RIGHT OF WAY
By BurlyShirly
Devon exhaled violently as she blew out a loud, burly fart. She sighed gratefully and let the scent of her diabolical gas infiltrate her nostrils. She lived for these moments.
You see, Devon was a pervert; a fart fetishist. Nothing turned her on more than the sound and smell of a leaky butthole. Her favorite thing to do was to push her face right up against her girlfriends' assholes, sandwiched between their cheeks, and just suck at their puckered shitholes until the deep suction from her lips pushed a fart from their sphincters.
This was always extremely awkward for her friends, who were normal. They were turned on by the stuff that usually turns people on. You know, erect dicks, gaping vaginas, nipple rings, amputated limbs, bloody manpons; the usual stuff. The only reason they let Devon sample their precious bowel air was because she was a total and complete bitch who ruled over them with her supersonic hearing and mind-reading capabilities.
You see, besides being a perverted fart fetishist, Devon also had a lot of ammo in her gun, as well as a lot of money to buy more ammo for her gun after she had run out of the ammo currently in her gun. So with a gun properly aimed and a trigger properly squeezed Devon could bend people to her will easily.
Unfortunately for Devon, her friends were all vacationing in Saudi Arabia today, so all she could do was sit on the toilet and pray that she had enough gas within herself to satiate her hunger until they returned.
As Devon mourned the loss of her bitches she felt another pocket of wind forming deep inside her anal passage. Her heartbeat quickened with anticipation, so much so that she almost lost control of her muscles and very nearly pushed the fart out too quickly. Thankfully, she remembered to savor it before it was too late.
She rolled the gas bubble around inside herself, pushing it out towards her opening before pulling it back in again. In this way she could make her fart feel like a dildo, massaging the walls of her stanky azz. She fucked herself with her fart for a couple minutes before she reached orgasm multiple times.
If Devon hadn't trained herself so well, she would have let the gas escape with the tension in her muscles as she orgasmed. It was a very good thing she was so experienced.
After she came down from her incredible anal orgasms she new that it was time for the main event. Devon could tell that this fart was going to be massive, possibly the biggest of her entire career as a ninja assassin. She knew she had to catch this one on tape so she could upload it onto for the enjoyment of others with similar sexual interests.
So, clenching her thick, black asscheeks together as hard as she was able, she rose slowly from the toilet and bounded for her closet. She opened the door and searched frantically for her camera. She knew fo' sho' that it was buried somewhere among all of her dungeon equipment.
Devon had to be fast! Since she was bending over to reach deep into her closet, her ass was more inclined to spread it's gaping, pink maw open wide and release her sacred scent into the air of her bedroom.
Aw, hell naw thought Devon, crazed with the prospect that she would miss her opportunity for worldwide fame on a popular porn site. Der ain't no way dat I'mma miss ma opportunity fo stah-dom jus' cuz I'm bendin' my choc-late azz ova lookin' fo' da cam-ra
Then, out of the corner of her eyes she saw the glimmer of her camera (it was encrusted with pink diamonds, of course. She had stolen it from Bill Murray on the night of his engagement to Jamie-Lynn Spears.)
She moved as gently as possible, so as not to disturb her aching sphincter.
I gotta lern ta keep dis tang in da bafroom she thought in her typical ghetto accent. Day-yum!
She reached for the camera. It was just out of her reach!
She could feel her gas pushing up against the opening of her asshole!
She was aching!
She couldn't hold it in for much longer!
She was so close to losing it all!
The money!
The fame!
The glory!
Excessive exclamation points!!!!
Sentence fragments!!!
And then, miraculously, she felt her hand curling around the jewel encrusted camera. She screamed for joy (quietly, so as not to force her fart out), and leapt back into the bathroom in three graceful lemur-leaps (A/N lolz, can u picture a black gurll lemur-leapin'? ROFL, ROFLMAO, WTF!!!).
Once she had settled her ebony booty back down on its ivory throne she went to work setting up the camera, keeping her puckered hole firmly clenched the entire time.
She figured the best angle would be a view from behind, so she flipped over her trashcan and set her camera on the bottom, spilling her used tampons haphazardly across the floor.
Shit, dat shit's hot, son! She thought, achieving her seventh orgasm of the day spontaneously. I luhve me da tayst of my own blood soaked inner-garments!
She picked one of her tampons up off the bathroom floor and slipped it lovingly into her mouth, suckling it gratefully the way she would LL Cool J's penis. Devon could never turn down the opportunity to sample the blood of her womb.
She turned her camera on, winking suggestively into it, the tampon string dangling from her predictably full lips, before replacing it on the bottom of the trashcan.
IT WAS TIME!!ifoundthecapslock!!
Slowly and gently, the same way she handles her eight-year-old son's pert ass when she changes his diaper, she spread her flabbity cheeks with her glued on fingernails.
"Ya'lls goin' ta' luv dis' shit!" she smirked into the camera.
Then she let go.
She pushed with all her might, and the feeling was magnificent! It was as if that gerbil she had stuck up her ass last January had somehow found a way back out of her cavernous shithole.
Suddenly, with a terrible jolt, she remembered that farts don't feel like gerbils.
And then, she realized with a start that it was a shit she was taking.
Oh well!
Who really gives a shit anyway!!
(A/N lol, Devon did FTW!!!)
THE END
A/N I hope you all liked it! This is based on real-life events as illustrated to me by the best friend Stephen! My muse!!!!
It's my very first fic ever, so don't be too rough with your comments, please. I sent this in to my English teacher so she could revise it, and she said it was fine as is, and I think she's a lot more qualified than any of you.
Anyway, thanks so much for reading! I live for comments, so don't be shy! Try to be constructive!
BTW, Devon is pronounced Dee-von.
333 BurlyShirly