Mend Thy Tears
Author: auroraskyes
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias, duh. Props to JJ and crew for the awesome finale.
Archive: You want it, ask me first.
Summary: In the blink of an eye, everything can change. After two vanished years, nothing is clear anymore.
Ship: Syd/Sark
Timeline: Takes place right after the Telling.
Category: Angst, Romance, Action/Adventure
Chapter One
"You've been missing for almost two years."
As the words come out of Vaughn's mouth, Sydney stares at him, almost uncomprehending. How could it be? "No…" She whispers, tears threatening to spill over. "It can't be."
He looks at her with a sad expression; he feels pained to be the one to break this to her. "I'm so sorry, Syd. But… we thought you were dead. God, Sydney. You just vanished without a trace."
Tears are streaming down her cheeks and she just keeps shaking her head. She doesn't understand, doesn't comprehend how such a thing could be. How could the past two years of her life all be a blank? She understands that someone probably did this to her—someone like her mother—but what she doesn't get is why, why isn't she dead? Why leave her in Hong Kong? She continues to stare at Vaughn. Not the Vaughn she used to know, not the Vaughn she used to love—but a different Vaughn. One that has obviously moved on, one who is married, the Vaughn without her. She sobs at the thought of him with another woman, another life. "Why didn't you look for me?"
He wants to pull her into a hug, just hold her, and whisper that everything will be okay. He's torn between that and just letting her cry, because as painful as it is, he has moved on. He looks away from her tear-streaked face and settles for doing the latter. "We did. For months, everyone—me, Jack, Will, Dixon, Weiss, Marshall, even Carrie—we did everything to try to find you. We followed every lead, no matter how small, in hopes of recovering you." He doesn't say, or your body, but Sydney knows the words belong there. "At first, when we got to your house that night, we thought you had been kidnapped. We waited for someone to contact us, someone who had any information regarding your whereabouts. As the weeks dragged by, any leads we had got thinner and thinner, until it became obvious to us that either, you were dead and buried, you didn't want to be found, or someone was working very hard to keep you from being found. Whichever it was, we refused to accept it, at least at first. Dixon, Will, Marshall, Weiss and Carrie first came to the point where they acknowledged that you were gone, whether dead or missing, chances were, you weren't coming back. It took both your father and I over a year to accept that fact. Neither of us wanted you to be gone. We both loved you so much, Syd. It just… broke our hearts."
She tries to smile at him and fails. "Obviously, you moved on." She can't help the bitterness in her tone, and she feels utterly helpless without the prospect of Vaughn in her future.
He winces at her words, but looks her in the eyes and tells her, "Syd… two years doesn't change what I feel a bit. The fact that you were missing, gone, probably dead doesn't change the way I feel either. I still love you, Sydney, but you're right. I have moved on. I know I will always love you, but I love Erin also. She knows the whole story and is so supportive. She's my wife, Syd. Nothing can change that."
Sydney nods, knowing the full truth behind his words. She has been gone for two years, has been presumed to be dead. Did she really expect Vaughn to stick around and pretend she was coming back? She feels extremely selfish, knowing that yes, she really did wish that. But it is unfair to him that just because she isn't dead, she wants him back. She looks at him, seeing that he is content with his life. She puts her hand on his and smiles when he looks at her, acknowledging the truth. She knows that she isn't going to bounce back right away, she might never stop caring for him, but she can move on, in time. Just like he did. "I understand, Vaughn." She tries to keep the pain out of her voice, but inside, her heart is breaking. Though this may be the right thing to do, it is still one of the hardest things to do. "I want to know what's happened in the last two years."
He feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders when she says she understands. He knows it's painful for her, just as it is for him, but it is the right thing to do. The last two years can't be reversed, so the only thing to do is to mend things as best as possible and keep moving forward. "A lot has happened. What do you want to know?"
"Well… what happened with Will, for starters. Was 'Francie' buried? How is my dad?" She has a million questions that she wants to ask, but decides to start with the things bothering her most.
"Will is okay. At first, we thought he was killed also, but after checking his pulse, we realized he was alive, but barely. He was brought to the hospital immediately and put in intensive care. He lost a lot of blood and spent almost a month in the hospital recovering. 'Francie' was cremated. And your father is okay now. We've gotten closer in the past two years. I'm assuming you also want to know what happened to Sloane and your mother. Unfortunately, we are no closer to either of them than we were when you went missing. We've had a few leads now and then, but we haven't seen Sloane in half a year, and we haven't seen anything of your mother since the raid about a year ago." He sighs, knowing that catching Sloane and Irina was something Sydney really wanted to do. He would've loved giving her the news that, at least one of them had been apprehended. Two years later, they are no closer than they ever were.
