NOTE: The characters are called by their actors' names. Please check out
http://us.imdb.com/Title?0288937 if you are confused as to who plays what.
Degrassi's Lock-In New Years Eve: The Real Story
"Well this is scary." Said Melissa. "Cassie and Jake are missing!"
"Duh..." Said Jake Epstein. "I'm right there."
"Quit it, Mr. Baggins." Said Lauren rolling her eyes. "That joke was so not funny the first time you said it."
"Heh heh," Jake grinned. "But is my fluffy-licious hair sexy?"
"In your dream world."
Miriam sat down. "How can this be? The doors AND windows are locked!"
"I bet it's the ghost of Boon!" Hissed Ryan. "He wants your SOUUUUULLLLLLLL!"
"Nah," Said Melissa. "It'll be some cheap explanation. I've seen this cliché a thousand times."
(Heeeelllllppppp meeeeee) Said a disembodied voice.
"That's Cassie!" Shouted Miriam.
Jake looked a bit nervous. "Let's just open the doors."
"It's locked!"
"Put off the show!" Jake screamed in his unnaturally shrill voice. "You know we were going to use the cop-out ending and scream 'Happy New Year'!"
"No, man. It's locked. For real."
(HELLO, MORTALS) A disembodied voice said.
"Who said that?" Said Jake.
(I DID, FRODO BAGGINS OF THE SHIRE)
"D-do you know where our friends are?" Asked Lauren.
(I DO)
"Would you mind telling us?"
(THEY ARE HERE BUT IN A DIFFERENT DIMENSION A ONE OF SIGHT AND SOUND...THE TWILIGHT ZONE)
"Wow!" Said Ryan. "Really?"
(NO)
Silence.
(I WILL PRESENT YOUR MORTAL FRIENDS BACK TO THEIR OWN DIMENSION...) The voice said. (BUT I NEED A PRICE FOR THEIR SAFE RETURN)
"What?" Said Ryan. "A boom box?"
(VERY FUNNY, LITTLE MAN)
"What do you want?"
(ONE OF YOUR BODIES)
Miranda looked at all of them. "Everyone but Jake come here!"
"Damn!" Said Jake. "They're all too intimidated by my fluffy hair! But I being the sexiest man alive can wait."
The group of kids huddled around each other.
"Considering all of us have been through hardships together for the whole first season, and Craig is just an underdeveloped character who is just a sex symbol, I suggest we sacrifice him to the voice." Said Miranda in a whisper.
"I agree." Said Lauren. "And if we unleash a demon to this world, at least we won't have Craig around."
Jake looked around. "So, Mr. Scary Voice. What do you do for fun?"
(WELL...) The voice thought. (I LIKE CHILLING WITH MY FRIENDS. THEY'RE COOL)
"How was your first kiss?"
(I DUNNO. GREAT, I GUESS. I WAS REALLY SHY.)
"Do you want to stroke my hair?"
Jake felt a ghostly hand caress his head.
(IT TICKLES)
My Real Life: Because Ghostly Forms from Beyond the Grave are People Too!
Several kids at home were watching this. It was too good to go!
"Ungggh!" Screamed a girl. "My bladder...I AM IN PAIN!"
"Agghhhhhh!" Said a boy on the floor clutching his groin. "But this show...is...NIFTY! I must hold it!"
BLAM!
Their bladders exploded killing them all.
(TIME IS UP, MORTALS OF THIS SCHOOL. DO YOU HAVE A BODY?)
"Yes." Said Lauren. "Jake," She said handing a piece of paper to the boy. "Read this out loud."
"Sure thing!" Jake giggled. "'Oh Dark Boon of Degrassi, take my body and be merry!' Heh, that's pretty cool." Then the thought registered. "Hey wait, no! Please spare my body! Take Lauren! Take Ryan! NOT ME!"
The door opened. The voice was gone.
"We're free!" Everyone shouted. "Lets go find the rest of the missing kids!"
"Uh uh!" Said Ryan. "I'll stay here."
Everyone left; convinced the voice was a prank.
"So, uh, the episode voted by you as the number one episode is...uh...."
**Ms. Kwan went in front of the class. 'Foreign Cannibals Anonymous' was written on the chalkboard.
"Good morning class." She said. "Today you will be able to say 'I will not eat humans'" in fluent English. You may begin your test."
The door opened. An assassin came in with Craig's mutilated body.
"You wanted to have him killed and use his body as a trophy?" He asked.
"No!" She said aghast. Several cannibals looked at the body with growing hunger.
"But your name is Ms. Kwan, yes?"
"I will not pay for that stinking piece of meat!"
"I will pay it, Ms. Kwan." A cannibal said. "I have hunger."
"No!" Ms. Kwan said. "Its 'I am hungry'!"
"I am hungry too." Said a man with long hair and filed teeth. He twisted off Craig's left arm.
