Disclaimer: This is a fan fiction based on the book New Moon and includes a few spoilers from the book Eclipse, both books by Stephenie Meyer. The characters and plot are not my own. This is merely my interpretation of the thoughts and feelings of the Cullen family during the time period where Edward and Bella are apart.
Incomplete
Chapter 1: The Aftermath
1/Edward
I slammed the kitchen door shut behind me and headed towards the front door. My pace was slow, practically human. I had almost reached the front door, when I stopped. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to look into their faces. I wasn't ready to hear Emmett's light joking, see Rosalie's knowingly smug look or Jasper's shame. My head was still reeling from what had just happened. I turned and headed to the staircase and rested against the banister. I don't know how long I had been standing there, but there was a faint creak and I knew that Alice had just emerged from the kitchen. Before the door had shut, the scent of Bella's blood reached me. I closed my eyes tightly and stopped breathing once more, now sickened more than ever that I could still fall under the influence of our primal urge. I was disgusted with myself. I had never hated myself more than I had then. Alice stood behind me, too afraid to speak; she thought her words as she often did when she wished for our conversations to remain private. Edward, please…Her voice started in my head and I raised a hand to silence her. There was nothing she could say. Nothing any of them could say to ease my conscience. How could I ignore what had just happened? It was meant to be a birthday celebration! Like a fool I allowed Alice to indulge herself in her frivolous plans, as she lived vicariously through the human girl that I loved, Bella, my sweet Bella.
It had all been so innocent. They had wanted so badly to celebrate her birthday. Carlisle and Esme truly wanted to make the day special for Bella, already seeing her very much as part of the family. Alice was, of course, utterly exuberant and Jasper was content to go along with whatever she wanted. Emmett had especially dragged Rosalie back early from their holiday so that he could be there to see her… or mock her to be more precise. I knew that Carlisle and Esme loved Bella because she made me happy, but it meant so much more that the feelings displayed by Alice and Emmett were purely based on the fact that they genuinely liked her. Emmett saw her as the little sister he had never had and he found her hilarious, even if it was for all the wrong reasons. As for Rosalie…my brow creased angrily as I knew only too well how much this evening would have pleased her. Did she honestly think that I did not see the look on her face as she helped escort Jasper from the house? I felt my lips curl back over my teeth, a snarl threatening to rip from my throat, but I fought it back. I closed my eyes tightly and breathed heavily through my nose. Rosalie was the least of my problems. The issue at hand was far more pressing, far more urgent and demanded all my attention.
I felt my shirt ripple, as Alice flitted past me, no doubt to the front door to get some fresh air in order to clear her head and probably to see to Jasper. The door took too long to close and I knew that once more, I was not alone. Of course I had heard Esme's thoughts before she considered controlling them in my presence. As she spoke to herself in her mind, her tone was one filled with shame and remorse.
What will she think of me! Leaving the home covering my nose to escape the smell of her blood?!…I hope she did not take offence…Oh the poor sweet child…What an evening! What a disaster! And Edward…My poor boy…My poor sweet boy…
I opened my eyes and stared at her. Absorbed in her thoughts, she hadn't even noticed me standing on the far side of the room. She turned her head and when her eyes met mine, she could only gaze at me in the way that only she could; the way that only she was allowed. I did not remember my own mother. I knew facts that Carlisle had shared with me over the decades, but facts were all that they were. In this new life, my mother figure stood before me. It did not matter that in the beginning we had posed as brother and sister, Esme's love was always above and beyond all that could be achieved by being a sibling. Her love was so extreme and so unconditional, how could she be anything but a parental figure to me? She knew me so well. Seeing the devastation in my eyes, she knew better than to speak. Gliding across the floor to me, she slowly reached up her soft, loving hands and placed them on either side of my face. She held my gaze and in it, I saw all her concern and the unspoken vow that she would support me in every decision that I made. It was too much. It was almost as if she could see what was going on inside my mind, even though I was the only one of our family with that particular gift. I slowly shut my eyes once more and allowed myself this brief moment to accept any form of comforting from another. She gently kissed my closed lids and then left me. She would clean the blood before the others returned. I suddenly felt useless. What was I doing? What could I possibly do? I was in no condition to speak with anyone and here I was, standing and doing nothing. I was incapable of thought, drowned by my depression and a sudden flare of anger.
Deciding that it was unfair and rude of me to expect Esme to partake in all the cleaning responsibilities, I decided to do something, even if it was a pathetically small effort. I flitted to the scene of the crime and disposed of the remnants of glass and the table. It took me less than a minute to dispose of the lot and for the speed I was eternally thankful. I could not stand to see the blood stained glass or any of these reminders of what had just happened. I wondered how I could ever be in this room again without reliving the memory. Too angry to speak to the others and too anxious to leave, I stayed put and paced the length of the room over and over again, as Esme appeared and wordlessly took the task of mopping the floor upon herself.
2/Emmett
I had both of Jasper's arms twisted behind his back in an iron grip. We had left the house for ten minutes and he was still snapping, thrashing and trying to break free. I had to chuckle to myself at his attempts. Even on his best days, he was no match for me. Rosalie shot me a disapproving look and raised her eyes to the heavens.
"What?" I asked, genuinely curious as to why she was pulling faces.
"You're meant to be calming him Emmett! I sincerely doubt that laughing at him will make things any better! Look at him, you are taunting him!"
"Oh Rosalie please! Don't pretend that you care! You are enjoying all of this!"
