Indigo Girls
there's a letter on the desktop
that i dug out of a drawer
the last truce we ever came to
in our adolescent war
and i start to feel the fever
from the warm air through the screen
you come regular like seasons
shadowing my dreams
[His eyes are dark, focusing on something far away, hands folded comfortably in his lap. The man is young, beautiful, almost out of his teenage years. Through the window, the gentle summer air of evening blows the fragrance of a sakura blossom, the flower of death. He presses a hand to his forehead, daydreams sneaking up on him as they did every day now.]
and the mississippi's mighty
but it starts in minnesota
at a place that you could walk across
with five steps down
and i guess that's how you started
like a pinprick to my heart
but at this point you rush right through me
and i start to drown
[He vaguely hears the sounds of laughter floating across the breeze, and a flash of violet catches his inner eye. He remembers the first time they had met, just a young girl bowing before a mighty emperor, grass bending before the west wind. Time passing, duties vanishing like nothing, for sparkling eyes would always be there for him to make him smile. The sounds of a boat, bumping lightly against a dock, the sea air caressing his hair, haunts his eyes now, and he shuts them tightly.]
and there's not enough room
in this world for my pain
signals cross and love gets lost
and time passed makes it plain
of all my demon spirits
i need you the most
i'm in love with your ghost
i'm in love with your ghost
[He stands, moving to the window now, the scent of sakura blossoms swirling around him. He wanted to cry, but knew he had to be strong. No matter how he had wanted to try, this love had been swallowed by death. Spirits could not dwell among the living.]
dark and dangerous like a secret
that gets whispered in a hush
(don't tell a soul)
when i wake the things i dreamt about you
last night make me blush
(don't tell a soul)
and you kiss me like a lover
then you sting me like a viper
i go follow to the river
play your memory like a piper
[If anyone had known what the emperor had felt for another man, he would have been ridiculed. Once, this sort of thing had flourished in his kingdom, but now things were different. But even so, his thoughts and even his dreams – his face reddens slightly as he gazed out the window – seemed to be against him. The taste of the other boy's lips, the feel of his body, the sting of the stigma and disgust by members of the court… he wanted the wind to take it all from him.]
and i feel it like a sickness
how this love is killing me
i'd walk into the fingers
of your fire willingly
and dance the edge of sanity
i've never been this close
i'm in love with your ghost
[Slowly, he turns back to his chair, but does not sit. Instead his fingers grip the back of the chair. The fire of Suzaku could not even purge his heart from this love. He felt like it was eating him away slowly, a seed whose roots fed on his very soul.]
unknowing captor
you never know how much you
pierce my spirit
but i can't touch you
can you hear it
a cry to be free
oh i'm forever under lock and key
as you pass through me
[His knuckles whiten as he grips the back of the chair tightly. How he wanted to just forget all this. He felt trapped, shut away, as if there was a tangible line between himself and what he knew he needed to do. The country would falter if he did not break free from this. The wind sends a sudden cold rush into the room, and he shivers, knowing how helpless he was, unable to touch the object of his desire by his own foolishness and sense of duty.]
now i see your face before me
i would launch a thousand ships
to bring your heart back to my island
as the sand beneath me slips
as i burn up in your presence
and i know now how it feels
to be weakened like achilles
with you always at my heels
[Purple hair framing a feminine face – small chin, large eyes, gentle smile – suddenly floats into view in front of him, and as if he is struck, he slowly crumples to his knees. He had to be strong all the time, and this young man had finally been the one to allow him to be weak. And he, therefore, had become his weakness. His face was red and hot, and the tears that suddenly coursed down his cheeks were even hotter.]
this bitter pill i swallow
is the silence that i keep
it poisons me i can't swim free
the river is too deep
though i'm baptized by your touch
i am no worse than most
in love with your ghost
[He would never tell anyone his feelings, he was sure. The only one he could have confessed to was unattainable, like reaching out for the breeze or trying to freeze fire in one position. His helplessness was overwhelming and his tears took him. The wind seemed to gently brush the hair from his face, almost as if a hand would. He jerks his head up, but he is alone in the room.]
you are shadowing my dreams
(in love with your ghost)
(in love with your ghost)
(in love with your ghost)
[He did love him, he was sure, and needed him, as fire needed the air.
But the only way he could ever have him would be in the darkness of dreams.
It left him empty to know that, but he knew what he felt was true. He was
in love with shadow left behind.]
words and music emily saliers
copyright 1994 bmi virgin music inc and godhap music (bmi)