A/N: Pointless to say it, but I'm not JKR and i make no profit by posting this story. Sorry if there are grammar or spelling mistakes.
Ron woke up to find this note waiting for him in the kitchen table.
"My dearest Ron,
I'm leaving you for Draco Malfoy. I'm in love with him… and Harry. Honestly, I'm not sure which of the two I love most. Harry is just too fanciable and Draco has THE hair so it was inevitable to fall for them.
Also lately I've discovered I'm partly homosexual. I've been working alongside with Lavender in a case and I can see now what you saw in her during our 6th year. She's so sexy wearing those tiny and tight skirts and her breast are the most round and firm I've ever seen.
Sorry, I got sidetracked. Anyway, for now I decided to leave with my precious Dracola - see the fun part? He's Draco and he bites my neck like Dracula, hence Dracola! Hahahaha, I'm laughing just at thinking it. Isn't a cute nickname for him?
The reason I'm leaving you is that I'm pregnant. Twins! Can you believe it? The doctor said that there is a strong possibility to carry one child of Draco and one of Harry! Two babies, two fathers, none yours! Amazing huh?
Harry offered to divorce Ginny and marry me, but I told him that this wouldn't help anyone. We will still continue our affair though. He even told Ginny and she's up for a threesome! Sure Ginny is like a sister to me and she's not as sexy as Lavender but the idea has made me so excited!
Please don't hate me but I called your boss and I arrange to relocate you in Iraq. I figured that you would want to be alone for a while to clear your mind and he agreed. At first he wanted to fire you, but I convinced him that sending you 3000 miles away was a better option. Start packing because you're set to leave tomorrow and you're going to live in Baghdad for the next 7 years.
I left you enough money to our Gringotts account to help you for the first few days. There not much left, since I took almost all of the money and I bought a big house close to Grimmauld Place. I wanted to be as close to Harry as possible. You're free to visit, just make sure you'll owl first. After all, it was your money that you earned with so much hard work that bought this house for me and my lovers.
Before I forgot, Crookshanks found your closet door open and let's just say that your favourite Chudley Cannons shirt paid the price of your carelessness. Don't blame him, he's just a cat! I tried to reparo the shirt, but it was pointless. The shirt was completely destroyed.
To sum up, I'm pregnant, I'm having an affair with Draco and Harry, and I'm thinking of starting one with Lavender, I'm going to have threesomes with Harry and your sister and maybe some foursomes if Draco is up for it, I took all of your money, you lost your job and you're moving to Iraq tomorrow. Oh, and your favourite shirt is gone.
That's all I suppose. Take care.
p.s. Obviously, none of the above is true. Well… apart from the last part. Crookshanks is really sorry for your shirt, but honestly life could be a lot worse don't you think?
I love you (and only you)
Hermione
p.s.2 I better find Crookshanks alive when I'll get home.
p.s.3 I better find Crookshanks alive and UNHARMED when I'll get home."
I always loved this joke and I wanted to use it with Ron/Hermione. I hope it was funny.
I decided to not use any plot before or after the letter, because it would probably ruin the joke. Review if you want :)