Now it was my turn to pull a face at her. She didn't like that at all, but there was no denial in the stone setting of her beautiful face. She folded her arms and walked before Jasper and gave him a pitiful glance, before eyeing me with contempt. It was wrong of me to think this, but even now with eyes blazing with anger, she was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
"But you are wrong… I do care…I care that Edward is wasting his time with that foolish human girl and any enjoyment I have obtained from this evening has been gained at a price…his. He had this coming Emmett! It was just a matter of time. He brought this down on her! He brought this down on us! Did he honestly think that something like this wouldn't eventually happen? The boy is blinded by his completely irrational obsession! And see where it has landed him?!…His girlfriend (she spat the word with distaste) almost got eaten and look what she has done to our brother! See what he has been reduced to? Everything that he has fought to escape! He will feel terrible about this for days, weeks, even months! He was completely and utterly selfish to bring her here, to ever get involved with her!"
"He knew the risks he took when he decided not to kill her and brought her here Rosalie, he isn't stupid", I pointed out in my brother's defence.
"No, not stupid! Inconsiderate! Selfish and -"
"And I am sure you have never been any of those things…"
She stopped mid sentence and glared at me. I smirked at her. Ah Rosalie, the love of my life and often, a thorn in the sides of others. She had her redeeming qualities, however these did not include her jealous nature or her pigheadedness.
"Whatever I have been, I have never put our family at risk", she hissed through gritted teeth.
"I am bored of this. This was a minor slip; Bella will not be put off by this mishap. She is made of stronger stuff. We can return when Jasper is himself and continue with the celebration and all will be well"
"Edward will not allow it. If he had any sense, he will learn from this and end it, here, tonight!"
I narrowed my eyes at her. At the same time, I noticed that Jasper's struggles had ceased. He stood still, taking deep, heaving breaths. The frenzy was over. I lessened my grip on his arms to a more comfortable hold. If he tried anything, it would be easy to restrain him once more. I leaned my head to the side to get a better look at his face. His features were twisted with pain and anguish. After a few moments, his jaw seemed to relax and his lips eventually parted ever so slightly. He wished to speak. These would be his first words since the growling and roaring had subsided.
"I…I am fine", he spoke with quiet confidence.
After a brief appraisal, I acceded with his statement and released him. Swinging an arm around his neck in a companionable fashion, I ruffled his long, shaggy blonde hair in an attempt to lighten the mood. I laughed, but even to my ears, the sound carried little humour. Even Rosalie had put her quarrel with me aside and I watched as her expression softened. She unfolded her arms and carefully took a hold of one of Jasper's big hands. The gesture was very uncharacteristic. Rosalie was far from the "touchy-feely" type and being affectionate was not a trait that any of us could associate with her, except for myself. I was her husband and life partner after all! She had to cross the line at some point. However, this was different; even Jasper's curiosity and interest were piqued as the slender hand took hold of his. Her tone was no longer harsh and acidic, but soft and kind. I cocked a suspicious and questioning brow, but she ignored me.
"Jasper… I am so terribly sorry…"
I felt the growl rumbling in my chest before I knew it was coming. Jasper's eyes flitted between the two of us and he stepped to the side, backing away from the firing range. My arms were folded across my chest, but my clenched fists were still visible for all to see. Rosalie's angelic face turned impassive, devoid of all emotion. Jasper stood quietly, no doubt preparing to work his charm on us.
"Don't".
I warned in a low voice. He sighed. He knew the one word could only be meant for him. Shaking his head, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and waited for the fight to ensue.
"Drop it Rose".
My tone was cutting. If it were anyone else, they would have known better than to talk back, but no, not Rosalie, never Rosalie. Her face was a picture of innocence.
"I don't know what you are talking about" she replied, airily.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. I don't want you pulling any of your manipulative crap"
"You will not talk to me in that way Emmett Cullen" she snapped back at me, dropping all pretences.
"I will talk to you in whatever way will make you stop trying to come between Edward and Bella's happiness, Rosalie Hale. Maybe instead of trying to plant ideas into your brother's head, you should ask him how he feels! Not everyone shares the bitterness that you harbour against the girl" I countered, venomously.
She turned her attention to Jasper, planted herself before him, placed her hands on her hips and visibly shook with undiluted rage.
"Well?!?!" She demanded.
I went to stand at his side. I did not doubt for a moment that Jasper would hold anything against either Edward or his extremely tempting, floral scented human companion. Then again, I had not been the one that had lost control. I could always be around her and not have to worry about keeping my space. I enjoyed being around her. Jasper was different, being newer to our ways, he chose to keep his distance, but he never once complained. He did not speak of her much, if at all, but I was sure that he liked her, if only for the friendship that she shared with Alice, if Edward's happiness was not reason enough; but would tonight change things? He looked physically and emotionally drained, as if the battle with himself had cost him more than we could ever know. I often wondered how on earth Edward managed to resist the temptation he inflicted on himself.
Through tired, hungry, black eyes, Jasper stared back at Rosalie and measured his words carefully before he spoke. When he did, his voice was calm, collected and each word rang with sincerity.
"I am ashamed of my behaviour this evening, but it was an accident - "
"An almost fatal one!?!" she cried out in argument.
"Rosalie!" I snarled back at her. As if he needed to feel any worse?!
"Am I the only one of us who sees sense anymore?!", she bellowed back at us.
Jasper held up a hand to indicate that he had not finished having his say. Pursing her lips, she tapped her foot impatiently. He spoke slowly and deliberately.
"I do not blame Bella, or Edward for that matter…and I can only hope that they can forgive me for my lapse in control…"
His voice trailed off as he spoke his last words in earnest.
"Forgive YOU?!" she shrieked to the skies.
I shot a glance back at the house and cursed. We were having this discussing in the wrong place and at the wrong time. Carlisle, Esme and Alice could probably hear every word we said and Edward would be able to pick up on all our thoughts, if he wasn't too busy obsessing over his own. I had to put a stop to this conversation. Rosalie saw the look on my face and prepared to break into another rant. I glowered back at her, determined to argue the case with her. That was when Alice materialised by my side.
