A/N: This just wouldn't leave my head. Having dealt with the loss of my mother when I was young I kinda see Tamsin reacting to Kenzi's death in a certain way. I was going to add this to I Surrender, but realised that it didn't fit. If I was going to add it, it should have been in the first couple of Chapters. So here it is, one shot (maybe, depends on what people think as to whether or not I attempt to continue this, so review!). Sorry, it will hurt.
Let It Go
The days just seemed to drag, the rain constantly fell though Tamsin didn't really notice it, the light had gone from the world. Her world. She would give anything to bring it back, but she couldn't, it was gone. She leant up against the wall at the Clubhouse, keys in hand, trying to find the right key for the lock. Life had been so much easier when they didn't lock the door, those days were long gone.
Bo was standing in the kitchen, listening to Tamsin outside fumbling with her keys, all she had to do was knock, all she ever had to do was knock. But she never did. She would much rather struggle on her own than ask for help. Especially help from Bo. Bo couldn't help but think that Tamsin had completely closed her out.
The Valkyrie finally got the key in the lock and the door open, she couldn't help but hope that Bo was already asleep. As she walked through the door she banged into the doorframe.
"Sorry…" she said, turning and apologising to it.
Bo laughed a little, she couldn't help herself.
"You really don't have to wait up for me to get home every night Succubus." Tamsin said, walking through the living room area, heading to the stairs.
"I just get worried about you." Bo said.
"No need," Tamsin replied, her foot already on the bottom stair, "I'm perfectly fine."
As Tamsin disappeared upstairs, Bo sighed.
"I wish I could believe that…" she said quietly.
Tamsin walked into the room she had once shared with Kenzi. She didn't want to be there, she spent as little time there as possible. If she was being honest she was only staying there at all for Bo. As much as her relationship with the Succubus had broken down, she still felt a sense of duty to Bo, Kenzi wouldn't want her to be alone.
She sat on her bed and took her jeans off, the action being a little harder than she remembered, she nearly fell off the bed a few times and that was just one leg. Once the jeans were gone she lay back on the bed, looking at the ceiling, her feet still on the floor. She put her hands on her stomach and let out a sigh. The Clubhouse used to be the one place that felt like home for her, now a cave in the middle of the forest would feel more like home. Without Kenzi the feeling of home, the sense of belonging, was gone.
"Long gone…" Tamsin said to herself.
She was listening for the tell-tale sound that let her know Bo was going to bed. As the door to the Succubus's bedroom softly clicked closed Tamsin stood up and went to turn out the light.
"Night Bo…" she said quietly as she turned the light off, the bedroom falling into darkness.
As Tamsin climbed into bed she couldn't help but think back to when she shared the room with Kenzi, the room was never dark, the fairy lights kept the room illuminated. The lights still hung where Kenzi had put them, but Tamsin couldn't bring herself to turn them on.
x-x
When Bo made her way downstairs the following morning the house was quiet, it was always quiet now. No one saved the world from robot hookers anymore, no one cursed out their cousin in Russian, no one argued with the Valkyrie about her having watched that episode of the X-Files a million and one times. She walked over to the island in the kitchen to make herself some coffee, as she grabbed the coffee pot it felt warm. Which meant that, yet again, Tamsin was out. It seemed to Bo that the Valkyrie was always out, she only ever came back to the Clubhouse to sleep, pouring herself into bed in the early hours of the morning. Lauren had pointed out to Bo that people deal with grief in different ways, this was probably Tamsin's way. What Bo didn't understand was why, if it was so hard for Tamsin and she was having such a hard time dealing with the loss of Kenzi, did she still come back to the room she shared with the little human. Bo had no idea where Tamsin went during the day, all she knew was when the Valkyrie returned home it was clear she had found the alcohol wherever it was she went.
x-x
As Bo made her way down the alleyway to the Dal she could sense someone behind her.
"Whatever this is about I'm really not in the mood." Bo said, turning around.
Behind her was a group of 6, very ugly, very scary looking guys.
"We've got a message for you Succubus." One said.
"Oh yeah and what's that?" Bo asked.
"You really shouldn't have interfered." Another said.
