trying to deny the chemistry we had and I've began to get sick of it. Why was I doing this?
The kiss was dangerously passionate and I had to have more of him. My hands fisted in his hair while his were wrapped around my torso.
"Cam, this can never happen again, I'm sorry"
I ran off from him with tears in my eyes and to my cars. I had to get away from him, what the fuck I was doing. I'm not a cheater; I have a good man so why did I just do what I did?
Make me lie when I don't want to
And make someone else some kind of an unknowing fool
You make me stay when I should not
Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me
I avoided Cameron since that night, I had to I couldn't hurt Sam anymore. I felt like such a bad person, I did the exact same things all his past girlfriends did. He thought I was different, and I thought I was too, but that pull Cameron had over me made me weak.
I tried to get back the relationship I first had with Sam, but now it felt forced. How could I break his heart and mine with my foolish acts?
"What's been going on with you lately? You've been acting different. Did I do something wrong?"
"Oh god no Sam you don't do anything. I just had some things on my hands, I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. And made you believe it was your fault."
"It's alright, I missed you babe"
I nodded in agreement and he leaned over closer to me and kissed me gently. I felt so dirty and such a whore, I pushed him away once he tried a second time.
"What the hell? I haven't kissed my girlfriend is weeks and you push me away?"
Without answering him I ran away. I couldn't think straight kissing him because I know I would have moaned Cameron's name. Sam didn't deserve that not one bit.
Soon my phone vibrated in my pocket and I hesitantly looked at the message.
'We need to talk'
Sighing I replied back meet me at my house. I can't believe I invited him back to my place. What was there to talk about? I made myself clear about my feelings for Sam and I wasn't going to leave him.
"Thanks for agreeing to this"
"Don't make me regret it; what did you want to talk about"
"I seen you and Sam earlier and it doesn't look like a happy couple"
"It's really not your business Cam"
"Damn if it ain't, Mercedes I like you a lot, more than I ever liked anyone before and I know you feel something for me as well or else we wouldn't be here. Look I'm not saying Sam isn't a good guy or anything but you know you rather be with me."
"Stop it, I can't hurt him like that. Not now, not ever. Cam nothing can happen between us and I keep telling you that."
"So why couldn't you kiss him then? Huh-"
"Because if I did I would have moaned your name. I was pretending he was you are you happy?"
He stepped towards me and kissed me and I relinquished into his touch. I couldn't help but not feel all types of emotions run through me. Nothing seemed more right than being with him under the moonlight. He was bringing out the weakness in me.
Why do you come here and pretend to be just passing by
When I mean to see you and I mean to hold you Tightly
During practice Cameron slipped me a note unnoticed by the class except Kurt. I throw it in my bag and asked to be excused to the rest room. I seen the wink Cameron gave me and the skeptical look on Kurt's face. Once I made it into the stalls, I fished around my bag until I found the note.
'Dear Mercedes,
You are by far the most beautiful women I have ever known and I will wait as long as you need me to until you figure out what you're doing about your boyfriend.'
I re-read the note another time and put it away in a compartment of my bag. Why was I doing this? Was I really clinging onto the little remains of my relationship? Sam deserved someone better than me.
I walked back into the class room and sat back next to Sam; he let his arm hang off the back of my seat and placed a kiss on my cheek.
"I have a surprise for you tonight; you're going to love it."
In between the lesson Mr. Shue was giving us, Sam would tell me bits and pieces of the surprise. Like for one, we had the motel to ourselves. But I couldn't see anything really happening, they only have one bed and his parents sleep on it. And I wasn't going to have sex with him when I was cheating on him mentally and physically with Cameron.
Feeling guilty, worried. Waking from tormented sleep
This old love has me bound but the new love cuts deep
Sam and I were on his parent's bed making out and it felt great but also wrong. Then one thing lead to another and our clothes came off. Our kisses became more feverous, and I was just feeling so horny and we had sex. Yeah I know I said I would have never done it in the motel but the quilt I felt for betraying him and I seen the love he held for me in his eyes I couldn't stop.
Now it was just worse, I tormented myself. Why did I have to fuck everything up? Why didn't I tell Cameron to fuck off on that first kiss and not go running back.
"Mercy, that was amazing and I love you"
"Sam, I need to tell you something"
If I choose now I'll lose out
One of you has to fall and I need you
And you
I couldn't help the tears that ran down my face once I told him I was cheating on him with Cameron. I felt nothing more than a whore. The look on his face will forever haunt me in my sleep; it would be the cause of all the nightmares I would have to endure because I did it. I hurt him so badly.
"Are you fucking serious? I gave you everything of me and this is how? I can't even look at you. I loved you and trusted you! I told you everything and you knew how I felt about cheating since all my girlfriends done it to me! Who is it!"
I never seen him angrier than he was right now, his ears had a red tint and his face was colored as a tomato. I didn't want to hurt him and I did.
"It's Cameron."
"That's so fucking great. I can't believe I didn't notice sooner, how long?"
"Near 6 months."
"Get out, and never talk to me again"
"Sam, I'm sorry I never meant to-"
"To want Mercedes cause me pain? Well good job because you did."
"Just go"
I left without another word, what could I have said to make him listen to me? There was nothing to say what I done was unforgivable and it wasn't as if I was asking him to forgive me and not break up with me.
It's funny how I didn't even beg for us to stay together. Maybe this was the right thing in the end. I should have never dragged it out this long.
The next day at school everyone stared at me, guess the word was out. Every gawked and pointed at me for being such a fool for ever cheating on Sam. When time came around for Glee club I was nervous to go in there. I knew everyone was going to cuss me out and be so disappointed in me.
Taking a deep breath I walked into the room and everyone gave me the evil eye and no one wanted to sit next me. Holding in the tears I sat in the back, not even my best friend would talk to me. Soon I noticed Cameron wasn't in the room yet. Then magically he appeared with a black eye.
"What happen to you Cam?"
"Oh there she goes sticking up for the guy she cheated with"
"Leave him alone, he didn't do anything. It's my entire fault"
"Still he knew you had a boyfriend and still did it anyways the both of you"
"Will everyone shut up we're both in the wrong."
Cameron sat next to me and rested his head on my shoulder while I ran my fingers through his hair. Everyone stopped looking at us for we were really bad friends.
"Since you're single now do you think..."
"I guess we can wait and see it out"
I couldn't believe I had the best boyfriend, my first actually and treated him horribly. But I knew I didn't deserve him, he could do better than me. Sam was perfect and I was glad I could have called him mines, but people grow apart and secrets and regrets form. There's nothing happy but sad about life. Cameron brought out the weakness in me.
so someone on tumblr asked me to do a triangle of sorts ,but sam didnt get the girl in the end :[