Rosalie held her tongue and averted her eyes, sulkily. How funny; all the nearly seven feet of me couldn't stop her mouth from running, but one murderous look from minuscule Alice was enough to silence an entire group and bring a chill to the air. Stepping back, I allowed her to take her place by Jasper's side. I would have stood beside my own partner, but at that moment I was too appalled by her behaviour to even look at her and considering the level of her beauty and the adoration I felt towards her, that said a lot.
3/Alice
I left the kitchen feeling completely wretched. She was my best friend and even I could not stand to be in the same room as her whilst the smell of her blood was so fresh and strong. What must she think of me, I sniffed to myself. I knew that I was already forgiven. She was so ridiculously understanding when it came to our instincts. She accepted all our potentially life threatening flaws with a shrug and a smile. Truly, she was a wonder, but her nature did nothing for my wounded pride. I honestly thought that I was better than that. I owed it to her as her friend! I thought that I could stick it out, just as Edward would have forced himself to, if she did not make an excuse to send him away. I was not as strong as I thought, or maybe I was, but I would not test my resolve at the risk of putting her in danger again. One disaster this evening was more than enough. Bella meant too much to me, to Edward, too all of us…well…with the exception of one.
I sighed and took a deep breath, a silly human habit that had no place in our lives, but I did it anyway. As I slipped into the lounge, I saw him standing by the stairs. The door clicked shut behind me, the sound echoed loudly in the silence. He was completely motionless; a marble statue that would have stood eternally beautiful, were it not for the expression on his face. His lips were pressed together so tightly that they existed only as a single, taut line. His nostrils flared with suppressed emotion and worst of all were his eyes. The pain, confusion, doubt, anger and sorrow that mingled there resulted in a look that deemed him utterly defeated. My gut wrenched and if it were possible, my heart would have stopped all over again. My brother's hurt was unbearable and I felt a surge of panic as I realised what could happen next. I wanted to reach out to him, to reassure him and find some way to ease his suffering. If I could convince him that it wasn't so bad… Wincing at the words as they passed through my head, I knew that they were a lie. It was bad. It was terrible. What had happened had been awful and not just for Bella and himself, but for Jasper and I also. My mind wandered back to the moment when I had seen my love turn from the placid, strong and silent being that he was, to a murderously savage beast with a one-track mind in the blink of an eye.
If Edward had been any slower…If Emmett hasn't dragged him away…I bit down on my lip and tried not to think in that way. Edward had reacted quickly and the restof us had been there to protect her. Everything was fine. Everything would continue to be fine. These reassurances also seemed like lies, even when I tried to use them in order to pacify my own doubts. Walking up to him, I thought the words. I had to try, even if it my attempt amounted to nothing.
Edward, please…
He gestured me to stop with his hand. As he did so, I felt my mind go blank; he began to consider his next course of action. No image stayed long enough for me to make head or tail of what I was seeing. He was contemplating things and changing his mind too quickly for me to obtain any glimpse of what could potentially occur in the not too distant future. I didn't need to see what he was thinking to know that whatever it was; it was bad. His face gave away too much. To give him too much time to mull things over was unwise. Edward was a thinker by nature; to leave him alone with his thoughts for too long was never a good idea. I knew then that he would pay me no heed and therefore it was up to me to see the others. Maybe with a group effort, we could stop him from deciding to do anything rash. I needed to allow myself that small glimmer of hope.
Flitting to the door, I nearly bumped into Esme, to whom I issued a hasty apology, before heading toward the edge of the stream where I knew I would find Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie. Seeing the decorations that I had so beautifully arranged for Bella's arrival sent the guilt racking through me once more. She hadn't wanted a party, but I had insisted on throwing one for my sake as much as hers. It was so wonderful having a human friend with whom I could be myself, hide no secrets from and share the experiences of being a youth of today. I should have respected her wishes, but the temptation was too great. I persuaded myself to believe that once Edward dragged her here kicking and screaming, she would succumb to the spirit of the evening, enjoy herself and have to admit that she wasn't sorry I had gone against her direct orders. My enthusiasm only made everyone else all the more eager to celebrate her special day. It was going to be amazing and supreme amounts of fun! I had planned it all from beginning to end. It would have been an evening she never would have forgotten. It still was an evening she would never forget, but had things turned out the way I had hoped, it would have been for reasons of joy and happiness instead of a near death experience. I found myself glaring at the roses that lined the driveway and the lanterns that I had insisted be put up for the occasion. How could I ever forgive myself for this? And Edward…how would he see me from now on? I shook my head sadly and focused on putting things right whilst I still had the chance.
As I grew closer to the stream, I could hear them talking in raised voices. The journey may have only lasted a few seconds, but much was said; enough for me to decide that I was not happy in the slightest with Rosalie or the way in which she spoke to our brothers, especially my Jasper. Stopping beside Emmett, I glared up at her. She knew that I had heard her words and was too cowardly to look me in the eyes; knowing exactly where my preferences and loyalties lay. Emmett moved aside and I took Jasper's hand. My tension eased at our reunion and the feeling of his hand as it closed around mine. I felt the sense of relief I only felt when I was with him. This had nothing to do with his talent, it was purely the effect that he had on me; the effect we had on each other. I had always known that he was the one meant for me. Nothing else had ever really mattered apart from finding the Cullen family.
Looking up into his eyes, the first thing that I noticed was how dark they were, almost black. It seemed incomprehensible, but we had been hunting only yesterday. This was the resulting effect of one single drop of human blood. I squeezed his hand, wanting to know how he was feeling, but unwilling to ask in front of the others. He squeezed my hand back to let me know that he was stable and coping. I wanted to smile up at him, but I was too angry to do anything of the sort. My head snapped back and forth between Emmett and Rosalie. Rosalie was staring out at the bubbling stream with cold, hateful eyes. Emmett stood staring at the ground with his jaw set and his eyes narrowed into slits. The atmosphere was beyond tense.
