I've been reading many Hellboy fics and it just made me want to write one. I'm planning for this to be a one-shot, but if I receive enough positive feedback I may be persuaded to write more. The pairing may upset you, but if you didn't get it from the summary, then it either means I didn't explicitly warn you against it or you just read it anyways to piss yourself off. I'm sure you'll figure which. This story is also pretty much set in an AU since Liz and Hellboy are obviously not an item. I've only seen the first movie, so any canon is stricly HB1 material. So without further ado, I'll commence with the fic.

I do not own any characters, references, organizations, or themes in this story; nor do I receive monetary profit as a result of its creation.

John:

Every single day, it's the same routine. It's as if my day is designed to have no purpose other than - you guessed it - catering to Hellboy. Well, that is, other than cleaning up his messes. And most times it's not even the nice messes that you can clean with mops. Instead, I need to write it away with mountains of paperwork. If I knew that's what my transfer was going to be, I would've handed the title of liaison down to the first runner-up.

Day in and day out I drive my self to the brink of insanity just to keep things running smoothly, and my "charge" spends his day watching T.V. cuddling up with his cats. I'm ashamed to say that the unfairness made me break down in tears once or twice. Needless to say, my slightly sour attitude was the best mood you could expect from me on any given morning.

Hauling myself out of bed, I prepared myself for another wonderful, H.B.-filled day. The prospect made me rub my eyes extra hard. I slammed the clock onto my bed when I saw the digital numbers read 5:32. 6 hours of sleep. That must be an all time record for me. Nearly every night, I'm lucky to get half that; what with Hellboy asking for midnight snacks and the like. It's even less if we have a mission. In light of the good news, I grabbed a fresh stack of clothes and walked to the bathroom whistling a different tune.

I usually don't wear my shoes on the way to the showers since the BPRD keeps its facilities clean, so when something squished under my foot, I felt it ooze through my sock, making a wet patch on the white fabric. When I looked down to see the offending substance, I was horrified when I realized that I had no idea what it was. Considering my workplace, puke would be a best case scenario. I didn't want to ponder on it too hard, so I just peeled off the soiled sock and continued on to the showers.

Out of habit, I never took more than a couple minutes in the shower. It was always in and out with me, but it would seem as though my toiletries had other ideas today. When I broke in the new soap, I was taken in by the heavenly aroma that rose off of the thick lather. It was so distracting, that I hardly noticed when I dropped the bar until I heard a wet slap on the floor. It slid wildly across the shower floor and I had to practically chase it across the room when it slid down the row of shower heads. I was glad nobody else was in the showers right now or it would be incredibly awkward.

When I finally caught up with it, I was shivering from being away from the warm water for so long, and I leaned down to grab it. In the process, I got a face-ful of tile along with the shrinking bar of soap. Rubbing my sore nose, I began washing myself again under the stream of hot water, but this time I didn't have the chance to drop the soap. As soon as I got a decent lather, it sort of disintegrated in my hands and swirled down the drain. That would teach me to buy that brand again.

Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Checking the clock on the bathroom wall, it read 7:41. "Crap!", I yelled as I snapped open the clothes I brought with me. They were folded so that I could carry everything in an easy bundle. I just realized the down-side as I watched my pants and underwear float onto the wet tile. It would seem as though Lady Luck had a bone to pick with me.

I walked back to my room and braved the whistles and cat-calls from my fellow agents as I passed sporting only a towel. It was flattering, but at the same time, I didn't like how low some of the looks went.

"Lookin' sharp there, John", I heard someone joke. I turned around and was met by a blinding flash as Liz took a picture of me half-naked. Not only that, but when I saw the Polaroid develop I had about the goofiest face on that I can imagine. It looked like I was smiling and something just flew in my mouth.

"Liz, what're you doing?", I asked. It was a stupid question that wasn't going to be answered since she was practically dying of laughter in front of me. After a moment of waiting, I pleaded, "C'mon, Liz! Can you please just burn that picture?"

"Maybe. But this is going in my special archive for now", she answered. She took a stack of photos from who knows where and filed the newest one somewhere in there.

"Please, Liz! Clay and H.B.'ll never let me live it down if they see", I begged.

"Which is exactly why they're going to be the first ones to see it", she said slyly. I was about to say something when she interrupted me. "I'm only kidding, John. I won't show them... first."

Before I could say anything she took off down the hall .