"I eat his liver." Said a Chinese man.
"No, its 'I ate his liver'!" The teacher shrieked. "And you're not supposed to eat living humans!"
"He is die, Mrs. Kwan." Said an African man. "He no live any more."**
"That's the show!" Said Ryan. "Its, uh, too bad the cast couldn't celebrate it with me."
The cast slowly sneaked up behind him and surprised him with a yell.
"Hey!" Ryan said. "How'd you get in here? There are no other entrances? And what of the ghosts?"
"It's just a joke!" Said Lauren ruffling his hair.
"But it doesn't make any goddamn sense!"
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Confetti flew from the ceiling.
"Let's party!" Slurred Melissa holding a beer bottle.
"WHOO-HOO!"
"Happy New Year from Degrassi!" They shouted in unison.
(I HAVE COME FOR WHAT IS MINE) Said a disembodied voice. (IT IS TIME TO PAY THE PRICE)
"NO!" Jake Epstein screamed as his back ripped open and that all his organs and entrails ripped out of him as some invisible force burrowed into his body. "GET OUT MY HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!"
Light clothed him as he spun around rapidly.
Then it stopped.
Jake stepped up. His eyes began to glow a bright crimson red. "I AM REBORN INTO THIS NEW BODY." He shouted. "MY QUEST IS COMPLETE!"
"Its not so bad." Said Miriam. "He does look like kinda cute now, in a demonic way."
"Yeah," Said Lauren. "His red flaming eyes are sooooooo hot!"
"A-a-are you going to bring chaos into this world?" Stuttered Ryan.
"NO MORE THAN MY PREVIOUS HOST DID." Jake/Boon drank a bottle of cheap alcohol in a single gulp.
"Then let's party!"
Using his psychic powers, Jake/Boon brought in several boom boxes.
Melissa and Jake/Boon were both drunk out of their minds and were passed out on the floor.
Ryan danced with Lauren, while Miranda danced with Jake (Goldsbie). Aubrey and Cassie just moped because Lord Walrus forgot to include them in his story. They got into the spirit when they found out Ryan brought his special stash of drugs.
An old man sat in the nursing home. On his tray was some milk. He clutched his privates. Sweat rolled down his face as his eyes darted toward the bathroom. His teeth were clenched. He was watching Degrassi, and it was too good to go!
"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" The TV blared. The old man let out a scream as warmth spread over his pants.
While the students partied, the fans' bladders exploded, and the clock ticked 12 it was sure that 2003 would be a blast.
Degrassi's Lock-In New Years Eve: The Real Story
"Well this is scary." Said Melissa. "Cassie and Jake are missing!"
"Duh..." Said Jake Epstein. "I'm right there."
"Quit it, Mr. Baggins." Said Lauren rolling her eyes. "That joke was so not funny the first time you said it."
"Heh heh," Jake grinned. "But is my fluffy-licious hair sexy?"
"In your dream world."
Miriam sat down. "How can this be? The doors AND windows are locked!"
"I bet it's the ghost of Boon!" Hissed Ryan. "He wants your SOUUUUULLLLLLLL!"
"Nah," Said Melissa. "It'll be some cheap explanation. I've seen this cliché a thousand times."
(Heeeelllllppppp meeeeee) Said a disembodied voice.
"That's Cassie!" Shouted Miriam.
Jake looked a bit nervous. "Let's just open the doors."
"It's locked!"
"Put off the show!" Jake screamed in his unnaturally shrill voice. "You know we were going to use the cop-out ending and scream 'Happy New Year'!"
"No, man. It's locked. For real."
(HELLO, MORTALS) A disembodied voice said.
"Who said that?" Said Jake.
(I DID, FRODO BAGGINS OF THE SHIRE)
"D-do you know where our friends are?" Asked Lauren.
(I DO)
"Would you mind telling us?"
(THEY ARE HERE BUT IN A DIFFERENT DIMENSION A ONE OF SIGHT AND SOUND...THE TWILIGHT ZONE)
"Wow!" Said Ryan. "Really?"
(NO)
Silence.
(I WILL PRESENT YOUR MORTAL FRIENDS BACK TO THEIR OWN DIMENSION...) The voice said. (BUT I NEED A PRICE FOR THEIR SAFE RETURN)
"What?" Said Ryan. "A boom box?"
(VERY FUNNY, LITTLE MAN)
"What do you want?"
(ONE OF YOUR BODIES)
Miranda looked at all of them. "Everyone but Jake come here!"
"Damn!" Said Jake. "They're all too intimidated by my fluffy hair! But I being the sexiest man alive can wait."
The group of kids huddled around each other.
"Considering all of us have been through hardships together for the whole first season, and Craig is just an underdeveloped character who is just a sex symbol, I suggest we sacrifice him to the voice." Said Miranda in a whisper.