My anger bubbled inside of me and I directed it towards the one person who could potentially ruin any chances that we had to put things right, the Goddess before me.
"Don't even think about it Rose. You keep your distance from him. I mean it"
"As if distance matters in the least! I am sure he heard my thoughts the second they entered my mind!"
"You had better pray that he didn't"
"You fool yourself if you think he needs any persuasion from me. You saw the look on his face. We all did. It is too late."
"It is never too late"
"Do not kid yourself. It is over"
"No, it isn't"
"Not yet…" she corrected me, with a shrewd smile.
I bared my teeth at her and she laughed bitterly; the sound grated against my ears like nails on a chalkboard. I spoke in a low and dangerous voice and when my eyes fixed on hers, she could not turn away.
"Stay away from the house until he leaves"
"Are you ordering me to keep away from my own home?"
"Yes"
"This is my home too sister and I can come and go as I please!"
"Not tonight. Not until Bella leaves. For God's sake woman, if you are so damn wise and know what he will decide, allow him this short time to enjoy her company without his thoughts being tainted by the likes of yours! Don't you think he has enough to think about without hearing and feeling your scorn? Allow him this…" One last time, I thought.
The sorrow and reality hit me like a slap in the face. Seeing the defeat in my eyes, Rosalie folded her arms smugly.
"I suppose that I could allow him that much… but then again, maybe it would be better if I did give him a piece of my mind"
Storming away towards the house, I hissed after her, but after a flash in the back of my mind, I saw her decision. She would not re enter the house. I calmed myself and Emmett gave me a sad look, before planting a hasty kiss on my cheek and rolling his eyes in annoyance.
"Someone needs to keep her under control" he muttered, as he bounded after her.
I watched as she initially headed towards the house, but then swiftly turned her steps to lead to the garage, just like I knew that she would. Emmett existed as a blur behind her. Jasper's hand let go of mine and he rested his hand on the small of my back. My shoulders slumped in defeat. Not even his calm could save me from what I was feeling.
"It won't work… I am sorry," he stated grimly.
He knew me well enough to know what I was thinking. For a fleeting moment, I wondered if Jasper's manipulation skills could help smooth things out. He was right of course. It would be a futile attempt.
"I can sense his emotions from here. They are so intense…so strong… He will not want my help. He will know what I am trying to do and he will fight it. Edward is… stubborn when it comes to his suffering. You know this…"
"Is this really it? Was Rosalie right all along…?" Please be wrong, I silently prayed.
"It will be whatever Edward decides. Rosalie could not have known what would have happened. None of us could have guessed…"
His voice trailed away and I could still see the traces of guilt on his face. I wanted to stay with him, to comfort him and be here for him, but I knew that I had to see Bella. I had an ominous feeling that if I didn't see her tonight, I would never have another chance. I was torn. Jasper felt my indecision and he smiled weakly before sitting down on the grass. He looked up at me with kind eyes.
"Go back Alice… Bella will need some clothes and Esme will be worried"
"Will you be alright?"
"I will be fine…although I think it best if I stay outside for a while…"
I could see it in his eyes; he did not trust himself to go back, not just yet, not when there was any chance that there was even the slightest spot of blood. Maybe he felt that his presence would only sway Edward's decision? Maybe he was too ashamed? I did not want him to feel any of these things and at the same time, I could not help but privately agree that he should remain sat here, at least until I could ensure that it was safe for him to return. Bending down, I kissed the top of his head and brushed my fingers against his cheek. He turned his head and softly kissed my fingertips. I had lingered here long enough. I knew it was time to return to the house. In less than a second, Jasper was alone.
The sound of my entrance was no more than a whisper as I slipped through the front door. Edward was exactly where I had left him. Esme was busily mopping the floor with copious amounts of concentrated bleach. The smell burned my nose, but there was no trace of Bella's blood in the air and it shamefully put my mind at ease. Esme glanced up from her work to give me what she clearly hoped was a reassuring smile. As I went to return it, I caught sight of Edward's profile and my lips froze in only the briefest hint of a smile that did not touch my eyes. Esme met my eyes and slowly shook her head from side to side, just the once. I understood what it meant. She too did not want any one of us to surrender to our thoughts in his presence.
"Alice dear, would you be so kind as to search through my clothes and find something suitable for Bella to wear on her way home, something similar to what she was wearing tonight?"
"Of course", I replied without hesitation.
Before I knew it, I was flitting up the stairs and heading to Carlisle and Esme's room with my thoughts fixed on the one, safe subject: clothing. I was too frightened to think of anything else.
4/Esme
Squelch, swish, swish, squelch, swish, swish
These were the only sounds that existed in this room; just the sound of the mop in my hands gliding repeatedly across the floor and then being wrung out in the bucket by my side. I had probably used much more bleach than was necessary, but it was better to be safe than sorry and I did not think that any of us could be more sorry if we had tried. I was careful to concentrate on nothing but the motion of the mop in my hands and when that became too hard, I counted the times I scrubbed the same spot on the floor like a being that suffered some obsessive compulsive disorder.
After the accident, I had followed them outside with my sleeve held across my nose. I felt truly terrible. I was certain that Bella had expected me to be as restrained and immune as Carlisle, but I was not. How I wished that I was! It broke my heart to see the look on her face as she watched me follow Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper out of the front door. I followed them to the stream and watched as my newest son tried to break free from his brother's grasp. My daughter stood to the side and tried to calm him with soothing words, but they remained unheard. His mind was too filled with his lust for blood to hear anything but the call of the human inside our home. It saddened me no end to see him suffer this way, or to see him try and attack his own siblings of sorts. I did not worry about him breaking free of Emmett's grip. Emmett would hold him there all night if that was what was required and he would not even break into a sweat.