By the time I was dressed up and ready to face the day, it looked like my luck was changing. I couldn't do my laundry last week, so I was running low on clean suits. I was wearing my last one when a cup of coffee managed to find its way down my pants when I bumped into another agent turning a corner, bringing my mood down a notch with it. I tried my hardest to stop the twitch in my cheek as I went half-way across the bureau back to my room.

Since all I had to wear was sweats and jeans, I figured I might as well hit the gym before I faced H.B. I just grabbed a towel and headed down to the training facilities. Surprisingly, there was nobody there, so it looked as though I'd have my own private little work-out session. I climbed onto the treadmill and decided to do a couple minutes on that.

I was really getting into a rhythm and I felt my heart rate quicken as my feet pounded against the machine. It was like heaven for my mind, since I could concentrate on something other than what I would have to do for Hellboy today. Unfortunately, it also took my mind off my shoes, so I didn't notice when they untied until I was sent sprawling after a nasty trip. I curled into a ball and waited for the pain in my leg to subside before checking the mirror. I winced when I saw a red halo forming around my eye. This was certainly not my day.

Hellboy:

"Where is that kid?", I asked myself, followed up by a string of swears. It was almost 10:30 and I haven't heard so much as a footstep outside my door. I mean, I'm already fully dressed too. Usually he catches me in my skivvies every morning, but I guess it's his loss. Jokes aside, this isn't like Myers. He'd usually be here by now, bringing breakfast. I'm not saying the food's more important than he is, but doesn't mean it's not important.

"Myers?", I asked when a knock came at my door. It's gotta be him; he's the only one who'd take the time to knock on the three-foot thick slab of steel they called a door. There was a hiss and a rather depressing groan as the door swung open.

"Sorta", came the response as Liz poked her head through the doorway. I was a little confused until i saw a picture fluttering in her hand. "Check this out"

"Hm?", I grunted absently as I walked over to her. I looked at the picture and I saw Myers in nothing but a towel, and he looked like something just bit him.

"Well, couldn't you get him to take a picture of you like that?", I joked.

"You wish", she snorted. Ever since Moscow, we haven't been able to get into anything really passionate. She says it was something about bringing her from the dead that turned her on, but if I can't spark love with a fire-starter then that must be some sort of insult to me.

Bringing myself back to reality, I noticed that a funny way, the picture made me smile, and it wasn't "haha" funny. I was a little disgusted with myself when I let my eyes wander around the picture, but I couldn't deny how hot Myer's looked shirtless. However, that that was about to come out in a very embarrassing way, so I flopped onto my bed with a sigh, making it creak and sag a few inches.

"That kid sure can get himself into trouble", I sighed as I picked up one of my many remotes. T.V. was my only getaway in this hole.

"Got that right", Liz answered as she seconded my opinion.

"Got what right?", came a very familiar quip as Myers rolled in the breakfast cart. He was wearing jeans and a plain white t-shirt; very unlike Myers. I almost suspected he was an impostor before he tripped over a cat and said, "Woopsie-daisies." Nope. That was the real deal.

"Boyscout! What took you so lo-", I started before changing mid-sentence. "Crap. What happened to your face? And where's your suit? Did you get mugged?! Just show me the bastard that did this and I swear-"

"Red, calm down!", he yelled. I was shocked and I realized that he's never raised his voice to me like that before. "There was no mugger; let it go." I was about to start again, but John preempted me. "I said, let it go, Hellboy!" He punctuated each word with a stress in his voice that was unfamiliar to me.

I stood there looking at him in disbelief and Liz took her opportunity to make a quick getaway. "I think Manning was looking for me, so I'll just...", she trailed off. I never heard the end of it because she closed the door and was down the hall before either of us even flinched.

"What's up with you, Boy Scout? First you're late, then you yell at me. What's next? Are you gonna' run away and be a circus clown?"

John glared at me harder than I thought possible, and hissed, "I apologize if some things in my life don't revolve around you, Hellboy."

My eyes narrowed and I just looked at John. This wasn't the John I knew; this wasn't Boy Scout. I was contemplating a retort while I walked up to him, towering over him. Even though I had to look down on him, his glare never softened, though it was probably helped by the black eye. At the moment, I really didn't feel like fighting with him, so I just grabbed a fistful of bacon and laid back onto my bed, grumbling.

I felt John glaring at me still until he growled and started walking around my room. I looked up and he was pulling at his hair, which was noticeably un-gelled. The way he paced, and the way he was muttering to himself; none of it was like him and it was a little scary.

