A/N: Just a short one shot about Syed's thoughts at the end of the Christmas Eve epi.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, just playing around and causing characters pain and angst as usual.
My heart is broken
I stand and watch as he gets into the taxi and it drives away. I can feel the tears well up in my eyes but I don't wipe them away. The look he gave me when he saw Amira emerge from the shadows made my heart shatter into a thousand pieces. It made me want to run across the divide separating us, made me want to take him in my arms and never let him go. But I didn't move. I just stood there; rooted to the spot like a mannequin with tears in my eyes.
I hated myself. I had broken his heart and that in turn made me ache so deeply that it made me want to scream. Not for the first time, I began to question the decisions I had made. I stood there and wondered what would have happened if I had the courage to stand up and admit to everyone that I loved him. I wondered what it would be like to wake up next to him every single day and not have to sneak back home in the morning and go back to this charade I hide my true self behind.
I think back to all the times we spent together; how happy he had made me feel when we were all alone in his flat, holding each other. In my mind I could dream that we had a future together and that we could live in perfect happiness. But it was just a dream, I knew it and he knew it too even if he wouldn't admit it. It would never have worked between us; there was too much that would break us apart and not enough to keep us together.
So I just stood there and watched his taxi drive away and turn the corner, disappearing as the tears gathered in my eyes. The silent goodbye he had given to me with his final glance replaying eternally in my mind.
"You coming, babe?" Amira's voice brought me out of my thoughts and back to the real world. I rubbed my face with my hand.
"Yeah," I say quietly and follow her away but it doesn't change anything. Not really.
It won't change the fact that my heart is broken.