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, the air was clearer here and I could feel my own blood lust die down enough for me to feel more upset with myself than I already was. Emmett and Rosalie showed no sign of their emotions. They were too engrossed in their task at hand to find time to indulge in such things as self-reflection. I went to stand between the both of them, carefully avoiding Jasper's thrashing. To Rosalie, I gave a gentle squeeze of her shoulder to which she responded with a small sigh and a shake of her head. As for Emmett, I ran my fingers through his soft, dark, curly hair and patted his back. He turned his head and grinned at me. I smiled back, the gesture only ruined by the sadness in my eyes.
"Do not worry Esme. We have things under control here. You can leave us", he reassured me.
"I know you do…both of you…very well, I shall see you all later"
Tentatively, I reached towards Jasper and then thought better of it. He was not himself. Even when he was himself, he was not always open to affection the way that Emmett, Alice and Edward were. On that level, him and Rosalie could have been related, but it never stopped me trying with either of them and they never shied away from my attempts. I did love them all so very much, my children in so many ways. I promised myself that later, when things were back to normal, when Alice had spent some time with him, after that, I would approach him and offer some form or comfort. Back to normal, my thoughts echoed in my head once more and I felt my throat close and quickly left them before I broke into a fit of uncontrollable sobbing.
It was stupid of me give in to myself, to let my thoughts run so wild, but it was uncontrollable. I was a mother by nature and I worried about my children so much. All I could think about was my Edward. This girl had brought him so much happiness. Ever since he had met her, he was complete. He was always such a wonderful and genuinely good boy. For decades, it pained me that he was without a partner. He had never expressed any interest in searching for one and when he had received offers from worthy candidates, he had politely refused. Edward was always content just to be part of our family, but I always wanted so much more for him. He deserved so much more. And then Bella entered his life and I knew then that all his waiting was worthwhile because it led him to this moment. It was right. I never cared that she was a human. If she made my son happy, that was all that mattered to me. Bella was simply lovely. From the moment that Edward had told me about her, I thought that she was an extraordinary girl and shortly after meeting her, I had already begun to love her very much. She had spent so much time with us over the months that I really did consider her as part of my family. We all saw that changes that she brought to Edward and our household; the company she brought Alice and the joy she brought Emmett. She was no longer solely important to Edward, she was important to us all, which made the evening's events seem all the more of a betrayal…
As I reached the front door, I barely noticed Alice cross paths with me. She muttered something, but her words were unintelligible in my preoccupied state of mind. It was only when I walked into the lounge and saw Edward did I master myself, but I already knew that I had waited too long to suppress my thoughts. He had heard them all. The look in his eyes cut me to the core. There was no life in those dead eyes. My son was lost to the world. I couldn't bear to see him this way. I knew better than to speak, but if he thought that I could simply walk by and display no sign of how much I cared for him, he was sadly mistaken. Approaching him, I cradled his face in my hands and watched as his eyes closed and his tense expression softened at my gentle touch. I kissed his delicate lids and willed him to be strong. Seeing him this way did nothing to strengthen my resolve and staying here like this would not have helped hold back my thoughts. There were more important things to do, such as cleaning up the mess that had been left behind. Leaving him without a further word, I went to fetch the required cleaning substances and apparatus. When I returned, all that was left was the blood that was threatening to stain the panelled floor. The sweet boy had taken time from his despair to help me. Before I could allow my emotions to get the better of me, I put all my energy and effort into my task. I only hoped that my attempts to distract my mind would be as successful as Carlisle's undoubtedly would be.
5/Rosalie
I threw the door of my red convertible open with more force than was absolutely necessary, leapt into the driver's seat and quickly hit the central locking. I heard the confirming click as all four doors locked down in unison and to my dismay, heard his voice right beside me.
"Going somewhere?" he asked casually.
His arms were folded behind his head. He had already reclined the seat and lay back comfortably with a mischievous smile on his face. I ground my teeth together. No matter how fast I tried to be, he was always faster. There was no escaping him tonight. That smile had two conflicting effects on my insides. Firstly, I wanted to lash out at him; his arrogance was irritating beyond belief and yet, at the same time, it made me a little weak in the knees. It was an expression that made me realise why I loved him so much, showing his undying patience with me where others' faltered. It was a show of his acceptance of the whole package; the various, ridiculous and many flaws of mine that merged together to form me: Rosalie Hale.
The keys stayed in the ignition. I folded my arms and glared out of the windshield, determined to at least pretend that he wasn't there. I let my mind wander back to what I hadn't realised at the time, was the end of our holiday. I didn't care if my thoughts whispered or shouted in the back of my brother's mind! If they did somehow seep through his self-obsessed mind, I would feel nothing but great satisfaction.
The extended leave had been my idea. We were supposed to be studying at Dartmouth, but the need for a holiday was too great, for myself anyway. If it were up to Emmett, we would have travelled somewhere more locally, but I wanted to go far, far away from our home. Bella's presence was becoming too much for me to bear; how they all adored her and loved her! It made me sick to my stomach! If only it were because she was a constant liability to our safety! Of course that was the reason that I stated over and over again. For the most part, I think that they all believed me…well…almost all of them. There was no escaping Edward and I only handled that fact gracefully because I was safe in the knowledge that no one was safe from Edward's gift, or curse at times. What was even more annoying was the fact that I knew that he knew that I knew and he still showed no indication that he was aware of what was passing through my head! If I could have blushed, I would have. It was so thoroughly embarrassing and ridiculous! Me! Rosalie Hale! Jealous of a plain, human girl! But I was and it ate at me from the inside. The fact that only he could see the truth made it even worse because it was all about him.