"Hey, Boy Scout? Somethin' the matter?", I asked, returning to my question, but this time in a gentler tone.

"I told you, H.B. It doesn't involve you", he spat coldly. That one got to me. Something somewhere inside me cringed from his hurtfulness, but I wouldn't let it show.

"Don't give me that, Scout! First you're about half an hour late - which you gotta admit never happens. Next you come in here lookin' like you just lost a bar-fight. To top it off, you start yellin' at me for no reason! Somethin's wrong with that picture", I yelled. He was really starting to piss me off now.

"Well, y'know what, H.B.? I apologize if some things in your little world don't go your way!" that comment was practically dripping with sarcasm.

He was really asking for it now. Unfortunately for him, I finished my bacon, so I would've been up for more anyways, but surprisingly, I forgot about food for a moment and approached Myers. He backed himself up into a wall, but made no other indication that he was intimidated at all.

"Okay, let's get something straight here, John. I don't have to care about your day or why you look like shit", I barked. Maybe that was going a little too far. Truth be told, I thought he looked pretty cute in a bad-boy sort of way with the black eye. "All I know is that you barged in here, late no less, and fly off the handle as soon as I say somethin' to you." By the time I finished that I was inches away from him; close enough to feel the heat rolling off of his body.

"Maybe if you had one ounce of patience, I'd be more willing to tell you what happened, but right now I'm not sure I'd even give you the time of day!", he yelled back at me, all the while maintaining the glare.

"Alright, that's it, bub. Looks like you need an attitude adjustment," I growled. For a moment, I was considering beating the crap out of him, but at that same instant, he decided to pull one of the cheapest moves I've ever seen.

John:

I have no idea why, but I just started bawling like a child. Something inside of me snapped after I had Hellboy- Hellboy of all people- lecturing me on my attitude. I seriously thought I was going to hit him, but instead, I just curled up into a ball and cried like I never remember crying before. When I think about it, I must've looked pretty stupid there, crying at H.B.'s feet.

Apparently, he didn't think so because in an instant, he was cooing and cajoling like he'd done something horribly wrong. "Oh shit, Scout, I wasn't tryin' to be mean or anything."

Yeah. Right.

"What I meant to say was... I mean..." Red sure wasn't a talker. Though you have to give him some credit for trying. "Look. I was just... worried is all."

I sniffled a bit and I tried to look up at him, but I couldn't stand meet his worried eyes. "No, no, it's my fault," I told him as I tried to get up. When I reached out for something to push myself up on, I felt my hand gently engulfed by his stone hand. "Thanks," I mumbled while my cheeks nearly matched Red's shade.

"Don't mention it", he mumbled right back, putting his hands behind his head as if washing his hands of the situation. Even so, I could see his stone hand peaking out from behind his neck. I couldn't help but sneak a peak at him as he stood there pretending to stretch.

I'm not sure when I realized I liked guys, but I suppose it never occured to me that I wasn't supposed to. I still don't think it's a bad thing, but I can't help but give that awkward laugh whenever someone asks me if I have a girlfriend.

"Myers. Scout?" I snapped out of it as soon as I realized Red was looking at me.

"Hm... oh, wait. Yeah?"

"Is there something on my butt, or are you just admiring my tail?" he chuckled.

Ouch. That was embarrassing. "Uh... I don't know what you're talking about. I think I just spaced out a bit. Y'know, I hate that, don't you? Y'know when you start thinking about something and you totally forget about what's going on, then you realize you're staring at someone." I tried to play it off with a weak excuse at a chuckle.

"Yeah, or you could just be checking me out," he remarked off-handedly, totally destroying my attempt at saving myself from further embarrassment. I was so consumed by my embarrassment that I didn't notice Hellboy reaching down to get something. He brushed his arm against the front of my pants as he came back up with a cigar and a book of matches. "Is that a roll of quarters or are you happy to see me?" His laughter made my blush flare up again. I didn't want to give his ego another boost seeing as his head's bound to explode any day now, so I decided I'd try and leave with what little dignity I had left.

"Well, if you don't need anything else, I think I'll just get going on some paperwork," I stated as I turned towards his door.

Hellboy:

"Hold your horses there, Boyscout," I laughed. "I was just joking with you. No need to get your panties in a bunch." I immediately regretted saying that because he looked like he was either going to cry again or rip my throat out.

