It was late. Fiona looked to see if Holly J was on Skype. Of course not. Why would she be awake at this hour? Fiona couldn't sleep. She knew part of it was her anxiety, because she couldn't relax enough to.

It was the first night she had slept alone since her house had been broken into.

She checked the locks on the windows one more time, knowing full well they were locked and that a lock wouldn't actually stop a particularly determined thief. Feeling small, she decided to rewatch The Notebook once more and hope to fall asleep. Ever since that night, it always reminded her of Holly J.

What if someone broke in and she didn't hear it because of the movie? But maybe they would hear it, realize someone was there, and leave. That thought made her feel a bit better, so she tried to convince herself that would be the case.

Her thoughts drifted back to that sleepover from last year.

"Sav is great, but when I found out I was sick, it was so hard not to call Declan."

Even though she had called Imogen, on that night, her first thought had been to call Holly J. But Holly J was in another country at Yale, so there was no way for her to come be with her. Still, even now when she was still feeling scared, she wanted to talk to Holly J. She missed having her here.

She hugged the throw pillow, still remembering that sleepover. She refused to go back to that time, so afraid of being abandoned, but right now she wanted to hear Holly J's voice more than anything else. Being occasionally lonely didn't mean being the way she was back then, she told herself.

She wondered if it would wake her up if she called. Probably. She told herself she wouldn't do that. She wouldn't bother Holly J in the middle of the night, because no matter how lonely she felt, she was stronger than that now. She could go to sleep now and call Holly J in the morning.

Fiona slept fitfully that night. Feeling scared, she'd slept with lights and the TV on. So that morning, she still felt tired. Still, having made it through the night with no break-ins, which she supposed really was only natural, she did feel a little bit safer. She would be okay, she told herself. She could do this, staying at home even after the robbery.

She changed and got ready for school, part of her almost wishing she could simply stay home. She felt bad, seeing Imogen. She loved her, she really did… but she couldn't get the thought out of her mind that she would never love anyone the way she loved Holly J. Still loved her. She had tried so many times to forget about her, but there was always some part of her still hopelessly in love.

She couldn't call Holly J. She hadn't talked to her in a few weeks, because she knew that if she did, it would only remind her of the distance between them. Make her miss her more.

It was Saturday morning when Fiona's phone went off. She assumed it was Imogen as usual and didn't bother looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Fiona?"

She recognized that voice instantly. "Holly J?"

"Yeah. Sorry it's kind of early. It's just that I haven't heard from you in a while."

Fiona sat down on the edge of her bed. "Sorry. Things have been… busy."

Even over the phone, Holly J knew her too well. "What's wrong?" She knew Fiona wasn't just busy.

"It's… complicated," she answered, avoiding the subject a bit.

"I've got time."

Holly J sounded honestly concerned, and part of her still did really want to talk to her about it. "My house was broken into." She shuddered at the memory. "He was still there when I got there. I didn't even see him. He threatened me with a gun to look away, and then he left."

"Oh, my god. Are you okay?"

"He didn't hurt me."

"I'm glad, but that doesn't answer my question."

Fiona sighed. "I'm fine. Just shaken up, is all."

Holly J nodded, although of course she knew Fiona couldn't see her over the phone. "Guns are really scary. Did they catch the intruder?"

"Not yet, and they don't really have any leads either. Most likely he won't come back – he already stole my laptop, and whatever else he could carry – at least, that's what the police said, but… it's still not a comforting thought."

"Just because it happened once doesn't mean it'll happen again. You'll be okay, Fi."

"Thanks," she said, smiling as she tried to believe those words.

Neither said anything until Holly J asked, "Did I ever tell you about the time Spinner and I were held hostage at The Dot by a gunman?"

"What?" she answered in surprise. "No!"

"Yeah. Spinner was shot. I was terrified he would shoot me, too. So I know how scary that feels."

"What did you do?"

"I managed to let someone know more or less what was going on. He called the police, and I was able to convince the gunman to go outside. I honestly don't even know how I pulled it off. But he was put in jail, and… well, after that we became really careful about locking the door as soon as we close. It's not much, but it's the most we were able to do."

"Did you still feel scared? To be at The Dot, I mean."

"A little," she admitted. "It was unsettling, to think that things like that can really happen. It seems like the sort of thing that only happens on TV and stuff. Not like something that could happen to me, but it did."

"Did you ever feel… safe there again?" She hesitated to ask, feeling perhaps overly dramatic, but for the time being she didn't feel entirely sure she could.

"Yeah. It took a while, but I eventually realized that it was a once in a lifetime sort of thing, if that, so it probably would never happen again."

"Yeah, I guess."

"You'll be okay. Promise."

"Yeah. Thanks, Holly J." There was so much to say, but she couldn't say any of it. There was no way she could tell Holly J that she still loved her. It was awkward enough when she found out last year. Now, hearing she was still not over her… it could only be even more awkward than that had been. She didn't want to ruin their friendship as she almost had before.

"No problem. I'm always here; you know that."

"Yeah. So how are things at Yale?"

She listened to Holly J talk and vowed to keep those feelings to herself and continue to push them away until they disappeared. Because that's worked so well so far… Still, she couldn't tell Holly J, and she wouldn't do that to Imogen.

It's not fair to be with her and in love with someone else either, though… She had thought a relationship would help her get over Holly J. Since it didn't, she could never let Imogen find out the truth.