The Warden Duncan and I leave the camp, heading southwest. I hang my head in sorrow, wishing I could go back to that morning and tell Tamlen we weren't going hunting or refuse to listen to the shems words of a ruin. Stupid, stupid Dain you should have known… my internal war is interrupted when my companion speaks.
"It will take us about twelve days to reach Ostagar." The shem says looking in my direction. I guess he is expecting an answer because as I walk on, without answering, I hear him sigh and follow.
The first day of travel passes in silence. My thoughts are on Tamlen and Merrill, my family. We are all alone in the world now. I worry about Merrill, especially; she has always been delicate but Tamlen I feel I have abandoned. How could I not have searched more? I should slip away from the shem and search for you. Why was it not me?! The tears will not come any more and I find myself questioning everything. Why would the Creators save me? If I leave now will Merrill even know that I died? I sigh audibly, if becoming one of the shems… Duncan's Wardens maybe they can help me find you, Tamlen, or even your b-body, even my thoughts stumble on the word and I look at the sky, I will gladly endure all the pain that may come with it. I will never stop looking for you.
On the third night, is it the third night? My days are running together and in grief I find it hard to care enough to keep track. Regardless of the day we decide to camp in a clearing on the edge of a cliff, the forest surrounds us and it is almost peaceful. I look at my companion as if coming out of a daze. The shem... Warden, I correct myself, is fairly nice. I did promise Merrill to try to be nice to him. He doesn't press me and seems grateful for the game I bring in for meals. I sigh internally and walk over to the fire he had started with the wood I had gathered and sit down across from him.
"Serannas," I say in a soft voice. I clear my throat as he looks at me in surprise, "Thank you for helping me. It doesn't make us friends but I do know you could have lied to the Keeper about knowing a cure."
"Why are you so angry with me then?" He asks in a deep voice and his forehead wrinkles in confusion.
I sigh, "You are not Dalish and all my experience with you shems, sorry," I correct myself in exhaustion trying to keep from slipping in elvish he wouldn't understand, "with you humans has never been good. I wish not to be hostile with you as I made a promise to Merrill to try."
Understanding crosses his face, "Your father..." he begins looking at the fire. I stiffen and close off instantly.
"Is not your concern," I reply coolly interrupting his assessment. "I will try but I can not be your friend now." I stand up and walk into the forest wanting nothing more than to disappear. The next few days pass without much incident and Duncan and I slowly develop a routine of small talk.
As we walk through the trees on our sixth day, I see a wild Halla. I bow my head to the beast and it stares back at me. I whisper, "Ghilan'nain guides us on our journey."
I am so focused on the Halla disappearing into the forest I didn't hear Duncan approach, "Who is Ghilan'nain?" I turn around and look at the Warden.
"A Creator," I say shortly and continue walking.
"And what might that be?" he asks curiously, following closely.
I roll my eyes, "Don't you have any other Dalish in your wardens?"
"They are not my wardens, but yes we do. I just never got close to any. I am, however, curious about it all," It is surprising and a little annoying to me how easily he keeps up with me. Most humans bumbled through the woods making all kinds of noise, but not this one.
Turning, I glare and study the Warden, "The Creators are our Gods and Goddess'. Ghilan'nain is the Goddess of navigation and mother of Halla." I say motioning toward where the Halla had disappeared.
He tilts his head in contemplation and then asks me, "What are your other Gods and Goddess'?"
I raise an eyebrow at him, "Why do you care?"
"I am merely curious."
I look into his eyes and see nothing conspiratorial; well it's just the Creators… Slowly I explain our pantheon as best as I can and so we spent the day. He would ask a question and I would answer him, against my better judgement, while trying to figure out why he would care.
"So, serannas means thank you but ma serannas means my thanks? Where does the you disappear to?" He asks with a confused smile.
"It just goes," I say with a little laugh. Surprisingly, Duncan's questions had set me at ease and our uneasy standoffish beginning had started to become a more relaxed journey. I still don't trust him but I am slowly learning that this shem isn't so bad. "You're looking at me funny. Our language makes more sense than your language!"