Carlisle had created me for Edward. It was as simple as that. He had Esme but Edward had no one to share his life with in an intimate fashion. He wanted Edward to experience what he had. He felt badly for being the only one with a partner. When he found me dying on the streets, he saw his chance to give his son this gift of companionship. I was the same age as he was. I was breathtakingly beautiful. I was everything that he deserved and more and yet my first memory of Edward was hearing his disapproving tone when he spoke those harsh words that concerned his opinions regarding my "creation". He did not like me. His words stung. I had never been rejected by the opposite sex! Even after I had accepted what I was and decided to coexist with the Cullens, I was too irritated with Edward to ever be able to truly forgive him for puncturing my ego in such a manner. As the years passed, we came to accept each other, but he never gave me cause to believe that he would ever see me as anything more than a sister. Despite the fact that I was not interested in him in the least, his rejection was a constant buzzing in the back of my mind, even when I thought it wasn't there, it stayed in my subconscious.
When I had found Emmett in the mountains, I was sure that the issue was deal with; over, finished, nevermore! And Emmett was the one. Every second I spent with him proved that he was meant for me. So my reasons for saving him were selfish, but it turned out to be fate. We were meant for each other and we were truly happy together. Emmett was the best thing that had happened to me and to our family for a long time. When he joined us, Carlisle and Esme had a second son to fuss over and shower with their love with and Edward had a brother! It pleased me that they all accepted each other so readily. When Alice and Jasper found us, we were a family complete and then Bella came along and brought back all the emotions that I had thought did not exist for me anymore. The inadequacy! Edward chose a normal looking girl over me! It was humiliating! I knew it was the stupidest thing to let it affect me so, but it did and I couldn't stand to be anywhere near her.
The others thought that I was being unreasonable in my behaviour and I preferred that they held that opinion instead of knowing the truth. Toward Edward, I was grudgingly grateful. His actions and choices may have resurfaced these emotions within me once more, but he was courteous enough to keep my thoughts to himself. Although I was furious that he continued to see her after the incident involving James, in return for his silence, I gave him the least I could offer – my absence. If Bella were nearby, I would confine myself to mine and Emmett's bedroom. If I was forced to pass her by, I did not utter a word or even throw her a glare. After months of learning that my rants and black looks were politely noticed, but ignored, I chose to do all that was left to me; I tried my hardest to pretend that she did not exist.
It was more difficult that I initially imagined. Even when she was out of sight, Alice would speak of her with such a level of affection that it often made me turn on my heel and leave the room. Esme and Carlisle had the consideration to mention her as little as possible in my presence. Jasper posed no problem whatsoever, then again, he was quiet by nature. The most irritation I felt was directed to the beautiful, burly man that was sat by my side. He had always known my disapproval of her and yet, he had managed to become emotionally involved with the girl! Constantly he tried to persuade me to let go of whatever it was that I clung to so desperately that made me hate her so much and begged me to give her a chance. When I was brave enough to ask what was so damn appealing about her, I had instantly regretted it. He had rambled on and on about how much fun she was, for reasons that were deliberate and also out of her control. I knew my partner well enough to know that his words were heartfelt and genuine, he was becoming attached to her and that did not sit well with me. I did not want him spending more time with her than absolutely necessary. What angered me more was that I could not find it in me to outright forbid him to see her. Emmett was not the kind of person with whom you set limitations, in his books rules were made to be broken. I had to be slyer about it and our supposed move to College seemed the best time for me to express my wish for some alone time. Knowing my love, I knew just the right things to suggest: nice lapse security, wide-open spaces, and big brutal predators to hunt and play with. Africa seemed like the perfect place. We could laze around during the day and then be masters of the night. He was quick to succumb to my will.
Our first week passed and it was wonderful, I managed to persuade him to stay a second and then after that, a third. He didn't argue on either count, although half way through the second week, I could tell that he was eager to return home. He was missing Edward and Jasper; it was obvious. It was also Africa itself, the country had it's charm, there were lions a plenty, but we both knew that this would have been a location better suited to Edward's feline preferences. Emmett was clearly pining for his grizzlies the way a man may suffer in the absence of his lover!
On the same evening that he had begun to display a lack of interest in our surroundings, we were lazing upon our super king-sized bed on the very top floor of the tallest, most lavish hotel, facing our open balcony with a stunning view, watching the sunset. I was lying in Emmett's huge, muscular arms with my head tucked comfortably under his chin. He was stroking my hair absentmindedly, when his cell phone began to vibrate and ring. I scowled immediately, it was unlike anyone to disturb us whilst we were on our travels. We were normally the ones who made the calls. As usual, Emmett shared none of my annoyance and flipped open his phone without checking the caller id and pressed it to his ear.
"Hey!" he said in a cheerful, enthusiastic greeting. I could hear it in that one word. He really was missing home.
Whoever it was could have only been a member of our family, there was no need for any formal greeting; nobody else had that number. Due to our keen hearing, I did not need to guess who our mystery caller was. It was Alice; I could hear her high-pitched voice babbling at high speed as it often did when she was excited about something. Emmett only listened; the opportunity to slip a word in edgeways had not yet presented itself. From the moment he had answered the call, she had confirmed its purpose in one extremely long sentence, through which there was no pause or breath taken. Where I lay, I could hear her voice as clearly as if she were in the same room. I could picture her as she spoke, jumping up and down on the tips of her toes with her hands clasped together in a pleading gesture. Her eyes would be as wide as possible, as she sought to charm Emmett with the face and look that she knew would win him over.
"Emmett! Oh Emmett! Guess what?!? No don't!! Let me tell you!! It's Bella's birthday in three days! AAAGGGHHH!!! A birthday!! We can celebrate a birthday!! I have everything planned! It is going to be incredible and so much fun and oh Emmett you must come back! You must you must you must! It would, mean so much to her if we were all here! Say you will come! For Bella's sake! For our sake! She misses you, you know? I cannot make fun of her the way you do! Please say you'll come?! Please, please pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaassssssssssse!!!!!!!???"