"I agree." Said Lauren. "And if we unleash a demon to this world, at least we won't have Craig around."
Jake looked around. "So, Mr. Scary Voice. What do you do for fun?"
(WELL...) The voice thought. (I LIKE CHILLING WITH MY FRIENDS. THEY'RE COOL)
"How was your first kiss?"
(I DUNNO. GREAT, I GUESS. I WAS REALLY SHY.)
"Do you want to stroke my hair?"
Jake felt a ghostly hand caress his head.
(IT TICKLES)
My Real Life: Because Ghostly Forms from Beyond the Grave are People Too!
Several kids at home were watching this. It was too good to go!
"Ungggh!" Screamed a girl. "My bladder...I AM IN PAIN!"
"Agghhhhhh!" Said a boy on the floor clutching his groin. "But this show...is...NIFTY! I must hold it!"
BLAM!
Their bladders exploded killing them all.
(TIME IS UP, MORTALS OF THIS SCHOOL. DO YOU HAVE A BODY?)
"Yes." Said Lauren. "Jake," She said handing a piece of paper to the boy. "Read this out loud."
"Sure thing!" Jake giggled. "'Oh Dark Boon of Degrassi, take my body and be merry!' Heh, that's pretty cool." Then the thought registered. "Hey wait, no! Please spare my body! Take Lauren! Take Ryan! NOT ME!"
The door opened. The voice was gone.
"We're free!" Everyone shouted. "Lets go find the rest of the missing kids!"
"Uh uh!" Said Ryan. "I'll stay here."
Everyone left; convinced the voice was a prank.
"So, uh, the episode voted by you as the number one episode is...uh...."
**Ms. Kwan went in front of the class. 'Foreign Cannibals Anonymous' was written on the chalkboard.
"Good morning class." She said. "Today you will be able to say 'I will not eat humans'" in fluent English. You may begin your test."
The door opened. An assassin came in with Craig's mutilated body.
"You wanted to have him killed and use his body as a trophy?" He asked.
"No!" She said aghast. Several cannibals looked at the body with growing hunger.
"But your name is Ms. Kwan, yes?"
"I will not pay for that stinking piece of meat!"
"I will pay it, Ms. Kwan." A cannibal said. "I have hunger."
"No!" Ms. Kwan said. "Its 'I am hungry'!"
"I am hungry too." Said a man with long hair and filed teeth. He twisted off Craig's left arm.
"I eat his liver." Said a Chinese man.
"No, its 'I ate his liver'!" The teacher shrieked. "And you're not supposed to eat living humans!"
"He is die, Mrs. Kwan." Said an African man. "He no live any more."**
"That's the show!" Said Ryan. "Its, uh, too bad the cast couldn't celebrate it with me."
The cast slowly sneaked up behind him and surprised him with a yell.
"Hey!" Ryan said. "How'd you get in here? There are no other entrances? And what of the ghosts?"
"It's just a joke!" Said Lauren ruffling his hair.
"But it doesn't make any goddamn sense!"
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Confetti flew from the ceiling.
"Let's party!" Slurred Melissa holding a beer bottle.
"WHOO-HOO!"
"Happy New Year from Degrassi!" They shouted in unison.
(I HAVE COME FOR WHAT IS MINE) Said a disembodied voice. (IT IS TIME TO PAY THE PRICE)
"NO!" Jake Epstein screamed as his back ripped open and that all his organs and entrails ripped out of him as some invisible force burrowed into his body. "GET OUT MY HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!"
Light clothed him as he spun around rapidly.
Then it stopped.
Jake stepped up. His eyes began to glow a bright crimson red. "I AM REBORN INTO THIS NEW BODY." He shouted. "MY QUEST IS COMPLETE!"
"Its not so bad." Said Miriam. "He does look like kinda cute now, in a demonic way."
"Yeah," Said Lauren. "His red flaming eyes are sooooooo hot!"
"A-a-are you going to bring chaos into this world?" Stuttered Ryan.
"NO MORE THAN MY PREVIOUS HOST DID." Jake/Boon drank a bottle of cheap alcohol in a single gulp.
"Then let's party!"
Using his psychic powers, Jake/Boon brought in several boom boxes.
Melissa and Jake/Boon were both drunk out of their minds and were passed out on the floor.
Ryan danced with Lauren, while Miranda danced with Jake (Goldsbie). Aubrey and Cassie just moped because Lord Walrus forgot to include them in his story. They got into the spirit when they found out Ryan brought his special stash of drugs.
An old man sat in the nursing home. On his tray was some milk. He clutched his privates. Sweat rolled down his face as his eyes darted toward the bathroom. His teeth were clenched. He was watching Degrassi, and it was too good to go!
"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" The TV blared. The old man let out a scream as warmth spread over his pants.
While the students partied, the fans' bladders exploded, and the clock ticked 12 it was sure that 2003 would be a blast.