Title: The Bachelor Party 2: Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better
Author: WickedGame
Archive: ffnet, mediaminerorg, anyone else just ask.
Category: Humor, one-shot sequel
Rating: PG-13 for language and humor
Warnings: Foul language, drunken G-boys, sexual suggestions, lewd clothing, crossdressing, silliness all around.
Spoilers: If you have not read "The Bachelor Party" you will be lost, possibly.
Notes: A lot of people begged for a sequel. I had no inspiration until today. My sister (pen name Ammendiana to pimp her a bit) started throwing out suggestions and boiled it down to, 'Heero would not let Duo get away with it. He would one-up him'. So she is to blame for this. I do not own Peggy Lee's cover of "Fever". I really don't. Beta-ed by FantasyOrReality.
"Where is he?" Duo whined as he stared into the glass that was holding his fourth martini. They had chosen to hold his portion of their bachelor party at a ratty old blues club that still served very good drinks. As he chewed on the olive from his drink, he thought blurrily that the drinks were really too good. Quatre was nursing his fourth screwdriver that was more screw than driver and Trowa chuckled as Quatre stared fixatedly on a knot in their wooden table.
"Barkeep! More beer!" Wufei snapped his fingers imperiously, and Duo nearly spit out the olive he was chewing from laughing so hard.
"Seriously? Don't call me barkeep. The name is Joe. J-O-E. Joe. You call me barkeep again and I will cut off your alcohol, no matter how much you are paying me," Joe nearly slammed down the pitcher of beer in front of Wufei.
"Injustice, damn you!" Wufei yelled with a middle finger in the air.
"Wufei Chang! Don't waste a good finger by waving it in the air!" Quatre yelped.
"You do not even walk around saying injustice either," Trowa slurred, "That's only something your better half teases you about."
"Yeah, well, your better half is just a tease!" Wufei stuck out his tongue and swayed in his seat.
"I never tease! I aim to please!" Quatre shouted as he crawled into Trowa's lap and kissed him senseless.
"Get a room!" Duo yelled over the jukebox.
"Fucker. Wait a minute. Who's the better half, Duo or Heero?" Trowa asked his beloved blonde boy.
"I dunno. Hey Duo! Are you a bottom boy?" Quatre asked as Trowa nibbled on his ear.
"T-M-I!" Wufei roared as he covered his ears.
"If you must know, Kitty, we switch," Duo said smugly.
"Bottom boy," Trowa said surely and Quatre nodded in agreement.
"Don't call me Kitty damn it!" Quatre growled. It was the one nickname Duo had for him that he could not stand.
"Well then, I say the better half is definitely Heero," Trowa gulped down another glass of beer and wiped the foam away with the back of his hand like some Neanderthal.
"No way! Duo is! The bottom boy is always the better half. We have to take it up the ass after all. All you do is push and withdraw, push and withdraw. We do all the work!" this statement from Quatre ignited an argument between the two lovers that Duo knew would last for quite some time. Or at least, he thought it would. In the middle of the fifteenth volley of Duo versus Heero, a spotlight hit the small stage near their table, and the small curtain that had been covering it was drawn back.
"Heero?" all the pilots were incredulous as they all spoke the same word in unison.
It looked like Heero, but it was Heero in a dress! It was strapless, and looked like it was made of satin, maybe? Duo wasn't sure. But the color! The color was exactly the same color as Heero's eyes. The fabric clung to his upper body, and the skirt swirled gently around his ankles.
"You're fucking wearing a fucking dress Yuy!" Wufei shouted.
"I bet fucking is what he intends to get out of it!" Quatre laughed.
Duo just stared. Heero was even wearing heels that looked like they were dyed to match. He was about to get out of his seat when Heero's two gloved hands motioned for him to stay seated. He was about to open his mouth when the music started. A heavy bass line was the opening, sultry and soft. Heero picked up a microphone and started to sing.
"Never know how much I love you. Never know how much I care. When you put your arms around me, I get a fever that's so hard to bear. You give me fever when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight. Fever in the morning, fever all through the night," Heero swayed as he sang in his rough and baritone-ish voice. He was no singer, but Duo was still riveted.
"Everybody's got the fever. That is something you all know. Fever isn't such a new scene, fever started long ago," Heero stepped off the stage with the assistance of Joe the barkeep, still holding the wireless microphone. Heero walked around the room as he sang, stopping at each table with teasing looks.
"Romeo loved Juliet. Juliet she felt the same. When he put his arms around her, he said 'Julie baby you're my flame. You give me fever. When you kiss me, fever with thy flaming lips. Fever, I'm on fire. Fever, yea I burn forsooth," Heero made his way to the bar, where he was lifted effortlessly onto the bar itself. Duo was momentarily envious. Heero had totally managed to one-up him. This meant war once they were married. Did Heero actually think he was going to get away with this?
"Captain Smith and Pocahontas had a very mad affair. When her daddy tried to kill him, she said 'Daddy oh don't you dare. He gives me fever with his kisses, fever when he holds me tight. Fever, I'm his missus. Daddy won't you treat him right," Duo envied the bar that Heero was currently laid out on. Damn him all to hell!
"Now you've listened to my story, here's the point that I have made: dicks were born to give you fever, whether Fahrenheit or Centigrade. They give you fever when you kiss them, fever if you live and learn. Fever until you sizzle. What a lovely way to burn. What a lovely way to burn. What a lovely way to burn," By the time the last notes died away, Heero had been let down from the bar and was draped across the table in front of Duo. Joe quickly took the microphone from Heero and left the group alone once more, even though the other patrons in the bar were whooping and howling in appreciation.
"Fuck you Yuy!" Duo was smiling as he cursed at his fiancée, and Heero just looked very satisfied.
"Maybe Heero's the bottom boy after all," Trowa mused.
"I told you, we fucking switch!" Duo yelled.
"Don't lie Duo, you know you are always my hot little submissive," Heero smirked.
"Now damn it, I'm not the one lying here in an evening gown!" Duo growled.
"I look damned good in it too!" Heero laughed as he took himself down off the table and finished the glass of beer in Quatre's hand.
"Hey!" Quatre started to pout.
"Poor Kitty got his drink taken away!" Duo laughed. Quatre got up and made to swat Duo upside the head. This started a friendly wrestling match that thoroughly distracted the pair.
"Why the dress, Yuy?" Wufei asked curiously as he took a pair of tequila shots.
"I may be wearing a dress, but it is only serving to make one single point for me: anything the baka can do, I can do better," with that Heero winked and signaled the barkeep for his first drink of the night.
-The End-
End note: T.M.I. is shorthand for "Too much information" if you do not know.