The frown that I had worn at the start of her plea deepened as Emmett laughed his booming laugh.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world!"
"You'll come?!?!"
"Sure we will! We'll catch the first plane back tomorrow"
"We?!", I growled up at him. Alice would have heard that, but she ignored my blatant aversion to the idea.
"First plane tomorrow", he assured her, followed by a low chuckle, before adding, "I can't wait! See you all when we get back"
I muttered a string of profanities as I pulled myself out of his embrace. Marching across the room, I planted myself in front of the balcony and presented him with the view of my back.
"Come on Rose, don't be like that", he complained.
"You go. I'll stay here", I stated icily.
"Rosalie…" he said my name softly in form of request.
"What?" I snapped back over my shoulder.
"Will you please look at me…"he begged.
I whipped around and pierced him with the full force of my glare. I often wondered why I wasted my efforts on him. The moment that he saw my face, he just gazed at me, his expression euphoric. I couldn't deny that it pleased me, Emmett always knew how to make me feel beautiful. Under the influence of his adoration, some of my tension unintentionally melted away. He was quick to see an opening and he struck when the time was right, he wasn't just ridiculously handsome, no, at times he could be very cunning indeed.
"Let's go home. This could be fun! You don't have to do anything but show up, I promise. Think of what it'll mean to the rest of them. I know it will mean a lot to me".
I rolled my eyes and considered his words. When he put it like that, he didn't make it sound so terrible and Alice did know how to show everyone a good time. I didn't reply so much as I shrugged, but he knew that I had given in. I was rewarded with a smile and a kiss that made me feel like the most desired woman on the planet. How I loved Emmett.
So, we returned the next day and I reluctantly helped Alice with her preparations and the evening arrived sooner than I would have liked, but now, looking at the result of the evening, I was positively delighted that we had returned. Had we not, I never would have witnessed the moment with my own two eyes. I had always known that Bella would not have been hurt, there were too many of us and Edward was so overly protective of her that there was never a chance that Jasper could have harmed a hair on her head. It was ironic how it was in fact he that he inflicted the most damage upon her in his attempt to get her out of Jasper's way. It amused me, but not in a way that I could truly enjoy, it was only in the bitterest sense. If they had listened to me before, if he had ended it when it was obviously destined to end in disaster, then this would not have happened. One look at his expression told me that he realised that I had been right all along. The acknowledgement caused a smug expression to pass across my face, as I helped Emmett drag Jasper away from the house. Edward may or may not have seen it, but it didn't matter anymore. The damage was done the inevitable had occurred, I was right and he had been wrong. He would now have to live with the consequences of his actions and choices.
Sitting here now, I wanted to feel more pleased with myself, but there was one result that would not bring me any joy, no matter how deserved it seemed. Victorious as I felt, it bothered me immensely to know that Edward would be miserable. My brows puckered and I found myself resenting Bella with every fibre of my being. Edward had been content before he had met her and then she had come along and ruined everything! I hated her now more than ever and through it, I found what I was looking for, that pure relief in that it would soon be over. She would soon be gone and we could all get on with our lives. This is a good thing; this is the best thing that could have happened. I believed these words as I repeated them in my mind; they made perfect sense, to me at least.
"What are you thinking?" Emmett asked me in a wary tone.
"Nothing he doesn't already know", I replied curtly.
He frowned. I frowned back and then sighed. It was going to be a long night.
6/Jasper
I closed my eyes and listened to the soothing sounds of the nature that surrounded me, the wildlife and the bubbling and churning of the stream before me. It was easier to keep my calm out here; the air was clear and fresh and I was able to be myself once more, but it provided no escape from the memory my actions. Not even the buzzing of everyone else's emotions that tormented me could take away the shame that I felt.
I had always known that I was the one who would be most likely to slip when it came to our special diet. The others had been raised differently; their kill count was laughable in comparison to my own. This was not something that I was proud of, it was something that I wanted to forget, but my excessive years of feeding off human blood had left me with a taste for it that the others could not comprehend. When Edward had first brought Bella to our home, I had been apprehensive and kept my distance. I tried my best to be polite and not cause any offence, but I wanted to be cautious and neither Edward nor Alice thought my actions unwise. When Alice and I had volunteered to hide and protect her in Phoenix, I had approached the task in a businesslike manner; it was a mission to be accomplished and the ex-solider in me made it easier to behave accordingly. I had been able to sit by her side and on a few occasions, I had even braved a light touch to her shoulder in order to help calm her when necessary. I was proud of myself and I was almost, but not completely sure that this was a positive sign. I hoped that I had grown stronger, more resilient and yet, upon our return, I continued to resume the safe distance that I had before our time together. I was never entirely able to dislodge the feeling that I still posed something of a danger. As things turned out, I was right to remain vigilant; this evening had confirmed my worst fears. Regardless of what I pretended to be and tried to fight, I was a monster.
It had been out of my control, it was instinct. All it has been was an accident; a paper cut of the smallest kind and one single, solitary bead of ruby red blood that had glistened on the tip of her finger. The sight and the smell had driven all reason from me and all I had wanted was to sink my teeth into her and drink my fill. I had even tried to attack my own brother to try and get to her! Where was my self-control?! Where was my ability to distinguish between friend and foe? All I had seen was a competitor standing in my way! The worst part of it all was the knowledge that no one would be angry with me, they didn't need to be; it was almost expected of me. I was the one with problems; I was the one who found it all too difficult. They didn't need to be angry with me; I was angry enough for all seven of them!
