Title: Feels Like It

Summary: "So did we just… break up?" "Feels like it." Feels like I've been cut with a jagged piece of glass. I wonder if she feels like this too. (just a little Freddie insight, set during the breakup scene in iLove You.)

Disclaimer: Dan Schneider owns iCarly, Angelina Jolie owns orphans, I own furniture.

A/N: To be honest, I've only seen this full episode once, on the night it premiered. It kind of hurts too much to watch it and I lovehated watching this scene to get the dialogue. So many feelings and emotions in their faces and meanings behind their words. I've always thought when Freddie does that little lip-biting thing he's thinking "…Crap. I love her."

So, yeah. This is just a little bit of me putting myself in Freddie's brain. I haven't written seddie in so long, it was fun. Enjoy.

"So did we just… break up?"
"Feels like it."

Feels like I've been cut with a jagged piece of glass.

Feels like I need her so much more than she needs me.

Every second waiting in this damn elevator feels like a bullet to the chest.

Feels like I've been in this exact same elevator with a broken heart before.

Feels like I expected too much from her as a girlfriend and not enough as a best friend.

Feels like maybe I wasn't good enough for her.

I wonder if she feels like this too.

"But… you know, it was… mutual, right?"
"Yeah… but I'm still gonna tell people that I dumped your butt and broke your nerdy little heart."

You know, I honestly wouldn't want anything less from her.

"Fair enough."
"… Oh well."

And there it was. Her walls went right back up just as quickly as the elevator door.

But this was the girl I fell in love with and it feels so pathetic. I bit my lip to keep the words from spilling out of my mouth She's walking away. I wonder how much courage that's taking. I wonder if she feels her heart breaking with every step, or if she feels free and liberated because the air around us feels like a cage and running away from good things is what she does best.

I have to say it but to say it now seems pointless. I love her. And I love her so much I should just stay silent. It's something I've been planning on saying but all I can focus on now is how dry my mouth is.

I feel like have to say it.

"I love you."

The three shots are fired and they sound more confident than they did in my head.

I can't see her face but the way she pauses makes me think they hit.

And then she turns towards me, her shoulders hunched uncomfortably and her mouth tightened into a smile.

Feels like I'm the first boy to ever say that to her.

"I love you too."

She puts her hands on my shoulders and I feel like her fingers burn holes in my skin.

I've kind of hated how she does that. Puts her hands on my shoulders, not around me.

It makes me feel like any moment she could shove me away and I'd fall right onto my back.

At this moment, I'm almost expecting a push backwards more than a kiss to make it better.

It feels perfect. She's in my arms so if she shoves me I'm bringing her with me, and I'm in her mouth and it feels like an unspoken apology.

I check the time on my phone. I don't want to say goodbye just yet.

"It's only 10:30..."
"…Wanna break up at midnight?"
"That works."

Feels like I get to hold on to her for just a little bit longer.

I've got a lot of stuff in the works, as usual. So expect more from me, maybe soon, maybe not-so-soon, but I'm nearly always writing so expect more from me… at some time.

Oh, and I love feedback! :D

(this sentence is here because when I uploaded this I had 666 words and that made me uncomfortable oy)