Sydney absorbs this information, disappointed at the unknowns of Sloane and her mother's locations. She realizes something else, "Raid? What raid?"
Vaughn rubs his hands together, not wanting to be the bringer of more bad news. "Well… remember how we had Sark in the Joint Task Force building?" She nods, getting a sinking feeling in her stomach. "We had him there in the cell for about a year after your disappearance, hoping that he would reveal Irina's location, Sloane's location, or something. Something that would lead to you. Because of the information he expended before, we figured it would be easy to get a location out of him. We were wrong. Sark didn't talk, didn't give us anything after you left. About a year ago, he was to be moved to Camp Harris. After what happened with Will last time, Jack and I made sure we were personally there to oversee the transport. Irina is more brilliant that we all liked to think, because she managed to get Sark out."
She gasps, surprised at this bit of information. She knows Irina is smart, smarter than most of the people in the espionage business, but to extract Sark from under Jack Bristow's nose is pure guts. "How'd she do it?"
He chuckles. "It was too easy for her, I imagine. It required a lot of planning but that was about it. She struck so fast, we didn't have time to react. The decision to move Sark was surprising to us because he had been in the Joint Task Force building for a year and really, nothing had changed. As soon as the decision was issued to us, we were ordered to move him immediately. On the way there, a car slammed into the vehicle Jack and I were riding in. Our car flipped onto the side and by the time we managed to crawl out, Sark was gone. Just like that. Half the agents were shot and the other half were missing. The missing agents had been planted by Irina. How she did it, we never found out. The great part is, get this, she was the only who sent us to decision to move Sark to Camp Harris. Marshall found out, a little too late, that she had forged the orders we thought had been made by the Justice Department. We haven't seen or heard about neither Sark nor Irina since that time."
"She managed to fool everyone. That's pretty amazing." Sydney can't believe the changes in the past two years. "Has anything else happened? Something less, depressing, perhaps? I'm sure there are tons of anecdotes you have."
Vaughn flashes the dimpled smile that used to make her knees go weak. "Marshall and Carrie got married. It was a very nice wedding, actually. It took place on the beach, there was a sunset, and it was so beautiful. Those two are just the sweetest couple. I'm sure that when you get back to LA, you can see some pictures. Everyone has some."
At the mention of going home, Sydney's smile wanes. "Vaughn… I don't know if I want to go back to LA."
"What? Syd, you have to go back. Everyone is waiting for you. I mean, your father, don't you want to see him? You also need to go for an extensive debrief and maybe some regression therapy to see where you've been the past two years, what intel you might have picked up unconsciously."
"That's the thing, Vaughn. I just woke up in Hong Kong not remembering the past two years of my life. I don't want to go through therapy, debriefings, and all that crap. I want a break."
Vaughn is silent as he ponders over her words. "Where are you going to go then?"
"Europe, maybe. I need a break." She knows that going away, taking time to herself will help her heal her wounds, maybe ease her broken heart. She toys with the idea of a permanent vacation.
"How long?"
"I don't want to go back." She whispers, knowing that in her heart, she wants out. At least for now.
"What? Sydney. What are you talking about?" His forehead wrinkles as he tries to understand the meaning of her words.
"Vaughn. I'm so sick of all this. I'm sick of being a spy, sick of lying, sick of looking over my shoulder twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I want out."
"What the hell? You can't just quit right now. What about Sloane? What, what about your mother? And Sark?"
"Look, Vaughn. I've been a spy for the past, what, decade of my life? I am sick of it. Look what it has gotten me. A dead fiancé, a doubled and dead best friend, another best friend who had his life turned upside down, a mother who's not quite dead, who I don't quite trust, and amnesia regarding the past two years of my life! I might go back later on, but right now, I just can't go back. Forget about Sloane, forget about my mother, forget about Sark. We aren't any closer to capturing them. I'm going to Europe after I make a stop in LA."
Vaughn sighs, knowing there is no way to change her mind. "Fine. Are you sure this is what you want to do?"
She nods. "Yes."
"Then let's go. You have a plane to catch. I have to go back to France and my plane's not until tomorrow. Syd, I just want you to know… I'll always care for you. Be careful, okay? When you come back to LA, be sure to visit me." He holds out his arms and gives her a hug.
"I will. I'm sure your wife is a great person. I would love to meet her someday. Thank you for understanding, Vaughn. Maybe I'll remember something for these past two years." In all honesty, she isn't sure she would be able to handle meeting Vaughn's wife. Perhaps in the future, when she has someone as well, but not now. The heartache is too strong. Vaughn walks her out of the safe house and watches as she gets into a car. "Goodbye, Vaughn," she whispers.