"I saw my whole life as if I'd already lived it, an endless parade of parties and cotillions, yachts and polo matches. Always the same narrow people, the same mindless chatter. I felt like I was standing at a great precipice, with no one to pull me back, no one who cared… or even noticed."
"I'm not feeling well, Mother," I said weakly. Indeed, I was not.
Mother frowned slightly suspiciously, but on noticing how pale I was, she let it pass. "Do you need someone to escort you back to the suite?" She asked, looking pointedly at Cal.
"No," I said, shuddering inwardly at the thought. "No, I can manage on my own."
Mother thought this over for a small moment before nodding.
I excused myself from the table, collecting my thoughts as I exited the room. I hated all of this. Every dinner we went to, every tea, every lunch, every breakfast, every event killed me a little more. I couldn't take it anymore! I could not deal with this for the rest of my life, being stuck on the arm of the man I secretly despised- Cal.
As I envisioned that, watching myself growing old and dying with him, the unshed tears of the past few weeks finally spilled over. I continued walking as I sobbed, ignoring the somewhat concerned faces of fellow first class members. My pace quickened as my thoughts grew more and more desperate, until my walk became a sprinting run and I shoved people out of the way.
I ripped the clips from my hair. Now free, it whipped around my head, as unhappy as I was. The men and women that I pushed past looked scandalized, but I was far from caring… My decision was made. I would end it all tonight.
I continued running until I reached the stern. I felt what little blood was left in my face leave quickly at that point as I watched the waves behind the ship jump about. I couldn't back out now, though, and succumb to that life.
I put my hands on the railing, slowly stepping up then transferring my hands to a rope that was attached to a large pole next to me. I went on climbing, swinging my leg over and untangling a part of my dress from my foot. I continued down now, taking one last long glance at the ship behind me before turning around and looking down at the churning waters. I felt a slight fear in my chest, but it was nothing compared to the fear of going back. I took a moment to extend my arms, mentally preparing myself to cut my life short. My breathing turned to hyperventilating, but I was now ready.
"Don't do it!" The voice from behind startled me into turning around. I hadn't seen anyone else on this part of the ship.
"Stay back," I warned, my voice revealing my true fear more than I would have liked. "Don't come any closer!"
Against my wishes, the poorly dressed man began approaching me, extending his hand. "Just give me your hand; I'll pull you back over."
"No!" I protested. "Stay where you are! I mean it- I'll let go!" As I said the last part, I turned back away from him, proving my unwillingness to be swayed otherwise. I glanced back at him to make sure that he was following my instructions.
He was- for the moment. He took his cigarette from his mouth and mimed that he wanted to throw it over board to get rid of it then stepped forward to do so. After the little white stick soared into the water, the man took another few steps forward. "No, you won't," he insisted.
That made my blood boil. Who was he to tell me that? How did he know the troubles of my life, the terrible bonds and expectations the society I was in put on me? "What do you mean, no, I won't?" I snapped furiously. "Don't presume to tell me what I will and will not do, you don't know me!"
"Well, you would've done it already!" He said in a tone that implied he was pointing out the obvious.
I bristled. Maybe he would've, but some of us preferred to take a little bit more time and not rush into things! "You're distracting me. Go away!" I commanded in as forceful a tone as I could manage.
"I can't," he said. "I'm involved now. You let go, and I… I'm gonna have to jump in there after you."
I frowned. As much as this man was angering me, I could not have him dead on my account. "Don't be absurd! You'll be killed!"
He shrugged and bent down to untie his shoe. "I'm a good swimmer."
"The fall alone would kill you," I protested. Surely it would!
"It would hurt, I'm not saying it wouldn't. To tell you the truth, I'm a lot more concerned about that water being so cold." He continued one with removing what would slow him down in water. He pulled his other shoe off now.
That made me think a little bit. I'd hoped that the distance between where I was and the water would make enough impact on my body to kill me, but he'd said that that was wrong. I hadn't counted on the cold. I'd wanted my death to be quick, not slow and probably painful. "How cold?" I asked him hesitantly.
"Freezing," He said, shrugging again. "maybe a couple of degrees over. You ever… uh, you ever been to Wisconsin?"
That threw me off guard. "What?" I asked him incredulously. Now was hardly a time for small talk.
"Well, they have some of the coldest winters around. I grew up there, near Chippewa Falls. I remember when I was a kid. Me and my father… We went ice fishing out on Lake Wissota. Ice fishing is, you know, where you-"
I cut him off. "I know what ice fishing is!" I snarled. How stupid did he think I was?
He put up his hands in defeat. "Sorry," he said carefully. "You just seemed like, you know, kind of an indoor girl." He took a deep breath. "Anyway, I, uh, I fell through some thin ice, and I'm telling you- water that cold, like right down there, it hits you like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body. You can't breathe, you can't think… At least not about anything but the pain!" He paused for a moment to let me take that in. "Which is why I'm not looking forward to jumping in there after you! Like I said, I don't have a choice." He quickly removed his jacket. "I guess I'm kinda hoping you'll come back over the railing there and get me off the hook here."
"You're crazy," I told him, but my resolve was weakened. I knew that now that I had been stopped, I couldn't go through with my plan.
"That's what everybody says, but with all due respect, Miss, I'm not the one hanging off the back of a ship here." He extended his hand to me. "Come on! Come on, give me your hand. You don't want to do this!"
He was right. There had to be some other way to break free from the restrictions of my life. I put a trembling hand in his, slowly turning to face him.
"Whew," He said, a grin stretching across his features now that he was certain that I wouldn't kill myself. "I'm Jack Dawson."
"Rose DeWitt Bukater," I said softly, a little bit shaken now that I realized how close I'd actually been to death.
He laughed. "I'm gonna have to get you to write that one down," he said, steadying me. I laughed a little bit, too. "Come on," he said.
I put a foot on the rail and put my weight on it. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. I hadn't expected there to be any material on my foot, but there was. With the lack of traction between my foot and the rail combined with my weight, my foot slipped down faster than I could comprehend and before I realized it, I was hurtling toward the dark ocean, taking Jack Dawson with me.
A/N-
Cough cough... Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What business does she have writing new stories when she hasn't even finished her others yet?
My answer is this- this isn't actually a new story. I started this a while ago and have been debating ever since whether or not to post it. I recently decided. My decision... What the heck? Why not?
And there you have it.
By the way- you know I will love you forever if you review!!!