The fact that I sat alone and far away enough from the house to remain unseen did not spare me from the onslaught of their emotions. Wave after wave hit me, all of their feelings, all at once, never allowing me a moment to completely satisfy my need to wallow in self-pity. Rubbing my fingers in small circular motions around my temples, I attempted to ease some of the tension from my mind. I was not used to experiencing all these emotions in such quantities, not from them, not now. It was an unbearable experience that I had hoped would remain buried in my past, except this was worse than back then. Back then, it had all been anger and hatred and that was all I had ever known. Now it was sorrow, depression and confusion and it came from everywhere, I felt myself being dragged down along with everyone else and being engulfed by their feelings. I could feel Alice's sorrow, Edward's desperation and anger, Esme's depression, Emmett's worry, Rosalie's disgust and Carlisle's determination. Unsurprisingly, it was only Bella's emotions that differed from anyone else's, from her, all I could sense was her guilt. This disturbed me greatly, why on earth would she feel guilt over what happened? I honestly wished that there was some way in which I could have apologised to her, but I wasn't ready to face her or any of them, not yet.
I could feel it, things were coming to a head, emotions were running too high and soon enough, they would explode. The question remained, would I stay here or would I return to the house? I felt no comfort in the thought of returning inside. Creeping to the edge of the bank, I gazed down at my reflection and some of my apprehension towards seeing the others was alleviated by the fact that I could see the reflection of my eyes – they had colour once more. My hunger had died down and two golden eyes stared back at me. Sitting back down, I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my chin on my folded arms. I would stay here until the emotions that pounded down upon me died down a little, I would stay here until Edward and Bella were gone.
7/Carlisle
Strangely enough, in the kitchen, tending to the girl who had been attacked, was where I found the most peace. If I ventured out of this room, I knew that all I would find was panic, depression and regret. Here in the kitchen, Bella and I could safely deal with the catastrophe in a calm and collected manner and that we did, for surprisingly calm she was. She did not make a fuss as I plucked the fragments of glass from her arm, or when I stitched her wound. In fact, she chose our moment alone to converse with me and ask me questions that I answered to the best of my ability.
It was easy hiding my thoughts from Edward. I was well practised in the art, but the truth remained that there was nothing left for me to think about. I knew my son, better than the others, sometimes even better than he knew himself, I already knew what he would decide before he thought it. Edward was prone to overreacting on a grand scale to the most minor of things where Bella was concerned, however, this had been no minor accident; it could have been the death of her. My son was stubborn and once he made a decision, there was no swaying him. I knew that to try would be a lost cause; in his current state, there would be no talking to him and by the time he would be ready to discuss the situation with us, his decision would already be made. Did it sadden me? Of course it did, but I knew that my thoughts were better spent elsewhere, on the girl before me.
I answered her questions for another purpose, I wished to give her an insight into Edward that he could not. I wanted her to have something to think of when he was gone, some fragments of information to look back on and see why he would do what he was about to do and maybe understand. She was so strange; she was comfortable in our company, which brought us great joy and made us feel less alien to the world and she was also strong. All the while we had been sat together, she had never said a bad word in regards to Jasper, she was more concerned about Edward's reaction and even more focused on how to join us so that she could cause less discomfort to us! Naturally there was the more important fact that she wished to be with Edward forever, but she was so considerate when it came to our instincts and needs, she genuinely cared and wanted what was best for us.
It seemed bizarre that one so impervious to our natural affect on humans could also be so delicate and what made her vulnerable was her love for my son. They were two of a kind from two different worlds, but they shared that one weakness – their love for each other. Jasper attacking her had left her mildly shaken, but she was willing to put the whole ordeal behind her, forgive, forget and move on. When Edward did what he would surely decide was best for her…no… I couldn't think about that right now. Right now, she needed to see one person who could look her in the eye without shame or concern; it was the least I could give her and so much less than she deserved.
Our conversation had left her quiet and subdued, in all fairness I had given her much to think about. I smiled at her warmly as I led her out of the kitchen and into the lounge. Esme had almost finished mopping the floor and Alice who had been waiting for us, escorted Bella upstairs to help dress her in something a little more conspicuous than her blood-drenched clothes; leaving me alone with my wife and my son, who was stood by the door. Esme was busying herself, but I could see that she was reaching breaking point. My additional presence did not help her, she was be overwhelmed with the need to speak with me, but knew that she could not until Edward had departed and as for Edward, he kept his expression blank and his eyes cast down. I suppressed my sigh; my son was so predictable, already he was masking his emotion, a façade that simply would not last. His face may have been neutral, but behind those eyes, I could see the anger that burned within him.
A minute passed and I saw the blur of Alice, carrying Bella back down the stairs. They had been talking about him; that much was obvious, I could tell by the reluctance in Alice's face and the apprehension in Bella's eyes as she approached him. Esme, Alice and I bid her goodnight and watched as our son wordlessly escorted her from our home to her truck. We stood in the open doorway and watched them as they drove away; only when the sound of the truck could no longer be heard, did we exhale. I hadn't realised that we had all been holing our breath.
With Edward out of sight, one by one, our superficial expressions faltered and crumbled. Esme's frame trembled with grief and she reached for my hand; I ignored it and pulled her to my side, where she instantly moulded herself to me and buried her face against my chest. A sob escaped her lips and she rose a hand to wipe the tears from her eyes. Alice stood at her side, chewing down on her lip, eyes boring into the darkness, waiting no doubt for the vision of what was to come.
"Oh Carlisle", Esme sniffed.
"I know…" it was all I dared to say.
"Maybe he won't…" Alice whispered into the night.
Tried as she had, there was no hiding the doubt in her voice.
"Maybe…" I replied. Who was I to rule out all hope?
It was no use; even my word, which was accepted above all others held no conviction here, we all knew that there would be no maybe. When Alice spoke next, her expression was numb and her voice was empty.
"I am going to sit with Jasper for a while"
"He needs you I am sure" I agreed soothingly.
With the smallest nod, she left. Esme and I remained there in a silence broken only by her soft crying, waiting for our son to come home.