"Excuse me, Red," he started. I could tell he was going to go on another one of his little hissy-fits. "To think that I even thought for a second..."

"Hm...? Thought what now?" I asked. I new exactly what he was thinking by what I felt rubbing up against my arm before, but I just needed him to say it out loud.

"None of your business, Red!" he snapped. "Goddamnit, do you get some sort of pleasure from my embarrassment."

I wasn't going to lie, so I told him, "Yes, I do actually." I gave him the most shit-faced grin I ever remember having. "Plus, you're pretty cute when you're angry." Dropping that on him probably wasn't the safest plan, but I figured by his little buddy, he felt the same about me.

"W-what?", he stuttered. "H.B. have you been sniffing glue again?"

That was a little rude. "What, so just because I think you're cute you assume I lost brain cells?"

Now it was my turn to start pulling the guilt card. I sat down on my bed and pretended to be upset. He followed me over and put a hand on my shoulder. "Hellboy," he murmured in the sappiest voice I've ever heard. "You know I don't mean that. I was just surprised. Most days I'm lucky to get a two-minute conversation with you. If we're not on missions, I'm doing paperwork, or you're busy working out. I mean, sometimes I think a liaison should be able to talk to his charge a little more."This was getting really sappy.

"I didn't meant that about the glue, but you do remember what happened, right?", he asked. I thought a back and remembered the picture Liz took of me about to climb into Abe's tank. I gave him a sad chuckle just to make him think he was getting to me. "See?" He gave me a hug from the side, and I was tempted to hug him back, but I knew it would end the fun.

"C'mon H.B. You can't still be upset, can you?"

I didn't answer him.

"Look, Red. I know we've had our differences and today was a little awkward. That's alright though because-"

"Shut up, Boyscout, you talk to much," I grumbled before I kissed him full on the lips. That lecture was getting boring anyways. He must've been eating something sweet before he brought me breakfast because I could taste the sugar in his mouth.

He sighed when I broke the kiss. "Hellboy, what're you doing?" he asked.

"Hey, didn't I tell you to shut up?" I grinned as I pushed him onto his back. He didn't respond to that question though because I climbed on top of him and started kissing his neck.

"Oh, god, Red." He squirmed under me, making me grow harder. when he threw his head back, I traveled across his adam's apple and made my way to the other side of his neck. I left him a sizable hickey before I started to nibble on his earlobe. "Red!"

"What?" I asked him impatiently. "What is it now, Scout?"

He blushed when I pulled back to look at him. "I... I don't know," he responded shyly.

"Sometimes I wonder what I see in you, Boyscout," I joked as I spread his legs apart. From this position, I held him close with my tail as I kissed him again. My body started to grind against him on its own, and I growled a bit into the kiss when he squeezed me with his legs.

"Looks like someone's enjoying themselves," I chuckled as I repositoned him. With my right hand, I scooped him up from the back and flipped him so he was straddling my stomach. On my back, I could see the bulge in his jeans very clearly.

"I'm sorry, would you like me to just go then?" asked Myers. I was a little scared that he was serious, until I saw him smiling at me. He probably noticed the look on my face since he started laughing and said, "Aw. I didn't know you cared."

"Yeah, yeah, I care about you," I admitted. I put my hands behind my head "Now off with the shirt, Mr." He raised an eyebrow at me, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. "Or I could help you out of it." I bumped him with my hip so he fell with his hands on my shoulders, and I peeled the thin fabric over his head with my tail. After he pulled his arms out, I tossed it over onto the lamp with a flick of my extra appendage.

"Red?" Scout asked as he grabbed hold of my tail.

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Is it a bad thing that I find this really hot?" he motioned to the tail. I shuddered as he stroked it, sending shivers up my spine.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," I growled as I flipped over onto him. I wriggled the tail out of his grip so I could flick off the light while I kissed him.

I broke the kiss again and I almost regret it because Scout kept on talking. "Red?"

"What?" I tried being nice, but my patience was wearing thin.

"I really am tired of babysitting," he gasped as my tail snuck into his underwear. After that, he didn't say anything else.

There was finally something that would make this Boyscout shut up and enjoy himself for once.

Gah. That was a little rushed and all, but I don't know what else to do with this. I know all of you HB/John haters will crucify me for this, but I did my best to keep Hellboy in character since John's pretty OOC. I hope you enjoy it and I appreciate all reviews.