"Well, yours does sound better," Duncan laughs and rubs his hand over his beard as he sits down by the fire. I shake my head; I would never understand the beard. It looks itchy. Tonight we decided to camp near a river and we both had a nice bath, separately of course. I look into the fire feeling terrible for laughing after what happened. I wonder how Merrill is doing and where Tamlen may be, worrying about both of them nearly constantly.
Duncan asked, "Would you like to tell me of Merrill?"
My head snaps upward and I tense, unprepared for the question and narrow my eyes, "Why do you want to know about her."
Duncan shrugs, "She seemed like a nice girl and I thought you might be worrying about her. You were grimacing at the fire. It is fine if you do not wish too." He glances away uneasy.
I ease a bit, what would it hurt? I look back into the fire, "What do you want to know?"
"Anything you want to share," he says as he looks over the fire at me. I think for a moment and smile slightly.
"I met Merrill when I was 16. She was the third mage in her clan and had to be transferred to another clan or be sent away." I see his look of confusion and explain, "Each Dalish clan usually only has one Keeper and one First at a time to protect the clan from the dangers of abominations. It's not unusual though for a Keeper to take a second if they want." He nods his understanding and I continue. "We met at Arlthven, a big meeting of all the clans we have every ten years, when our Keeper took her in. We had none born with magic and she needed a first. I still remember seeing her for the first time, she was terrified and her green eyes were wide. We didn't really become a family until we made our way back to our home." I pause and laugh, smiling truly for the first time in days, "Tamlen and I were out fishing when a rustling in the bushes caught our attention. It turned out to be a deer with a torn vine wrapped around its back leg and it started squealing as soon as it saw us. Merrill must have been walking nearby and heard the commotion because there we were bent over a bush a small dagger in my hand, a squealing animal, and some blood on our hands. She immediately started in on us about how cruel we were. I bent over and sliced the vine off the deer's leg and when she saw it run away she realized what happened she blushed and ran away! Tamlen and I laughed about it and when we got back to camp we had lunch with her and we all became inseparable. Well, most of the time anyway…" I trail off thinking of Tamlen again.
"She sounds lovely, were you two together?" he asks pulling me from my thoughts.
"No. She deserves far more than anything I could ever give her." I say shortly. "What about you? What is your past Duncan?"
He sighs and throws another log into the fire, "It is not a glamorous tale I'm afraid. I got caught stealing something and was sentenced to death, a Warden conscripted me right before they killed me and now here we are."
I can sense that he isn't sharing everything. A thief wouldn't be killed outright even in a shem city, would they? I decide not to press him, yet.
"We should arrive at Ostagar tomorrow." He says as he reaches for the rabbit I caught earlier that now roasts over the fire.
"Tell me about Ostagar. Is it a warden base?" I ask truly curious about this Ostagar.
"Once it belonged to Tevinter. When Tevinter tried to conquer they made it far but ultimately were pushed back. Ostagar was built to watch the southern border and now it serves as a visual marker of just how far south they made it and it sits in a naturally defensible positon so the Kings army uses it to defend against the darkspawn horde that is approaching." Duncan is looking into the fire, not really seeing it any longer as a worried expression settles on his face.
"Darkspawn horde?" I ask, tilting my head in confusion.
"I'm afraid we may have a Blight on our hands. The signs are becoming clearer," he says more to himself than to me. He is lost in his thoughts for a moment but finally shakes his head and realizes who he is speaking with. More confused than ever I decide to ask him about what the hell he means but before I can Duncan looks over the fire at me, "But that is best saved for after you join our ranks."
"Why would you want a Dalish human hater among your ranks?" I ask the question that had been bothering me since we left my clan, momentarily distracted from the Blight.
Duncan looks surprised but quickly composes himself, "I saw the spiders and the Bereskarns' body. Only someone skilled with a weapon could do such damage. Not only will you be a valuable asset but I also like your spirit."
I look down in pain, "I did not do it alone, Duncan. I had Tamlen…" My voice breaks on his name.
Duncan answers in a softer tone, "I know no one can replace him but when you join us you are also joining a family. I hope you are willing to accept them." with that the Warden rises and walks to his tent ending any further questions I want to ask.