Mistaken – By RoyLover (AtoSae) Saeki's POV

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Prince of Tennis except Himeko - OC character

-Chapter 1-

There I lye, on the hospital bed, only able to live because of a machine, but, in truth, I didn't want to live at all. Even if my body felt in pain, the continuous stabbing in my heart pained me even in my sleep; with that, my shattered soul could not, would not go on anymore. This anguish that I felt was beyond even my control because...I had lost all meanings to live...

"Saeki, hold on," I heard a voice whispered to me.

My eyes that were shut slowly opened, only to see a blur ahead of me. "Keigo?" I choked as I saw Atobe sitting beside me when the blur became clear.

"Bane, actually..." I heard the same voice whisper to me again.

With one quick blink, I did see Bane and not Atobe. Tears developed within my eyes, but I clenched my fist that held onto the blanket over me and held back my tears. To know that Atobe hadn't visit me was truly devastating. It was even more devastating to know that he didn't even make an effort to come to me when I was in state of missing. All he did was left me in pain and helped make it worse by mistreating me because of something I didn't do. After all I had done, all I had gotten in return was the vast blue eyes that stared at me with no more love in it; instead, with hate...That was when I knew I had lost him. It hurt me so much to see those eyes now. It pained me even to think about it; the eyes of faded love...

"You okay?" Bane asked worried.

I nodded slightly, smiling, hiding the growing pain in my chest.

"That's good. Hopefully, you'll be able to be up and going with this machine detached from you," Bane commented enthusiastically.

Still, I continue to smile, hiding my angst. Suddenly surprising me, I felt a hand touch my cheek, feeling it wipe away an escaped drop of tear that I didn't notice. "Bane..."

"Saeki, you look terrible..." His brows furred, his eyes shone of worry. "It's about Atobe, huh? You were at his wedding...weren't you..."

With just that, a sudden stun of pain was shot in my chest, causing me to slightly bend over, pressing against my chest to ease the pain. Tears fell out of my eyes as I could remember the white and red roses that hung on the bushes where the wedding took place. The white building itself took its toll on beauty, accompanied with some gold looking texture, with a magnificent fountain placed in front of it. Many people were there celebrating this nightmare of mine. And I could still remember the time when I opened the doors of that white edifice, only to feel dumbfounded when I saw her in his arms; Atobe Keigo kissing the woman I was accused of almost killing when, in fact, was the very woman I had saved. I ran off, my heart and soul shattered. I could remember myself running and running until I had realized I was lost in some woods...There, I had set my future of dying slowly and then decaying, but then I was founded by one of my Rokkaku friends, so that was how I had ended up here. Those memories, though, had floated about in my mind, coming up time to time, only to pain me even greater. My beloved Keigo forever lost...

Bane's hand gently rubbed my back, and he gently said, "It's alright, Saeki. If you need anyone to go to, you could always come to me or to David them."

Even I knew he was trying to comfort me, but it wasn't helping. With pain aching nonstop all over my upper body, I told him, "I know, but...it's not like I can go on anymore. All of my hopes, dreams, and my future had been shattered. There's nothing else that I'm able to live for...And there's no heal to this gigantic, deep hole in my heart."

I looked into Bane's eyes, seeing the pain in his brown eyes as he lowered his head to look toward his knees, knowing he had failed to help me.

With much effort, I reached my hand and touched Bane's, faking him with a flawed smile to lie to him that he did help me feel better and that I was going to be okay. With that, I had gotten a smile in return...one that looked relieved.

After Bane left with the rest of my Rokkaku friends, I sat, staring out of the hospital window beside me, focusing on the painful stabs in my heart. Closing my eyes, I could remember the warmth of Atobe's arm wrapped around me. Slowly, I started to imagine the sound of his every breath as his face would be beside mine. A smile creaking onto my face, I turned around, still in my fantasy, and look upon his face; a soft, peaceful smile was there and only for me to see. Looking deep into his vast blue eyes, I could see so much love in it. Slowly closing my eyes, blushing, I could feel his warmth from his face become warmer as he brought his face up toward mines, that beautiful smile still there. Then, right before our lips touched, I snapped into the real world, realizing I was alone now; that Atobe wasn't mine anymore and that I wasn't his.

Slowly, I lifted the pillow on the bed that I sat on into my arms, holding it against my ever aching chest. Those memories of Atobe haunted me, and I knew it would forever on. Oh, how I missed being in his safe arms as I would lye my head on his shoulder, hearing him softly humming in my ears. With little effort, I laid down on the bed, the pillow still in my arms. Closing my eyes, I could feel Atobe's arms wrapped around my waist, my head leaning against his chest, but I knew this was only my imagination. Tears flowed from my eyes and down my face as I wanted to stay in that fantasy of mine that was gone forever.

As tears flowed on my face, I could remember the great, fun times with him at places like the amusement parks and festivals. He would hold my hand, dragging me all over the place, having that smile that I adored on his face. Setting the pillow underneath my head, I smiled slightly, happy to still be able to keep the memories that I had of him. Perhaps I could live on with the memories that continue to live inside of me. Even with this pain growing inside my delicate, shattered heart, I knew I had to endure it until the day I will meet my grave.