As a group they moved like one over to where Bo was standing, they were a lot quicker than she expected them to be, within moments she was curled up in a ball on the floor as they played kick the Succubus. Just as Bo was about to make her peace with whatever god it was she believed in. She heard a huge crash. Moving her hands away from her face she saw as Tamsin grabbed another of the guys throwing him in the direction of the wall as the one she had just thrown into the trashcans started to stir and stand up.
"You always have to get involved in things that don't concern you Valkyrie," the guy who Bo figured was the leader said, turning his attention to Tamsin, "you'll never learn will you."
"What can I say," Tamsin said, "never was one for minding my own business."
"That pain you feel inside will fade with her out of the way," he said, as Bo locked eyes with Tamsin, the Valkyrie had a serious look on her face, "once she's gone, you can heal."
"I've been around 3000 years," Tamsin said, "it's going to take more than the death of one Succubus for me to start to heal."
With that her features darkened, within seconds the group were on the floor.
"Thanks…" Bo said, standing up, "I owe you one."
"Whatever," Tamsin said, "you might want to find your pet wolf, you need to heal."
Tamsin started to walk back out of the alleyway away from the Dal, and away from a very confused looking Bo.
"Tamsin wait!" Bo called.
The Valkyrie stopped.
"Where are you going?" Bo asked.
"Away from here." Tamsin replied.
"Come to the Dal," Bo said, "we all miss you."
"You see me every day Succubus." Tamsin said, again starting to walk away.
"Tamsin why are you shutting me out?" Bo called after her.
"In what way am I closing you out?" Tamsin asked, turning back to Bo, "I come back to that ridiculous crack-shack you call home every night. I make you coffee every morning. I sleep in a room that makes me realise exactly what I've lost, even though it makes waking up every morning the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my entire existence. I do all that for you."
"I miss her too Tamsin…" Bo said quietly, a little alarmed at how angry Tamsin was.
She hadn't seen the Valkyrie this angry for a very long time, she knew Tamsin was hurting, she never once thought it would be this much.
"Yet you never show it," Tamsin said, "you never break down, you never laugh, you never remember. If it wasn't for you she'd still be here."
"Excuse me?" Bo asked.
Tamsin turned and started to walk away.
"Don't you dare walk away from me Tamsin." Bo said.
"Oh I dare." Tamsin replied, continuing to walk away.
The Valkyrie could sense the air behind her start to crackle, almost like it was becoming electrically charged. She smirked a little.
"You want to play Succubus?" she asked, turning back to face Bo, smirk still in place.
At that moment Dyson walked out of the Dal to see Bo and Tamsin facing off in the alleyway. Bo was in full Succubus mode while Tamsin had gone all out Valkyrie.
"What the fuck is going on?" he asked, walking over to them so he was standing in-between them.
"Tamsin was just telling me how Kenzi dying was my fault." Bo said.
"I was just being honest Succubus," Tamsin said with a smirk, tilting her head to one side, "that is what you always liked about me right?"
"You two do not want to do this." Dyson said.
Neither girl said anything, Dyson could feel the air around him start to get extra charged.
"Bo, you're injured, you can't sustain a fight right now," he said, before turning to look at Tamsin, "Tamsin… you're hurting, I get that, but this isn't the way to deal with it."
"If it wasn't for her," Tamsin said, "Kenzi would still be here…if she had stopped being selfish for two seconds she could have seen what was right there in front of her. But no, she was too busy focusing on feeling sorry for herself. Oh poor Succubus, weight of the world on her shoulders, no one around her to help take the load. Well guess what, we were there, we were all there. Anytime you needed us. But the one time that Kenzi needs you and you're too busy off rescuing your waste of space girlfriend. Anything you needed Kenzi to do she did it without question. She risked her life, for you, she put her life on hold, for you. She died for you. She paid the ultimate price, for you. And the one time she needed you, the one time she needed her best friend, you were just too busy. Well congratulations Succubus, now you don't have anyone but yourself to worry about, you can be as selfish as you like."
"She was my best friend…" Bo said.
"She was my everything." Tamsin replied, "She showed me how to live in the world again, rather than just exist in it. She showed me just how amazing the world can be. She was my family."
"She was my family too." Bo said.
"If that's how you treat your family thank fuck I was never part of it." Tamsin said, she looked up and took off into the grey skies over head.
"You were a part of it…" Bo said quietly as she watched Tamsin vanish.